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[0neAnd0nly]

Normal day at work. Annoying people, some decent. Typical of a typical American workday.

I went to lunch, then immediately, post clocking back in, proceeded to the restroom for my post lunch drop off.

Right here is the beginning of where everything went wrong today.

Now, because I am part germaphobe and part ‘because I work in public and most people I deal with are crusty’, I always disinfect the toilet. Walmart brand Lysol spray, work doesn’t pay for the good stuff, but I digress.

So as I proceed to give the porcelain seat a good wipe down, I also give a courtesy flush and do my typical “99% of dudes clearly can’t pee into a giant hole” ground check to make sure I don’t sit down and drop trou is someone else’s golden goo, and everything checks out per the norm...

Uneventful story, right?

WRONG!

Here comes the part that makes my skin clinch like an anus

I realized I forgot to lock the door, so before I started the process, I went over and hit lock. Doing so must have caused me to forget a step, as a mere 10 seconds later I was dropping trou, turning, and beginning my free fall into post lunch relief glory...

but something caught my attention...

In my going to lock the door I had forgotten to lay down my single ply toilet paper cover on the seat, and my butt cheeks were too far past the point of no return.

smoosh

I feel the cold, publicly used restroom seat grace my outer butt hairs. And though I shot up with the speed of a PS5 loading screen, now I’m frozen in fear, and questioning everything.

GAF, do you think I will be ok?

 

[VlaudTheImpaler]

You where already not ok. So no. Unless this is one of those times where facing your fears helps you get over them.

I'll be praying for you.

 

[0neAnd0nly]

You where already not ok. So no. Unless this is one of those times where facing your fears helps you get over them.

I'll be praying for you.

thanks! I think...

 

[Aesius]

But did you have your mask on? Someone could have coofed in there hours ago and now you got the Rona.

 

[0neAnd0nly]

But did you have your mask on? Someone could have coofed in there hours ago and now you got the Rona.

Mask + Shield!

 

[VlaudTheImpaler]

You know, it could have been worse. The tip of your peepee or your peepee balls could have hit the water, which is where I thought this was going as I read your story... Now THAT sucks when it happens and it almost always happens to me in public toilets.

 

[0neAnd0nly]

You know, it could have been worse. The tip of your peepee or your peepee balls could have hit the water, which is where I thought this was going as I read your story... Now THAT sucks when it happens and it almost always happens to me in public toilets.

Have had happen before, usually a solid 3 to 4 inches submerged. Just part of living with this major league hitter.

But when my skin hit the seat, my manhood retreated like a turtle out of fear.

 

[Nikana]

Man up or your balls are gonna fall off.

 

[0neAnd0nly]

Man up or your balls are gonna fall off.

I think they are safe as they didn’t touch the seat.

thank you though!

 

[diffusionx]

You already died and you are posting this as a ghost.

RIP in peace OP

 

[Nikana]

I think they are safe as they didn’t touch the seat.

thank you though!

Your balls are not safe...Sorry to tell you...

 

[bender]

 

[0neAnd0nly]

Your balls are not safe...Sorry to tell you...

Ok, will Lysol shortly.

 

[and 3 others]

GAF, do you think I will be ok?

sure

 

[DESTROYA]

Only answer is to inject yourself with Lysol

 

[Aggressive Carrot]

Sorry man you are done. Can I have your stuff?

 

[Yoshi]

Your ass will fall off any time, go see a doctor.

 

[MilkyJoe]

Normal day at work. Annoying people, some decent. Typical of a typical American workday.

I went to lunch, then immediately, post clocking back in, proceeded to the restroom for my post lunch drop off.

Right here is the beginning of where everything went wrong today.

Now, because I am part germaphobe and part ‘because I work in public and most people I deal with are crusty’, I always disinfect the toilet. Walmart brand Lysol spray, work doesn’t pay for the good stuff, but I digress.

So as I proceed to give the porcelain seat a good wipe down, I also give a courtesy flush and do my typical “99% of dudes clearly can’t pee into a giant hole” ground check to make sure I don’t sit down and drop trou is someone else’s golden goo, and everything checks out per the norm...

Uneventful story, right?

WRONG!

Here comes the part that makes my skin clinch like an anus

I realized I forgot to lock the door, so before I started the process, I went over and hit lock. Doing so must have caused me to forget a step, as a mere 10 seconds later I was dropping trou, turning, and beginning my free fall into post lunch relief glory...

but something caught my attention...

In my going to lock the door I had forgotten to lay down my single ply toilet paper cover on the seat, and my butt cheeks were too far past the point of no return.

smoosh

I feel the cold, publicly used restroom seat grace my outer butt hairs. And though I shot up with the speed of a PS5 loading screen, now I’m frozen in fear, and questioning everything.

GAF, do you think I will be ok?

That's nothing, i took the throne at work the other day, dropped trou and got on with the business, when i was about to wipe i looked down only to see the contents of some dirty fuckers nuts all over the front of the toilet bowl. This cunt never noticed that shit is hydrophobic?

 

[Hardensoul]

Why Did I read the OP. I have bad gag reflex....

 

[0neAnd0nly]

Only answer is to inject yourself with Lysol

Dr. Advised against that.

 

[0neAnd0nly]

That's nothing, i took the throne at work the other day, dropped trou and got on with the business, when i was about to wipe i looked down only to see the contents of some dirty fuckers nuts all over the front of the toilet bowl. This cunt never noticed that shit is hydrophobic?

....


I don’t even know how to respond to that.

 

[MilkyJoe]

....


I don’t even know how to respond to that.

Well let's just say I tucked as I wiped

 

[M1chl]

Thoughts and prayers.

 

[notseqi]

That's nothing, i took the throne at work the other day, dropped trou and got on with the business, when i was about to wipe i looked down only to see the contents of some dirty fuckers nuts all over the front of the toilet bowl. This cunt never noticed that shit is hydrophobic?

Is that where you got your name?

 

[HarryKS]

Scat humour is the lowest of the low.

 

[0neAnd0nly]

Scat humour is the lowest of the low.

I don’t find the humor in the situation, personally.

 

[rykomatsu]

You have Hepatitis C, now. Sorry bro.

 

[0neAnd0nly]

Sorry man you are done. Can I have your stuff?

unfortunately I have loved ones that will get the possessions.

But, if you just wait for civil unrest in your area, I see a lot of people get free stuff from the stores during the protest. I suppose it’s the stores being generous and allowing guest to take free items in this turbulent 2020.

Your ass will fall off any time, go see a doctor.

Ok will book an apt.

I just can’t believe something so awful happened to me in 2020, a relatively normal year.

 

[0neAnd0nly]

You have Hepatitis C, now. Sorry bro.

Thank you for the condolences. It’s what I fear.

 

[Ozzy Onya A2Z]

It's hilarious you think the door handle/lock/taps and any other surface in a shared toilet is basically any different to the seat itself. Have fun researching that life changing fact.

Your move Finch.

 

[Raven117]

You will be fine OP.

 

[Aggressive Carrot]

unfortunately I have loved ones that will get the possessions.

But, if you just wait for civil unrest in your area, I see a lot of people get free stuff from the stores during the protest. I suppose it’s the stores being generous and allowing guest to take free items in this turbulent 2020.



Ok will book an apt.

I just can’t believe something so awful happened to me in 2020, a relatively normal year.

It was worth a shot. Well thoughts and prayers and all that stuff.

 

[Durask]

You have this thing called the immune system.

 

[Punished Miku]

Paging Elektro Demon

 

[slugbahr]

Your butt is already dead, OP.
You may as well become a porn star now.

 

[-Arcadia-]

 

[Elektro Demon]

You'll be fine, don't be such a pussy.

 

[ConkerTheSquirrel.]

I also don't like the thought of sitting on a seat where other men's buttcheeks were sitting, even in my own house, so I know where you're coming from, OP.

 

[Red Rackham's Revenge]

You've got the AIDS.

 

[Foamy]

Day could have been a lot worse, could have been raped by a honey badger.
And honey badger doesn't care, honey badger doesn't give a fuck.

 

[Cunth]

I always cum on toilet seats, just in case anyone forgets to put down paper

 

[Tschumi]

You know what's worse? When your outsized member has to go somewhere and you either lay it on the seat or risk it touching the INSIDE OF THE FUCKING BOWL

 

[notseqi]

You know what's worse? When your outsized member has to go somewhere and you either lay it on the seat or risk it touching the INSIDE OF THE FUCKING BOWL

None of those things are an option. Just turn around and straddle the toilet bowl which grants your donger more airspace or just switch to an airdrop should you have to do a number two. Two feet on the seat and an asian style squat.

 

[West Texas CEO]

what do you guys do when you see a gloryhole?

 

[Tschumi]

None of those things are an option. Just turn around and straddle the toilet bowl which grants your donger more airspace or just switch to an airdrop should you have to do a number two. Two feet on the seat and an asian style squat.

I do sometimes airdrop, but there's always the risk of the splash hitting my dong anyway which is worse.. suffice to say anyone putting their dongs on the seat will be warmed by the afterglow of my prostate, my third leg occupying the same space as the other two.

Straddling introduces the risk of dicktapping the little automatic house built into Japanese toilets which must surely have the freefall fecal festoonery which any house would feature.

 

[Reptars Revenge]

I was hoping this story would end with you at least dipping the toe

 

[kretos]

Clean the seat with your tongue next time just to be sure

 

[notseqi]

[...]but there's always the risk of the splash hitting my dong anyway which is worse.. suffice to say anyone putting their dongs on the seat will be warmed by the afterglow of my prostate, my third leg occupying the same space as the other two.

I forgot about the splash. Got my certificate in handstanding to be allowed to blow dry my splashed-upon Cocky and Ballwrinkle.

what do you guys do when you see a gloryhole?

Try to shit in it.

 

[Stiflers Mom]

I remember american toilets being weird in that regard.

 

[Cunth]

Why are American toilets full of water anyway