My dad died yesterday

TheMan

TheMan

Member
Still kind of hard to believe. He was always distant and discrete, but in the last decade he made more of an effort to stay connected. I had a hard time reciprocating on my end but now it's too late. Last text he sent me was 2 weeks ago asking me for pics of my kids. never sent them. I'd been meaning to call him but I was too busy with work and selfishly put other things first like chilling with fs2020. In the end cancer claimed another soul. Doctor callled me yesterday from the hospital, was hoping I'd have 24 hours to get down to where he lives. Doctor called me back 30 later to say he was fucking dead. I knew that call was going to come someday but damn.

anyway, just venting
 
I'm so sorry to hear man. Please don't live with regrets, or coulda, woulda, shoulda attitude. He knows you loved him, and that's all that matters in the end. Take care of yourself and loved ones. Embrace and cherish all of the good memories.
 
sorry buddy. i cant imagine how hard it must be, even if he was distant. youre certainly always welcome to vent on GAF. i know i do and it helps a lot. hope you and your family and friends can find some peace, and some comfort in each other's company
 
It's somewhat conventional in my family to say "I love you" at the end of a phone call, and for a long time I wasn't comfortable saying it back to my dad -- felt too unmanly. Last fall he had a quadruple bypass surgery. I've started saying it every time.

(He's doing great now.)

My condolences, OP.
 
Well that is really shit news. We're all one big happy (sometimes?) family here on GAF so it's great that you were able to share this news, hope we can have a positive effect mate.
 
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I'm sorry for your loss, man. Hug your kids, and think back on the best memories you have of your dad. I know you feel bad about not sending him the photos, but you just can't go heaping guilt and regret on to yourself over it. There was no ill intent, you couldn't know the moment, and there's just never enough time. Believe he is at rest and in a better place. My thoughts are with you man.
 
Sorry for your loss, bro. I'm sure that the love you had for each other completely dwarfs whatever negative feels you or your Dad might have had.
Always remember the good times! Hug your kids and love your family :messenger_heart: :messenger_heart:
 
Sorry man. It's just never easy. Take all the time and self care your family needs, these are the times for that. Best wishes.
 
This has to be the third thread I've sent my condolences within and it's a pattern I'm not looking forward to continuing anytime soon.

Personally I can't stand being around this talk of death and misery on a constant basis, as selfish as that may sound at a time like this.

All I can say is that I'm sorry for your loss OP and although you should have handled the situation better than you did, you did make a final effort to be by his side and that's what matters.
 
Sorry of your loss bud

But don't blame yourself or live in regrets of what you didn't said. I'm sure both side have their reason to act the way they acted, and hold on the good memories.

Life goes on and go hug your kids instead.
 
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Yeah, my dad is 72 and has had a few serious health issues in the last years. He spent almost half a year in an artificial coma around Christmas 2014. Now he is doing mostly fine, drives his car again, doesn't need a trolley to walk anymore, doesn't fall to the ground, badly hurting himself, every couple of weeks because he has a blackout... He lives 125km away and I rarely ever go visit him because my finances are shitty now that my wife isn't working, and mostly because on the weekends I kinda don't want to do anything but chill out at home.

I'm so egoistic... I'll rather buy a PC game I'll only play for a few hours before dropping it than put those €30 towards some fuel to drive to my dad's place and spend some time with him. And who knows, maybe next year or maybe next week he won't be there anymore...

This weekend I will go. And buy him a nice lunch. I promise.
 
Sorry, bro. It's ok to vent. Know he's in a better place and in peace, no longer suffering. God rest his soul. Take care and remember the good times with him.
 
Man, Im so sorry to hear this.

Im also sorry you didn't have a chance to wrap up some unresolved issues with your father. It sounds like his last days on this earth were thinking of you and your children. I don't know how intense all of this is, but I would work on forgiving both him and yourself for how your relationship ended.
 
Unfortunately death happens in this world you just gotta go to the funeral and bring your memories of your father with you where ever you go
 
Any loss is hard but really hits hard when it's one of your parents, don't beat yourself up over the relationship you had , you could always look back in any situation thinking you can do better but sometimes it just is what it is.
May he RIP.
 
I'm even more sad he was distant and discrete. I am glad to hear he made a better effort in the last decade. Some people never meet their dad, which is truly one of the worst things out there. Cherish the moments you had!
 
Jeez this week has been rough nonstop for everyone. I'm really sorry to hear that bro. As much as I dislike my father sometimes I couldn't imagine how I would feel losing him. I'm glad you could come here and vent, we're a bunch of dicks, but we're a bunch of dicks here for you. God bless you and your family with strength during this trying time.
 
I got pretty caught up with work trying to get on my feet and didn't visit my grandfather enough a state away. Before I knew it, he passed a few years later after we got connected. I still kind of regret it, but I managed to be there in the end when he was on his deathbed. Sorry to hear about your dad op. At least he made some effort, and hopefully it turns into a lesson where it strengthens your future bonds. It helped mine
 
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He got as far as he did, he contributed to you, he did his best.. find solace in the knowledge that he played a good innings.. and resolve to live up to, or beyond, that.
 
Sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say. Try not to feel guilty though. Everyone takes things for granted sometimes. It's not on purpose. Life is just busy and sometimes complicated. Things inevitably fall through the cracks even if you don't mean to let them. It's not your fault.
 
Don't dwell on what you perceive to have done wrong. With these things you will always find something you didn't live up to, to hang some kind of guilt upon, things left unsaid, things not done, anything. There are two people that care, and one of them is no more.

Chin up.
 
Night.Ninja said:
What type of cancer did he have
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stomach. He had been seemingly cancer free for a couple of years. When he died he had just found out there were multiple mets in his liver. He was on his way to see his oncologist to what the plan would be when he collapsed and basically never got back up. I didn't find out he was sick again until after he died.
 
megalaserLAWS said:
It's sounds to me like a lot of people don't really care that much about their families. If you did, you guys would make more time for them. Caring when they are gone is rather self centered but hopefully you learn from your mistakes and change your ways. Make time for the people you love. It's all that really matters and if the only thing you make time for is yourself then you should just realize what you are and atleast take solace in the fact that your grief won't last as long as people who really do care.
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If you have nothing but hate to say wind your neck in and fuck off he's lost his dad and you have the cheek to come in and lecture him... What a class a wanker
 
TheMan said:
stomach. He had been seemingly cancer free for a couple of years. When he died he had just found out there were multiple mets in his liver. He was on his way to see his oncologist to what the plan would be when he collapsed and basically never got back up. I didn't find out he was sick again until after he died.
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear, hope your staying strong
 
My condolences buddy. My father was kind of an ass and passed in 2017. I feel guilty a lot because I honestly have a better life without him around. I miss some of our talks but we honestly just never saw eye to and eye and now, like you, i won't ever be able to change that. All you can do is just keep moving forward.
 
harsh truths, do your best to care for family while they are still around

feeling sorry for yourself after they die is selfish and probably pathological
 
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My sympathies, hope you're doing as best you can do. My mom passed away 5 months ago after complications from Cancer, still feels a bit surreal at times - almost like it never really happened. 2020 has been a bloody awful year.
 
So my dad died about 20 years ago.

I remember, about six months after he died, sitting at a bar and getting drunk. I was very emotional and said to the older guy next to me that I never got the chance to tell my dad I loved him.

The older guy asked me about my dad, and when I was finished he said to me, it's a good thing you didn't say anything to your dad because he would've hated it.

The guy was right. My dad was the type of guy who didn't like things like that being said out loud. He was a very caring person, but he was private with his emotions. I think we need to respect that.

OP, I'm willing to bet that the relationship you have with your own kids is quite different?
 
TheMan said:
Still kind of hard to believe. He was always distant and discrete, but in the last decade he made more of an effort to stay connected. I had a hard time reciprocating on my end but now it's too late. Last text he sent me was 2 weeks ago asking me for pics of my kids. never sent them. I'd been meaning to call him but I was too busy with work and selfishly put other things first like chilling with fs2020. In the end cancer claimed another soul. Doctor callled me yesterday from the hospital, was hoping I'd have 24 hours to get down to where he lives. Doctor called me back 30 later to say he was fucking dead. I knew that call was going to come someday but damn.

anyway, just venting
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Sorry to hear about this. I lost my father two years back. He wasn't old. Well before his time. We were separated by a great distance so I didn't get to see him as often as I would have liked. Anyway, sorry to bring up my own shit. This is about your situation. My condolences.
 
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