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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond

Smiley90 said:
I disagree. While it's good and well to cover up your biggest flaws for the first few dates, if you lie on your profile you're doing online dating wrong. It's all about finding someone who likes you for yourself. I mean, how are you ever going to be truly happy if you have to fake yourself. You might get more rejection up front for being who you are, but the person that WILL like you will like you for who you really are, which will be MUCH more satisfying and has a higher chance of actually lasting.

Unless you're just looking for quick hookups, in which case lie all you want and be a dick. :P
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You again!

Hi!

I'm not even talking about lying -- I'm talking about twisting your negatives into "interesting quirks", or overshadowing any personal cons by putting so many pros forward that you give the appearance of someone who has all areas of their life in order.

People do this when looking for dates in person too, but it's much easier to premeditate a strategic set of words and ideas when you have all the time in the world to type it out than when you are on the spot.

I majored in Communication, so it's impossible for me to resist exploiting the social theories I studied into practice on OKC for my own benefit.

That being said I still made my profile so oddly specific to me that it will filter out all but the most compatible options. On the one hand I have a real person job now and am incredibly busy, so I don't want to waste time with a girl that is anything less than thrilling. On the other, my response rates are lower than they were the last few times I used the site and I'm in a much better life situation now (have my own place, financially stable, live in an area with an exponentially larger dating pool, etc.) Maybe I just haven't found the right balance yet.
 
Leeness said:
Sigh...I opened a POF again in an attempt to find guy friends. I'm a glutton for punishment. I know it's a stupid idea but I also don't want to use Meetup.

I love inflicting torture on myself.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=77244766

Here, I guess. It gets no messages.
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I totally didn't recognize your username, clicked on the link, was like "hey, isn't that... she looks familiar... OH WAIT" and went back to check if it was you :lol
 
Just wanted to pop in and say i met my GF of almost 3 years on Ok Cupid.

They are out there people. Normal, decent people.

And don't pay for sites. I never got any higher quality responses when using match.com. People on OK Cupid were much more willing to respond.
 
Leeness said:
Sigh...I opened a POF again in an attempt to find guy friends. I'm a glutton for punishment. I know it's a stupid idea but I also don't want to use Meetup.

I love inflicting torture on myself.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=77244766

Here, I guess. It gets no messages.
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I've seen you post in these threads before and put yourself down. Now that I see your profile I'm shocked you don't get any messages. My only thought is that you are looking for friends and that you are targeting older guys.

I've had some decent runs on both POF and OkCupid but I'm getting sort of worn out. The girls who are the most responsive / easy to talk to are usually not the ones you're really after. And the ones you're after really don't need to use the site in the first place.
 
megamerican said:
I've seen you post in these threads before and put yourself down. Now that I see your profile I'm shocked you don't get any messages. My only thought is that you are looking for friends and that you are targeting older guys.

I've had some decent runs on both POF and OkCupid but I'm getting sort of worn out. The girls who are the most responsive / easy to talk to are usually not the ones you're really after. And the ones you're after really don't need to use the site in the first place.
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Why are older guys bad? I'm almost 27, I'd be looking for friends 27 and up.

But yes, only for friends. Maybe older guys are more mature and could be friends :/
 
Oh, my MOM and her boyfriend of 8 years met online too. Just if there's still people that doubt it can work. :P
 
I just got off a 4 year relationship last month, I will be jumping back into the dating scene this fall. Gonna enjoy my summer single and shit.

wondering if there has been any evolution with online dating since then
 
Leeness said:
Why are older guys bad? I'm almost 27, I'd be looking for friends 27 and up.

But yes, only for friends. Maybe older guys are more mature and could be friends :/
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They're not bad. I just think it would go over better with the college age set. I assume people using the site in their late 20s / early 30s are probably after relationships.
 
Met my current gf of a year and a half after 2.5 months on OKC, and one date with another girl. Chiming in to say a short witty first message works well.
 
I think its because some guys see friends only and get scared of what that actual means. Makes no sense really as I would think its good to be friends first then if chemistry is there you can try to make it work as a relationship.

I used okcupid to make friends with women before. Because one time in life I wasn't ready for a relationship and I just wanted to make friends so I could get out of the house more. But I think I picked the wrong site to try and make friends because okcupid is primarily a dating site so people are mostly there for dating not really making friends.
 
Just started using okc in Japan. Spoken to a few interesting girls and met about three, only one I liked but also the only one who doesn't seem to be into me... To be honest most Japanese girls on there just seem to want to make friends to practice English with and most foreigners who come to Japan are just straight up weird, male or female...
 
Wow, really nice OP. Even the thread title got me to laugh

A good addition to the OP would also be a list of websites that don't just offer the standard male/female option when signing up for their services. I know OKCupid and POF allow you to specify which gender you're interested as I've used both of them. Unfortunately not sure about the rest!
 
megamerican said:
They're not bad. I just think it would go over better with the college age set. I assume people using the site in their late 20s / early 30s are probably after relationships.
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I dunno, college age guys aren't my thing... "Let's go to a bar, DTF!!!!" etc etc.

I was kind of going with, older guys are more mature and could therefore be more open to friends.

Dunno. :/
 
A couple years ago, my then girlfriend and I made a POF profile for her. We just wanted to see the messages for one day, and then we'd remove it. Anywho, she received 100 messages in one day, and 95 of those messages were either one of two types:

Type A: "Hey, I'm John. I'm currently attending Hofstra University with a major in communications. I enjoy cycling and a good movie. You have a really nice smile. Tell me more about yourself."

Type B: "Ay wut up baby. U lookin real good."


So please for the mother of all that is holy, just send a short, funny message. It's astonishing how much of an advantage you'll have just by doing that.
 
Leeness said:
Sigh...I opened a POF again in an attempt to find guy friends. I'm a glutton for punishment. I know it's a stupid idea but I also don't want to use Meetup.

I love inflicting torture on myself.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=77244766

Here, I guess. It gets no messages.
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I'm surprised you don't get no messages I just read your profile and you come off as super interesting and laidback, plus you're gorgeous with all due respect so it kinda boggles my mind that no one replies back.
 
I got into online dating after reading through the GAF threads and haven't had much luck really. Most I've gotten has been messages from a couple of girls on POF, but when it seemed things were going good, they stopped talking to me with no reasoning. Ironic considering how they'd complain about how other guys came at them.
 
Took a couple years (with quite a few breaks) of online dating but I found the woman I am going to marry on OKCupid.

What I learned: No matter how shitty the dates or people get, just keep chugging. You'll find what you've been looking for when you least expect it.
 
I'm no longer active on OkCupid, but my experience while using it was positive, on the whole. I met three people that I am still very good friends with now, and greatly expanded my friendship circle through them. I go out regularly now for gaming nights with one of them.

I never actually properly "dated" anyone though. I emphasised that I was looking for friendship first and foremost, and if anything else follows on from that, well, that's cool, but no pressure! I didn't even put a photo of myself online. So all of my meetups were extremely casual.

There are some real creepers and weirdos on there though, I've got to say. Within literally two minutes of first setting up my profile I got a pervy message (the sender was promptly blocked). I've had propositions from a married couple asking for a threesome, despite me making it very clear that I wasn't looking for anything like that. Another guy thought the best way to break the ice was to make a joke about constipation. And then there were messages that were just plain...odd. Like...what would move someone to send a message to a complete stranger just saying "feta"? Ooookay, are you telling me you like cheese, random dude?
 
I was recently reading an article about online dating and the differences men and women experience.

It was said that for the most popular women on a dating site it would take an average of 2.3 months before their inbox was full to the point where it could not receive any more messages.

For the most popular guy, 2.3 years....So yeah, dating inflation...I'm a 5/6 who is treated like a 3/4 getting messaged by 3/4's who have been artificially converted into 5/6's...It's a lose lose situation for everyone...

Online dating is easy, that is, it doesn't take any work really...I look at it like buying a lottery ticket..Can't win if you don't play, but I'm not buying regular lottery tickets either.

I don't typically message women anymore as it's not worth the time...Occasionally I still will but the response rate is low, but my messaging rate is super low (maybe 6-7 a year)..Instead I just wait to see who messages me and/or looks at my page multiple times...

I'll never understand though those that "favorite" or "like" you, and you message them only to hear nothing back or some one sentence reply...I'll never keep messaging alive if the other party can't be bothered to play along with the comment/question game until we meet...
 
I am confused why women are looking for serious relationships on Tinder.

Weirdest photo on Tinder: a sonogram depicting an unborn baby. wtf
 
I just got back from my date and it went very well. :) She is just as pretty in person as she is in her pics, which is good! We were already talking about having dinner together on Friday night (her idea). Awesome! :D
 
Fisticuffs said:
I just got back from my date and it went very well. :) She is just as pretty in person as she is in her pics, which is good! We were already talking about having dinner together on Friday night (her idea). Awesome! :D
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wtg!!! She's already locking you up for a primetime date..
 
I met a crazy girl on my first PoF date. Talking about having children within the first hour. That lasted a couple weeks. Then, nope. Nope. Cancelled.

Maybe I was unlucky. Maybe I should try again. The word "nope" still sticks with me though.
 
ntropy said:
I am confused why women are looking for serious relationships on Tinder.

Weirdest photo on Tinder: a sonogram depicting an unborn baby. wtf
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I've noticed this a lot as well. Quite a lot of women who explicitly state they are not after hooking up.

In my area it may have to do with Tinder hitting a level of popularity that okc and pof simply never had. Tinder marketing would have you believe it has abandoned its roots as a hookup app and has transformed into a platform for meeting people. Maybe they're looking at it as a low-effort way to meet men?
 
Achtius said:
So what are some examples of short witty message?
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Just avoid them completely it makes you look like a try-hard but yet I could be wrong lol just be honest and be you! Instead of the 99% lame attempts that girls recieve on a daily basis just say w.e came to mind while you was reading her profile plus you come off as original and more importantly you show a genuine interest on your part.
 
These free dating aps seem like a prime place for catfishing to occur. Girls have even more to worry about I presume. If I were a girl, I would wield mace on a tinder/okc date just to ease my mind a bit.
 
My tactic was always to ask them a specific question about something in their profile.
Avoid being generic. Don't go straight for the "you are attractive" compliment. I think using "witty lines" is way less interesting.

I am into music so I will ask about peoples bands they name in their profile. "Hey, I think we have similar tastes in music. Saw you liked The New Pornographers, ever see them live?"

Give something the person can actually respond to. Ask a question, don't make a statement. Seem interested in their profile specifically.

If you could send your message to any other girl/guy, you are probably doing it wrong.
 
Achtius said:
So what are some examples of short witty message?
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That's a tough question to answer...But don't send anything remotely insulting in a message...Not that you would, but some people think it's cute or playful/flirty, but in reality it's just kind of rude..

Ex...Woman has pictures of herself but none of them are smiling..

Bad response=Why aren't you smiling in any of your pictures? I bet you have a cute smile.

That would be lame and sort of insulting..Like everyone she's posting the best pictures available to her, she thought they were good, and she may have issues with her teeth...No need to make any first impressions putting someone even remotely on the defensive.

Good first message=Just say you liked their profile (what specifically) and ask one question about something interesting and specific like a trip they took, their job, etc.Never a question about something broad like "what music do you like"..She has a chance to respond since you asked a question..If she doesn't respond, you get the point and haven't wasted a ton of time...
 
I think that online dating's pretty much a waste of time unless you're the classically good-looking dude. I've messaged thousands of girls over the years (I have an account for fun), and even though I've gotten numbers and snapchats from girls, I've never met a girl who wanted to go on a date.
 
Etrian Oddity said:
I think that online dating's pretty much a waste of time unless you're the classically good-looking dude. I've messaged thousands of girls over the years (I have an account for fun), and even though I've gotten numbers and snapchats from girls, I've never met a girl who wanted to go on a date.
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I'm very much average looking and this isn't true. An interesting/funny profile and a thoughtful first message go a long way. Like mentioned above, something about their profile is a must and sets you ahead of about 90% of other guys already.
 
Etrian Oddity said:
I think that online dating's pretty much a waste of time unless you're the classically good-looking dude. I've messaged thousands of girls over the years (I have an account for fun), and even though I've gotten numbers and snapchats from girls, I've never met a girl who wanted to go on a date.
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If you got their number and they were local at least some of them had to want to go on a date. Women don't just seem to typically give out their number on a site unless they are interested.
 
Currently off the market, so to speak... but for a while I was doing v well on the dating sites.

I go for the "send loads of messages" strategy, it's a great way to make sure you aren't pinning all your hopes on someone who's not interested.

I'm also a massive fan of meeting up for a coffee as soon as possible. People hide behind their screen identities, and it can be hard to figure out who someone really is from emails. You just dont know if there's chemistry unless you are face to face! I'd often tell the ladies exactly that and they'd respond well, agreeing to a coffee.

I went on countless 1st dates. This is not a bad thing IMO. If nothing else, it drastically improved my small talk skills. In the same sense as the messaging tons of folks strategy, I'd go on dates with people I was fairly sure wouldn't work out - partially to make sure I was getting out there, and partially on the off chance that we'd get along like a house on fire. I was occasionally pleasantly surprised, and also got good at the "1 drink and done" date.

Last thing, I made sure my profile had (recent) pictures of me doing fun stuff. If you dont have these pictures, go do some fun stuff and take photos while you're at it!

Online dating can work. It has for me, I found a LTR through it. I dont particularly have game, and I'm not stunningly handsome. I'm also pretty introverted. You have to put yourself out there to make it work though!
 
vapor said:
I go for the "send loads of messages" strategy, it's a great way to make sure you aren't pinning all your hopes on someone who's not interested.
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I've messaged over 200 girls and it's led to only two conversations, one of which led to a date.

So the "send loads of messages" strategy clearly doesn't work for some people.
 
NoctisVsStar said:
she talks about her drama with ex baby daddy outta nowhere funny thing is I ain't even asked her I'm like let me use my imagination.

This chick is cray I realized a few messages in she's calling me papi, chulo, or you're so cute, can we go on a date?!
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She sounds like a keeper, go for it.
 
Achtius said:
So you don't write anything about yourself?
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That's what your profile is for.

Anyway I'm back on OKC again, and I downloaded tinder as well but I seem to keep nope-ing everyone. I guess I need more info about a person to decide if I'd be interested, and I'm not looking for a hook up either so OKC is better for me. Still not over my ex (who I met on OKC) but I might as well see what's out there.

A tip for messaging - don't just say 'hey' or 'how's it going', these are shite messages and I ignore all of them. Try and engage in a conversation, but don't write your life story. If you message someone you're clearly interested in them so make it easy for them to reply - you're the one that should be doing the work, not the person you're messaging.
 
Etrian Oddity said:
I think that online dating's pretty much a waste of time unless you're the classically good-looking dude. I've messaged thousands of girls over the years (I have an account for fun), and even though I've gotten numbers and snapchats from girls, I've never met a girl who wanted to go on a date.
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not even close to true.
 
In 5 minutes on OKC I've found one woman with the username "ManHatingHag" (yikes!) and another with the username "Idontwatchhockey" (probably not a good idea in Vancouver?)

Makes me feel like all that time I didn't bother to create a profile on any of these sites because I couldn't think of a good username was a waste lol
 
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