Support NeoGAF

[Boozeroony]

I am going through a rough time and have been doing some soul-searching. I am noticing that my default thoughts are of cynical nature and I am instinctively second-guessing someone else's motives. Instead of standing open to different people, with different opinions, I created this barrier between 'me' and 'them', based on this one negative notion of the other.

Once this became clear, I also noticed that this behaviour is endemic in (online) discourse (I know, it is kinda obvious...) in a way that seems very toxic.

I would love a place where, despite differences in opinions, we agree we are all flawed humans and we should focus more on the things we have in common. We all want to be loved, one way or another. A bit more empathy goes a long way.

 

[kikkis]

Idk. Imo empathy should be just considered involuntary physical reaction. Rest is just being considerate

 

[Artoris]

Is empathy in short supply

It very much depends on who you are dealing with but never expect too much of it all the same

 

[Tiago Rodrigues]

Social media made it all worse tbh. Short answer is yes.

 

[Boozeroony]

Is empathy in short supply

It very much depends on who you are dealing with but never expect too much of it all the same

I agree with you. Don't expect anything during social interactions, but be open to whatever arises. Many times, still, I expect someone to behave in a certain way, like being polite or grateful. I feel some sort of resentment when that expectation is not matched. I think most conflicts are born from the fact that most people don't behave the way we want them to behave.

Again, I try to be receptive, but not expecting positive energy.

 

[Wildebeest]

Its interesting in that I think there may be a change over time. Society in the west changed a lot since the economic shock of the early 80s. People may just not trust each other as much. Then societal shifts mean it is probably less acceptable to talk about how you are personally struggling, and are instead expected to brag or lie about how you are thriving and dominating life. While at the same time having a huge amount of personal debt and being addicted to amphetamines or something. But on the other hand it is more acceptable to talk about having a minority sexuality or ethnic background. So it might seem that empathy is being cynically used in a selective way for people with "sexy" or interesting problems.

 

[AJUMP23]

It is situational.

 

[ReBurn]

It has always been in short supply. The world is a difficult place and it always has been. We are expected to find ways to deal with whatever we are going through and continue to fulfill our responsibilities. It's worse online because people enjoy a degree of anonymity that allows them to show who they really are where they may not if their real life could be tied to their behavior.

If you're going through something it's probably better for your emotional state to log off and not engage with people online. If you need others to help you get through it then look for support groups where you can talk it out with people who are also going through it. Or consider therapy. It sucks that sometimes we have to pay people to care, but sometimes we do.

 

[Melon Husk]

 

[Boozeroony]

Its interesting in that I think there may be a change over time. Society in the west changed a lot since the economic shock of the early 80s. People may just not trust each other as much. Then societal shifts mean it is probably less acceptable to talk about how you are personally struggling, and are instead expected to brag or lie about how you are thriving and dominating life. While at the same time having a huge amount of personal debt and being addicted to amphetamines or something. But on the other hand it is more acceptable to talk about having a minority sexuality or ethnic background. So it might seem that empathy is being cynically used in a selective way for people with "sexy" or interesting problems.

I worry that the life of each generation to the next is so immensely different. More or less up to the 1900s, lives of each generation were more or less similar. People had more in common and there was a sense of community. Life was hard for most back then, but it was hard for all but a few.

Now, the culture each generation grows up in, is so vastly different from the next generation. Back in the day, elderly were sources of wisdom. Now, they are the ones needing help figuring out the world. It is like every generation needs to invent the wheel; a way to navigate life. There are no best practices anymore. We need to figure it out on the fly: how to deal with online dating? How to deal with social media? How to deal with AI?

I can empathise with young people (I am 40) that have a hard time figuring out life. It's easy feeling overwhelmed and anxious and who do you turn to for some words of wisdom? Not your parents or grandparents. They are equally confused.

Some people are willfully deceptive in order to monitise their 'struggles'. Others are just caught up in it and don't know the fuck what they are doing, while chasing the dopamine highs.

 

[DeafTourette]

Develop and practice discernment until it becomes second nature and automatic. Make a conscious effort not to question everyone's motives. Practice being an empathetic person by allowing yourself to feel your own emotions when hearing about someone else's hard day. Listen and don't judge.

You'll be surprised at how people respond to you.


I've found that people who hide behind anonymity use that to be callous, bullying, hateful and "edgy" because it makes them feel powerful in a way they can't be IRL. That's why you see it so much on Twitter or other social media where you don't use your real name (like Facebook).

 

[DeafTourette]

I'll also say, there are some REALLY empathetic people on this board. For real.

 

[Wildebeest]

I worry that the life of each generation to the next is so immensely different. More or less up to the 1900s, lives of each generation were more or less similar. People had more in common and there was a sense of community. Life was hard for most back then, but it was hard for all but a few.

Now, the culture each generation grows up in, is so vastly different from the next generation. Back in the day, elderly were sources of wisdom. Now, they are the ones needing help figuring out the world. It is like every generation needs to invent the wheel; a way to navigate life. There are no best practices anymore. We need to figure it out on the fly: how to deal with online dating? How to deal with social media? How to deal with AI?

I can empathise with young people (I am 40) that have a hard time figuring out life. It's easy feeling overwhelmed and anxious and who do you turn to for some words of wisdom? Not your parents or grandparents. They are equally confused.

Some people are willfully deceptive in order to monitise their 'struggles'. Others are just caught up in it and don't know the fuck what they are doing, while chasing the dopamine highs.

There were large social upheavals in the first half of the 20th century like the two world wars and the depression. The main difference is that back then all the talk was of rebuilding trust in the great institutions like the financial system and building national unity. In the end of the 20th century to now there was major shift where all the responsibility was put on individuals and their role in building interpersonal trust through activism, volunteer work and philanthropy.

 

[Mistake]

In public, not really. On here I am occasionally since message boards are a bit slower paced. Depends on how I want to engage at the time.

 

[Rran]

I think people are both nicer and harsher nowadays. To speak very, very broadly, they're nicer in person and harsher online.

Going to school in the 90s, even a private school, I'd be around a lot of mean and filthy talk from my friends and family members. My kids don't have to deal with that anymore for the most part thanks to a crackdown on bullying and kids being trained to recognize it more clearly. I think kids in general are in much friendlier places and it's making them become more empathetic to those that are different. This is good! Hopefully this means they'll grow into more welcoming and open-minded adults (and I mean open-minded in the most literal sense, where they can understand and engage with people of differing viewpoints).

What's bad are all the bubbles and cliques online, in social media, etc. I'm hoping a side-effect of all this AI junk is the eventual disintegration of fast-food style online interaction. There's way more us vs them division as a result.

 

[Boozeroony]

I think people are both nicer and harsher nowadays. To speak very, very broadly, they're nicer in person and harsher online.

Going to school in the 90s, even a private school, I'd be around a lot of mean and filthy talk from my friends and family members. My kids don't have to deal with that anymore for the most part thanks to a crackdown on bullying and kids being trained to recognize it more clearly. I think kids in general are in much friendlier places and it's making them become more empathetic to those that are different. This is good! Hopefully this means they'll grow into more welcoming and open-minded adults (and I mean open-minded in the most literal sense, where they can understand and engage with people of differing viewpoints).

What's bad are all the bubbles and cliques online, in social media, etc. I'm hoping a side-effect of all this AI junk is the eventual disintegration of fast-food style online interaction. There's way more us vs them division as a result.

Interesting.

I often hear the claim that society is 'hardening' recent decades, more polarised. That the online discourse is seeping into everyday life. I wonder whether we were always this divided, or whether (social) media makes us believe we are. Did we just loose our veneer of politeness or or did we really become more of an asshole?

 

[Rran]

Interesting.

I often hear the claim that society is 'hardening' recent decades, more polarised. That the online discourse is seeping into everyday life. I wonder whether we were always this divided, or whether (social) media makes us believe we are. Did we just loose our veneer of politeness or or did we really become more of an asshole?

Some of this can really be dependent on your location and more specifically, in your actual circles/groups. I can only speak for myself but the folks I hang around in person are a good bunch. Of course, I don't make it a habit to meet new people often so I might just be in my own bubble as well?

 

[Boozeroony]

Some of this can really be dependent on your location and more specifically, in your actual circles/groups. I can only speak for myself but the folks I hang around in person are a good bunch. Of course, I don't make it a habit to meet new people often so I might just be in my own bubble as well?

I wonder that myself too. I am very grateful -I try to acknowledge this more- for the wonderful people in my life.

To be fair, I became a hardened cynic myself, so It is all to possible I am projecting. I am struggling to leave this mindset behind, as it is in it's own way a 'effective' way to cope with difficult feelings.

 

[DeafTourette]

I'll offer a personal example of two. You know how people say that kids nowadays are just disrespectful to older people ? On several occasions, when I lived in Atlanta, teen boys would say "excuse me, sir" or offer me right of way to get on the bus ahead of themselves. They were courteous to others too.

One more example... This dude was berating this OBVIOUSLY teen girl... There weren't that many people in our train car. It was all black males. I almost thought I'd have to be the only one to intervene... The dude looked like he was going to hit her and, I kid you not, all of us got up to protect her, one pulled her away from him and he saw her wouldn't win and ran off the train after it stopped.

There are good people in the world. You'll be surprised if you let yourself see it. In a world of coal, there are some diamonds out there. I've found some and they're close friends of mine.

 

[Redneckerz]

It is at work. Atleast in mines.

As for the online discourse, i used to be a fairly hardcore GAFfer, much like how some of the more famed names are today. But NeoGAF is not everything, its just a platform.

Life happened, i guess.

 

[March Climber]

Instead of standing open to different people, with different opinions, I created this barrier between 'me' and 'them', based on this one negative notion of the other.

Covid hyper-accelerated this within nearly everyone. From the start of the 2020s to now, we are currently living in a generation of selfishness, and both things have caused a lot of people to go into their own bubbles in a multitude of ways. Those bubbles lead to people mistrusting each other, or at worse, auto-assuming the worst of anyone who is of a different background.

It's made even worse when certain bad faith individuals will take that mistrust, harness it into a team sport, and successfully weaponize it against others, because every team needs a 'rival' or 'villain'.

There is no easy way in today's world to spread empathy. Just do your part to not be a dick to people, not be quick to judge, and hope that the next person is doing a bit of the same.

My own version of empathy is something I call empathy in the form of apathy. I do decent actions to contribute to my small part of my community, but I simply don't care enough to let little things get to me because I know that no one will care or remember after 24 hours pass. I disregard and ignore things like insults, rudeness, attitude, etc. because I tend to zoom out a lot and realize in the larger picture they simply don't matter and aren't worth the waste of time and the change of mood. And this goes up the ladder all the way to my own family. At family gatherings I'm usually known as one of the 'chill' ones because of this.

Unlike others though, I stop the apathy right before that line of jadedness. That's a bit too far for me and it's a non-beneficial way of living life, especially when it can easily lead to the next line, general doomer behavior.

 

[Boozeroony]

Covid hyper-accelerated this within nearly everyone. From the start of the 2020s to now, we are currently living in a generation of selfishness, and both things have caused a lot of people to go into their own bubbles in a multitude of ways. Those bubbles lead to people mistrusting each other, or at worse, auto-assuming the worst of anyone who is of a different background.

It's made even worse when certain bad faith individuals will take that mistrust, harness it into a team sport, and successfully weaponize it against others, because every team needs a 'rival' or 'villain'.

There is no easy way in today's world to spread empathy. Just do your part to not be a dick to people, not be quick to judge, and hope that the next person is doing a bit of the same.

My own version of empathy is something I call empathy in the form of apathy. I do decent actions to contribute to my small part of my community, but I simply don't care enough to let little things get to me because I know that no one will care or remember after 24 hours pass. I disregard and ignore things like insults, rudeness, attitude, etc. because I tend to zoom out a lot and realize in the larger picture they simply don't matter and aren't worth the waste of time and the change of mood. And this goes up the ladder all the way to my own family. At family gatherings I'm usually known as one of the 'chill' ones because of this.

Unlike others though, I stop the apathy right before that line of jadedness. That's a bit too far for me and it's a non-beneficial way of living life, especially when it can easily lead to the next line, general doomer behavior.

I can relate to your approach. You only have limited fucks to give each day. It is a superpower to be able to ignore rudeness etc. and not be effected when dealing with something else shortly after. It tends to stick with me a bit longer...

 

[March Climber]

I can relate to your approach. You only have limited fucks to give each day. It is a superpower to be able to ignore rudeness etc. and not be effected when dealing with something else shortly after. It tends to stick with me a bit longer...

It is either something that comes with age or it can be a honed skill like patience. I don't necessarily recommend the 'apathy in moderation' approach for everyone, because people will take it to an extreme, as they tend to do with nearly everything now.

However, if done correctly, you tend to realize how little the small negatives truly matter. We are all just tiny creatures on a blue marble in space. At any moment a random asteroid could take a chunk out of it, and suddenly that random argument you once had at a starbucks is the absolute lowest thing on your list of priorities.

The point of it is to always zoom out and realize how dumb or irrelevant the current moment is in the grand scheme of things. In turn you won't let those small moments ruin your entire day.

Edit: It also helps me just simply leave some arguments on this forum. Erasing the post I was about to type up and letting someone either get their 'win' or better yet, sometimes choosing to not engage at all with those who just want to argue for the sake of arguing.

Of course, I'm not perfect when it comes to this and there are times where I will long post, but I am also not on the other end of that, typing up long back and forth paragraphs with another poster in a nonstop '1-up fest' in arguments. I keep reminding myself sometimes it just isn't worth it

 

[Boozeroony]

It is either something that comes with age or it can be a honed skill like patience. I don't necessarily recommend the 'apathy in moderation' approach for everyone, because people will take it to an extreme, as they tend to do with nearly everything now.

However, if done correctly, you tend to realize how little the small negatives truly matter. We are all just tiny creatures on a blue marble in space. At any moment a random asteroid could take a chunk out of it, and suddenly that random argument you once had at a starbucks is the absolute lowest thing on your list of priorities.

The point of it is to always zoom out and realize how dumb or irrelevant the current moment is in the grand scheme of things. In turn you won't let those small moments ruin your entire day.

I always found this realisation comforting. My dad, by contrast, felt different as he was discouraged by the insignificance of it all.

"None of this matters" is a double-edged sword.

 

[Boozeroony]

And thank you (and others) for sharing your thoughts with me. A token of empathy by itself.

 

[analog_future]

I mean yeah. Look around these boards for proof of that.

 

[Hookshot]

I think because social media flooded everyone with so much trivial shit most people don't care anymore.

Genuinely important still stuff gets empathy.

 

[12Goblins]

Anecdotal, but I do think empathy as a whole is eroding, and I feel like these are the main drivers:

-Technology has led us to have less meaningful connections with our peers.

-Economic disparity. Most people work their asses off to make ends meet. Then we go online and all we see is high rollers and bling lifestyle. It doesn't feel fair--We become envious and resentful, and eventually your measly social security checks is somehow the fault of migrants; people who are getting even more shafted by the world than you are

-Rise of individualism, personal autonomy, independence, self fulfillment, etc makes us less connected to the "Whole"; Weaker bond with your community makes us less empathetic, less willing to make sacrifices for the common good, less trusting, etc

My 2 cents

 

[Trilobit]

I worry that the life of each generation to the next is so immensely different. More or less up to the 1900s, lives of each generation were more or less similar. People had more in common and there was a sense of community. Life was hard for most back then, but it was hard for all but a few.

Your whole post was very interesting. I sometimes think about how Native North Americans lived in pretty much the same ways for many generations. They hunted and lived in a nomadic way with their tipis. The elderly carried much knowledge about how to live and what to expect of their life. Now things are happening so fast that even generations that are close in age seem to quarrel with eachother and have different worldviews and ideas.

And considering how fast new tech is developing I don't think we'll see any kind of generational similarity for a long time, especially if brain implant VR becomes a thing. Though of course I'm generalizing. People of different age in the same religion for example probably have an easier time connecting.