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[cyclonekruse]

In a way that doesn't tie their worth to their sexual experiences.

He didn't do that. Or rather, her worth as a person was not denigrated in any way. Her worth as his partner did possibly take a hit, though.

He's not saying "You've had a threesome therefore your a whore." He's saying "You've had a threesome and therefore may not be a good fit for me." If he's the type of guy who only has sex while in a committed monogamous relationship and wants to be with someone who feels the same way, who are you to tell him that's wrong? If nothing else, it's very possible that it's a continued source of friction where she wants to do something more adventurous in the bedroom and he doesn't (since she at least has a history of being more sexually open-minded). Good to talk it out now and find out, which is what the OP said he's doing.

I think you're putting a lot of stock in a visceral response to a jarring (for him) perception change. Now that the shock has worn off some, OP is going to communicate with his girlfriend, which seems like the appropriate thing to do.

 

[MrToughPants]

If consenting adults choose to explore their sexual limits, that's perfectly fine. Secx is simply a physical act intended on positively stimulating the body. By nature , we have stupid and possessive attitudes towards sex. We should be better than that.

...because there is no emotion involved during the act of intimacy.

We should be robots.

Also:

Two Words: Stop posting.

 

[Epsilon-delta]

This isn't really a great analogue. A kid isn't just something that exists in the past. Presumably you would have some custody or time with this kid and the person you're dating would have to have contact with them and practically/possibly be like a step mother/father to them. There's a lot of baggage with a kid, unfortunately. Some of it could be insecurities, yes.

The biggest difference is that OP obviously was fine with this girl until he realized she did this thing that was solely in the past. Then things blew apart.

True, but my point still stands, people have standards when it comes to relationships and are free to leave if they feel uncomfortable about anything at all.

My ex-girlfriend was fine with me as well until I told her about a prior threesome.

 

[Two Words]

It sounds to me like you have an idea about what sex should be and you want the OP to be beholden to that. Honestly that is a heck of a lot more immature sounding to me than anything in the OP.



Oh yeah for sure, I mean that's just kinda silly.

Sorry for my intolerance to intolerance.

 

[ThankYouDaletech]

Your girlfriend wants another guy, probably one with a bigger dick than yours, to come in for a threesome that will end up with you watching another dude cornhole your "girlfriend"

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

...because there is no emotion involved during the act of intimacy.

We should be robots.

Not at all what was said.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

The immature part comes from the fact that he's gonna break up with a girl without talking to her first about his insecurities and that he thinks he's somehow gonna be forced in to a threesome with his girlfriend?

In his defense, he has since said that he will talk to her about it and see if it is something she still wants to do because he is not interested in that and attempt to talk it out with her.

 

[Darksol]

Let me put it this way. It would tell me that she was into being double teamed and I would worry that she would pursue other encounters behind my back beings I am not into it. In short, it would tell me that she is not my type and I would no longer try to get into a serious relationship with her. Simple as that.

So basically, you're insecure and can't trust your partner.

 

[_Nemo]

If consenting adults choose to explore their sexual limits, that's perfectly fine. Secx is simply a physical act intended on positively stimulating the body. By nature , we have stupid and possessive attitudes towards sex. We should be better than that.

If that was the case everyone would be content enough with just their hand or a sex toy, as those positively stimulate the body just fine as well. What you defined is masturbation, not sex. You can't boil down sex to the same definition as masturbating, it's much more than that.

 

[Cocaloch]

Sorry for my intolerance to intolerance.

No, you are being intolerant of someone else's sexuality. You are doing the very thing you are pretending to champion against.

 

[Afrocious]

Not gonna lie, I'm in this thread now questioning what I can do to have more sex now that I feel more comfortable with myself.

 

[Two Words]

He didn't do that. Or rather, her worth as a person was not denigrated in any way. Her worth as his partner did possibly take a hit, though.

He's not saying "You've had a threesome therefore your a whore." He's saying "You've had a threesome and therefore may not be a good fit for me." If he's the type of guy who only has sex while in a committed monogamous relationship and wants to be with someone who feels the same way, who are you to tell him that's wrong? If nothing else, it's very possible that it's a continued source of friction where she wants to do something more adventurous in the bedroom and he doesn't (since she at least has a history of being more sexually open-minded). Good to talk it out now and find out, which is what the OP said he's doing.

I think you're putting a lot of stock in a visceral response to a jarring (for him) perception change. Now that the shock has worn off some, OP is going to communicate with his girlfriend, which seems like the appropriate thing to do.

Substitute threesome with sex with black guy and tell me how you feel. You can't act as if judging somebody as a partner in no way involves judging them as a person. He has been fine with dating her for 9 months and suddenly she isn't dating material? And this transition had nothing to do with making a judgement on her as a person? Get real.

 

[The Beard]

A lot of prude-shaming going on in here.

 

[WanderingWind]

I have no intention of getting married and I would tell them that. If that was an issue for them, then that is for them. And issues like marriage and how to raise your children are serious issues that absolutely should get panned out early on. Those are real issues that will eventually come up in a committed long term relationship. The fact that a girl he's dated for a few months has had two dicks at once doesn't mean it's going to become some future issue where he is expected to do it too. One is a serious life issue, the other is an insecurity about dicks that aren't his.

How is this being posted without a lick of self-awareness? You have things that are important to you. OP has things that are important to him. Everybody, regardless of what Two Words or Liu Kang thinks, get to own their own legal sexuality. That means we must be okay with people who are asexual and people who enjoy all and any forms of sexual contact.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Yep, I think this is what some people have been trying to say. He's making his problems a problem with her. It's classic insecurity.

Is it a problem with him? If we are actually going to accept that people have different levels of comfort about sexuality and what they can handle and how it makes them feel than how is this "his problem" rather than this is "an aspect of himself"?

If you don't want to accept that people feel different ways about sex than sure its just him being a baby. . . But I'm sure no one is really going to say accept everything.

Even if he talks to her is that going to ease him if his issue stems from core perception and comfort? Should he need to be uncomfortable in a relationship that is by nature suppose to be based of comfort?

 

[BumRush]

The immature part comes from the fact that he's gonna break up with a girl without talking to her first about his insecurities and that he thinks he's somehow gonna be forced in to a threesome with his girlfriend?

His follow up post stated that he will talk to her about it yet people are still ragging on him.

 

[ModBot]

I'm not sure there was anything productive to accomplish in this thread anyway, but if there was y'all have definitely not accomplished it.