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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|

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Oh, how I long to be in a relationship. But being in Texas(state of the homophobes), and almost 34, makes it rough for me. Not to mention I could stand to lose 10-15lbs or so. I do stay optimistic all the time and think I really will find him one day, but I'm starting to lose hope. I've only had 1 b/f that lasted 1 1/2 years, but that was like 6years ago.
 
RPGCrazied said:
Oh, how I long to be in a relationship. But being in Texas(state of the homophobes), and almost 34, makes it rough for me. Not to mention I could stand to lose 10-15lbs or so. I do stay optimistic all the time and think I really will find him one day, but I'm starting to lose hope. I've only had 1 b/f that lasted 1 1/2 years, but that was like 6years ago.
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join a dating site and check out people in your area!
 
RPGCrazied said:
Been there, done that. :P Well, just Okcupid and Plenty of fish. All the guys on these sites really do seem super shallow.
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:( lots of them are shallow. BUT i don't think it's a reason to give up. a study was done a few years ago that found 1 in 8 marriages were couples that met online. more people that are looking for real relationships are flooding to online sites.
 
Alcoori said:
Fair enough. I don't know why I was specifically thinking of giving that to someone who you just started seeing.



Like Btk said, doesn't really mean anything and you shouldn't agonize about it (Easier said than done sometimes, I'm like that).
My boyfriend is shit at texting. His text come across super cold and distant, very direct and to the point. Told him about it some time ago and the other day I got an smiley in there, which was very out of character :D
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I also complained about the cold text thing, and then as you said,the next text message my bf sends has a smiley or something cute-unexpected (that is out of character too). The opposite happens, I always add smilies and when I don't do it for any reason he texts back asking if everything is ok or if I'm angry. :O

So yeah Larson, he might be the slow type :P
 
I'm being woo'd by an attractive Italian gentleman. He said my picture made his heart jump. I hope he meant that as a compliment. lol online dating
 
Soulscribe said:
I'm being woo'd by an attractive Italian gentleman. He said my picture made his heart jump. I hope he meant that as a compliment. lol online dating
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Pics or gtfo.


for real

(I mean of the Italian gentleman of course)
 
Okay guys, need help with this one.

I've been seeing someone for the past couple months or so, crazy about him already. We have an awesome time together and practically see each other almost every day (go honeymoon period). Anyway, we're getting to the point where we've become so used to each other that the little annoying habits are starting to become more apparent.

Most of them are trivial so I tend not to bring them up. One that I'm having a hard time overlooking is the fact that whenever we chat, no matter what I say, somehow he ends up talking about himself endlessly. I thought he was just flat out tuning me out at first but I know that he does listen as he's proved it more than once. Thing is, it would be nice if he could actively ask me questions or ask to elaborate whenever I'm sharing something on my mind, whether it's how my day went or if it's something I've experienced in the past.

I've tried to drop subtle hints as in "what was I saying again before we went off subject?" or "wait, let me finish first". But no matter what I try I end up having to hear him talk about something completely unrelated.

I realize most of you will say to just tell him straight up (and it will probably come to that point) but I'm wondering if there's another approach I could be taking here.

Thoughts?
 
Scythe27 said:
Okay guys, need help with this one.

I've been seeing someone for the past couple months or so, crazy about him already. We have an awesome time together and practically see each other almost every day (go honeymoon period). Anyway, we're getting to the point where we've become so used to each other that the little annoying habits are starting to become more apparent.

Most of them are trivial so I tend not to bring them up. One that I'm having a hard time overlooking is the fact that whenever we chat, no matter what I say, somehow he ends up talking about himself endlessly. I thought he was just flat out tuning me out at first but I know that he does listen as he's proved it more than once. Thing is, it would be nice if he could actively ask me questions or ask to elaborate whenever I'm sharing something on my mind, whether it's how my day went or if it's something I've experienced in the past.

I've tried to drop subtle hints as in "what was I saying again before we went off subject?" or "wait, let me finish first". But no matter what I try I end up having to hear him talk about something completely unrelated.

I realize most of you will say to just tell him straight up (and it will probably come to that point) but I'm wondering if there's another approach I could be taking here.

Thoughts?
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Just remember that people do that very unconsciously so don't take it as him not wanting to listen or find out more about what's going on in your head. I think many are just not good at that.

As for how to bring it up, I'd usually wait until you two are more comfortable with each other then mention it in a humorous tone (you know that way that doesn't come off as serious or confrontational but is still true). Assuming the person isn't super defensive, he'll either ignore it or have a self-reflective response ("Do I really?") but that's still in a light mood. My last ex was super defensive so whenever I brought up something he should stop doing (like taking naps whenever I came over) he wouldn't do anything about it.
 
Had kind of an adorable/awkward situation the other day.

I was walking to a bar to meet some friends for a drink, and walked by a cute guy on a bike and realized he was checking me out. Continued on my walk, and then later came back from the bar. Walking home, dude was talking to some friends (I guess they were, anyway) and walked past him again. A few moments later I hear a voice, and here's that guy biking right next to me. We chat for a moment, and he starts laying it on thick, but I start off by mentioning my boyfriend.

All in all, nothing happened (obviously, since I don't plan on cheating), but it was just kind of a neat, somewhat adorable let-me-bike-you-home-from-school kinda situation. That, and it's always nice to meet knew people. In retrospect, I realized this could have been a creepy situation, but somehow his earnestness made it not so.

No real moral to the story, it just kind of made my day.
 
Soulscribe said:
Just remember that people do that very unconsciously so don't take it as him not wanting to listen or find out more about what's going on in your head. I think many are just not good at that.

As for how to bring it up, I'd usually wait until you two are more comfortable with each other then mention it in a humorous tone (you know that way that doesn't come off as serious or confrontational but is still true). Assuming the person isn't super defensive, he'll either ignore it or have a self-reflective response ("Do I really?") but that's still in a light mood. My last ex was super defensive so whenever I brought up something he should stop doing (like taking naps whenever I came over) he wouldn't do anything about it.
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Thanks, I think that's a good point. I just can't imagine him doing this intentionally. I jokingly brought it up with him and his response was that he does ask me things, that I'm just not remembering (which is completely false). So now I either have to call him out on it when it does actually happen again or bring it up in some other way until he gets the hint. Personally I think it comes down to his family dynamic, it seems they all compete to get the most talk time. So the conversation doesn't flow well, it's just one person yammering on after the next in rounds.
 
Soo, GayGAF, I've been reading threads and posts lately that only seem to praise showering without shampoo and soap, and then I looked online for some testimonies, and I decided I think I wanna try it out. Anyone here tried it? Anyone with a partner?

The reason I'm asking is of course the genitals... one account claims that his private parts smell better than ever, but I'm still skeptical... and what about the ass? I don't wanna try this, only to realize it was a huge mistake when I get in the mood with my boyfriend. Another thing is, my boyfriend has slight body acne, and a lot of people are saying that their skin has never been smoother... can this possibly cure that? Nothing else seems to work.

Two weeks with greasy hair seems like hell though. I can't stand my hair being greasy at all. ugh. I think I'll just shave my head before starting up, if I do.

One argument that bugs me about that a lot of proponents use is "our ancestors didn't lather their bodies up with soap and they were fine", which I guess is true, but they were never that healthy, compared to today. Seems like a piss poor argument.
 
Well I for one have decided to stop using shampoo. It's been almost 3 weeks and my hair isn't greasy at all but that's probably due to the kind of hair I have which doesn't really grease at all.

I've also stopped washing my face (only use water) and my skin seems to be doing ok. No zit, but I didn't notice it being less dry.

Guess I have to wait a little bit more to see the true results.
 
Ok guys, serious problem here. I just found out that whenever I start a relationship or seeing somebody interesting, the brain in my penis goes in full alert mode because there's a high chance that fucking my fuckbuddies and other random people will most likely come to an end, then gaining full control and making me think unconciously of ways to sabotage the potential relationship until fucked up stuff starts happening and I get the perfect excuse to cut up.

Long story short, I just realised I'm a slut and there doesn't seem to be a way to avoid it. FML.

Edit: and yes, it's a serious problem because the rational part of my brain really does want a relationship...
 
beje said:
Ok guys, serious problem here. I just found out that whenever I start a relationship or seeing somebody interesting, the brain in my penis goes in full alert mode because there's a high chance that fucking my fuckbuddies and other random people will most likely come to an end, then gaining full control and making me think unconciously of ways to sabotage the potential relationship until fucked up stuff starts happening and I get the perfect excuse to cut up.

Long story short, I just realised I'm a slut and there doesn't seem to be a way to avoid it. FML.

Edit: and yes, it's a serious problem because the rational part of my brain really does want a relationship...
Click to expand...
So when you start a relationship with a guy, are you guys rushing into things or are you taking your time? Is it just the idea of only sleeping with one person that is freaking you out, or is it the intimacy and the impact that this person is going to have on your life? 'Letting them in' as it were. Maybe you don't know exactly why you freak out and you didn't really say in your post, it can be hard to really know our own motivations sometimes.

I always thought that plenty of guys are in casual relationships - they might even live with their partner and still occasionally see other people, sometimes even with their partner. If monogamy doesn't work for you then you don't have to force yourself into it. If that was what you meant?
 
beje said:
Ok guys, serious problem here. I just found out that whenever I start a relationship or seeing somebody interesting, the brain in my penis goes in full alert mode because there's a high chance that fucking my fuckbuddies and other random people will most likely come to an end, then gaining full control and making me think unconciously of ways to sabotage the potential relationship until fucked up stuff starts happening and I get the perfect excuse to cut up.

Long story short, I just realised I'm a slut and there doesn't seem to be a way to avoid it. FML.

Edit: and yes, it's a serious problem because the rational part of my brain really does want a relationship...
Click to expand...

I think you have to want it with more than with just your rational mind... I mean, I want all sorts of things with my rational mind, but that itself is rarely enough, it's actually a significant problem in me not actually attaining these things. That may be just me, but I would suspect that that applies to most.

So I think you need to want it more, to be honest. Not "need" as in should, but rather that it's probably not very useful to try until you do.

Also, I don't know much about you or your circumstances, but I would also guess that if someone really captivating came along, these anxieties of yours would shrink or entirely disappear, at least for a while. Perhaps the opportunities presented to you thus far just aren't enough to find your heart in a vice-grip. As long as you don't, it will always be easy to avoid. But people have reasons for doing what they do. If you're not really looking, you'll probably feel happier if you put less pressure on yourself to be. Idk.
 
I've been lurking for a long while, finally got accepted to GAF today and the first post I wanted to make was on this thread. Happy to be a part of both NeoGAf and GayGAF.
 
Thanks guys. Its so unreal having been reading all your posts for almost a year, but now I can actually add to the conversations. It's like a mortal entering Mount Olympus.
 
SpaceBridge said:
I've been lurking for a long while, finally got accepted to GAF today and the first post I wanted to make was on this thread. Happy to be a part of both NeoGAf and GayGAF.
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Well hello there.
 
GothPunk said:
So when you start a relationship with a guy, are you guys rushing into things or are you taking your time? Is it just the idea of only sleeping with one person that is freaking you out, or is it the intimacy and the impact that this person is going to have on your life? 'Letting them in' as it were. Maybe you don't know exactly why you freak out and you didn't really say in your post, it can be hard to really know our own motivations sometimes.

I always thought that plenty of guys are in casual relationships - they might even live with their partner and still occasionally see other people, sometimes even with their partner. If monogamy doesn't work for you then you don't have to force yourself into it. If that was what you meant?
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No, I'm not rushing at all, yet I still feel that way. And yes, I suppose I'm freaking out at the idea of fucking only with one guy. Well, I guess monogamy is not for me. Sex is a way of communication for me, like to tell really special people that I care for them. I don't know how to explain it.

umop_3pisdn said:
I think you have to want it with more than with just your rational mind... I mean, I want all sorts of things with my rational mind, but that itself is rarely enough, it's actually a significant problem in me not actually attaining these things. That may be just me, but I would suspect that that applies to most.

So I think you need to want it more, to be honest. Not "need" as in should, but rather that it's probably not very useful to try until you do.

Also, I don't know much about you or your circumstances, but I would also guess that if someone really captivating came along, these anxieties of yours would shrink or entirely disappear, at least for a while. Perhaps the opportunities presented to you thus far just aren't enough to find your heart in a vice-grip. As long as you don't, it will always be easy to avoid. But people have reasons for doing what they do. If you're not really looking, you'll probably feel happier if you put less pressure on yourself to be. Idk.
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I guess you're right. To be honest, 10 years after the beginning of my first LTR and some boyfriends after, I still don't know the "meaning" or "sensation" of love like the rest of the people see it. It's really frustrating.
 
Just like SpaceBridge, I joined last year after many years reading, and after seeing his post, i just realized I also got accepted.
So, just like him, the first thing I wanted to do was saying "Hi everyone!" in this thread I have spent so much time reading :)

On August 30th it'll be 1 year since my bf and me are together, and I'm not sure what should I give him for present. He's a geek and love videogames, but I think it should be something more personal. I thought about a framed photo of the two of us, but i'm afraid it could bee a little cheesy ^^U
 
Saw this today, it made me chortle. It's from threewordphrase.com
slipperybutt.jpg


Quadaess Suikun said:
On August 30th it'll be 1 year since my bf and me are together, and I'm not sure what should I give him for present. He's a geek and love videogames, but I think it should be something more personal. I thought about a framed photo of the two of us, but i'm afraid it could bee a little cheesy ^^U
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How arty and crafty are you? I've always loved buying a normal gift but then making a really nice card to go with it - you know like drawing some of their favourite things on there or just painting a really nice cover to go with a personal note on the inside. That way it can be nerdy and personal at the same time :P.

beje said:
No, I'm not rushing at all, yet I still feel that way. And yes, I suppose I'm freaking out at the idea of fucking only with one guy. Well, I guess monogamy is not for me. Sex is a way of communication for me, like to tell really special people that I care for them. I don't know how to explain it.
Click to expand...
It sounds like an open relationship may work for you, but maybe that is something that you have tried before? It can be hard to find someone like minded about having an open relationship, but certainly not impossible, especially when people are young and perhaps scared of settling down.

If sex is how your express your care and love for people I don't see what's wrong with that - so long as you're not hurting yourself or others in the process. We all find different ways of expressing ourselves.

What is it about a relationship that your 'rational mind' wants do you think?
 
Quadaess Suikun said:
Just like SpaceBridge, I joined last year after many years reading, and after seeing his post, i just realized I also got accepted.
So, just like him, the first thing I wanted to do was saying "Hi everyone!" in this thread I have spent so much time reading :)

On August 30th it'll be 1 year since my bf and me are together, and I'm not sure what should I give him for present. He's a geek and love videogames, but I think it should be something more personal. I thought about a framed photo of the two of us, but i'm afraid it could bee a little cheesy ^^U
Click to expand...

Aren't you by any chance the same Suikun I have on facebook, from Seville? :P

GothPunk said:
It sounds like an open relationship may work for you, but maybe that is something that you have tried before? It can be hard to find someone like minded about having an open relationship, but certainly not impossible, especially when people are young and perhaps scared of settling down.

If sex is how your express your care and love for people I don't see what's wrong with that - so long as you're not hurting yourself or others in the process. We all find different ways of expressing ourselves.

What is it about a relationship that your 'rational mind' wants do you think?
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Yes, I've been in an open relationship before and I think it's the best for me. And about why my rational mind wants me to be in a relationship, I don't know. Maybe it's about my old fear of being alone. I thought I buried it deep inside but it's surfacing again lately.
 
GothPunk said:
How arty and crafty are you? I've always loved buying a normal gift but then making a really nice card to go with it - you know like drawing some of their favourite things on there or just painting a really nice cover to go with a personal note on the inside. That way it can be nerdy and personal at the same time :P.
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In fact, I've been doing that kind of things with the presents I've bought him. Even with the most stupid ones (When he didn't have all the money to buy a good graphic card, I gave him 50 €, and put them in a papercrafted frog (with the money replacing the tongue o_O).

Anyways, I have almost 2 months yet, so I hope I find something.

beje said:
Aren't you by any chance the same Suikun I have on facebook, from Seville? :P
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Hahahaha yes, I am. Hello beje :D
 
so, i've been dating my bf for 2.5 years now, and yesterday something kind of bothered me. out of nowhere, he said "just so you know, i'm never getting married..ever." it really caught me off guard and i felt wasn't necessary to say. i DO want to get married to someone eventually and he knows this. he also knows that i have absolutely no plans to get married before i'm at minimum 30 and have been with a person for a long time. i just found it really weird that he would say that and say absolutely never.

it got me thinking about my future with him and what i should be doing. we obviously want very different things out of life in the future. right now, he's my best friend and i love him so much, but i almost kind of get the feeling of what if i am wasting my time? i am having a great time with him and i know most would say to just keep it going because it's obvious we love each other, but i still have that little nagging in my head now. i'm also not naive and didn't have it in my head that i was going to marry him but i would never rule out the possibilities. now that the possibility is totally destroyed, i feel like the mystery about the relationship (like all relationships) is gone. there is no future. it's already been decided. so, what do i do? do i just keep going even though i know that we will definitely be breaking up instead of the "most likely going to break up" that any rational person would think in this day and age? does anyone know a lot of people that change their mind about marriage?

i guess i need to vent and i just want opinions of how i should be feeling about this.
 
Wellcum to all the noobs! Mm..smell of fresh meat.
And SpaceBridge's Facebook pic...yu-mmy! :p



Well, btk..I'm no expert in relationships, as in haven't been part of one..ever... :p
I do think that relationships are supposed to be something mutual and communication. In your case, it seems you both expressed your feelings towards marriage (you: do want, him: do not want :p).

But in this case, have you both talked about "why"? In that why he doesn't want to marry anyone.."ever", and also why do you want to marry; and specifically at a minimum of 30?

Like cases I've known where one doesn't want to marry for fear that marriage could bring "problems" into the relationship; while other wants to marry because of fear that by not marrying the other can walk out of the relationship at any time.

Like everything, communication is key. If he brought it up in an unexpected way, there must 've been something that triggered that because he knows you want to get married.
 
There is a guy that always comes into my work and I love him. We casually flirt even though I'm pretty sure he has a gf/wife and jut likes he attention. He is like a low budget Ben Cohen. He always comes in all sweaty from working in the field and he smells fantastic. I'm thinking I'm going to ask him out next week.
 
fernoca said:
Wellcum to all the noobs! Mm..smell of fresh meat.
And SpaceBridge's Facebook pic...yu-mmy! :p



Well, btk..I'm no expert in relationships, as in haven't been part of one..ever... :p
I do think that relationships are supposed to be something mutual and communication. In your case, it seems you both expressed your feelings towards marriage (you: do want, him: do not want :p).

But in this case, have you both talked about "why"? In that why he doesn't want to marry anyone.."ever", and also why do you want to marry; and specifically at a minimum of 30?

Like cases I've known where one doesn't want to marry for fear that marriage could bring "problems" into the relationship; while other wants to marry because of fear that by not marrying the other can walk out of the relationship at any time.

Like everything, communication is key. If he brought it up in an unexpected way, there must 've been something that triggered that because he knows you want to get married.
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we've definitely talked about it before and he seems to just not like it. his mom has been married twice and is now divorced so that probably factors in. i don't want to get married until im like 30 at least because i want to be financially table and i think i'd porbably have a better idea of what i want in life around then. it all depends on how i feel then (if im in a long committed relationship) but things can change i suppose. it's just my current idea.

ive kind of gotten over it and will continue the relationship with him but it's definitely still there as a concern. oh well.
 
Things are kinda rocky with my boyfriend or Ex ( I don't know where we stand really) being emotionally unstable and not knowing what to do about everything. He kinda indirectly yet directly told me he wanted a break (still says he loves me) but then again here we are again chatting as we usually do like nothing happened. I do not understand whats going on his head. He deleted me from his facebook which leads me to believe he might be cheating on me and perhaps feeling guilty about it but not wanting to talk about it or he is actually just that emotionally unstable.

I'm such a sad panda right now. -_-

On Other news if anyone wants google plus invites just send me a PM with email and I'll send the invite if you wish.

Add me if you wish. https://plus.google.com/u/0/104963796658757765819/posts

UPDATE: Im single :(
 
Pupi18 said:
Things are kinda rocky with my boyfriend or Ex ( I don't know where we stand really) being emotionally unstable and not knowing what to do about everything. He kinda indirectly yet directly told me he wanted a break (still says he loves me) but then again here we are again chatting as we usually do like nothing happened. I do not understand whats going on his head. He deleted me from his facebook which leads me to believe he might be cheating on me and perhaps feeling guilty about it but not wanting to talk about it or he is actually just that emotionally unstable.

I'm such a sad panda right now. -_-

On Other news if anyone wants google plus invites just send me a PM with email and I'll send the invite if you wish.

Add me if you wish. https://plus.google.com/u/0/104963796658757765819/posts

UPDATE: Im single :(
Click to expand...

:(
Sorry to hear that :( So it's definite or is a "break" ? (anyway it must feel horrible)
What were the reasons?
 
He fell for a friend of his which is a lady. (yep he is bisexual) and he is confused on what he wants so he broke up with me trying to figure out what he wants but I pretty much know who is getting the end of the short stick here sadly.

Still Im not depressed crying myself to sleep overdramatic stuff which I was expecting to happen since I was trying to not let my emotions get too much into it since while it was my first bf I kinda knew what I wanted to happen if things went the wrong way.

I'm off course sad because of it because I loved him and all but Im not going let him make me feel like a second option so we are just going to stay friends and if later (way later) things get better I might reconsider a second chance if by that time I dont have anyone else. If I only could find guys around my area with similar interest I wouldn't be into online relationships (Puerto Rico its a bit hard to find Gay Gamers in my opinion)

Anyhow I'm alright I guess.
 
Pupi18 said:
He fell for a friend of his which is a lady. (yep he is bisexual) and he is confused on what he wants so he broke up with me trying to figure out what he wants but I pretty much know who is getting the end of the short stick here sadly.

Still Im not depressed crying myself to sleep overdramatic stuff which I was expecting to happen since I was trying to not let my emotions get too much into it since while it was my first bf I kinda knew what I wanted to happen if things went the wrong way.

I'm off course sad because of it because I loved him and all but Im not going let him make me feel like a second option so we are just going to stay friends and if later (way later) things get better I might reconsider a second chance if by that time I dont have anyone else. If I only could find guys around my area with similar interest I wouldn't be into online relationships (Puerto Rico its a bit hard to find Gay Gamers in my opinion)

Anyhow I'm alright I guess.
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*hugs*
 
Pupi18 said:
Thanks ^^

How is it going with you sir? ^^
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good. i've gotten over the whole married thing and am just going to enjoy myself. i think it's silly to consider ending something now over something that is still so uncertain and obviously far off, so yeah i'm fine :)
 
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