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[Chony]

Without asking her, of course.

The last three times I made a move on a girl, I get the dreaded I have a boyfriend. I am sure they arn't lying to me, maybe I just fall for every girl that gives me attention.

So I know this girl for a few months. We hung out a lot. I got not implications that she had a boyfriend. I knew what she was doing every weekend. I talked to her a lot on the phone. Yadda yadda yadd, I ask her out today, and she's like:

"I'm flattered, but..."

'but' the fuck I am thinking

"I am seeing this guy Kelsey"

First I was thinking is that even a dude's name? Then I was like, third times a charm. I keep attracting these girls who already have boyfriends. How can I find out if they do? Should I just ask them right away or is that too personal? I don't know anymore. Stupid girls.

On an unrelated note, my Shakespeare proffesor was talking about equivication, and she brought up an example, saying, and I quote:

"Thirteen year old girls do anal and oral, saying it's not sex."

This came out of nowhere. What the fuck?

Anyways my day has been sour, oh well, better than some other days.

 

[levious]

"I am seeing this guy Kelsey"

First I was thinking is that even a dude's name?

100% MAN!

 

[way more]

I think you have to ask. Either ask her out or ask if she has a boyfriend, I've never really checked to make sure before but I'm trying to start.

 

[LakeEarth]

I have the same problem. Be working on a girl for weeks when the word "boyfriend" suddenly pops out of her mouth. I gotta figure out a good planned conversation where the girl has to say if she has one or not.

 

[Oichi]

Easiest way is to ask her what she's doing on the weekend, or on a holiday.

 

[Chony]

Easiest way is to ask her what she's doing on the weekend, or on a holiday.

I did, I talked to her over Thanksgiving break. Still no signs, it really pissed me off. Arrrgh.

I like it better when I can't remember what a girls name is. This one girl I could't remember her name, so when I asked for her number, I gave her my phone to type it in.

 

[border]

"Do you have a boyfriend?" used to be my least favorite question, since it was essentially laying all of your cards on the table. The girl almost immediately knows your intentions, and it's kind of hard to step back into a friendly relationship after you've asked something in such a forward way. Nobody asks that question purely out of curiosity, and everybody who gets asked that question knows what's coming next.

After reconsideration, I didn't seem to think it was that annoying to ask anymore. If the girl doesn't want to go out she can just lie and say "Yes", saving you the sting of a more blunt and to-the-point rejection. Of course, I guess if they answer "No" to the boyfriend, and then "no" to the date, then it's that much more disheartening.

If you really want to try and sidestep the question, you can always try the "bad memory" trick. Whatever topic you're discussing with her, try and relate it to her hypothetical "boyfriend."

A contrived example:

Girl: Yeah, I really like SCUBA diving.
You: Wow, that's cool. Didn't you say your boyfriend was a SCUBA instructor?
Girl: Uhhh, no.

At this point, if she's interested then she may correct you and point out that she doesn't have a boyfriend. If she says "No, my boyfriend actually does xxxxxx for his job," well then there is your answer. If she just says "No" then you could follow up with something like "Oh I guess I was thinking of somebody else that I was talking to the other day.....what did you say your boyfriend did?" It's a more direct version of the previous question, and obviously if she has a boyfriend she'll tell you his profession, and if she doesn't then she'll say she isn't dating anyone.

Obviously, this only works for girls you've talked to at least a few times before (like in the same class or at work or something). If you are just meeting for the first time, then it obviously won't make any damned sense if you pretend to have "forgotten" something she said only a few minutes prior.

The whole thing might be a little transparent to a cynical or experienced woman, but it certainly isn't as bald-faced and obvious as asking "Durr, you got a boyfriend?!"

 

[Triumph]

Just ask. Be upfront, I turn it into a joke. After talking to a chick after a while, I'll be like,

"Damn. So who's the lucky Mr.[insert name of hot chick here]?"

Almost always good for a laugh. I don't like to play around and dance around the issue. That let's her know I'm interested and I'm funny, in addition to my ravishing cro-magnon good looks.

 

[Willco]

I find the best way to find the answer is to assume she has a boyfriend and place it in some comment.

For example... there was this girl I was interested in a few months ago. She had said how great I looked one day and I was like, "Keep it up and I'll tell your boyfriend!" To which she replied, "I don't even have a boyfriend!"

Jackpot.

I've applied similiar methods to various women with a good amount of success.

 

[border]

Raoul/Triumph has a pretty great idea (though I tend to hate flirting with lame jokes). It's a shame he always ruins it by puking up tequilla and Pabst all over the girl's shoes =P

 

[LakeEarth]

Some damn good advice in this thread.

 

[Cloudy]

Triumph's approach is the best IMO. Let's her know you're interested in a casual sort of way...

 

[Dilbert]

Girl: Yeah, I really like SCUBA diving.
You: What a coincidence -- I can go down for hours without breathing.
Girl: OMGhi2u!

All kidding aside, I'm actually a little surprised that these girls had stealth boyfriends. In my own experience, I've found the "two minute rule" seems to apply: Any girl who is seriously dating will mention it within two minutes, whether it has to do with the conversation or not. It's almost like they want to use their status as a shield or something...and it's led to some funny non-sequiturs.

 

[Socreges]

I like using something to the effect of:

"What does your boyfriend think about ________" (within reasonable relativity)

1) "What? I don't have a boyfriend."

--> act coy. "Oh? My mistake." Flash a smile. Gauge her response. React appropriately.

2) "Well, he's all like...."

--> She might suspect your intention, but at least this gives you a decent window out of embarrassment.

 

[Boogie]

Step 1: Have girl stop by your room in res repeatedly simply for the sake of talking for a few minutes. Take notice of how attractive and captivating she is. Begin to suspect that she may be interested in you.

Step 2: Begin to make efforts to interact with the girl. Become very taken with her.

Step 3: Ask her out to a jazz concert a couple times, but be frustrated by her responses that she's busy. Her response is believable because she's a engineering student and always seems kinda stressed out from the work.

Step 4: Begin second-guessing whether she's actually interested in you at all. Maybe she's simply really friendly and outgoing? Maybe she didn't realize that you were asking her out on a date? Nonetheless, her enthusiasm when seeing you and talking to you leads you to still believe she may be interested.

Step 5: On last day of school, invite her to go to the symphony. She agrees. Enjoy an amazing evening of a quick bite to eat, then the symphony, then a walk back to res.

Step 6: Go home for the summer, 200 kilometres from where she lives. Send out a couple e-mails seeing if she wants to get together to do something at some point, since she had mentioned a willingness to do so on the trip to the symphony. Nonetheless, your e-mails receive yet more responses of "I'm too busy".

Step 7: Take month-long trip to Dominican Republic, and be unable to make any more effort to connect during the summer. Look forward to September and being able to see her again and try to make something happen.

Step 8: At end of the first week back from school, while hanging out in her room with several other people, the phone will ring. When she hangs up, someone else asks if that was her boyfriend. She replies "Yeah".

Step 9: Promptly excuse yourself from the room under a pretense of not feeling well, go get wasted, and lament your stupidity and pathetic nature.

 

[Triumph]

Raoul/Triumph has a pretty great idea (though I tend to hate flirting with lame jokes). It's a shame he always ruins it by puking up tequilla and Pabst all over the girl's shoes =P

Yeah, but chicks LOVE the lame jokes. They always hang around long enough for me to make an ass out of myself by falling down shit faced drunk or puking up tequila and pabst all over their shoes.

 

[Cloudy]

^ Ouch...

 

[Chony]

Step 1: Have girl stop by your room in res repeatedly simply for the sake of talking for a few minutes. Take notice of how attractive and captivating she is. Begin to suspect that she may be interested in you.

Step 2: Begin to make efforts to interact with the girl. Become very taken with her.

Step 3: Ask her out to a jazz concert a couple times, but be frustrated by her responses that she's busy. Her response is believable because she's a engineering student and always seems kinda stressed out from the work.

Step 4: Begin second-guessing whether she's actually interested in you at all. Maybe she's simply really friendly and outgoing? Maybe she didn't realize that you were asking her out on a date? Nonetheless, her enthusiasm when seeing you and talking to you leads you to still believe she may be interested.

Step 5: On last day of school, invite her to go to the symphony. She agrees. Enjoy an amazing evening of a quick bite to eat, then the symphony, then a walk back to res.

Step 6: Go home for the summer, 200 kilometres from where she lives. Send out a couple e-mails seeing if she wants to get together to do something at some point, since she had mentioned a willingness to do so on the trip to the symphony. Nonetheless, your e-mails receive yet more responses of "I'm too busy".

Step 7: Take month-long trip to Dominican Republic, and be unable to make any more effort to connect during the summer. Look forward to September and bein able to see her again and try to make something happen.

Step 8: At end of the first week back from school, while hanging out in her room with several other people, the phone will ring. When she hangs up, someone else asks if that was her boyfriend. She replies "Yeah".

Step 9: Promptly excuse yourself from the room under a pretense of not feeling well, go get wasted, and lament your stupidity and pathetic nature.

I take it this happened to you. I am deeply sorry. I am thinking about getting wasted tonight myself.

Cue Biz Markie-

Have you ever met a girl that you tried to date
But a year to make love she wanted you to wait
Let me tell ya a story of my situation
I was talkin’ to this girl from the u.s. nation
The way that I met her was on tour at a concert
She had long hair and a short miniskirt
I just got onstage drippin’, pourin’ with sweat
I was walkin’ through the crowd and gues who I met
I whispered in her ear, come to the picture booth
So I can ask you some questions to see if you are a hundred proof
I asked her her name, she said blah-blah-blah
She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra
I took a couple of flicks and she was enthused
I said, how do you like the show?
She said, I was very amused
I started throwin’ bass, she started throwin’ back mid-range
But when I sprung the question, she acted kind of strange
Then when I asked, do ya have a man, she tried to pretend
She said, no I don’t, I only have a friend
Come on, I’m not even goin’ for it
This is what I’m goin’ sing

You, you got what I need but you say he’s just a friend
And you say he’s just a friend, oh baby
You, you got what I need but you say he’s just a friend
But you say he’s just a friend, oh baby
You, you got what I need but you say he’s just a friend
But you say he’s just a friend

So I took blah-blah’s word for it at this time
I thought just havin’ a friend couldn’t be no crime
’cause I have friends and that’s a fact
Like agnes, agatha, germaine, and jacq
Forget about that, let’s go into the story
About a girl named blah-blah-blah that adored me
So we started talkin’, getttin’ familiar
Spendin’ a lot of time so we can build up
A relationship or some undderstanding
How it’s gonna be in the future we was plannin’
Everything sounded so dandy and sweet
I had no idea I was in for a treat
After this was established, everything was cool
The tour was over and she went back to school
I called every day to see how she was doin’
Everytime that I ccalled her it seemed somethin’ was brewin’
I called her on my dime, picked up, and then I called again
I said, yo, who was that? oh, he’s just a friend
Don’t gimme that, don’t ever gimme that
Jus’ bust this

You, you got what I need but you say he’s just a friend
And you say he’s just a friend, oh baby
You, you got what I need but you say he’s just a friend
But you say he’s just a friend, oh baby
You, you got what I need but you say he’s just a friend
But you say he’s just a friend

So I came to her college on a surprise visit
To see my girl that was so exquisite
It was a school day, I knew she was there
The first semester of the school year
I went to a gate to ask where was her dorm
This guy made me fill out a visitor’s form
He told me where it was and I as on my way
To see my baby doll, I was happy to say
I arrrived in front of the dormitory
Yo, could you tell me where is door three?
They showed me where it was for the moment
I didn’t know I was in for such an event
So I came to her room and opened the door
Oh, snap! guess what I saw?
A fella tongue-kissin’ my girl in the mouth,
I was so in shock my heart went down south
So please listen to the message that I say
Don’t ever talk to a girl who says she just has a friend

 

[Triumph]

Step 1: Have girl stop by your room in res repeatedly simply for the sake of talking for a few minutes. Take notice of how attractive and captivating she is. Begin to suspect that she may be interested in you.

Step 2: Begin to make efforts to interact with the girl. Become very taken with her.

Step 3: Ask her out to a jazz concert a couple times, but be frustrated by her responses that she's busy. Her response is believable because she's a engineering student and always seems kinda stressed out from the work.

Step 4: Begin second-guessing whether she's actually interested in you at all. Maybe she's simply really friendly and outgoing? Maybe she didn't realize that you were asking her out on a date? Nonetheless, her enthusiasm when seeing you and talking to you leads you to still believe she may be interested.

Step 5: On last day of school, invite her to go to the symphony. She agrees. Enjoy an amazing evening of a quick bite to eat, then the symphony, then a walk back to res.

Step 6: Go home for the summer, 200 kilometres from where she lives. Send out a couple e-mails seeing if she wants to get together to do something at some point, since she had mentioned a willingness to do so on the trip to the symphony. Nonetheless, your e-mails receive yet more responses of "I'm too busy".

Step 7: Take month-long trip to Dominican Republic, and be unable to make any more effort to connect during the summer. Look forward to September and bein able to see her again and try to make something happen.

Step 8: At end of the first week back from school, while hanging out in her room with several other people, the phone will ring. When she hangs up, someone else asks if that was her boyfriend. She replies "Yeah".

Step 9: Promptly excuse yourself from the room under a pretense of not feeling well, go get wasted, and lament your stupidity and pathetic nature.

See dude? If you had had the testicular fortitude to make a lame joke or two you could have saved yourself months of build up to that night of getting fucking wasted. I move quick on chicks, usually find out in the bar that they have a boyfriend or are gay, and then pretsto! I'm already in a bar where I can get shitty to drown my sorrows. It's what we call a "win-win".

 

[Cubsfan23]

Three magic words: "Are you single?"

and quit "working" on girls for weeks.

 

[Boogie]

See dude? If you had had the testicular fortitude to make a lame joke or two you could have saved yourself months of build up to that night of getting fucking wasted. I move quick on chicks, usually find out in the bar that they have a boyfriend or are gay, and then pretsto! I'm already in a bar where I can get shitty to drown my sorrows. It's what we call a "win-win".

:lol

 

[border]

Sad story, but if you pussyfoot around with a girl that long then you are basically asking for disappointment. She might not have even had a BF when you first met her, but might have picked up one in the many months that you were skirting around the issue.

The important lesson is to establish whether or not she's single very quickly (in whatever way you're most comfortable), and then ask her out in a timely manner. The pattern of being some oblivious girl's cuddle buddy should have stop before a guy leaves high school.

 

[Socreges]

Three magic words: "Are you single?"

No, that depends on the nature of the relationship. If she isn't single, but knows you're interested, either you'll make things awkward or she will.

 

[Boogie]

Sad story, but if you pussyfoot around with a girl that long then you are basically asking for disappointment. She might not have even had a BF when you first met her, but might have picked up one in the many months that you were skirting around the issue.

The important lesson is to establish whether or not she's single very quickly (in whatever way you're most comfortable), and then ask her out in a timely manner.

I'm pretty sure she wasn't involved with anyone before the summer.

 

[Cubsfan23]

No, that depends on the nature of the relationship. If she isn't single, but knows you're interested, either you'll make things awkward or she will.

Huh? If she isn't single, they're usually flattered anyway. You find out in 2 seconds instead of wasting weeks of your life away.

The only way I could see it being awkward is if you ask it in a weird tone of voice. It's all in how you say it.

 

[way more]

Border, Duke, Wilco, good form.

 

[Triumph]

Cubsfan is right, but I find that making with the COCKY AND FUNNY helps break any residual ice there might be. It's good to pay a girl a compliment and make her laugh at the same time.

And then barf on her shoes.

 

[Dilbert]

No, that depends on the nature of the relationship. If she isn't single, but knows you're interested, either you'll make things awkward or she will.

I don't understand. If you know her well enough that you'd have something to lose by asking...wouldn't you by definition know her well enough that you would already know if she was taken?

If it's someone you're just meeting, I don't see the harm in asking if someone's single, or even showing some interest. If you're into someone and they ARE available, the clock is ticking -- either they will find someone else, or they will put you in the "friend zone" if you spend too much time with them without making a move. Either way, you need to do something right up front.

 

[Deleted member 1235]

"I had a really good time with you the other day. can I take you out sometime" You will find out if she has a boyfriend for sure. And hey, if she says no she has a boyfriend, you could always say, "give me a call when you find out hes a jerkoff"

I did that the other day. Now I have a date. Now i'm nervous. Still, stoked with myself.

 

[border]

The only way I could see it being awkward is if you ask it in a weird tone of voice. It's all in how you say it.

He means that it will be awkward in the sense that it will affect any sort of future time you spend together. Just asking them is fine for somebody that you don't really want to hang around with as a friend, but will put a difficult spin on things if it's someone you want to continue spending time with.

 

[Fatalah]

weird how most girls have trouble saying that they have a boyfriend, meanwhile guys (the not-skeevy-ones) have no problem dropping ''oh my girlfriend has one of those!" or something like that all the time.

they end up leading guys on too much, at least we have a fucking conscience goddamnit.

 

[Fusebox]

Yo, pumpkin tits - you gotta man?

 

[MIMIC]

Ask her friends (that's what I've done)

 

[mj1108]

No, that depends on the nature of the relationship. If she isn't single, but knows you're interested, either you'll make things awkward or she will.

Then you have the case when she is single and you ask her and she says "yes, but as long as we take it slow" so she takes advantage of you, uses you, treats you like shit, starts dating other guys while she's driving your car even as far as taking your car and sleeping over at some 32 year-old jerkoff's house who she thinks is some holy figure who has 2 children by 2 different women, abandoned one for 7 years, pays child support and his mom pays all of his bills while having absolutely no consideration for your feelings and thinking it's all ok.

I'm not bitter.

 

[crestfallen]

if you're in college try thefacebook.com =/ its how i found out about 2 girls i was interested in

 

[JackFrost2012]

The important lesson is to establish whether or not she's single very quickly (in whatever way you're most comfortable), and then ask her out in a timely manner. The pattern of being some oblivious girl's cuddle buddy should have stop before a guy leaves high school.

I agree, this is something I've had to work on - figuring out if girls are single and interesting in days or weeks, not months. Remember, he who hesitates is lost! The advice about trying to casually/accidentally work a boyfriend into the conversation is good advice and should be taken.

I've found the best way to determine if a girl has a boyfriend is to FHUTA her; if she starts crying, "stop, that hurts way more than when my boyfriend does it!" then you know she has a boyfriend.

 

[Socreges]

I don't understand. If you know her well enough that you'd have something to lose by asking...wouldn't you by definition know her well enough that you would already know if she was taken?

Because that's obviously not what I'm referring to, consider other circumstances.

I'm thinking of a situation that I've been in recently. A fellow 'classmate', she is. That's why I'm saying that it's not so cut and dry, as it always seems to be for the simple-minded Cubsfan.

Alright, low blow, but I'm not removing it!

Huh? If she isn't single, they're usually flattered anyway. You find out in 2 seconds instead of wasting weeks of your life away.

Like I suggested not doing anything for weeks? Huh? (see: first post)

And I'm not interested in 'flattering' girls that aren't interested in me, but thanks.

The only way I could see it being awkward is if you ask it in a weird tone of voice. It's all in how you say it.

No, it isn't. She either has a boyfriend or she doesn't. Even if you're confident, she'll still treat you differently and you her. Granted, there are circumstances where the girl won't be 'treating' you anything because you likely won't see her again, or at least not have to interact. In those cases, yeah, be forward. Nothing to lose.

 

[Cubsfan23]

He means that it will be awkward in the sense that it will affect any sort of future time you spend together. Just asking them is fine for somebody that you don't really want to hang around with as a friend, but will put a difficult spin on things if it's someone you want to continue spending time with.

ok, but a girl generally knows when you "like" her anyway, especially if you are spending time with her, I mean come on. I just don't see how a girl will get weirded out by "Are you Single" unless you come across as creepy.

EDIT: How did you ask your classmate, exactly?

 

[LakeEarth]

Then you have the case when she is single and you ask her and she says "yes, but as long as we take it slow" so she takes advantage of you, uses you, treats you like shit, starts dating other guys while she's driving your car even as far as taking your car and sleeping over at some 32 year-old jerkoff's house who she thinks is some holy figure who has 2 children by 2 different women, abandoned one for 7 years, pays child support and his mom pays all of his bills while having absolutely no consideration for your feelings and thinking it's all ok.

I'm not bitter.

No. You're not bitter. You're on the ball, at least with some women.

 

[StrikerObi]

I've got one experience with the situation, but I'll throw in my two cents.

All these guys that are telling you to ask her our ASAP, or at least find out if she's available ASAP, they're right. If you wait too long (boogie) you will be put in teh friend zone.

My last girlfriend, who ended up ending our relationship a month ago because she didn't feel it was going anywhere (that's anohter thread though, that I probably won't post) had just broken up with her boyfriend. I had flirted with her a bit before, and she new I had designs on her. Anyway, she broke up with her past boyfriend and I talked to her days later and gotten her number. I called her back and we went out for a fun night around campus (dinner, baseball game, casino night).

The point is that I moved in right away. I was weary about getting her on the rebound, but I guess I didn't because we lasted 6 months (including the summer).

Also, thanks for the advice on finding out if girls have boyfriends or not. I will probably use them the next time I find a girl worth going after.

 

[JackFrost2012]

No. You're not bitter. You're on the ball, at least with some women.

Yeah, you gotta be careful not to become the emotional boyfriend for a girl dating some jerk. She'll spend all her time with you, tell her all your problems, then tell you what a great guy you are, thank you for being so understanding, and go get herself fucked by some asshole.

EDIT: I don't get into these sorts of emotionally abusive relationships, for the record, but I've seen it happen to too many of my friends. Bitter!

 

[MoxManiac]

Why anyone allow themselves to become "emotional boyfriends" as jackfrost puts it? I'm far from any kind of ladies man, but in my opinion there are lines you shouldn't cross in a friendship, male or female. Leaning on someone emotionally is one of them, and I'd personally be up front and question what kind of relationship I had with a girl that tried a stunt like that with me.

 

[Deleted member 1235]

Why anyone allow themselves to become "emotional boyfriends".

Well, if you have other options, being in "the friends zone" is not bad at all. infact, it's a very viable and useful source of woman inside knowledge.

If you don't have other options though, well, that's when you consider admitting you suck and will try and do better.

 

[FortNinety]

Wow, this is a great thread! Lots of wisdom here.

 

[Triumph]

Well, if you have other options, being in "the friends zone" is not bad at all. infact, it's a very viable and useful source of woman inside knowledge.

If you don't have other options though, well, that's when you consider admitting you suck and will try and do better.

NO. BAD WRONG, YOU ARE LETTING THEM PUT YOU ON THE "FRIENDS" LADDER, YOU WILL NEVER GET NO POONANNY FROM THIS GIRL.

 

[Fusebox]

Why even ask? Maybe she does but he's just a knobend waiting to be sanded back.

Just ask her out, if she likes you she might not even mention her b/f and just go out with you anyway.

Be a man, grow some nuts etc etc, or alternatively send her a bit of paper that says "do you have a boyfriend please tick the right box" and have a yes box and a no box drawn on it. Remember to run away giggling when she hands it back to you.

 

[firex]

if she gives you a card with a train on it that says "I choo-choo-choose you" then she totally likes you.

 

[Date of Lies]

If you're trying to take out girls that you already know (on some level), I'd say you should just cut to the chase and ask them out in a casual way. Then you can easily find out while you're out with her by any of the ways mentionned above. Personnaly I'm not a big fan of asking "Do you have a boyfriend?" on the fly like that to girls I already know. Since you already know them, it's easy to ask them out to "get to know them better," which includes the boyfriend part.


However, if you're approaching a girl for the first time with the idea of picking her up, I'd say asking "are you single?" on the spot after a bit of talking will save you some time, and have some comeback if she says no, or don't, it doesn't really matter.

that's all.

 

[Chony]

I usually like to get to know a girl before asking her out to avoid the "I hate this girl she is totally obnoxious" which I have experienced. So I try to build a minor friendship, hang out a bit to see if I like her, then ask her out. I really don't see it as wasting my time anymore than dating a girl I hate, unless it's just for the sex. Also, you can be friends with many girls at once, hang out with the ones you like more to avoid the first date suckiness, again if you are not just looking for the sex. I was trying to build a relationship, but just got screwed. We are going to continue being friends, but I feel it being a bit different now, as we have class together, and will have class together next quarter. There are no other girls I like right now, so I can either go the cubsfan route for insta-sex with no meaning, or try to build another relationship.

Right now it's a lose-lose situation, as I was hoping to be going out with her by new years, but alas no. Now I am just going to Canada to get dead drunk for new years (19 years old).

Having girls as friends usually gets you more girls, but they are always inferior to the girl you originally became friends with. So now I picture her trying to hook me up with one of her friends, none of whom I like very well. Arghh.

Laters.

 

[NLB2]

Since when did it matter whether or not a girl was single?