CZW - 2002.08.31 - Tournament of Death I
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In a parking lot, deep in the heart of Dover, Delaware, something sort-of-historic is happening. There's a couple of hundred fans gathered around a rickety-ass ring, waiting patiently in damp and dreary weather for a show to begin. It's not the sort of show that attracts crowds of any major numbers, nor the sort of show that brings in the locals. It's the sort of show that caters to a small, but very specific breed of wrestling fan, a breed of fan that's dissatisfied with mainstream wrestling and perhaps dismayed at the lack of alternatives on offer. They've gathered to pay tribute to their blue collar, day job-working heroes, even though these aren't the sort of heroes you're ever likely to see on TV, and to stand witness as ultraviolent history unfolds, blood is shed and bodies are broken. Welcome, to Combat Zone Wrestling's inaugural Tournament of Death.
The crowd come alive as the first faint strains of 'Youth Gone Wild' by Skid Row sound from the speaker stack and John Zandig makes his entrance. A standing ovation
for the man who defied the odds to host this momentous event. The microphone's cutting in and out, but you couldn't hear him anyway as the crowd enthusiastically chant "C-Z-W!" followed by a chorus of "FUCK ROB BLACK!" (XPW owner and renowned scumbag). Zandig gives the safety introduction, telling fans that this is "UltraViolent entertainment" and they should keep their distance, as well as asking them not to phone the authorities and have them shut down in spite of the violence they will witness in the ring, and with that we're underway.
First up, the tournament kicks off with
John Zandig vs Nate Hatred in a Barbed Wire Boards deathmatch. Hatred has an anarchy symbol of barbed wire and lighttubes with him, but abandons it as they start the match with a lock-up. The commentators put over Zandig's veteran experience, citing him as the current Big Japan champion as he counters an Irish whip attempt from Hatred and just fucking floors him with a stiff short-arm clothesline. Zandig celebrates, but Hatred's back up and hits a clothesline of his own, but Zandig gets straight back up! Both men charge and hit a double clothesline on each other. Suddenly, a group of guys rush the ring, laying a beating to both competitors. It's Rockin' Rebel, Adam Flash, Z-Barr, Danny Rose and Lobo. They wrap Zandig in barbed wire and give him a conchairto.
Rockin' Rebel powerbombs Hatred into his lighttube anarchy sign as the fans chant for Wifebeater to make the save. They place Hatred on a table on the outside, before tossing Zandig over the top rope and through the table! Rebel cuts an incoherent promo, then Lobo announces he's putting Adam Flash in the tournament and challenges anyone to take him on. Some awful Disturbed song kicks in as the crowd waits to see who it'll be...it's Messiah!!!
SWERVE, the first tournament match is
Messiah vs Adam Flash! Messiah hits the ring with his hand (sans thumb) bandaged as the crowd go wild. The ex-XPW alum ducks a forearm and then shoves the charging Flash into the air, hitting his koji cutter variation, Carlito's Way!! The ref makes the count, 1, 2, 3! Messiah advances to the semi-finals! Messiah cuts a promo, saying he was here to enjoy the show, but promises Lobo that now he's gonna win the whole damn tournament. Zandig gets on the mic and welcomes Messiah back, before challenging Lobo in the Cage of Death with the ownership of CZW on the line!
Non tournament action next, with
The Green Phantom & Arsenal vs The Hardcore Ninjas! The Ninjas start things off quickly, hitting a double dive on Green Phantom before taking Arsenal down with a brainbuster/superkick combo and chokeslam backbreaker. Arsenal goes for an exploder, but it's blocked by a Ninja who tries for a spin kick, but Arsenal ducks under and lifts him onto his shoulders before just fucking murdering him with some ridiculous head drop. Sort of like Kenny Omega's One Winged Angel, mixed with a Death Valley Driver. Arsneal whips the Ninja into Green Phantom's knee lift and the Phantom hits a Jay Driller, but doesn't go for the cover. Some more flippy moves with no cover attempts. Hangman's neckbreaker off the top rope from Arsenal and we get a cover! No win though, the Ninja tags out and they hits a Tombstone/roundhouse combo for 2. Many moves later, the Green Phantom hoists a Ninja onto his shoulders, hits a BIG powerbomb and goes for the cover, but the other Ninja breaks it up by just fucking clobering Phantom with a chair. The Ninjas climb up top with chairs, signaling for the end, but Lobo and Arsenal knock them to the mat. Phantom hits a huge crucifix powerbomb on one of the Ninjas to end it, while Arsenal drills the other one with a disgusting brainbuster, just because. Fuck that guy and fuck this match, the epitome of indy idiocy and excess.
Back to the tournament next, thankfully, with
The Necro Butcher vs Wifebeater in a Falls Count Anywhere, Staple Guns & Mouse Trap Deathmatch! This is Necro's first CZW appearance and he gets a huge ovation from the crowd, but they're equally pleased to see Necro's opponent, Wifebeater! Chair dual to start things off, Wifebeater gets the better of it and hits Necro into the skull. Necro rolls to the and Wifebeater follows, hitting him a couple of more times with the chair, leaving it wrapped around his neck as he whips him into the ringpost. Necro's busted open as the commentator's get over how Zandig's BJW Deathmatch Heavyweight Championship is on the line in this tournament (it isn't). Necro counters a whip attempt and rams Wifebeater crotch first into the ring before setting up a chair and hitting a big vertical suplex through the chair. Necro gets him back in the ring and smashes a trash can over his head, before placing it over his head and clobbering him with a chair. Necro goes up top and hits a big thrust kick to the can! Necro goes for another suplex into a chair, but Wifebeater counters and just backdrops him neck-first into the chair! Wifebeater grabs the staple gun and staples Necro's t-shirt to his lip! He puts the trash can over Necro and hits a double-stomp off the top. Big snap-suplex from Wifebeater, sending Necro crashing into a mouse-trap board for 2! Wifebeater sets up another board before and just dumps Necro through it. He doesn't go for the pin, instead taking Necro out to the floor, but Necro charges him over a barrier and they fight through the crowd. He takes a seat and punches Wifebeater until his face is a bloody mess, biting at the wound. Necro takes him up to the announce table and chokes him out with cables, but Wifebeater fights his way free and sets Necro up on the edge of the stage, hitting Chokenstein through a bunch of chairs to defeat the Necro Butcher and advance to the semi-finals!
3rd tournament match up next, with
'Mr. Insanity' Toby Klein vs Nick F'n Gage in a Barbedwire Boards & Carpet Strips Deathmatch! Klein starts out strong, but Gage just wrecks him with a backdrop suplex before throwing him through a barbedwire board. Gage sets up light-tubes over Klein and goes up top, but takes too long and Klein throws him off through the lighttubes, before gouging at Gage's forehead with a broken piece of lighttube. Mr. Insanity whips Gage into the ropes, covered in carpet strips, before hitting a big reverse springboard back elbow. Klein dropkicks him to the floor before hitting a lazy plancha and grabbing hold of a chair. He tees off on Gage's skull and goes for a vertical suplex, but Gage counters and slams Klein down hard. Gage calls for a steel chair and we get the first real stupid chairshot of the tournament. Goddamn, Nick Gage. "ONE MORE TIME!" the crowd chant and Gage is only too keen to oblige. He throws a senseless Kline into the ring and stomps him into the corner, before hitting a big facewash off the ropes. There's a huge gash in Kline's head thanks to that chairshot. JEEZUS! Brainbuster from Gage and it's over.
The final first round match of the tournament next,
Homeless Jimmy vs Nick Mondo in a Weapons Deathmatch. Jimmy's barbedwire shopping cart gets caught on the curtain as Jimmy makes his entrance. Big ovation for his opponent, 'Sick' Nick Mondo! It's starting to rain in Delaware. Jimmy's got a piece of door in his hands. He swings for Mondo, but misses and Mondo dropkicks it into his face. Jimmy's busted open as Mondo hits a bodyslam and lays the door over him. Mondo goes for a springboard leg drop, but Jimmy rolls out of the way and breaks the door over his back. Jimmy takes Mondo to the floor and hits him with a road sign before climbing up top and scoring with a big splash. Mondo retreats to the ring and Jimmy follows, but Mondo kicks him to the floor before hitting a sommersault dive that, somehow, doesn't result in his skull smashing on the floor. Mondo goes to work, hitting some fancy kicks to Jimmy's head before whipping him into the guardrails. He sets up some chairs and powerbomb's Jimmy through them! Mondo goes for the barbedwire, but Jimmy cuts him off and the uses the barbedwire like a whip over Mondo's back! Jimmy wraps the barbedwire around his fist and charges, but Mondo counters with a spin kick to the temple before whipping him into his shopping cart! Mondo gets Jimmy back in the ring and hits the 'M. Bison', which is a doublestomp to the top of Jimmy's head. Jimmy kicks out at 2, so Mondo throws him hard to the floor. They brawl up on to the ring truck as the crowd chant for Mondo. Jostling back and forth, Jimmy goes for a German suplex, but Mondo counters and hits the Assault Driver off the top through a whole bunch of lighttubes for the 3-count!!! JEEZUS!!
More non-tournament action next, unfortunately.
Jon Dahmer & Towel Boy vs Sonjay Dutt & Derek Frazier vs GQ Money & Chris Cash vs The Backseat Boyz. I'm sure this is going to be a mess. Sonjay starts off with Dahmer and quickly uses his speed to get a 2-count, but Dahmer smartly turns an exploder into a fisherman buster for a near-fall of his own. Big spinebuster for another 2 and he tags in Towel Boy. Leaping crossbody and a clothesline followed by a standing moonsault for 2. Sonjay gets dropped on top his head with a backdrop but again kicks out at 2. A double clothesline allows Sonjay to finally escape and we get The Backseat Boys vs GQ & Chris Cash. Double spear from the Backseats, but Frasier gets in hits some sort of flippy neckbreaker thing to Acid for 2. Sonjay gets in and they hit a powerbomb/leg-drop combo for another 2. Indy-riffic sequence from Acid & Dutt, ending on Sonjay somehow DDT'ing Acid onto his hip. Kashmere gets in and hits a spinning neckbreaker, but Sonjay tags into Frasier. He floats over a backdrop attempt from Kashmere, but eats a Yakuza kick from Acid for the 3-count. What a nothing of a match. Oh, it's an elimination match. Joy. The commentators are only just discovering this fact as well. Huge T-Bone suplex from Jon Dahmer. Chris Cash gets in and tries for a suplex of Dahmer, but eats a huge folding powerbomb. Dahmer holds on and hits another! He goes for a 3rd, but GQ takes his leg out from under him and applies the figure four, while Cash puts in a dragon sleeper. Acid eventually breaks it up, but Dahmer hits a double saito suplex on both the Backseatz! Dahmer tags into Towel Boy Eric Tuttle and he goes for the same suplex, only to eat a double bulldog from the Backseats. T Gimmick from the Backseatz on Dahmer and a Backseat Driver on Towel Boy to eliminate both men. GQ & Cash hit double missile dropkicks on the Backseatz. Wheelbarrow suplex/DDT combo. Ugh. GQ & Cash work over Acid, but he eventually hits a desperation Yakuza kick and makes the tag. Kashmere goes to work on both guys, hitting some sloppy slams before the Backseatz do their convoluted combo thing. T Gimmick to Cash on top of GQ and The Backseat Boyz take the win. What a mess.
Non-title 3-way match next with
Justice Pain vs Nick Berk vs Ruckus. They start out with Berk and Ruckus doing some flippy counters. Ruckus does a flip for no reason and lands on his hands and knees at Berk's feet, but instead of just punting him in the face, Berk cartwheels over and eats a moonsault dropkick. Justice Pain tries to attack Ruckus from behind, but Ruckus hits the ropes, floats over a bodydrop attempt, does a handspring into the ropes for no reason and then flips in Pain's general direction. The commentator called it a "reverse handspring corkscrew enziguri". Pain rolls up Ruckus out of the corner for 2 and then hits a big clothesline for another near-fall. He tries for it again, but Ruckus ducks and hits a spinning back-elbow that sends Pain to the floor. Berk attacks him and Ruckus does some sort of plancha onto the both of them, sort of. Ruckus throws both guys in the ring and climbs to the apron, but Berk & Pain dropkick him down to the guardrail before going at it themselves. Berk whips Pain into the corner and poses, but Ruckus gets in and hits the Razzle Dazzle. Berk follows up with a split-legged moonsault and goes for the pin, but Ruckus pulls him off. Berk grabs Ruckus and hits a German suplex, before going up top and trying for a frog splash. Pain gets his knees up and then takes it to Berk with big kicks before shooting him into the rope and hitting a HUGE belly-to-belly. He goes for a German, but Berk reverses to a waist-lock. Ruckus dives over both men from the top rope and sunset flips Berk, who in turn suplexes Pain! Ruckus reverses an Irish whip, trips Berk and scores with a standing moonsault for 2. He signals for a flip and hits a standing stardust press...sort of. Pain gets back in and hits a big snap suplex on Ruckus before locking in the STF. Berk breaks the hold and then applies a Muta Lock to Ruckus, but Justice Pain comes off the ropes with a Lionsault to break it up. Ruckus & Berk brawl to the floor and Pain hits them with a big plancha! Pain gets Berk in the ring and they trade chops, but Ruckus gets in with a chair and hits Pain over the back. Berk then Russian legsweeps Ruckus into the chair and puts Pain in a tree of woe, placing a chair over his face. He takes too long though and Ruckus throws a chair at him before coming off the top rope with a flipping senton thing across the chair. Berk sets Pain up on top, but Ruckus interupts and they do some weird blockbuster/DDT thing. Pain floors Berk with a forearm and hits Ruckus with a chair, but Berk ties him up and hits Berkozet, which looks like a reverse killswitch and is only marginally less crappy. This match really needs to end. Berk goes up top but Pain jumps up to meet him with a belly-to-belly, Ruckus then springboards in and pins Berk with a sunset flip to win the match!
Back to the tournament next, with
Nick F'n Gage vs Wifebeater in a Panes of Glass Deathmatch! They start things off quick as Wifebeater ducks a roaring elbow, has an Irish whip attempt reversed, ducks a clothesline and then back bodydrops Gage through one of the panes of glass! Wifebeater shoots Gage into the ropes and hits a big powerslam onto the glass shards. Gage spills to the floor and Wifebeater whips him into the guardrail. He tries for another, but Gage reverses it and then hits a huge chairshot on the Wifebeater. He takes him up to the ring apron and hits a sit-out piledriver through a table on the floor. Blood is pouring out of Gage's forehead. Gage drags Wifebeater into the ring and lays him against one of the glass panes and then hits a huge running knee to the face, sending Wifebeater through the glass! He brings Wifebeater to his feet and hits some forearms and goes for the roaring elbow, but Wifebeater counters and sidewalk slams Gage through the pane of glass! Gage is spitting out bits of glass after that. Wifebeater drags him through the broken glass and gets a 2 count on the cover. Wifebeater gets a tool box from ringside and opens it up, pouring thumbtacks onto the shattered glass!! He hits the ropes, but Gage counters and hits a side suplex into the thumbtacks for a near-fall. Gage hits a nasty-ass powerbomb into the thumbtacks, but again Wifebeater kicks out. Gage pours the thumbtacks over Wifebeater's chest and hits a big frog splash for another 2. Gage sets up the last pane of glass between two chairs and takes Wifebeater up top, going for a superplex, but Wifebeater hits a low blow, followed by Chokenstein to go onto the finals!
The second semi-final next, with
Messiah vs 'Sick' Nick Mondo in a Fans Bring the Weapons Deathmatch! This is also battle of the worst entrance music, as Mondo comes down to Papa Roach, while Messiah greets the fans to the sounds of Disturbed. Messiah & Mondo shake hands as chants of "FUCK ROB BLACK!" errupt from the crowd. Messiah tees off with punches, but his injured hand is troubling him. Mondo whips him into the ropes and hits a heel kick, sending Messiah to the floor. He breaks a lighttube over Messiah's back, before biting at the bandaged stub of Messiah's thumb! More lighttube shots from Mondo, but Messiah fights back with punches, only for Mondo to break a lighttube over his injured hand! Mondo throws him back in and whips him into the ropes, but Messiah counters into a sit-out facebuster onto a bundle of lighttubes! Messiah sets up a bunch of chairs on the outside, before attacking Mondo with some fan-created lighttube nonsense. Mondo rolls out to the floor, but Messiah follows him and tries to bodyslam him onto the chairs. Mondo escapes back into the ring and tries to backdrop Messiah onto the chairs, but he counters and hits a powerbomb for 2. He goes for the crucifiction bomb in the corner, but Mondo rolls out and shoves Messiah into a lighttube bundle. He climbs up the ropes for some reason and Mondo throws a ton of lighttubes at him, causing him to flip forwards into the chairs. Mondo sets up a table with lighttubes in the ring and lays Messiah across it, but takes too long going up to the top and Messiah hits a big suplex off the top through the lighttubes, althought the table doesn't break. Messiah goes for his leaping Yakuza kick, but Mondo avoids it and Messiah takes out the referee! He hits his burning hammer finisher on Mondo, but the ref's still out of it. Lobo and co. invade the ring again and attack Messiah, hitting an x-factor off the top rope and laying the boots in. But here comes Zandig! He cleans house and chases after Lobo, who runs away through the crowd. Back in the ring, Mondo hits Messiah with the Assault Driver onto a barbedwire melon and the ref miraculously revises, making the 3-count and sending 'Sick' Nick Mondo to the final. Papa Roach win.
And here we are, the final of the inaugural Tournament of Death,
'Sick' Nick Mondo vs Wifebeater in a Barbedwire Ropes & 200 Lighttubes Deathmatch! Wifebeater charges at Mondo, but he side-steps and Wifebeater goes face first into a lighttube bundle! Mondo hits another tube across his back and then kicks a lighttube into the back of his skull! More lighttube shots from Mondo as darkness falls in Delaware. Mondo springboards in and legdrops a bunch of lighttubes into Wifebeater's chest! Mondo beats Wifebeater down, but he grabs a lighttube half and smashes it over Mondo's head. He breaks more of the 200 tubes over Mondo's back before stomping a lighttube bundle into Mondo's chest. BIG powerbomb through a lighttube bundle from Wifebeater gets a 2-count. Wifebeater pours salt all over Nick Mondo's lacerated back! JEEZUS!!! More lighttubes, but Mondo desperately fights back, forcing Wifebeater into the corner before covering him with lighttubes. He takes a run up and dropkicks the lighttubes into Wifebeater's face! Mondo scores with a kick to Wifebeater's skull and follows up with a vertical suplex. Wifebeater's back is a complete mess. 2-count for Mondo. They try for a lighttube sword fight, but Wifebeater gets the best of it and sideslams Mondo into yet another bundle of tubes. He covers Mondo in tubes and slams a chair into him, smashing the glass all over Mondo's chest. Wifebeater advances with a tube in hand, but Mondo throws a bundle that explodes around Wifebeater! German suplex from Mondo into the corner through, you guessed it, yet more lighttubes. Wifebeater kicks out at 2 and they trade even more lighttube shots. Wifebeater gets the better of Mondo and ties him up in the ropes before firing up the weedwhacker!! He puts the rotor blades into Mondo's stomach and then hits the Chokenstein to win the first CZW Tournament of Death! Wifebeater shakes Mondo's hand post-match, but Toby Klein, Necro Butcher & Homeless Guy Jimmy attack them! Nate Hatred & Nick Gage make the save and then Zandig comes out to celebrate with Team CZW! Zandig then cuts a promo on Rob Black & XPW, "CZW is the most ultraviolent company on the face of the earth and, Rob Black, the sooner you fuckin' learn it you'll fuckin' be better off because you ain't got a fuckin' prayer!". Zandig thanks the fans and celebrates with Wifebeater to close the show.
And, of course, that probably NSFW weedwhacker gif;
http://i.minus.com/iOV3rscCMMbou.gif