Perspicacity
Banned
Need screenshots of texts.
Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!
- Thread starter AlimNassor
- Start date
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Need screenshots of texts.
This is why I cannot complain about that. I am guilty of doing this on multiple occasions.
Anyway, I should have a date later tonight. We'll see how that goes.
I'm just happy that I finally finished my tome of a fantasy novel, so regardless of what happens tonight, I can be ecstatic about that as I move to greener pastures, like reading Siddhartha (I just decided that I shall wear my buddha shirt for this evening!).
peteykirch
Member
But I didn't ask for it, it's one thing to ask for it and never do anything with it. It's another to get a number unsolicited and then be ignored.
Pretty much Hey it's Peter from OKC. I'd never get a message back.
Solid book.
electricshake
Member
Give number with no intention of replying. Take number with no intention of using. Not that different.
Did you at least suggest a date? Just saying 'hey' is a pretty lame text.
peteykirch
Member
I just said hey so she's have my number and know who it is. I never heard back.
Even with my good friends, if someone texted me 'Hey,' that person won't be getting a reply back.
electricshake
Member
You could have still suggested a date in the message. Or at least a bit of banter. I'd be way more likely to respond to something more substantial than just a 'hey' - a salutation isn't much to work with. I'd never respond to such a message on okc, and a text isn't that different. Use your imagination. A 'hey' is boring. Who wants boring?
I just heard back from the girl I am supposed to see tonight. She said her dog isn't feeling well, so she had to cancel. The silver-lining is she suggested tomorrow evening (exact plans were just made), which works better for me, since I don't have to wake up at 6 am on Friday.
Which also means I should hit up the library to get my lovely Siddhartha.
Which also means I should hit up the library to get my lovely Siddhartha.
peteykirch
Member
Because we messaged for maybe 20 minutes before she gave me her number. I dunno, I don't want things to crawl, but that seems just too fast to me.
megamerican
Member
Asking for a date in the first text message is kinda weird and maybe a little desperate. There is nothing wrong with a simple message, there just needs to be some hook to get a response.
But really if someone who may be interested writes you off because your first text wasn't entertaining enough, they're probably a flake anyway.
But really if someone who may be interested writes you off because your first text wasn't entertaining enough, they're probably a flake anyway.
electricshake
Member
OK well you didn't say originally that it had been so soon, so I understand not asking her out, but at least get some banter in there!
I've always given my number out and told the guy to text me if he wants to go for a drink. So suggesting a date in first text is neither weird nor desperate in my view. And most women get bombarded with messages from guys every day so yeh, you do need to be interesting in some way to hold their attention. Saying hey just doesn't cut it. I don't think that makes them flakey, just because they have a lot of options.
megamerican
Member
Okay well that's a slightly different context if something has already been proposed. I don't see texting as an extension of the PMs, it's closer to IMing. Last night a girl started texting me and opened with hey. We actually had a good conversation too. Now maybe I'm from a simpler place or something but that has always served me fine, and has been how they have communicated with me as well.
I'm just saying I think it's a stretch to assume that he did something wrong, or wasn't entertaining enough in the initial text message.
Back from my date with that woman. The moment I saw her, she was bloody smoking. Her personality and mine meshed extremely well. The date went far better than I expected. I even manned up and successfully gave a first kiss. So I'm pretty happy with my results tonight; if it doesn't turn out well, I know I have the confidence to execute first kisses.
n64coder
Member
That's awesome. Find any keepers yet? What are you doing in Bangkok? Teaching?
csquared587
Member
Ha! I finally decided to man up and send some messages after being on the service for two weeks. I know its lame to have this stat, but I am 3/4 in replies back so far, yay!
Hopefully I can get a date with one of these women.
*Edit
If a woman is just kind of answering questions without asking any back would you just drop it? It said she replies very selectively and she did reply, but idk if shes actually all that interested in conversation. It does say shes super shy in her profile, maybe I should just keep trying to open her up a bit until she stops messaging me?
Hopefully I can get a date with one of these women.
*Edit
If a woman is just kind of answering questions without asking any back would you just drop it? It said she replies very selectively and she did reply, but idk if shes actually all that interested in conversation. It does say shes super shy in her profile, maybe I should just keep trying to open her up a bit until she stops messaging me?
I fucking hate okcupid.
The search results are absolutely bonkers. On POF I filter for Asians and get hundreds if not thousands of results.
On okcupid I get 34 over a bigger area! And the results change, sometimes I get 4 or 5 for the exact same search. Sometimes filtering the exact same search by who's new and special blend returns completely different users! It just feels like the worst search ever.
The search results are absolutely bonkers. On POF I filter for Asians and get hundreds if not thousands of results.
On okcupid I get 34 over a bigger area! And the results change, sometimes I get 4 or 5 for the exact same search. Sometimes filtering the exact same search by who's new and special blend returns completely different users! It just feels like the worst search ever.
Perspicacity
Banned
Why are you filtering for Asians?
Yellow fever is mighty powerful.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Are you under the assumption that the sites make the girls in a factory or something? They can't help if particular races collectively select one site over another.
Keep going on with the conversation, but ask things in ways that might get her to open up more. Usually this happens when girls get a lot of messages and just don't care that much in their replies. See if you can get her to care.
Perspicacity
Banned
State or DC?
csquared587
Member
Yea, thanks for the advice on that one. Might as well keep trying to open her up, no harm in trying.
Do you guys think 18-20 messages in is a bit too early to ask for a phone number(different girl than the one Im having problems getting to open up)? Idk, I feel like online chat can only go so far.
Thanks for tips, Im still kind of bad at all of this lol. This thread has been a big help.
I'm Asian so I filter for Asians. Also on POF at least not being able to filter by interest, I find it kinda overwhelming just searching everyone by location.
I can understand not many being on there (kind of). But the fact the same search will sometimes return 3, 4, 5, 12 or so really weird. Also some users appear and disappear randomly. Just makes me feel like I'm accidentally filtering for something stupid and cutting out 99% of people but I'm not!
I'm convinced living in a major metropolitan city there should be more Asians, especially as Asians covers a wide range of nationalities. Even searching for everything bar black and white returns only 40 results or so. Feels broken!
Perspicacity
Banned
There's no right answer to the "how many messages is the right amount?" question. I've had really lengthy conversations and really short ones go both ways, just do whatever feels right.
kame-sennin
Member
I don't think I've ever exchanged that many messages with a woman on okc. I hate online messaging, so I want to get face to face as soon as possible.
Edit: yea, I just checked and the last three women I went on dates with, I exchanged about 10 or 11 messages before asking them out.
ZackieChan
Member
In IRL news, I struck up a conversation with a girl in a cafe here in Ho Chi Minh City that went really well. She's a Japanese flight attendant who was just here for the day. We went to get foot massages together and hit another cafe to chat after. Great day and we will see each other again when she is back or I am in Tokyo.
Try Match. You only have to pay if you want to exchange messages and if you want to chat. Otherwise you can look at people's profile and decide whether it works for you or not, especially as a more selective but comprehensive browser.
Keep in mind girls ALSO pay on Match, so they are more "serious" about their intentions to meet someone.
csquared587
Member
Yea, I think I tend to agree with you on hating online messaging. It can get stale quick. Some chick actually asked me for out, something I never expected to happen on this site lol. Will be my first online meetup if we follow through with it, im a little nervous.
Just walked out of my first "date". She had two friends with her, and it was this daytime festival with a loud live band. Couldn't hear shit they were saying and they didnt even attempt to include me in the conversation. They wandered off twice while I was at the bar, and the second time I just left.
Waste of my fucking afternoon.
Waste of my fucking afternoon.
Does anyone have that OKC image where most asian women messaged white guys and black guys and various stuff like that? It was weird.
paparazzo
Member
Ugh, why did OKC have to add the "Do you believe your country would be more or less safe if every adult owned a gun" question? The answer is astoundingly obvious, yet so many girls pick "more safe" (wtf) and it makes me want to write them off. I guess it does help filter out the crazies, but a lot of them are educated with college degrees. It's especially hilarious when they've also answered yes to the "are you smarter than the average person" question.
Classics like "do you believe creationism has its place in schools" are a good way to filter out idiots too.
Blah.. That feeling of not being good enough. For the 3rd time in a row, I meet someone we add each other on Facebook, we have a fantastic first date. I get a follow up text from them and they wanna see me again and really enjoyed meeting me. Few days later, they post a pic/status of them meeting someone else ;/.
csquared587
Member
Alright Gaf,
I haven't been on a date in quite a long time and have a coffee date this week. Do you guys have some advice to give me before I go on this thing?
I haven't been on a date in quite a long time and have a coffee date this week. Do you guys have some advice to give me before I go on this thing?
Demon Lizardman
Banned
Yeah I have been thinking about giving it a whack. Any advice?
Relax. The other person is probably just as nervous as you are. Also since it's a first date there will be tons of stuff to talk about. I would do drinks instead of coffee, though. My best first dates always consisted of us getting tipsy and talking about big stuff like politics and religion. I would try to avoid boring small talk as much as possible after the unavoidably awkward first minutes. Don't be afraid to talk about more controversial topics, you know, ones that are way more interesting than school and family. Online dating is great in that it weeds people with horrid opinions out so you're only going out with people with similar worldviews. Knowing the other person wouldn't get offended by whatever my opinions were was pretty liberating. So yeah, don't censor yourself. Whenever I would find myself doing that on a date I knew it was going horribly. Most of all just treat the date as an opportunity to improve your social skills and spend a couple hours having a conversation with a cool and interesting person
csquared587
Member
Nice, I will keep this in mind.
A couple of simple questions. Do you guys typically quick hug on the initial greeting with a person from online or no? Also, do I pay for her drinks here?
Well, alrighty then. Looks like I'm gonna be taking a little vacation from OKC. Spent the entire weekend messaging chicks and didn't get a single goddamned reply. I must have sent out at least around 50 or so. Those are not good odds. :/
Maddocks
Member
That's the life. Its a hassle at times, but that one person who will reply and sets up a date makes all the problems worth it.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Had to break up with the guy I'd been dating for 4 months. He just started to turn into someone I didn't want to be with. Very passive aggressive and emotionally abusive. Ugh. I'll reactivate my account in the next few months once I've gotten over this douchbag
Confused101
Member
It's a struggle for sure. I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm not taking a vacation exactly, but I've really cut down on the time that I put into browsing these sites and writing messages. I spent a good amount of 2013 checking people out and writing thoughtful messages and, while I did actually meet people, it was nothing worth holding on to unfortunately. So I've toned it down and now I'm not taking it as serious as I was. It was actually starting to bring me down hence the change in attitude towards it. So I get the generally idea of how you're feeling. However, other people are right in saying that finding someone can hold a conversation and that gets you excited to meet them is pretty awesome. The journey up to that point is rather terrible though, haha.
Damn, that sucks.
I'm sorry to hear that. At least you recognized him for what he was and eliminated that negativity quickly. Some people go on for years dealing with that crap.Been enjoying this thread for a while, thought I might get in on the fun/madness. I've been on OKC for around a year, was a bit skeptical at first, but I've had real success with it. I live in a small town, so there's not a ton of opportunities to meet people who are my type around here. At first I wasn't having much success no matter how many or what type of pictures I put up. After I started working on improving my profile, that's when it really started rolling. I usually have at least one date a week (of course sometimes there are drought periods) and have met a lot of cool people. The downside though, is that since I do live in a small town area, I've almost dried up the available OKC pool (there are a couple bigger cities about 20 minutes away, which is where I usually date).
Like I said, things didn't really start rolling until I got my profile on point, so those of you who are having trouble, work on that. Really, my profile is just a bunch of random shit that makes me laugh, but it gets really good response:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RunKtoC/
Like I said, things didn't really start rolling until I got my profile on point, so those of you who are having trouble, work on that. Really, my profile is just a bunch of random shit that makes me laugh, but it gets really good response:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RunKtoC/
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Damn, that sucks.
It really sucks coz other that the attitude problem he was perfect to me. And it's tearing me up. Ugh I really wish we could have worked through everything instead of him just closing off and forcing my hand.
csquared587
Member
Well, I'm pretty sure I blew my first meeting. I'll try not to let it get me down.
Oh well, on to the next.
Oh well, on to the next.
Man, I wish I hadn't been afraid of internet dating for so long. I've got a couple of potential dates lined up for the rest of the week (and I just realized that this other girl and I have exchanged ~100 messages and I never asked her out...so maybe that's a third), and I've done it all while at work.
Even though none of my previous dates have really worked out, it's still a lot of fun.
Even though none of my previous dates have really worked out, it's still a lot of fun.
csquared587
Member
I need to stop being so hard on myself haha. She's down for a second meetup, so I guess I wasnt terrible.
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