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[Foamy]

So my father was a dick. Abusive to my mother. Cheated on her, prostitutes etc etc.
He walked out when I was 16 and I remember the weight lifting from my shoulders when I found the note before my mom when getting home from school.
When I was in my early 20s I tried to build some semblance of a decent relationship with him but after a year I realized he wasn't making any effort and said to hell with it.
I haven't spoken to him in 20 something years. He'd be about 80 now and I don't even know if he's alive or not. Which seems kind of weird but at the same time I really don't much care.
He missed out huge though on never knowing his beautiful grand daughter.

 

[Foamy]

....

What am I the only one?
Well this is awkward.

 

[Phunkydiabetic]

....

What am I the only one?
Well this is awkward.

Ehhh I opened it and thought about posting but meh. Then I saw this and it bummed me out so here we go. Long story short. Haven't spoke to my mom in almost a decade, she got into my brothers heads so we also haven't spoken. My dad died years ago so yeah, here I am. I honestly don't think about it often, to the point where I just forget about them all to be honest.

But there will be the odd time, hearing about someone's family reunion. Or how rad their mother was growing up. Or seeing something in a movie or whatever and itll kinda get to me for that moment. Almost like a "I wonder what that must feel like" situation, then I move on.

 

[GeorgPrime]

So my father was a dick. Abusive to my mother. Cheated on her, prostitutes etc etc.
He walked out when I was 16 and I remember the weight lifting from my shoulders when I found the note before my mom when getting home from school.
When I was in my early 20s I tried to build some semblance of a decent relationship with him but after a year I realized he wasn't making any effort and said to hell with it.
I haven't spoken to him in 20 something years. He'd be about 80 now and I don't even know if he's alive or not. Which seems kind of weird but at the same time I really don't much care.
He missed out huge though on never knowing his beautiful grand daughter.

My parents were never physically abusive but they attacked me mentally a lot and the problem was... they didnt do enough.

- My father is an old idiot that never sees him at fault for anything. Never listening to us.
- My mother is an old idiot that almost lost a leg due to open wounds on her fat legs. Never listening to doctors or us.
- My father does everything only 50 % and then blames you or other people.
- My mother doesnt want to travel somewhere because she prefers spending all money on online games.
- My father is annoying our whole family with stupid shit.
- My mother just cant live alone anymore.
- Both are better off getting divorced but they never do it.
- Both are always complaining to me about the other one - always talking about getting divorced as soon as they sell the house and stuff but now they live together in a smaller appartment. (i see that stuff in many families nowadays.... and iam getting really sick of it)

I had to fight them off. I had to move out when i was younger to get rid of that bullshit that was affecting me negativly. I had a lot of problems thanks to my parents raising me the wrong way. I had to adjust growing up by myself. I had to bring me up a lot myself to become a better man. I had to teach me a lot of stuff by myself.

I still talk to them or i visit them from time to time but they are still idiots. My oldest brother is an unrealible piece of shit aswell who cant handle money... he had some debts and after my parents sold their houses they gave him 30.000 Euro. The first thing he did was getting a new expensive Iphone contract. He always terrorized me and humilated me when i was younger. My parents never did enough against it.... when i had enough of him i just beat him up so badly with a chair that he had to go to hospital. He only visits my parents now when iam not there. He is still bigger than me... but he is afraid of me now.

If never got any student fundings from the state due to my parents getting to much retirement money (even thought they had big debt from inherting our house) and iam still paying back 20.000 Euro for university. They prefer giving my oldest brother money to buy bullshit instead of helping me with my student loans....my student loans are the only thing that keeps my wife and me from moving in together. So we both wait until i got rid of it or we got rid of hers first.

We had all problems with handling money due to our parents, my oldest brother still has the problems. I had to teach myself a better handling with money.

Another example: Some years later when i had to stay at my parents house for a while my oldest brother came and asked if he can use my computer. The first thing he did was acting like he was me asking an ex-girlfriend for nude pictures while his wife was there too. Telling me later about it, giggling like a young boy and running away hiding at my paretns as soon as i started checking message history. I was wondering why my ex-girlfriend was strange to me. Later he left and my father said "Cant you just stay over it?" and i told him "I will stay over him when he lies under me"

So jeah ... my parents are idiots that are better off getting divorced and i dont care at all anymore. I visit them regularly but i dont want to spent a lot of time with them because it will annoy the hell out of me sooner or later

Iam sure i will achieve the most in our family but not thanks to my parents. I was even the only one who went to university (i didnt finish it due to family problems and some other political bullshit - like returning tuition fee when i was at university and getting rid of tuition fee after i had to stop going there)

 

[Guy_who_thinks_hes_cool]

don't get me wrong, I adore families that I see in movies where the dad is an asshole and just walk away and the mom never cares, and the kid grew up independently learning the hard way, no rules, no limitations, joins a gang, meet lots of babes in his early life, learned to survive, learned to fight, learned to be strong and tough, I wish i will have that kind of life

living under asian family rules meaning you are being guarded 24 hours a day, dont do this, dont do that, dont go there, blah blah blah blah... bullshit!

 

[BigBooper]

We will likely always be distant.

 

[Nester99]

Sorry to hear that dude. His loss. I can’t imagine walking away.

 

[and 3 others]

Some of ya'll need to give more context as in your age and or living arrangement.

 

[GAMETA]

I don't know, man... my parents divorced when I was 8 and hell broke loose for many years after that. My mother on a lifelong depression and completely inserted in her own suffering, not working, not nothing, my father living in another state, more worried about his new girlfriends and new life, and me feeling completely unwanted and out of place. There was poverty, there was bulling at school, there was rejection everywhere, apathy... and I felt a lot of inner rage towards them but I couldn't speak it up, I felt weak, and afraid, and I still didn't want to disappoint them, and I felt like I was unable to be normal... there was unnecessary poverty due to apathy, there was lack of care, my house wasn't a normal place, my body wasn't normal, my clothes weren't normal, and after a few years of bulling I was crushed, I didn't know how to speak normally to people, and I'd hate myself for being such a fucking weirdo...

When I was 15 I went to live with an aunt in another state and that was probably the best thing I did, but anyway...

I blamed my parents for all that shit for the longest time but it never fixed anything... reality is, after years of becoming a father myself and having a decent life, the rage went away to become acceptance.

My mother is fucked up and life wasn't gentle to her, she was abused in her childhood, she was the youngest of 10 siblings, often neglected and poverty everywhere too, I know she had problems with her image too, and after feeling this stuff as an adult I understand now she didn't mean to do harm and she didn't wan't me to suffer, she really couldn't move, and I've felt like that too, completely immovable, so how can I still blame her if I could have ended in the same place? If I hadn't moved away I'm sure I'd be in the same pit.

My father had an abusive authoritarian father that'd beat him up, so he just went the complete opposite way and was all about freedom, he wasn't present and I still feel like he never cared much, but he payed for my education and he'd come visit every 6 months and take my sister and I to travel... I don't have a single memory of playing with him but I don't think my grandfather ever did too... So whatever my father's demons were I know he's been through shit too, then why keep blaming him for shit that doesn't dictate my life anymore?... I still wish he'd care more about me, but you know, fuck it. I care a lot for my son and spent as much time as I can with him and he still complains I don't spent enough time playing with him, so maybe there's that too, haha, our perception that it's never enough...


What I mean by that is, you know man, it hurts a lot but at the end of the day everyone has their demons, including those that made us suffer... maybe it's a chain, a continuous flow of shit that branches out and everyone experiences it one way or another... I don't know... what I do know is, I have a great family, MY family, me, my wife, my son and my dog, and that's what matters most, so I'm cool with everything else... it still hits us, from time to time, sure, but overall, what's in the past is in the past.


Enjoy the moments with your daughter, they grow up fast

 

[Foamy]

They say we often become our parents and repeat the cycle so it gives me a sense of satisfaction in not doing that. As GeorgPrime mentioned becoming more than your parents brings pride. Personally I'm very proud I have a happy marriage. It's something I'll never take for granted. My parents never owned a nice home or drove nice automobiles. They rented their entire lives and had beater cars so knowing I'm doing better than them is nice too.

 

[SpartanN92]

I have a a pretty good relationship with my parents overall but it requires a lot of grace to deal with my dad. My wife can’t stand him though and that’s tough.

My dad has some severe personality flaws. I love him and we get along well but he treats my mom and my sisters pretty poorly quite often. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is an undiagnosed bipolar. He’s not physically abusive but he can be quite nasty and say some awful things. It’s something we’ve learned to live with but my wife has a zero tolerance policy towards it and as a result we don’t get to see my parents half as much as I’d like to.

 

[haxan7]

I have a a pretty good relationship with my parents overall but it requires a lot of grace to deal with my dad. My wife can’t stand him though and that’s tough.

My dad has some severe personality flaws. I love him and we get along well but he treats my mom and my sisters pretty poorly quite often. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is an undiagnosed bipolar. He’s not physically abusive but he can be quite nasty and say some awful things. It’s something we’ve learned to live with but my wife has a zero tolerance policy towards it and as a result we don’t get to see my parents half as much as I’d like to.

Do you have Mark’s dad?

 

[rubik's dude]

Sorry to hear about that OP. He definitely missed out.

Personally, never knew my dad, and my mom was an abusive schizo whom I've cut contact with years ago. Never had any real parents.

 

[REE Machine]

Havent seen my parents in 6 months. Not supportive, always dragged me down, belittle my wife and I and somehow my brother and his wife are always the talk of the town, get all the attention, support etc.
Also my two daughters which are young get way less when compared to my brothers kids.

so fuck'em, cut them off cus tired of their shit and funny thing is Ive brouhht this up multiple times, they refuse to change and somehow always play the victim.

 

[godhandiscen]

I have a great relationship with my parents. I believe that having a supportive family is the essence of privilege. My parents bailed me out at my worst and helped me overcome many challenges. They live with me now at the house I bought a couple years ago, it is pretty large. I always want them close to me and look after them the way they looked after me; I owe it to them.

 

[Foamy]

I have a great relationship with my parents. I believe that having a supportive family is the essence of privilege. My parents bailed me out at my worst and helped me overcome many challenges. They live with me now at the house I bought a couple years ago, it is pretty large. I always want them close to me and look after them the way they looked after me; I owe it to them.

That's awesome. It's great that you appreciate what they've done for you. Gratitude and humility is a strength that too many people perceive as a weakness.

 

[Punished Miku]

I haven't talked to my mom in over 20 years. It doesn't bother me at this point, and it's just something I remember from a past life. I moved on a very long time ago.

I don't care about reconnecting. The ability to be parent and child is long since severed. All that would be left is some awkward "friend," at best. It's just not even worth it.

The only thing I've noticed is that after you severe something like that, you have the ability to sever ties to anything at the drop of a hat and it doesn't bother you. That's good and bad.

 

[GymWolf]

My parents hate each other since ever.

Never had a happy family myself so i know your feeling dude.

 

[Prison Mike]

My father gave up on me at 6 months he was abusive to my mom whos an absolute legend. Fuck him I say I've met him once since it ended with me hitting him so yeah no love lost there.

 

[synchronicity]

I can relate op. I've been estranged from my father for about 15 years.

I love my dad, and I'd love to have a relationship with him, but he's the type of person where everything is black and white/right and wrong. If you don't see things his way, there can be no peace in the relationship until you "understand" the way things "are". He simply has no tolerance for people and views that don't fit into his own perceptions and judgments. The only way to have peace is to cease to exist in any meaningful way in his presence and just defer to him and his views. It's so funny to me that he always complains about those who are autocratic, and I just desperately want to say, "Do you not see the irony!?"

 

[jsnake19]

Yep, my father was a deadbeat. Got my mom pregnant at 16 with me, had two more kids with her after me, was abusive physically to her and mentally to us kids. She booted him when i was five. He wanted little to do with us, he tried being a "friend" when we were in our teens but he kept being a worthless human being. Drugs, drinking, couldn't hold a job, in and out of jail, etc. Every time I tried to grow distant and avoid him and his BS, he would try guilt tripping me to make me feel like I was somehow responsible. I finally told him to get lost and stay that way. Haven't spoken to him in like 12 years, and don't really care if I do ever again. I am trying to be his exact opposite with my family and have a pretty healthy marriage, two little kids that I provide for, a good solid job, nice house and nice vehicles. Thankfully, my grandparents on my mom's side were very supportive so I had a bit of a father figure in my Grandpa and he taught me how to be a man.

 

[MaestroMike]

One time my parents were fighting and my mom got in her car and started driving away and I think my dad jumped on the car like on the roof while it was driving away and then slipped off and broke something in his leg. I remember him being bedridden for a few months during the N64 era I was playing a lot of Diddy Kong racing. Kinda hilarious. My parents been divorced for decades but they still talk weekly and my pop still helps pay a lot of the bills. I really don't see him often, but I can talk/text him anytime when I'm in a jam. I still drive one of his cars, totaled one of his cars and grazed another one (they're old and used) and got two tickets recently that he took care of. He's gonna retire next year I think so I guess he'll have more time on his hands and I might see him more.