"Jenna Bush was caught trying to buy a drink in Austin with a fake ID. It's her second alcohol incident in a month. She must be extra careful from now on, because under federal law, it's Three Strikes and You're President." Comedian Argus Hamilton
"Do you know the Secret Service code name for Jenna Bush? 'Roger Clinton.'" Jay Leno
"The Bush girls have been in so much trouble that today they announced that they were switching their party affiliation to the Kennedy family." David Letterman
"Bush is now in Genoa, Italy. When he arrived today he was met by protesters throwing bottles and cans. In fact, he was surrounded by so many empties, he got homesick for the girls." Jay Leno
"Jenna 'Anheuser' Bush is trying to get her lawyers to strike a plea bargain agreement over her latest drinking charge. If they can't find an agreement, they said she may lose her driver's license. Which will be no problem. She's got plenty of those." Jay Leno
"Finally, some good news on the Bush girls. It seems that Jenna Bush is taking up a new musical instrument. She's learning how to play the Breathalyzer." Jay Leno
"President Bush's daughter was cited for underage drinking. That's too bad, when you see something like that happen. She was apparently slurring words, couldn't remember the alphabet. Oh, wait a minute. That's her father." David Letterman
"Yesterday down in Washington, D.C., they had their second Tee-ball game on the White House lawn. ... Things were going great until the seventh inning when they had to cut off beer sales to the Bush twins." David Letterman
"President Bush spent the weekend with his daughters, Jenna and Barbara. Or as they're better known, J & B." David Letterman
"This weekend, the entire Bush family got together and went to see 'Pearl Harbor.' That's a switch. The Bushes watching someone else get bombed for a change." Jay Leno
"Everywhere you went, because of Cinco De Mayo, people were drinking these huge margaritas. Ever wonder who this girl Margarita was? I mean, she gets a drink named after her. Isn't that every father's worst nightmare, knowing your daughter is so wild they have a drink named after her? In fact, last night, I had a couple of 'Jenna Bushes.'" Jay Leno
"Over the weekend, first daughter Jenna 'Anheuser' Bush was cited for alcohol possession by a minor. Well, kids are always trying to outdo the old man. Now the Bushes aren't only raising the bar, they're closing it." Jay Leno
"We all need to take a deep breath and think about being a Bush daughter and having that cross to bear. I'd go out and have a couple of drinks too." Julia Roberts, on the Bush twins
"You know the global warming that we've all been talking about? Well, it is getting worse. By the year 2010, this is what the global warming experts say, that global warming will be so bad that there will not be enough party ice for the Bush twins." David Letterman
