Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
btkadams said:
Mix CDs are definitely good gifts, either on their own or inside a card with another "real" present -- and fwiw, the tape and Walkman idea is great!
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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|
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Mix CDs are definitely good gifts, either on their own or inside a card with another "real" present -- and fwiw, the tape and Walkman idea is great!
RadioHeadAche
Member
mantidor said:
I used to own the Men in Black soundtrack on cassette. I think I got it on my birthday when I was about seven or eight.
ZephyrFate
Banned
My best friend and his girlfriend have made me realize how painfully, painfully single I am. Their affection for one another has gotten to the point of sickening.
Best part? I can't say that or I'd come off as a total douchebag.
God I fucking hate being single. I hate it more than anything else on the planet.
Best part? I can't say that or I'd come off as a total douchebag.
God I fucking hate being single. I hate it more than anything else on the planet.
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
I'm in the phase at the moment where I'm kind of hesitant to jump into a relationship. I've seen so many people rush things and then fall on their faces after, so I'm kind of keeping some of my friends at arms length at the moment to make sure we really click before moving any further.
I mean, I want a partner, but I'm worried I'll just end up in a relationship for a relationship's sake.
I mean, I want a partner, but I'm worried I'll just end up in a relationship for a relationship's sake.
ZephyrFate
Banned
See, as much as I hate being single, my standards for dudes are still very intact and I would take a relationship very, very slowly to feel out the right guy. I would NOT leap into one just to be in one.Rez said:
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
You'll get over being single sooner or later... when you're emotionally atrophied and a crumbling, despondent shell of a man who realizes that, yes, he too will die alone like so many others.
It's relaxing when that moment hits!
It's relaxing when that moment hits!
ZephyrFate
Banned
Oh believe me, I'd rather shoot myself than get to that point.Cosmic Bus said:
Magnus said:
I know the feeling. Last year I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years right before the holidays AND the year before that he came to my family's over Christmas. Combo remembering the moments we spent together at Christmas plus being freshly broken up made for one of my worst Christmas ever (plus first Christmas as a vegetarian in France
).When two of my best friends with whom I hung out all the time in college started going out together, it was fucking horrible. It felt like I lost 2 friends at the same time, and it made me feel so alone for a bit. Didn't help that I was jealous of them having someone and bitter about the fact that I was still alone.
Anyway, Rez, not wanting to rush into something is a good thing, but that shouldn't prevent you from giving it a try if you want to either. Chances are that the guy you're gonna be in a relationship with when you're 21 is not gonna be the actual "good one", but that doesn't mean the relationship will be worthless.
But IMO if you're keeping your potential bfs (how many do you have lol?) at arms length, it's probably because you already know it wouldn't go very far.
excelforward
Member
Stabbie said:
Dude, that'd be the coolest thing ever. Just saying.
SpeedySwaf
Member
So, I know this is more of a "relationship" thread then anything, but...
A few weeks ago my Kroger approved a new union contract that dealt significantly with our healthcare. One of the new additions was that it expanded benefits to same-sex partners. I thought that was pretty cool.
A few weeks ago my Kroger approved a new union contract that dealt significantly with our healthcare. One of the new additions was that it expanded benefits to same-sex partners. I thought that was pretty cool.
Erebus
Member
That sounds both depressing and pathetic at the same time. I really don't get why you punish yourself so much Cosmic Bus. In all honesty and judging from your pics and posts here, you're a pretty cool dude in my book.Cosmic Bus said:
PS. ZephyrFate, I know you keep asking but I promise I'll set up a Skype account in the coming days. :lol
ZephyrFate
Banned
GOOD. Because I miss you and talking to you and boys.DarkUSS said:
ZephyrFate
Banned
I will never stop being bitter about the loss of our homo megathread.DarkUSS said:I know. I miss our all-purpose gay thread too but what can I do.
ZephyrFate
Banned
We could, then we'd get locked...i_am_ben said:
btkadams said:
Wow great to see I'm not alone!
I'm getting tired of being my straight friend's "violinist" as we say here, all the time. They are good people and all, but it really makes me think we gay and straight people just don't really belong together, which is sad, and a shame, but you feel even more lonely with them than just being by yourself.
Well my depression during that time was not just because they were a couple, but because I didn't know any gay people. I felt my straight friends couldn't understand what I was going through which made it even worse.Alcoori said:To be honest I don't think that's a typical gay/straight problem. As long as someone is gonna be by him/herself while others are in pairs, the same feeling is gonna arise.
Granted, there aren't that many gay people compared to straight people, but still
btkadams said:
This is me again! warning, long rant:
I'm not really a people's person, so it took me really a long time to build these relationships and the confidence to mantain friendships, and then I got this stump, of being with people but yet still alone. It was frustrating because it was a great deal of effort, which I know doesn't seem like much to some people, but for me it was. I've eventually manage the courage to go alone and find other gay people, I've met like only a few, and again I just don't click with them, I don't click with the scene, which here in Bogota, Colombia is still very underground, and very party centric, it takes me months to start even tolerating hanging around with someone, so this enviroment of one night stands and secrecy is just impossible for me. But I know I want an old fashioned relationship, so I know I have to keep making the effort, it just takes so much on me, I'm tired, and I feel my life is just passing by.
badcrumble
Member
I'd take it as a sign that he's irresponsible and somewhat inattentive, not that he doesn't care about you. No it's not a "great sign" but it's not a herald of doom either. I'd mention it to him, of course, but don't freak out.moniker said:When your new boyfriend says he's going to see you tomorrow, but then doesn't even bother to call when something else comes up, that's not a great sign, is it?
edit: assuming the 'something else' was something he had to deal with and not just something he decided would be more fun
its not a great sign but if it's his first relationship he might just not know that it isn't cool. i suggest bringing it up. you can't "change" someone, but sometimes these characteristics are actually just someone's inexperience with relationships, not their actual personality.moniker said:When your new boyfriend says he's going to see you tomorrow, but then doesn't even bother to call when something else comes up, that's not a great sign, is it?
moniker
Member
badcrumble said:
Thanks for the reply, I guess you're right.
Yes, it was work, so it was important. I just like him so damn much, and I try not to go crazy and overanalyze stuff like this, but on the other hand I know I wouldn't do such a thing to him. Ah well... it's just a shitty feeling when you don't know if you're on the same page. I guess I'll deal with it tomorrow (in a non-freak out way).
btkadams said:
It's not his first relationship. It's my first however...
sublime085
Member
So I've kinda abandoned the whole internet-hookup thing. It was fun for a while but it's kinda unfulfilling and sad at the same time. I got sick of 'discrete' hookups with closet cases (which I was myself until a few months ago). I realized what I really want is companionship with the sex, so I've started to try to date.
The thing is though, I've never been on a real date and I'm so used to small talk that quickly transitions to sex. The whole traditional courtship process is kinda totally foreign to me. I'm meeting a guy for coffee today and I'm seriously fucking nervous. I feel like a 15 year old girl going to her first dance.
The thing is though, I've never been on a real date and I'm so used to small talk that quickly transitions to sex. The whole traditional courtship process is kinda totally foreign to me. I'm meeting a guy for coffee today and I'm seriously fucking nervous. I feel like a 15 year old girl going to her first dance.
ZephyrFate
Banned
Be yourself.
tell me about it! i went on my first real date with a guy like 2 years ago and i felt the same way. all of a sudden it wasn't just internet hook-up and i was like WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I SAY WHAT DO I WEAR OMG IM SO NERVOUS. haha all i can say is that the nerves and over-thinking pretty much went away once i was actually there with him. sure there was still some nervousness but it wasn't debilitating at all. i'd say if you've done internet hook-ups and met up with strangers before, you will do fine! you already had the confidence to do that so just let it happen naturally.sublime085 said:
sublime085
Member
I'm currently in the WHAT DO I WEAR? phase. I was debating whether I was gonna shave this morning because I think I look good with a little scruff, but if I wait too long I can kinda look a little homeless.btkadams said:
I also went and bought new underwear today even though I don't plan on sleeping with him. :lol
thanks for the friendly words
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months, known him for 3 years. It's been great so far, I love him and he loves me. We have been sorting out some stuff and have had some minor problems but I guess it's because of the way we are handling the whole thing. Nobody knows we're gay but our friends are starting to notice that we are together most of the time and even start making jokes. I wouldn't mind telling my friends that I'm gay but I don't think he is ready to do so, and since we have many friends in common I guess I'll just respect his decision and wait it out. This relationship has helped me a lot in order to find out who I really am. I used to think that I was a cold and serious person but not anymore. I smile everytime his name pops up on my cellphone's screen, text him when I wake up saying that I love him, I saved some money for 2 months in order to buy him a nice birthday present (which he loved) and I even cooked for him twice! (and I hate cooking!) When he hugs me it's like the whole world stops for a minute and gives me this little opportunity to feel great, with nothing to worry about. I feel safe, it's like a dream come true. We even talk about how it will be when we live together and get married. I love talking about it, it makes me really happy.
On the other hand I've come to realize that I'm a really jelous person. This is where the whole "not-telling" thing gives me some problems. For example 3 days ago we went to a club because one of our best (girl)friends' sister was celebrating her birthday. I had seen the sister like 4 times before, she's nice and funny, even though I didn't like her that much because a few months ago she was drunk at a party and tried to kiss my boyfriend. Anyway, so we were there with some friends having a good time drinking and dancing when this girl comes right to where we were, holds my boyfriend from behind and starts dancing with him. I was like whoa what are you doing. He didn't seem to care that much and danced too. I didn't know what to do, I felt like a complete loser watching them dance and rushed to the bar to buy another beer. When I came back I stared at him trying to say what the fuck are you thinking. Eventually the girl left, I finished my beer and told him I wanted to leave the place. In the car I explained the whole thing, how I felt when I saw him dancing with someone that wasn't me and that I was jelous. He said that I shouldn't be like that since it's our friend's sister (AND her birthday). I ended up apologizing and said I wouldn't overreact like that again, but I don't know if I should've accepted that I overreacted in the first place. I trust him, I really do, but seeing him like that with someone else drove me crazy.
Oh and on January I start my residency (he starts his residency on May), which means I'll be on-call most of the time and won't be able to see him that much. I'm afraid this will bring problems to our relationship and I'd like to discuss this with him but I don't know what to say. We haven't talked much about it because everytime I want to start the conversation he ends it pretty quickly like trying to avoid the topic.
On the other hand I've come to realize that I'm a really jelous person. This is where the whole "not-telling" thing gives me some problems. For example 3 days ago we went to a club because one of our best (girl)friends' sister was celebrating her birthday. I had seen the sister like 4 times before, she's nice and funny, even though I didn't like her that much because a few months ago she was drunk at a party and tried to kiss my boyfriend. Anyway, so we were there with some friends having a good time drinking and dancing when this girl comes right to where we were, holds my boyfriend from behind and starts dancing with him. I was like whoa what are you doing. He didn't seem to care that much and danced too. I didn't know what to do, I felt like a complete loser watching them dance and rushed to the bar to buy another beer. When I came back I stared at him trying to say what the fuck are you thinking. Eventually the girl left, I finished my beer and told him I wanted to leave the place. In the car I explained the whole thing, how I felt when I saw him dancing with someone that wasn't me and that I was jelous. He said that I shouldn't be like that since it's our friend's sister (AND her birthday). I ended up apologizing and said I wouldn't overreact like that again, but I don't know if I should've accepted that I overreacted in the first place. I trust him, I really do, but seeing him like that with someone else drove me crazy.
Oh and on January I start my residency (he starts his residency on May), which means I'll be on-call most of the time and won't be able to see him that much. I'm afraid this will bring problems to our relationship and I'd like to discuss this with him but I don't know what to say. We haven't talked much about it because everytime I want to start the conversation he ends it pretty quickly like trying to avoid the topic.
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
sublime085 said:
Buying yourself new underwear is one of life's greatly undervalued pleasures, no matter what you've got in store.
i dance with my girl friends all the time at bars and my bf does too lol, but theres a key difference with us....our friends know we are gay. there is no sexual tension. when my friend (girl) playfully grinds with me we are kidding around and stuff so there's absolutely nothing going on there. with your case, your bf is not out so the girl does not know he's gay. in that way, i think it's different and i understand your discomfort. i think a huge root problem in a lot of gay relationships that ends up creating lots of problems (like the one you described) is being closeted still.Shinobix said:
so, i guess i can't really give any good advice. i can't say to just come out, because you're not the one who is holding back. all i can really say is i understand how you feel, and your bf should take your feelings into account, but you can't jump to jealousy when he's just dancing with the birthday girl.
don't feel your jealousy is that crazy, it's one of those situations where i think a lot of others would feel the same way in your shoes. but it doesnt mean you should let yourself get upset over it.
EDIT: also, congrats on the happy relationship otherwise!
D
Deleted member 30609
Unconfirmed Member
Shinobix, the only advice I really have is to just remember to raise your head above water every now and then, unplug yourself from the matrix and look around and remember that as great as this first thing is, the world is still operating outside of it.
Jealousy in a first relationship like this is EXTREMELY common, but its also very often one of the things that destroys these 'first' relationships and ultimately leaves you broken and bitter for over six months. Basically, what I'm trying to do here is to give you a parachute. I'm not saying you'll need it, you might be able to walk the tightrope from utter-infatuation-land to grand-larger-perspective-on-life-land without ever falling off, but know that should it happen, you need to have already started pulling your head above water now, because it's only going to be harder to do later.
otherwise, enjoy yourself.
Jealousy in a first relationship like this is EXTREMELY common, but its also very often one of the things that destroys these 'first' relationships and ultimately leaves you broken and bitter for over six months. Basically, what I'm trying to do here is to give you a parachute. I'm not saying you'll need it, you might be able to walk the tightrope from utter-infatuation-land to grand-larger-perspective-on-life-land without ever falling off, but know that should it happen, you need to have already started pulling your head above water now, because it's only going to be harder to do later.
otherwise, enjoy yourself.
Yeah, Shinobix; it seems to be "normal". Heck, is a party, none of them knew you're both gay much less dating each other; is not like the two of you were going to start dancing together (that would've been cool) .
As long as he doesn't go around and start having girlfriends to "make believe".
So, just have fun and enjoy the moment. Now that the both of you won't see each other that much, you guys need to enjoy the moment that you both are together rather than been worried about who's cheating who with whom, or things like that.
Anyway, is that time of the year; again! :lol
Year's about to end, I start thinking back about the year as a whole and stuff and darn, what a disaster of a year. Started it by getting fired from my job (haven't found a new job still); still paying my debts, still leaving with my parents, no relationship of any kind, no sex, self-steem still going down (as if I had any).
Yet, here I am. Expecting 2011 to along with a new job, and more monetary-stability also bring some emotional-stability. Finally someone, even if is not a long term or actual relationship at least someone to enjoy the company with. Go to the movies, talk, dinner, messages, calls, gifts.
Or just continue waiting.
.As long as he doesn't go around and start having girlfriends to "make believe".
So, just have fun and enjoy the moment. Now that the both of you won't see each other that much, you guys need to enjoy the moment that you both are together rather than been worried about who's cheating who with whom, or things like that.
Anyway, is that time of the year; again! :lol
Year's about to end, I start thinking back about the year as a whole and stuff and darn, what a disaster of a year. Started it by getting fired from my job (haven't found a new job still); still paying my debts, still leaving with my parents, no relationship of any kind, no sex, self-steem still going down (as if I had any).
Yet, here I am. Expecting 2011 to along with a new job, and more monetary-stability also bring some emotional-stability. Finally someone, even if is not a long term or actual relationship at least someone to enjoy the company with. Go to the movies, talk, dinner, messages, calls, gifts.
Or just continue waiting.
/rant 
Crab Shaker
Doesn't pay his sources
Life has totally changed for me in the past couple of months as most of you in the Skype chats know I've moved to NYC. Since then, the megathread for us queers was shut down, which is extremely depressing. Anywho, this may be totally inappropriate here but I have to say that its amusing someone on Grindr totally spotted me as a Gaffer and was like I KNOW U FROM TEH NEOGAF CHATZ.
ZephyrFate
Banned
if it was
I will laugh
Midnight Scott
BlazingDarkness
Member
So there's this guy I kinda like at my new job, went out with everyone from work and that and had a good night dancing away and he was there - only he spent half the night snoggin' some other guy! Apparently they'd been pretty close on night outs lately so I was a bit bummed about it but it's not like I'm too bothered
Only now, I gave him my number the other day (work related) and since then we've been flirting a fair bit in texts - I think maybe originally he didn't even know I was gay perhaps, but I made it pretty clear to him Anyway my mate says I shouldn't be 'that guy' and should stop texting him if he's in a relationship, thing is, I dunno if he's serious with the other guy and well, he certainly doesn't seem to mind a bit of flirting! I said it was just a bit of fun but my mate says 'that's how it always starts'
Am i being a twat? It feels weird for me to ask the guy about his *possible* relationship because it's not really any of my business (I don't even know him that well)
And to make things doubly confusing, I think the guy I've been flirting with's best (female) friend has a thing for me! :x
Only now, I gave him my number the other day (work related) and since then we've been flirting a fair bit in texts - I think maybe originally he didn't even know I was gay perhaps, but I made it pretty clear to him
Anyway my mate says I shouldn't be 'that guy' and should stop texting him if he's in a relationship, thing is, I dunno if he's serious with the other guy and well, he certainly doesn't seem to mind a bit of flirting! I said it was just a bit of fun but my mate says 'that's how it always starts'Am i being a twat? It feels weird for me to ask the guy about his *possible* relationship because it's not really any of my business (I don't even know him that well)
And to make things doubly confusing, I think the guy I've been flirting with's best (female) friend has a thing for me! :x
excelforward
Member
So, I realized something a bit monumental today. I don't miss my ex anymore.
It was weird because the current boyfriend is out of the house for a few days with family, so the apartment is incredibly quiet. I got to thinking that I missed him, and then I thought about my ex for a second and realized that I don't miss him. Seriously, there is nothing that he could have ever offered me that I don't have now and more with Andy. It was a good feeling, and made me really happy to know I have someone good in my life.
/happy
It was weird because the current boyfriend is out of the house for a few days with family, so the apartment is incredibly quiet. I got to thinking that I missed him, and then I thought about my ex for a second and realized that I don't miss him. Seriously, there is nothing that he could have ever offered me that I don't have now and more with Andy. It was a good feeling, and made me really happy to know I have someone good in my life.
/happy
I really miss not having our mega thread.
Anyways, I'm glad to see so many of you guys are doing good. So do you guys remember the guy I told you I was seeing (we were friends with benefits at first)? Well, shortly after that we became boyfriends. We've now been together for 4 months and I told him I love him the other day, and he said he loves me too. It's interesting because I wasn't really looking for anything like this. It kind of just happened, and now I'm glad it did. It has certainly been a crazy year for me. One year ago I was heavily closeted (not out to anyone, not even you guys) and single, and now I'm out to everyone and am in love. Crazy shit. :lol
Anyways, I'm glad to see so many of you guys are doing good. So do you guys remember the guy I told you I was seeing (we were friends with benefits at first)? Well, shortly after that we became boyfriends. We've now been together for 4 months and I told him I love him the other day, and he said he loves me too. It's interesting because I wasn't really looking for anything like this. It kind of just happened, and now I'm glad it did. It has certainly been a crazy year for me. One year ago I was heavily closeted (not out to anyone, not even you guys) and single, and now I'm out to everyone and am in love. Crazy shit. :lol
He's been upgraded it seems!_Isaac said:
BlazingDarkness, don't think you're "that guy" to be honest, it's not like you actively pursued him anda bit of flirting never killed anyone. If anything he's the one being "that guy".
Maybe you should casually ask him about this other guy if it seems it goes a bit further than simple text-flirting.
RadioHeadAche
Member
MaximumX2 said:I really miss not having our mega thread.
Me too....oh, and congrats on the good news that I deleted.
I feel like I'm out of the loop, and I am.
MilesWebber
Member
My partner and I just did christmas (we're both working saturday). I got him a bunch of Blu-Rays and a John Deer cap and he got me the Mario 25th anniversary edition red Wii and a food processor I made hummus!
What'd you guys get four dudes?
I made hummus!What'd you guys get four dudes?
ZephyrFate
Banned
As stated in the Skype Chat:TheWiicast said:My partner and I just did christmas (we're both working saturday). I got him a bunch of Blu-Rays and a John Deer cap and he got me the Mario 25th anniversary edition red Wii and a food processor
What'd you guys get four dudes?
"bjs?"
excelforward
Member
_Isaac said:
He is still Chicagoboy, it's just weird to say now that I'm moved in with him up in Chicago. I was talking to a GAFfer on WoW the other day and said his name, to which the reply was 'Wait. Is that Chicagoboy?' I was very amused.
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