I think I put too much effort in. I find it so difficult to write a short, catchy, relavent massage.
Por ejemplo of your first messages?
I think I put too much effort in. I find it so difficult to write a short, catchy, relavent massage.
Here is potam's flawless guide (that never works):
Just be like "hey, what's up?" If the girl is remotely interested, she'll respond. If not, oh well.
Or, it could be that my I missed out on my soulmate because I send lazy messages.
Por ejemplo of your first messages?
Looking back on this one now, perhaps my lame attempt at humour wasn't so hot.Are you reading anything cool at the moment?
When it comes to books I tend to read voraciously for a while, then stop, then start back up again.
I suppose its like being addicted to drugs, only not quite so expensive.
Actually thinking about it, with the price of books these days, there probably isn't much in it.
Are you reading anything cool at the moment?
When it comes to books I tend to read voraciously for a while, then stop, then start back up again.
I suppose its like being addicted to drugs, only not quite so expensive.
Actually thinking about it, with the price of books these days, there probably isn't much in it.
Honestly, that's not a bad first message. Short, witty, and relevant. How's your profile/pictures?
Holy shit I was reading this girls profile and her profile basically described me and my ambitions and likes. Then I scrolled to the top and she has a 90% match rating. Holy shit focusing everything on her now. Eff all these other unimportant conversations.
If you saw their responses clearly you should've kept reading further along the page.I'll echo what others have said... Not a good idea to focus on someone that that. It's ok to get a little excited but you're better off keeping expectations in check at this point. Keep multiple conversations going, keep chatting, keep going on first dates.
If you saw their responses clearly you should've kept reading further along the page.
Agree with this. Some girls are genuinely busy that they have full time jobs and can only respond every couple of days.
This is why I state in the OP that in person is always better than online dating. Sarcasm/jokes are incredibly hard to detect through the blocks of texts of a computer/phone screen. Word choice definitely matters online. In person, confidence is the deciding factor.
Like several people have said, I would definitely recommend you check out meetup.com to meet people with similar interests. I haven't been to my city's Social Anxiety meet up group in about 2 weeks because of my finances being low but it was good and I get invited to events that are organized via Facebook. Outside of meetup.com, I've gone to a few drawing events to meet new people and draw as well as a couple of gaming events and art shows all on my own so I definitely appreciate being single.
I took a risk last Friday and went back to my local Toastmasters chapter (an international public speech organization) that meets in my college after not having gone for two years. Public speaking is something that scares me silly but want to improve upon despite aspiring to be a freelance illustrator. I was the only student there with everyone else either being much older/having kids/full time jobs but the people were receptive and cool despite that; I ended up going to a bar with a bunch of folks afterwards and people told me to continue going regularly. Because I'm a student, I only need to pay $5 for membership. Definitely plan on sticking with it.
I would also recommend you lower your standards to cast a wider net then filter out the fish that you want. I didn't know you were a minority since I assumed you were white based on the pictures I've seen of you.
@dan2026
To offer a different perspective, here's this. I get messaged 1-3 times a day, most of them being either "hey how are you" or "hey there". I pretty much ignore all of those. Granted, I'm an asshole because I've also ignored really good messages. However, the good messages at least stuck with me and I remembered the people who sent them.
If you saw their responses clearly you should've kept reading further along the page.
Hypothetical. If a girlfriend asked me that I'd sit her down and have an adult conversation. If it continued on...well it's the friends over her. Now I've asked girlfriends not to talk to dudes who have had obvious interest in them/a past with them (why don't you leave your boyfriend blah blah, we should hang out at my house alone, etc.) but just friends? Id never do that.What about the girl who asked you to stop seeing your female friends? Or was that a hypothetical question?
Not to try and contrast anyone here, but when I was dating, I preferred really well-thought out messages.
I didn't like reading more than two paragraphs, but ideally for me, and what caught my eye the most, was someone who made a genuine effort to try and say hello to me. Usually, it helped if they explained why they thought we might get along-- and no, "you're hot and I'm hot so let's fuck" does not do it for me.
I looked for someone who valued the same things that I did, and while it should be obvious from reading my profile, part of it was the man having the intelligence (and also, coincidentally) being able to discern and also value that.
I might be just an outlier, but I wanted to just point out that I appreciated AND noticed those kind of men more than the "omigod you're hot" kind of guys.
I'll still keep my account active though since it's served me well. It's just that continued usage tends to make one jaded and further increases one's standards to a near-unrealistic level.
Yeah.
A lot of men wrote good messages to me, that I ignored, simply because I just didn't think I was ready for a serious commitment.
It really just depends on the person. Sometimes it's really not the sender's "fault" in any way at all.
I hope you guys aren't asking to meet up for coffee.
Yeah I am, hot coffee 👀I hope you guys aren't asking to meet up for coffee.
I hope you guys aren't asking to meet up for coffee.
Honestly? Yes.
It's online media. Most people have over 300 friends, and maybe only 10 are actual friends.
It's the same during online dating-- you're probably just one of the 290 to that person. It's not a problem with you or her, it's just how we are as humans.
The last guy I dated sent me a message saying my zombie costume was awesome. Definitely relate to something in their profile. Got my attention for sureThis never works. Just send a message relating to a pic of theirs or something they wrote in their profile. I'd also keep it short and not send a whole essay on it. I've been using a cheesy pick up line right now and it's working wonders with for me lol.
I hope you guys aren't asking to meet up for coffee.
Fixed.Don't live by hard rules when it comes to dating. Every girl is different and full of surprises. Exception: message pls respond three times without a response. That shit's crazy.
Welcome to the Off-Topic side AKA the best side of GAF most of Gaming only members ignore and welcome to the thread. The threads are on this side here are way more interesting man and GAF meet ups are organized on this side. Hope you enjoy your stay; I split my time on GAF 51/49 between both sides personally.Never ventured into the off topic gaf before lol
Anyway tbh i've tried Pof before and only resulted into 1 date over the years which never worked out at all that was 2 years ago and if i'm honest never been in a relationship myself which sucks!!
trying OKC now just to see what the craic is but myself with a major lack of self esteem and confidence i doubt it'll work. messaged a girl on there now who had a high percentage about the same as me so guess see what happens.
I'm gonna give you a reality check man: don't take it so personal if girls on OKC don't reply. I'll give you a quick personal anecdote on the same thing you're going through now. So well over 1.5 years ago or so, I got super frustrated with OKC that I wasn't getting any replies after watching my brother get messages again and again to the point that I rage quit and deleted my account (by this point I'd only had 2 dates from the website under my belt). It's also why deleted my POF account. I asked my brother why he was so successful and he told me because he doesn't give a hoot and messages whoever the hell he wants. It shows through his one lonely picture I showed you.I'm in the same boat. A month has gone by and Nada. I'm not even talking about a date, I'm talking about getting a convo going. I'm about to close up the account.
I agree with this. I stopped caring so much about spending several minutes overthinking about a lovely message to craft and said to hell with that stuff. If a person likes your profile and pictures, they'll reply. Granted, I still think of messages to say every now and then and I'm not going to lie when I say that the messages that have gotten me dates this year so far have been well thought out original messages based around something a girl had on their profile. At least on OKC.Yea it's basically a numbers game.
I don't spend a whole lot of time sending interesting relevant messages. I'm not going to jump through hoops just to get the chance to talk to someone.
I just say something about their profile like "where do you work out" or "i like (band) too"
Then just get conversations going with the ones that reply.
I'm basically banking on my looks though to get most of the stuff started.
Welcome man. Awesome to see someone in good spirits having success and being a cheerleader. Definitely looking forward to your updates; y2dvd does roller derby IIRC. Reading people's successes gives people hope and personally makes me smile.Didn't realize there was a thread for this!
My week just instantly filled up with some OKC dates. Have one tonight with a girl; we'd been messaging back and forth for a week and she's the one who suggested to meet for coffee. Simple and casual, and she's easy to talk to, so it should be a fun time.
Second date is with a girl who messaged me last night and the conversation was moving really fast. Seems like we both like the same hobbies and hangouts, so we decided to meet up on Thursday. She's just back in town after a stint, so maybe she just wants to meet some new people as friends, which is totally fine. It's always fun to meet new people who are cool, but hopefully there's something more.
Third date is from another girl who I met on OKC. I honestly didn't think she was that into me, even though we really hit it off during our first meet up. We spent 3 hours talking and laughing at each other's jokes and even stayed way after the bar's closing time, but the end of the night ended with a pretty simple "See you later!". She's also slow on the texts, so it's hard to gauge her level of interest, but she's the one who asked me out on Saturday. We're going to see roller derby, which should be a good time. Feels like events are a lot easier to carry conversations because you can just take a break and watch the action going on. I like her, but we'll see how it goes after this date.
Stay strong GAF, if I can get some dates out of the online game, so can you.
You're welcome. I guess it was the long hair man; you look like popular images of Jesus what with that hippie hair. It's like you came out of the 60s/70s. All you needed was a laurel of flowers wrapped around your head to be set.Cheers for the tips/advice, but I'm very curious to know what pictures you've seen me in where I've appeared to be white haha
I like to think that with online dating women have it like air traffic controllers trying to multitask all the air planes at once but only focusing on a handful of planes' progresses because it's too overwhelming.Wait, what's wrong with that?
Honestly? Yes.
It's online media. Most people have over 300 friends, and maybe only 10 are actual friends.
It's the same during online dating-- you're probably just one of the 290 to that person. It's not a problem with you or her, it's just how we are as humans.
I typically go to bars on first dates myself since I don't personally drink coffee. However, my understanding is that coffee shops also sell tea (my brother works at a Starbucks so I've seen it all) so I wouldn't rule out going to one in the future for an inexpensive first date since in both places, you're having a conversation at a table.What's wrong with that? I normally go for a coffee or a drink and the last one I went out to coffee with ended up going pretty well.
What is everyone's personal philosophy on texting after the first date?
I hear two school of thoughts wherein you exchange a few texts a day, leading up to the actual subsequent dates, and then confirm plans, or you stay radio silence and only text/call when it's time to set up the next date.
I'm in the latter camp. I like texting when I've gotten to know a person really know and me texting out of the blue isn't deemed excessive. Probably not going to see this girl until sometime next week and it's difficult not to have any sort of communication because I don't want to give the impression of a fade, but the fact that I'd be calling her Sunday night to schedule a second date should indicate my non-fadedness.
We exchanged one text today so far, me sending one at 9am relating to something we said on our date Monday, and she just responded. I know she's busy and is on the road/meetings 9-5, so the fact that it took so long doesn't bother me. Probably won't reply to that text.
Ugh Plenty of Fish is rubbing me the wrong way, I get so little replies on that damn site its almost funny. Almost.
OkCupid is a bit better, but there are less people on it.
And while I am venting, if I do get a reply, you can guarantee it will be crappy and half hearted. If you have taken the time to reply to me at least ask a question or show a little enthusiasm or something.
People aren't playing fair, dammit.
You're welcome. I guess it was the long hair man; you look like popular images of Jesus what with that hippie hair. It's like you came out of the 60s/70s. All you needed was a laurel of flowers wrapped around your head to be set.
I have to ask. Are you in any way attractive.
This is really the key to most of this. Step #1 Be Attractive
Like I said before, I don't think I am massively handsome, but I don't look like swamp thing either. I guess I'm just average.
Ugh, I should just shoot myself. But I don't even have a gun.
Like I said before, I don't think I am massively handsome, but I don't look like swamp thing either. I guess I'm just average.
Ugh, I should just shoot myself. But I don't even have a gun.
Like I said before, I don't think I am massively handsome, but I don't look like swamp thing either. I guess I'm just average.
Ugh, I should just shoot myself. But I don't even have a gun.
these sites can make you feel like you're bad looking tbh makes me not really like them either cause i'm really not good lookin but these places can make it seem worse
If you're not having success quote your profile here and/or post your picture and we can help you.
But really, don't take a lack of success as an indictment on you. Some things are just out of your control and not your fault.
You are making yourself feel that way. Snap out of it.
How do you link a profile from OkCupid.. seriously, I dont think my profile is that bad.. maybe I mention video games a bit to much.. lol.
Edit: Here it is. - https://www.okcupid.com/profile/xxiijm
WoW gotta go from the private section lol
ROFL.. I guess I shouldn't add how many 90s my acct has.