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Holee sh... Behind the scenes: Uwe Boll and Uwe Boll's "Alone In the Dark"

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Funky Papa

FUNK-Y-PPA-4
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2649

Since we were going to be screenwriters for him, we decided to see if we could find any footage from his previous films online. We found the trailer for "Sanctimony" and immediately grew very nervous. Did he really just blatantly steal the entire plot and dialogue from the film "Se7en" and repackage it into some inept, half-assed, cliched pile of confusion? Was this guy for real? Who in their right mind would give him money to make anything except possibly trips from a pizza delivery store?

It was a mess. We knew we were in a terrible situation, and had written a script that was only going to confuse this poor guy. He kept asking us why the character in our script "Alone in the Dark," Edward Carnby, didn't have any special powers to battle monsters. We explained that the story revolved around suspense and a believable detective, based off the game. He replied by telling us he wanted to blatantly rip-off characters, as well as the tone of the films "Blade" and "The Crow." Here are some actual quotes from e-mails directly from the cinematic mastermind Uwe Boll himself in 2002:

Edward is not mysterious and does business as usual – which destroys his entire heroism – his entire reputation built up by the game, would be DESTROYED by this film. Edward has to be mysterious like in THE CROW and BLADE, he has to have special abilities and weapons and no normal BACKSTORY!!!

What isn’t much use are grave things: the dialogue, Edward’s Character and the story per se. IT IS GOOD THAT H IS NOT A SUPERNATURAL SUPERHERO - BUT HE CANNOT BE ALSO TOO NORMAL - HE IS A LONELY HERO.

You don't have big screenplay experience and after my bad experience on House Of Dead, I need a Top Script now. Your first script wasn't that. I want to be scared, intelligent, not boring, packed and surprising at the end.

:lol :lol :lol

I am looking forward some first hand impressions, help me gaf :D
 
:lol

its great that uwe has broken through, but its completely shit that he taking someone elses place. someone more deserving. like me. :(

;)

im nearly there uwe, im nearly there, and i WILL publicly denouce you! since you put down my guru.
 

sefskillz

shitting in the alley outside your window
Citainus said:
I started that site through my company and all of my info is on the whois (i need to get that fixed) and I've been getting a shitload of phone calls. Some guy called and was like "I saw your website and it was great" and started smacking something which I can only assume was his ass.
 

aku:jiki

Member
Do you guys think Uwe'd notice if someone (ie me) did a total parody interview with him?

I am absolutely convinced that he'd have no idea at all.

Edit: This question is serious! I'm going to do it for this mag I'm working for if I think I can pull it off.
 

Minotauro

Finds Purchase on Dog Nutz
Scrow said:
i almost feel sorry for uwe

You pansy! Would Lee Van Cleef feel sorry for a miserable guy like him? Hell no, he'd shoot Boll while he's down.

Fanstastic article too, by the way. I wonder what Boll would think if he actually ran across it...well, provided that he can read of course.
 

Lil' Dice

Banned
Holy shit:
WE MUST KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT ALL THIS . LOOK in SIGNS THE AUDIENCE KNOWS THAT THE ALIENS WANTS TO DESTROY - SO HE AUDIENCE IS AFRAID. LIKE WHT YOU SAY ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN: WE DONT KNOW A LOT - BUT WE ARE FRAID - BECAUSE OF 11.9. - SO WITHOUT ANY INFORMATIONS ABOUT THE ALIENS WE ALL FEEL NOTHING - WE ARE ALL CONFUSED BUT LETS SAY YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE SHOWED AN ALIEN IN SIGN - IT WOULD BE A DESASTER - NOBODY WOULD TAKE IT SERIOUS!!
 

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
No. This is a joke.






rite?


Edward is not mysterious and does business as usual – which destroys his entire heroism – his entire reputation built up by the game, would be DESTROYED by this film. Edward has to be mysterious like in THE CROW and BLADE, he has to have special abilities and weapons and no normal BACKSTORY!!!
This HAS to be a joke. I've never heard of this guy before now, but he seems to represent everything I loathe about the hollywood movie industry, with a touch of mental retardation thrown in.
 

Rei_Toei

Fclvat sbe Pnanqn, ru?
His english in the interview with IGN (Filmforce) seemed better then those SA fella's want us to believe, so either IGN is saving Boll's arse or those scriptwriters are off :). However, some classic stuff in the interview too:

I love stuff like the shoot-out in the loft where you see only the muzzle flashes is basically an homage to Equilibrium with Christian Bale where you have something like this. Here's the thing, I always try to, [if you] say it negative, I steal from other movies, but on the other hand,
 
Jim Bowie said:
Well, you still have good taste in music.

It's for mocking purposes, right?
Oh, I just thought it was hilarious. What's there not to love about a horrible movie that's both ridiculous and hilarious?
 
Rei_Toei said:
His english in the interview with IGN (Filmforce) seemed better then those SA fella's want us to believe, so either IGN is saving Boll's arse or those scriptwriters are off :). However, some classic stuff in the interview too:
No, actually, that's how he speaks and writes. IGN probably cleaned some of the interview up.

Really, search for some other interviews with Uwe Boll.

http://www.horrorchannel.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=Interviews&file=index&req=showcontent&id=53

TF: A major movie studio gives you $100 million and says you can make any movie you want (including remakes, sequels, video game adaptations, etc.), what would that movie be?

UB: It would be a comedy making fun out of everything: Big Movies, Politics, TV Shows, Stars. I'm a big fan of the NAKED GUN movies, South Park and other black humor shows.

I hope to God that someday this will happen. Of course, it won't. But I can dream. Imagine, an actual COMEDY by this guy.
 

Azih

Member
While I enjoy Uwe Boll interviews what I really want to see is an interview with the people who produce his movies. With all of the questions being variations on... why?
 

Dead

well not really...yet
So I can take small comfort in a quote by one movie critic this weekend: "The other practitioners of cinematic drivel can rest a little easier now; they can walk in the daylight with their heads held high, a smile on their lips and a song in their heart. 'It's okay,' they'll tell themselves. 'I didn't make Alone in the Dark'."
:lol
 

LakeEarth

Member
enjoy bell woods said:
I hope to God that someday this will happen. Of course, it won't. But I can dream. Imagine, an actual COMEDY by this guy.

I would actually want to see that too. His movies are already unintentionally funny as they are.
 

Matlock

Banned
LakeEarth said:
CJ has superpowers!!!

Wait...black...superpowers...!

tyrone_smith.jpg


SUPER T
 

jett

D-Member
OMG :lol :lol :lol

Man, this guy really doesn't have a FUCKING CLUE. I'd like to meet the guys that keep greenlighting his movies, and ask them WHY!? Even if they didn't care that they are some of the biggest steaming piles of shit in the industry, they all bomb terribly and don't make a dime back.
 

tedtropy

$50/hour, but no kissing on the lips and colors must be pre-separated
Geez, check out this guy's imdb.com data. Two shitty video game movies under his belt, and it looks like three more to go. Whoo! How on earth do producers think these are going to make any money. Far Cry...THE MOVIE.

1. Far Cry (2006) (announced)
2. Hunter: The Reckoning (2006) (pre-production)
3. Bloodrayne (2005) (post-production)

4. Alone in the Dark (2005)
5. House of the Dead (2003)
 

D-X

Member
Normally film sequels are worse but I can't help feeling that with Boll jumping ship, House of the Dead 2 will be the best film ever
 

RevenantKioku

PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS oh god i am drowning in them
etiolate said:
How do you pronounce Uwe Boll anyways? I always say it Yew Bowl.

Isn't he German? (Which would explain a lot, we deutschlander are nutty.)
I'd say its "ooh-vay"
 
Fucking shit, I can't stop laughing. Uwe is horrible, as are his movies....I mailed that link to a few friends and we're gonna have a Uwe party next week...



I hope we survive...
 
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