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[PlayofSparta]

So, long story short. Have depression and anxiety among others. Doctor is traveling and I don't want to wake up my therapist at this moment (2 am).

Since 2020 I lost my friends because I did something awful. Not gonna say what it is, since it pains me. I'm NOT doing this thread for any form of suicide, I just want someone to talk. Please don't judge me.
2 years without friends is hard, even knowing I deserve. I'm depressed mostly because of that. Just want some people to talk about music, or movies/games. That's all. Some small talk.

Not trying to be a burden. For real.

Meds I'm using if anyone wants to know:

Spoiler

Latuda 40mg, Trazodone ER 150mg, Lorazepam 6mg, Artane 5mg.

 

[k_trout]

hey playofsparta i suck at smalltalk but - just finished watching all the Harry potter movies and I'm torn, did they suck or were they pretty good just can't make my mind up

 

[LegendOfKage]

I had an idea a while back about what I think would be a good way to make new friends. Maybe you'll find it useful.

https://www.neogaf.com/threads/best-way-to-make-new-friends-for-multiplayer.1462678/#post-253275136

I actually had an idea about this that I never tried, but I think it might work. If you just randomly exchange gaming info over a message board or discord, it's pretty unpredictable who you're going to be adding to your friends list. Maybe you'll share a similar sense of humor or some other interests, or maybe aside from games you won't have much in common. Maybe they're the kind of player who shit talks and teabags, and maybe you're not.

My idea is to go on twitch and find a streamer who is just getting started, or only streams now and then for the fun of it. No one even slightly successful. Find someone who uses a mic, is playing a game that you have, and isn't playing in a full party. Then join their twitch chat, watch them play, and get to know them for a while. See how they interact with their chat, with their friends, and with players on the opposing team. Then if they seem like someone you would get along with, ask if they wouldn't mind you joining them for a bit.

This would probably work best in team-based games when the streamer is playing alone, or when just one or two of their friends are playing, and when they only have a small number of people in their twitch chat. Most players would rather have someone they can communicate with on their team instead of random people, and the streamer will just be happy someone's taking an interest.

A friend of mine started streaming a year or two ago, and when you're new and trying to build an audience, anyone wanting to chat or join you in a game is good news. If you were a newer twitch streamer playing Battlefield with your friend online in a five man squad, would you rather the other three players be randoms not using a mic, or three of the seven people currently in your twitch chat?

 

[Toolhead1987]

I'm here if you wanna shoot me a DM my guy.

 

[jezhumphrey75]

post up where do you live? maybe somebody on here close by you can chat to, or just hang with?

 

[Toolhead1987]

im in Socal!

 

[Kenneth Haight]

DM me if you want to talk. No judgement or guilt, been through some pretty crazy stuff this past week as well.

 

[Flutta]

2 years without friends is hard, even knowing I deserve. I'm depressed mostly because of that.

Thinking like that is your main issue imo. No one deserves anything. You have to work for it like anything else in life.
Alot of people have no job, some are orphans they are all alone, some have Heath issues or even food for the day.
Would you change your situation for any of them? I bet they would gladly accept your offer.

If loneliness is your biggest issue get a dog they're are more trusworthy then humans anyways
Friends are overrated in this day an age tbh.

Also start working out its the best solution for depression. You might make some new friends in the gym so its a win win.

Anyways good luck

 

[GymWolf]

Why not searching for new friends?

 

[bitbydeath]

Have you tried going out for walks?
I find it a great way to clear the head.
Fresh air and exercise is an excellent combo.

 

[Zeroing]

Question: you feel sad because you lost your friends or because of your mistake/actions ? Even if it was an awful everyone deserves to be forgiven! Have you forgive yourself? Clearly you are regretting all what you did, you deserve forgiveness. Start with yourself!

 

[DragoonWalker]

Hey OP! You doing ok? I've made some big mistakes in life too, and I struggle everyday with some of them. Also people I enjoy hanging out with most always seem to move away, or I move away.
Some days, nothing seems to help. But you got a good attitude it seems, not giving up, you just need someone to talk to.

What kinda movies you like? I'm big on action. Got a couple coming out I'm hoping to catch in theaters (didn't think they would even get a theatrical run) as soon as I finish my current stretch of crunch:



What about you?

 

[Fools idol]

Jaques Fresco, one of my favourite human beings to grace the earth, made a great talk about depression.

It's well worth a watch for anyone.

 

[Batiman]

hey playofsparta i suck at smalltalk but - just finished watching all the Harry potter movies and I'm torn, did they suck or were they pretty good just can't make my mind up

I watched them last year for the first time and it felt like a fever dream. Not sure what the fuck was going on.

 

[Star-Lord]

We're all here for you, buddy.

 

[PlayofSparta]

hey playofsparta i suck at smalltalk but - just finished watching all the Harry potter movies and I'm torn, did they suck or were they pretty good just can't make my mind up

I think they suck hard hehe but that's just my opinion

I had an idea a while back about what I think would be a good way to make new friends. Maybe you'll find it useful.

http://[URL]https://www.neogaf.com/...iends-for-multiplayer.1462678/#post-253275136

[/URL]

I actually had an idea about this that I never tried, but I think it might work. If you just randomly exchange gaming info over a message board or discord, it's pretty unpredictable who you're going to be adding to your friends list. Maybe you'll share a similar sense of humor or some other interests, or maybe aside from games you won't have much in common. Maybe they're the kind of player who shit talks and teabags, and maybe you're not.

My idea is to go on twitch and find a streamer who is just getting started, or only streams now and then for the fun of it. No one even slightly successful. Find someone who uses a mic, is playing a game that you have, and isn't playing in a full party. Then join their twitch chat, watch them play, and get to know them for a while. See how they interact with their chat, with their friends, and with players on the opposing team. Then if they seem like someone you would get along with, ask if they wouldn't mind you joining them for a bit.

This would probably work best in team-based games when the streamer is playing alone, or when just one or two of their friends are playing, and when they only have a small number of people in their twitch chat. Most players would rather have someone they can communicate with on their team instead of random people, and the streamer will just be happy someone's taking an interest.

A friend of mine started streaming a year or two ago, and when you're new and trying to build an audience, anyone wanting to chat or join you in a game is good news. If you were a newer twitch streamer playing Battlefield with your friend online in a five man squad, would you rather the other three players be randoms not using a mic, or three of the seven people currently in your twitch chat?

I used to stream a lot in twitch. Kinda gave up because nobody was watching or following. But your advice is solid, thanks man.

I'm here if you wanna shoot me a DM my guy.

I will.

post up where do you live? maybe somebody on here close by you can chat to, or just hang with?

Brazil. and yeah, nobody :/

DM me if you want to talk. No judgement or guilt, been through some pretty crazy stuff this past week as well.

I will also.

Thinking like that is your main issue imo. No one deserves anything. You have to work for it like anything else in life.
Alot of people have no job, some are orphans they are all alone, some have Heath issues or even food for the day.
Would you change your situation for any of them? I bet they would gladly accept your offer.

If loneliness is your biggest issue get a dog they're are more trusworthy then humans anyways
Friends are overrated in this day an age tbh.

Also start working out its the best solution for depression. You might make some new friends in the gym so its a win win.

Anyways good luck

My dog is dead for a while... kinda wish he had lived more...

Why not searching for new friends?

It's hard man.

Have you tried going out for walks?
I find it a great way to clear the head.
Fresh air and exercise is an excellent combo.

Sometimes. But is like walking in a desert city even very populated. Don't know how to put on words.

Question: you feel sad because you lost your friends or because of your mistake/actions ? Even if it was an awful everyone deserves to be forgiven! Have you forgive yourself? Clearly you are regretting all what you did, you deserve forgiveness. Start with yourself!

Both, I have yet to forgive myself, but I will someday. I hope.

Hey OP! You doing ok? I've made some big mistakes in life too, and I struggle everyday with some of them. Also people I enjoy hanging out with most always seem to move away, or I move away.
Some days, nothing seems to help. But you got a good attitude it seems, not giving up, you just need someone to talk to.

What kinda movies you like? I'm big on action. Got a couple coming out I'm hoping to catch in theaters (didn't think they would even get a theatrical run) as soon as I finish my current stretch of crunch:



What about you?

Those days I'm watching more horror films. Watched Nosferatu (yeah, 1920-21 movie hehe) just because of the OST:

Jaques Fresco, one of my favourite human beings to grace the earth, made a great talk about depression.

It's well worth a watch for anyone.

Will watch.

I watched them last year for the first time and it felt like a fever dream. Not sure what the fuck was going on.

Same lol

We're all here for you, buddy.

Thanks man.

 

[GymWolf]

It's hard man.

Doesn't that play in your favor with ladies?

 

[chromhound]

time to hit the gym, get shred, get you some workout buddies

 

[AJUMP23]

Try reading the Bible. IT isn't a cure all, but when you see how much the people in there were messed up and God still loved them it can provide you comfort.

 

[DragoonWalker]

Those days I'm watching more horror films. Watched Nosferatu (yeah, 1920-21 movie hehe) just because of the OST:

Classic! Haven't seen it myself, but always knew I should. You ever watch the Cabinet of Dr. Caligari? Also expressionist horror from around the same time.
Also, Jigoku (1960), Kwaidan (1964), and Hausu (1977) are all very artsy, expressionistic (J)Horror films, if you havent' seen them before.

 

[Batiman]

time to hit the gym, get shred, get you some workout buddies

I know this kind of comment often comes off as a joke, it's actually a great place to start. Not really talking about gym buddies. It's always good mentally to work some of that stress off. Really helps me. I notice when I'm going through lazy times and avoiding my workouts, my anxiety and stress starts to pick up.

 

[M1chl]

[not a medical advice]
Pregabalin
instead of pretty much your whole list

Lorazepam is benzo and that's a fucking thin ice you are walking on, especially if taken for a long time. DON'T do it.

 

[levyjl1988]

Go play Dark Souls. Seriously, go play Dark Souls, it cured mine.

 

[p_xavier]

[not a medical advice]
Pregabalin
instead of pretty much your whole list

Lorazepam is benzo and that's a fucking thin ice you are walking on, especially if taken for a long time. DON'T do it.

My doctor (who just graduated and is generally a prick) refuses to prescribe it to me.

 

[M1chl]

My doctor (who just graduated and is generally a prick) refuses to prescribe it to me.

That really sucks, switch a doctor?

 

[StreetsofBeige]

OP,

My stock portfolio has dropped $50,000 since Christmas. Since them I'll be lucky to get one green week per month.

 

[p_xavier]

That really sucks, switch a doctor?

Trying to, but it's difficult to do.

 

[Artoris]

My doctor (who just graduated and is generally a prick) refuses to prescribe it to me.

Doctors in my experience are often nasty

 

[Dontkidyourselfjimmy]

Do you exercise? If not start it's really hard at first but in my personal experience it's the best medicine.

 

[p_xavier]

Yes exercizing helps.

 

[Celcius]

We've all made mistakes. I see life like a book. The last few chapters have sucked for sure but surely there are more good chapters up ahead... we just have to get there.

 

[wondermega]

Sorry you are bumming. Many of us have been through it one time or another.. hell some of us have languished in the deep end of the lonely/depressed pool for so long, that it gets difficult to keep perspective.

Anyway good on you for posting here and getting a little lively discussion going (and not just harping on "life sucks, I hate everything, people are so dumb, the world is fucked up,,") The world is the world, it's always going to be full of good and bad everything, these days especially it's difficult to tune in ANY where and not get bombarded with constant clickbait designed to keep your eyes and ears saturated with things to be upset about. If you need to be upset.. LET yourself, take some time and work it out in your head, no one should feel bad about feeling bad. And like I said above, it can be tough not to wallow after awhile, but try to engage with other things in life/seek out different things that are a little out of the ordinary for you, to get your mind working, get some stimulation, brighten up your world.

Like anything, that takes work, and there's never a switch you can flick to just make things better. Well I mean there IS -booze and drugs etc - but that's not a real solution and can eventually pile on the problems as well (to the point where you look back at "I remember when I was merely depressed!" and that will feel QUAINT...)

I remember a bunch of years ago, moving on a whim to a new city, I was in my mind 20s, totally started over - new job, new surroundings, away from all my friends and family, everything and everyone I knew, basically. It was the best and worst time of my life. Drank a lot, that compounded things, then after a couple of years I hit a rock bottom and man it was fucking loooooonely. I started throwing myself into the city.. just going out, finding cool spots, looking for my people. Went to TONS of comedy clubs, saw lots of other live performances, between that and keeping busy with work it started to give me a sense of belonging and peace, even if it was just ... hanging out in these lonely places with other lonely people. But at least it started feeling connecting, and getting comfortable with doing my thing and spending my time (and not just being shitty and destructive, or pacing endlessly or whatever). A lot has happened in my life since, but I'll always reflect on that period where I had to just get used to being where I was, and finding the beauty and coolness in it - what was special, how it started feeling like it was opening up to me and that I felt like I belonged and was a part of something, besides just sitting home by myself and feeling lost and aimless.

Sorry for the long ass rant. I guess this thread hit me in a certain mood. You can probably tell that I'm going through some stuff right now as well.. but it is gonna be ok, we learn to deal with this stuff as it is learning to deal with just the world, and other people. Overall we need each other, and obviously, we do care about each other.

Before i start feeling ludicrous for going on much longer.. OP you said you did some bad shit that upset your friendships, maybe even ruined them. Yeah that stuff happens, we all make mistakes and we all do things that we are not proud of. Some things are way, WAY worse than others of course, but at the end of the day you just gotta be the best person you can, and try to learn from your past, and move on. People can come and go, sometimes it's irrelevant and other times it hurts. And when it's some dumb, dumb, REAL dumb thing that you did, well yeah that can do a number on your head and self esteem and etc. You feel awful for hurting people that you love, for whatever reason. But it's done, and you're here now. Just try to grow past it and be a good person and do other good things in the world. Honestly karma is real, if you are out there putting positive things out into the world, regardless of the past, odds are that good things - happy things- will come back to you. Best of luck my gaf friend.

 

[PaddyOCanager]

You deserve friends and to be loved. The fact you feel remorse and accountability means you are a good person. Good people do bad things because everyone is flawed. Bad people hurt others and don't think anything of it.

 

[Nydius]

[not a medical advice]
Pregabalin
instead of pretty much your whole list

Out of curiosity, why Lyrica/Pregabalin?

I ask because my wife has been on that for a long time for neuropathy and I've never heard of it being used off-label for depression. I know it's been used off-label in some cases for generalized anxiety disorder but most of my wife's doctors have stated that Lyrica may be contributing to her depressive episodes.

Lorazepam is benzo and that's a fucking thin ice you are walking on, especially if taken for a long time. DON'T do it.

Prolonged used of benzos is definitely bad, but I wish the whole opioid crisis hadn't caused the medical establishment to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I used to get lorazepam 1mg as needed for my severe panic attacks. I didn't use many of them per year. A 60 tablet prescription would last me 18 months, sometimes longer. But now if I bring that up to any doctor, I'm immediately given the side-eye and treated like an addict. I want to scream at them that I know it's addictive that's why I only take them for the worst of the worst, but it doesn't matter.

 

[M1chl]

Out of curiosity, why Lyrica/Pregabalin?

My wife has been on that for a long time for neuropathy but I've never heard of it being used off-label for depression. I know it's been used off-label in some cases for generalized anxiety disorder but most of my wife's doctors have stated that her Lyrica may be contributing to her depressive episodes.


Prolonged used of benzos is definitely bad, but I wish the whole opioid crisis hadn't caused the medical establishment to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I used to get lorazepam 1mg as needed for my severe panic attacks. I didn't use many of them per year. A 60 tablet prescription would last me 18 months, sometimes longer. But now if I bring that up to any doctor, I'm immediately given the side-eye and treated like an addict. I want to scream at them that I know it's addictive that's why I only take them for the worst of the worst, but it doesn't matter.

1) Point, it generally lifts the mood, relax the muscles, so even secondary activator of the bad thoughts (tightness of you muscle around the head, chest, etc) is not active. It can help quite a lot with anxiety and the mood elevator definitely helps. It's also probably most pleasant recreational drug, in higher doses, which could be used in harder days. Tolerance ramps up quick, so basically that works against abusing it. Because it simply looses the recreational aspect of the experience, basically at any doses, if you don't give yourself a few days pause. I am on it for 3 years, i was hardcore Alcohol addict, who lost his liver in that situation and I have to say would I have that before, I wouldn't have to underwent all of that crap.

2) Well you were using it lightly, but if you have some issues, that might not be the case, Benzo w/d even at something like 2mg per day can be the worst. I don't know about opioids, because those aren't legal for the use of patient in here. You can only get those in hospital. And trust me, Benzos works in the start, but then tolerance strikes and anxiety is awful diagnosis, it's super invasive and basically you can't do shit without it, so you start to ramp up the doses, to get the effect and as we know Benzos will make your life living hell, if you have something like GAD and you just know that there is a pill, which in sufficient doses gives you peace. It's one of the most sneaky cruel drugs there are.

 

[Nydius]

1) Point, it generally lifts the mood, relax the muscles, so even secondary activator of the bad thoughts (tightness of you muscle around the head, chest, etc) is not active. It can help quite a lot with anxiety and the mood elevator definitely helps. It's also probably most pleasant recreational drug, in higher doses, which could be used in harder days. Tolerance ramps up quick, so basically that works against abusing it. Because it simply looses the recreational aspect of the experience, basically at any doses, if you don't give yourself a few days pause. I am on it for 3 years, i was hardcore Alcohol addict, who lost his liver in that situation and I have to say would I have that before, I wouldn't have to underwent all of that crap.

Makes sense.

I hope you didn't take any offense to my asking, I just never heard of pregabalin used for depression before.

 

[Putonahappyface]

"Since 2020 I lost my friends because I did something awful".

 

[M1chl]

Makes sense.

I hope you didn't take any offense to my asking, I just never heard of pregabalin used for depression before.

Why would I take offense, it's actually beneficial that I can share my experience, so other don't have to : )

 

[Grildon Tundy]

How are you doing these days, PlayofSparta ?

 

[I_D]

Since 2020 I lost my friends because I did something awful. [...] 2 years without friends is hard, even knowing I deserve.

I know you probably already 'know' this, but it's easy to forget that you actually KNOW this:

Depression can easily make your self-criticism far more intense than it should be.
Unless you actually committed a crime, there's a very good chance your perception of the problem is skewed against you.
It's entirely possible that your friends are wondering where you've gone, and don't even remember why you had an argument in the first place.




Regardless, you asked for some music, and this thread is shockingly bare:

A fantastic pop artist, with a massive ARG-like history to go along with it:



The best modern-blues you've ever heard, and it's from a beat-boxer and emo singer?



I mean, if this one doesn't get you moving, what will?



As it turns out, some modern rap is actually good:

(I know! I was surprised too!)


You want metal? Don't even get me started on metal, cause we'll be here all week:

 

[OZ9000]

Ashghwanda
Maca
Magnesium
Gym or martial arts club
Video games

That's what you need to help with your depression

 

[The Sum of Zero]

I wouldn't recommend drinking, but it's what I do to get over similar stuff so...

Also this song helps me out a bit

 

[Cyberpunkd]

It's hard man.

Your point being? A lot of things are hard in life, you still have to do them if you want to get somewhere. You are already on meds, so for me it looks like they are not working, since you should not be having these kids of thoughts.

I don't know what to tell you except - do something. Hit the gym, physical exhaustion most of the time allows to see more clearly. I got for a run everyday without phone, just to clear my mind. The problems solve themselves by the end of the run.

 

[Ionian]

Your point being? A lot of things are hard in life, you still have to do them if you want to get somewhere. You are already on meds, so for me it looks like they are not working, since you should not be having these kids of thoughts.

I don't know what to tell you except - do something. Hit the gym, physical exhaustion most of the time allows to see more clearly. I got for a run everyday without phone, just to clear my mind. The problems solve themselves by the end of the run.

Running was one thing that helped me. Then I couldn't anymore. Can't even cycle even though I did miles daily up-hill. Used to mountain bike. Tough shit. I did the real biking.

Things don't solve themselves at the end of the run. That's naive. Stop giving false advise.

OP, stay on track with diet, realise your age and get plenty of rest and realise you're important enough for other people to care.

Won't solve your problem but you will sleep easier. Best of luck and my PM's are always open.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

I've been going through the worst month I've been through in a very, very long time. Severe depression and anxiety. I can't sleep or eat.

This has been an absolute nightmare hell of a month to say the least.

At least about half or a little more than half of the reason for my depression has been because my dog got very sick and I'm still worried.

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy right now.

So I can only imagine how you feel and I just want to say that I really hope you get better. I'll pray for you. Please, get better and do whatever you can to get better.

Depression is a horror and after these last couple of weeks or so I can't imagine anyone going through this.

You don't deserve this.

Edit: I did a short prayer for you.

Please everyone else here pray for this person or at least "send good thoughts" their way.

 

[TransTrender]

Dunno what to say.
Life is beautiful.
Cherish every living moment.
Life is too short to be miserable.
If it's that bad, really, really speak to someone if nobody else will listen.
You won't get help on the internet.


Get in shape.
Eat well.
No booze.
Go fishing, or running.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

By the way, I just want to mention that I don't care what your political leanings are or whatever. I'm still praying for every one of you who are going through depression.

Like I said it doesn't matter what any of you believe in or even if any of you here really annoys me. You don't deserve this and shouldn't have to suffer this and you're still getting my prayers.

 

[Ionian]

OP needs hospital, stat.

It's a cry for help. OP, go to the ER right now.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

OP needs hospital, stat.

It's a cry for help. OP, go to the ER right now.

I don't think the hospital could or would do anything for him or her.

As someone who's going through one of the worst months and went through a nightmare hell to the last couple of weeks, I thought about calling the hospital but honestly I don't think there's anything they would do.

The only thing is if you said you were suicidal in which case they would put you on suicide watch and possibly in a mental hospital after that.

In my case, I'm not suicidal. Just extreme sadness. Extreme depression. And even if you were suicidal, you really don't want to end up in a suicide watch or mental hospital. I've been in the suicide watch and that was horror in and of itself back about 12 years ago.

But if it's just extreme depression, all he or she may be able to do is talk to somebody but they're not going to admit you just because you're extremely depressed. At least as far as I know.

 

[Darkmakaimura]

I don't think the hospital could or would do anything for him or her.

As someone who's going through one of the worst months and went through a nightmare hell to the last couple of weeks, I thought about calling the hospital but honestly I don't think there's anything they would do.

The only thing is if you said you were suicidal in which case they would put you on suicide watch and possibly in a mental hospital after that.

In my case, I'm not suicidal. Just extreme sadness. Extreme depression. And even if you were suicidal, you really don't want to end up in a suicide watch or mental hospital. I've been in the suicide watch and that was horror in and of itself back about 12 years ago.

But if it's just extreme depression, all he or she may be able to do is talk to somebody but they're not going to admit you just because you're extremely depressed. At least as far as I know.

OP needs hospital, stat.

It's a cry for help. OP, go to the ER right now.

By the way, if I am incorrect about what I said here above, I could use advice myself.

Currently I got some relief but severe depression might kick in again soon and I need to know what to do because I definitely don't want to go through what I went through the last couple of weeks again, if ever possibly. It's basically like a living nightmare.

In fact I still haven't slept yet because I'm still having issues even with relief.

But as far as anyone depressed here including the OP, all I can do is offer my prayers. This goes for the OP and anyone else here who is suffering and that's regardless of whether I like you or not because nobody should have to go through what I have been.