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Gay and Bisexual relationship thread |OT|
- Thread starter Replicant
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SpaceBridge
Member
ZephyrFate said:
I`ve heard.
ZephyrFate
Banned
so iPads are euphemisms for penises?xelios said:
Electivirus
Member
ZephyrFate said:
I'm sorry, his avatar is just too adorable to resist.
umop_3pisdn
Member
Guys I just took 2C-B for no apparent reason and now I'm high on the internet. It was a spontaneous decision after realizing that I have the house to myself and I've been sitting on them since last Halloween (ie: now or never). But now I have nothing to do lol. I'm such a horrible Buddhist.
umop_3pisdn
Member
xelios said:
Oral. The pills were really crumbly and basically powder so I put them in gel caps. Snorting 2C*'s is hell, it's not even an exaggeration to say that it feels like getting kicked in the face. I did that once, and then swore never again.
umop_3pisdn
Member
xelios said:
Oh sorry, that was poor wording on my part. I took them about an hour ago before logging on to GAF.
edit:
This is an interesting feeling. It sort of feels like standing on the line between 'savagery' and 'nobility'. My whole body feels animated by this electricity and passion... but there's more of a 'poetic sensibility' about the nature of the experience, it's also really lucid and clear-headed, one's wisdom doesn't leave you. It's an interesting balance. I also see some tracers and stuff.
But it just kicked in (and then I took a second one lol) so I may have more to report later.
edit2:
Fuck yes now comes self reflection time. I have just the subject, and it's still all fresh in my mind since it was just brought to my attention today.
You know, I read the interview with the producer or whatever and he said he conceived the idea from being pissed at truck drivers and "joking" that it would be awesome to be able to sew their mouths shut or something. It was pretty weird...wouldn't want to be around him at all lol.fernoca said:OMG! I watched that movie last month!!
With a friend using the Netflix Party thing on the 360. MY GOD!!!
And there's a sequel coming!!
Oh, never watched the full thing fully. Sorta skimmed through it :S I guess cause of that my opinions are lopsided but I thought the basis for the idea is terrifying (who would want to be surgically attached like that!?) but the movie itself was sort of boring.fernoca said:
Any film recommendations? Recently renewed my subscription so I gotta enjoy the most out of it!
umop_3pisdn
Member
I wonder how much of GAF has avoidant personality traits? I'll step forward. This point was made a little more clear to me today. I hung out with an old friend I hadn't seen in a long time and afterwards I honestly didn't know why I don't do that sort of thing more often. People are awesome, and I cherish the time I spend with them, but damned if I ever want to leave my intellectual bubble for so much as a breath of air.
Sorry, (gay-)GAF, but I have this reasoned out. If I act an embarrassing and self revealing fool, then I will have to own up to it tomorrow.
Sorry, (gay-)GAF, but I have this reasoned out. If I act an embarrassing and self revealing fool, then I will have to own up to it tomorrow.
Yeah the movie sucked big time We watched it just to laugh, since he brought into the conversation while eating out with other firends. The plan was to watch it that night all together in his house, but we ended trolling around Facebook; so we watched the movie over Xbox Live.MooMoo said:
As far as recommendations, I don't know actually.
I really liked the service, but only used the 1 month free trial and watched nearly every gay movie that was available. There were some good ones, at the top of my head (as far as new ones I watched) 'Were the World Mine' and 'The Curiosity of Chance'.
Escape Goat
Member
I just watched 1984 and it bummed me out. I would kill myself before enduring a life under The Party.
umop_3pisdn said:
Slightly. I was psychologically tested (MMPI-2 and MCMI-III) and apparently besides BPD, I have some avoidant and sadistic personality traits (not disorders). It was helpful to get an objective look because I'm more aware of my own behavior and how I treat others now.
I avoid any kind of reunions (school/family) at all costs, which is kinda sad.
umop_3pisdn
Member
Teh Hamburglar said:
It's so spectacular, though, you almost have to marvel at how inspired it is. It's like if terror strikes enough awe in me I can kinda relish it in a way. There can be this sublime quality in utter ugliness, but probably nothing gets a person nursing nihilistic tendencies sooner.
xelios said:
Ah, I've never been properly diagnosed but I'm comfortable enough with my self-diagnosis that it almost seems unnecessary. Though I would definitely have more traits than I would a disorder, I mostly seem to fall in to some extreme ruts by a manner of habit. I know what you mean about avoiding reunions at all costs, it's like the most persistent annoyance about this sort of thing for me. The feeling torn, genuinely wanting to go and not wanting to go at the same time, and ultimately siding with the more comfortable option
I skipped out on my good friend's birthday because I was 'lethargic' and didn't feel like braving a bar. I was perfectly able, I think I must just be too content with what is comfortable for me.And then I identify with it. I just call myself a 'solitary' person and give it no more thought, find dignity in being aloof
I probably see myself too much in terms of what my views on things are, greedily clutching an identity of view of myself based on how I tend to think about things. I over intellectualize and become divorced from reality. Then my imaginary world closes in like a prison.edit: Guys do you feel my weird love vibes? I swear this is not my doing.
umop_3pisdn said:
I'm sure you know that's a defense mechanism then. From what for you though? For me it must help me to avoid anxiety and worry, because I tend to have a low mood regardless.
I'm too comfortable with being comfortable as well.
And yeah, you're flying!
That totally reminds me of this (NSFW):SpaceBridge said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPYjR2tcq8c#t=01m44s
Edit: Where's my iPad?
umop_3pisdn
Member
xelios said:
Yes, agreed, a huge part of it is protecting myself. I think I'm afraid being 'exposed', revealing genuine weakness of any kind scares the shit out of me like nothing else. People are terrifying, sometimes I feel like I'm at their mercy. So I become overly pliant, but there's a bit of falseness to it. I am genuinely terrified of people face to face. Perhaps a part of it is that has to do with the fact that I am very thin, perhaps I feel more defenseless or at the mercy of others. They say people with Schizoid or Avoidant tendencies are generally very thin, and I've had body image issues with my thinness for as long as I can remember...
I also have some fucked up ego issues that seems to make it impossible to let down my barriers. I'm a little like Hermann Hesse's 'Steppenwolf', parts of me are very mature I could almost regard them wizened old men, and I am capable of finding much pride and richness in them... but they just as soon serve as walls, as so many other aspects of my personality are comparatively infantile and as a source of 'pride' it only really serves to kill all the genuine enjoyment I get from it...
And other times, it's like as soon as I want to, something happens, maybe they rely on me a little to much, and suddenly I don't want to be there for them anymore. As soon as it's brought into the light I just want to run away, because I doubt, I doubt everything like that, and it sort of feels like "pressure". Like now they're growing attached to me, I almost have a responsibility to be there for them... And in those times it doesn't even seem like I'm afraid of being hurt. I guess I feel insecure at the fact that I may never reciprocate? That if I were to continue I might be somehow be false? On second thought, this seems like self justification. I think it's deeper, and I don't want to see where it really comes from. It's like this big massive tangled knot of Christmas lights. Looking at it makes me visibly anxious but damned if I'm going to sort through all of that shit. But I really need to.
So I'm terrified of being brought out into the open, or being at the 'mercy' of others. I can hold my own in a heady debate, but that's intellectual and this reality generally presented by other people is much more 'emotional', a part of me isn't meeting it head on but to be honest I don't really know how. I should see a counselor.
Ahahaha, oh God, I know right?
Escape Goat
Member
_Isaac said:
Haha nice. I shall check those movies out. Haven't really kept tabs on gay films/TV shows/books since I've been trying to avoid admitting I was gay. But it's totally on now!fernoca said:Yeah the movie sucked big time We watched it just to laugh, since he brought into the conversation while eating out with other firends. The plan was to watch it that night all together in his house, but we ended trolling around Facebook; so we watched the movie over Xbox Live.
As far as recommendations, I don't know actually.
I really liked the service, but only used the 1 month free trial and watched nearly every gay movie that was available. There were some good ones, at the top of my head (as far as new ones I watched) 'Were the World Mine' and 'The Curiosity of Chance'.
Your post scares me on a personal level but it also scares me because when you mention thinness and Schizoid symptoms all I can think of is Slenderman.umop_3pisdn said:
umop_3pisdn
Member
MooMoo said:Haha nice. I shall check those movies out. Haven't really kept tabs on gay films/TV shows/books since I've been trying to avoid admitting I was gay. But it's totally on now!
Your post scares me on a personal level but it also scares me because when you mention thinness and Schizoid symptoms all I can think of is Slenderman.
Haha, sorry, I'm normally not quite like this
umop_3pisdn said:
I think it'd be interesting for you to have a discussion with a psychologist. You definitely sound schizoid from your own description, but what are your true desires? Do you desire close relationships and emotional intimacy? Any fear of rejection? If so that sounds more avoidant and self-defeating. With the constant daydreaming, detachment from reality and preference of being alone over relationships that aren't what you want them to be though it sounds much more serious. It's good that you can recognize these things about yourself though.
Have you ever been in an emotionally intimate relationship with anyone?
umop_3pisdn
Member
xelios said:
I agree, I don't know why I keep putting it off.
It's probably a little of both, to be honest. I do want to know how deeply I can feel for another person, but a part of me also recognizes it as a dead end. In the end I can only take my steps for myself, everything else will end, or grow stale, or stop short of its promise. So it's an experience that my heart yearns for to some degree, but at the same time I probably mostly want to experience it so I can finally put it to rest.
I also want to test my devotion, but at the same time I'm worried at what I may find. If I fall in love, and then I become complacent, my journey ends there. I feel like to do what I'm really passionate about I must by some necessity be more 'alone' than others.
No, not even remotely. Brief, passionate flings, but those are so a completely different animal that I'm not even sure why I brought it up.
Even with friends I've known for years, there is always a wall. A part of me wishes for nothing else than to be able to 'let go', and really dissolve into another person. But its almost like some part of my personality is hard coded against it. It's weird.
edit: Thanks, xelios, you're awesome. This discussion has been great, I feel somehow "more human" now.
umop_3pisdn said:
Just reading that made my heart sink a bit. I'm not sure what you mean by your journey, but I'm guessing it ultimately leads to self-actualization of some sort (if I remember correctly there were some elements of Buddhism in your spiritual amalgam). Do you dismiss Maslow's theory (hierarchy of needs) then? What is it you're truly passionate about that requires being more solitary than others if not this?
No problem, you're quite interesting. Good night though, I'm sleeeepy.
umop_3pisdn
Member
xelios said:
Yes (and thanks!), though I probably consider myself more 'Buddhist' than anything. The problem as I see it is just that everything ends, and nirvana seems like the only escape from that. I mean, I have absolutely zero opinions on what happens to people after they die, as far as I'm concerned it's just as well that everyone just dies forever. At least then there's a discrete ending instead of what seems like an endless march of time. But conceptually the path to nirvana seems like the only path that I can take, otherwise I'll die on my death bed choked by regret or whatever.
I just realized that I contradicted myself, but that's kind of how it is. Time can be seen as both endlessly monotonous and cruelly fleeting at the same time. I feel somewhat likely to be torn between the two. If not for nirvana, the only apparent answer would be "death".
MooMoo said:
Oh good, I'm glad. My "senses" are kind of returning to me now, but I've given myself a lot to think about...
Escape Goat
Member
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay gay gaf
Yup, some deep, deep stuff you posted. As for your feeling more human comment, you seem a lot more human than some people I've seen in lifeumop_3pisdn said:
I wish I had something to add to this whole discussion, but xelios sort of nailed everything. I'm sure you'll work things out/find the answers you're looking for though; you seem more than capable of doing so.Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
umop_3pisdn said:
Bleah, this is how I feel almost every day.
umop_3pisdn
Member
MooMoo said:Yup, some deep, deep stuff you posted. As for your feeling more human comment, you seem a lot more human than some people I've seen in life
Oh god, thank you! I can be pretty woefully lacking in confidence, you can't even understand how thankful I am for yours, for what it's worth
Cosmic Bus said:
Oh man, I know right!!!!! We have to be doing something wrong, it's really the only explanation!
PS why do I usually feel like we kind of understand each other?edit: GayGAF is the best GAF. Maybe it's that I probably participate here more than in some other places, but we seem to have a surplus of genuinely kind-hearted people here. In a way you all feel as much like 'family' as faceless strangers over the internet could ever be.
HappyPuppy
Member
chronos4590 said:
Just wanted to say hi Mr. Junior. Also I have a date with an attractive man, who has a beard
.A new creeper came up to me at work today. He asked for my name, asked if i go to west hollywood and to all the gay clubs, and asked if i was gay and available. i kind of freaked out because he was so obviously and legitimately crazy in the head so I told him I was straight and I don't go clubbing. he said to consider being with a boy once and to get married as soon as possible....
Anytime man =) Sometimes it's the simplest of things we say and do in life that can make a world of a difference. I might not be the most confident person, but I certainly have more than enough perseverance (and love!) to shareumop_3pisdn said:Oh god, thank you! I can be pretty woefully lacking in confidence, you can't even understand how thankful I am for yours, for what it's worth
Oh man, I know right!!!!! We have to be doing something wrong, it's really the only explanation!
edit: GayGAF is the best GAF. Maybe it's that I probably participate here more than in some other places, but we seem to have a surplus of genuinely kind-hearted people here. In a way you all feel as much like 'family' as faceless strangers over the internet could ever be.
Also your post made me think about where I stand in life and what I currently believe in, which is something I tend to avoid thinking about.I love GayGAF too. My only regret, as chronos said, is that I only wish I had found it earlier. And even though the original intent of this thread is supposed to be relationships (it's obviously deviated from that haha), it's still a lot more tight-nit than some of the other OT threads I read through. It's one of the reasons why I avoid going to those depression/life issues threads or even bother posting a thread myself in OT because there are way too many snarky posts for my tastes and at the end of the day if someone/myself is asking for help, I sure as hell don't want to be reading ill advised posts. But in here, like you said, it's easier to pick up on genuine help/advice/some good fun. Love you guys!
Stay safe! Anything else in particular that made you think he was legitimately crazy? Not that I don't believe you or anything. That's quite a handful of questions for a random guy to be asking to a person they don't know.ciD_Vain said:
Also, I hate being post XX99 =/ It's the most unread post ever lol.
Dammit, forgot all about continuing our Civ V game, GothPunk. Carp! Well, if mods work in multiplayer, I found some amazing ones we can try.
Sounds like a cool novel concept Zeph, though I'm not too crazy about the title.
Ah, I remember you talking about it in the skype chat, and going over what title to use.Delio said:
Sounds like a cool novel concept Zeph, though I'm not too crazy about the title.
But then again, I'm impossible when it comes to titling things and sometimes have to go through at least a dozen revisions before I can stop hating my own.
Yes, he stayed in the store for almost 4 hours. Within that timeframe he left us 3 customer voice cards to give to the manager. They had crazy drawings/writing all over the cards about Hilary Clinton, liking boys, and hidden missiles buried underneath our deserts. He's a psychopath...MooMoo said:
Granger Danger
Member
D'aww. Eskimo kisses for everyone.umop_3pisdn said:
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