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possible love triangle-age

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thirty said:
BTW
my current GF will be moving to Mexico for two months to handle some family business starting at the end of august. poor girl has no idea.
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Oh well then I don't see the problem then. The solution, dear Watson, is elementary.
 
Some food for thought: the biggest problem with long-distance relationships? Not the distance, but the reunion. The long-distance part can work, often because the members are able to idealize their partner more so than a short-distance relationship (easier to highlight the good times and underplay the bad; heck, the bad times don't even come up as often, since you don't see her 24/7). When an LDR moves to a normal relationship, however, all of a sudden you find yourself interacting with your partner more frequently. This will shed light on how she is, faults and all.

That's why LDR's tend to not work out as well. The distance isn't so much a problem. And if she couldn't handle the long-distance phase, I would suspect she won't much prefer the in-your-face phase.

She might be fun for a weekend a month, maybe more often, but if you're looking for someone to see every day, I would highly recommend you stick with the one you know. 'Course, that really depends on how happy you are with her--from your post, it sounds like you may not be. In which case, I'd say dump current girl, try the ex out, when she doesn't work out find someone who will make you happy.

Oh, but don't cheat or lie, dude. More important that the woman you might live with is the man you definitely live with, you know what I'm saying?
 
You alluding to the fact that your current GF is going to be out of the loop for a few months anyway. You know your going to do foolish things when she is gone.

Do yourself a favor and make a decision to go with one or the other, and don't juggle both. Things with your ex do sound like they could have another go round. Just make a decision and don't let things linger with both in the picture.

on a personal note, I have realized far too many negative things I put up with and sacrificed with my ex, so I would never go back, rose tinted glasses and all. I have a new girl I'm dating now that things are slowly getting better with.
 
Wrekt said:
80 miles is still a long distance relationship.
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This.

Might as well juggle them both until you crash and burn so you can post in the crash and burn thread. Then start anew with a boyfriend and come out to your brother so you can post "omg me 2" in that other thread.
 
My ex moved a few hours away. I was seeing a new girl at the time but like the OP my ex was always on my mind. Ex wanted to get back together and I broke up with my gf. Turns out my ex just felt lonely in the new area and wanted someone to visit regularly. I wasn't feeling the girl I was dating too much so it's not a big deal, but back to being single again for me.

Avoid her.
 
thirty said:
yeah, i think i have to keep the current GF and be platonic friends with ex to see where she and i are at as far as chemistry.

yeah, sounds like i have to lie to my current GF to spend time with my ex as platonic friends. she did move for me though but didn't keep me in the loop about it because she knew i was involved with a new girl. she tried to call me a few times in the recent months to tell me she missed me and that she thinks of me often, only to be told by me that i'm with someone else now.

we were never locationally close, we would travel to see each other every 1-2 months spending incredible weekends together. i hear you though, and think i shouldn't make any sudden decisions. just sucks that i'd probably have to lie to my current GF to be friends with the ex.

...

the city she choose is the city i told her she'd love, Santa Barbara California to be exact. she moved there and not Los Angeles, where i'm at, because she didn't wanna move to another big city, she's from Miami. she moved out to SB without ever visiting, using only my positive words that i mentioned to her about the city while we were dating. as to work, she can work anywhere there's a hospital as she's an occupational therapist.

i do agree that i am "a perk." i'm sure she didn't keep me in the loop so that she can tell herself, her family, her friends, that moving was entirely her decision and i had nothing to do with it.

she knows no one in the entire west coast but me.

i like this advice, probably the best of the entire thread. i sooo need not worry about the feelings of either girl. right now, i'm thinking too much about hurting my current GF for lying to her and also thinking about hurting my ex because i'm not jumping at the chance to spend time with her even after she did a complete uproot and move to be close to me. i need to always remember to put my feelings ahead of both girls regardless of who i may hurt.

BTW
my current GF will be moving to Mexico for two months to handle some family business starting at the end of august. poor girl has no idea.
Click to expand...

I dunno dude. You sound torn btw the two. Basically, wanting to have a chance with the ex who you have more chemistry with but not wanting to let go of the current gf in case things dont work out with the ex.

To me, it's a 50/50 shot either way.

Situation EX

You seem confident that she's moved all the way across the country for you. But do you really "know" what she moved for? Who knows what could have possessed her to move in the first place. Maybe she had a bf in btw that didn't work out and wants you for a rebound in hopes that things will work out. Positive is that you had great chemistry for her and you have unresolved feelings for her. I wouldn't say that you're still "truly in love" with her OR you would have already made up your mind. But you have deep feelings for her in any case. You could try out a relationship with her but understand that it might or might not work out. And there's no guaranteed that your current gf will be around waiting or that she won't found out, now or in the future. Not to mention, how could you wake up every morning to somebody you're cheating with? I've always been very serious with my relationships, not dabbling in that foolishness knowing that in the end things never work out the way they would if you hadn't bothered in the first place. Do you really want to think about "the possibilities if you hadn't cheated" the rest of your life? You already gave it one shot, is this worth another? Very sticky scenario.

Situation Current GF

You're with somebody that's nice, caring, and comfortable but whom you're settling for. That's all nice and dandy but clearly not what you really WANT the rest of your life. I would suspect that with your omission of chemistry in her description, you're not that attracted to her either. Probably just a good bed buddy for the time being. Naturally, people are curiously attracted to others even while they are in committed relationships. The difference is whether you're a man or a boy. This doesn't seem to be a case of whether you can keep your clothes on or not but instead which woman you really want. My suggestion would be, whether you get with the Ex or not, do this woman a favor and end the relationship. I sure as hell would NOT spend the rest of my life "settling" if I really want somebody else out there in the world. You might keep up the charade with your gf for a long time, maybe even decades, but in the end she will know that she wasn't your first choice and it's gonna burnnnnnnnnn. Remember that quote "Hell Has No Fury for a Woman Scorned"? It's gonna burnnnnnnn you and any kids the two of you have together. That day is gonna burn.


I didn't post a Situation C because I figured you would at least want to keep one of the women instead of losing them both.
 
thirty said:
BTW
my current GF will be moving to Mexico for two months to handle some family business starting at the end of august. poor girl has no idea.
Click to expand...


I guess I'd take the logical route in this situation. Obviously your current girlfriend is never going to compare to your ex in your eyes. Dead the relationship, fuck the ex one more time, find someone who won't shit on you.

80 miles is still long distance. What happens when she wants the D at 3am and you've got work in the morning? Looks like theee ol' backup will be subbing in off the bench.
 
gamergirly said:
I dunno dude. You sound torn btw the two. Basically, wanting to have a chance with the ex who you have more chemistry with but not wanting to let go of the current gf in case things dont work out with the ex.

To me, it's a 50/50 shot either way.

Situation EX

You seem confident that she's moved all the way across the country for you. But do you really "know" what she moved for? Who knows what could have possessed her to move in the first place. Maybe she had a bf in btw that didn't work out and wants you for a rebound in hopes that things will work out. Positive is that you had great chemistry for her and you have unresolved feelings for her. I wouldn't say that you're still "truly in love" with her OR you would have already made up your mind. But you have deep feelings for her in any case. You could try out a relationship with her but understand that it might or might not work out. And there's no guaranteed that your current gf will be around waiting or that she won't found out, now or in the future. Not to mention, how could you wake up every morning to somebody you're cheating with? I've always been very serious with my relationships, not dabbling in that foolishness knowing that in the end things never work out the way they would if you hadn't bothered in the first place. Do you really want to think about "the possibilities if you hadn't cheated" the rest of your life? You already gave it one shot, is this worth another? Very sticky scenario.

Situation Current GF

You're with somebody that's nice, caring, and comfortable but whom you're settling for. That's all nice and dandy but clearly not what you really WANT the rest of your life. I would suspect that with your omission of chemistry in her description, you're not that attracted to her either. Probably just a good bed buddy for the time being. Naturally, people are curiously attracted to others even while they are in committed relationships. The difference is whether you're a man or a boy. This doesn't seem to be a case of whether you can keep your clothes on or not but instead which woman you really want. My suggestion would be, whether you get with the Ex or not, do this woman a favor and end the relationship. I sure as hell would NOT spend the rest of my life "settling" if I really want somebody else out there in the world. You might keep up the charade with your gf for a long time, maybe even decades, but in the end she will know that she wasn't your first choice and it's gonna burnnnnnnnnn. Remember that quote "Hell Has No Fury for a Woman Scorned"? It's gonna burnnnnnnn you and any kids the two of you have together. That day is gonna burn.


I didn't post a Situation C because I figured you would at least want to keep one of the women instead of losing them both.
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nail on the head
 
Your ex didn't move for you.

Your ex moved for herself.

gamergirly said:
I dunno dude. You sound torn btw the two. Basically, wanting to have a chance with the ex who you have more chemistry with but not wanting to let go of the current gf in case things dont work out with the ex.

To me, it's a 50/50 shot either way.

Situation EX

You seem confident that she's moved all the way across the country for you. But do you really "know" what she moved for? Who knows what could have possessed her to move in the first place. Maybe she had a bf in btw that didn't work out and wants you for a rebound in hopes that things will work out. Positive is that you had great chemistry for her and you have unresolved feelings for her. I wouldn't say that you're still "truly in love" with her OR you would have already made up your mind. But you have deep feelings for her in any case. You could try out a relationship with her but understand that it might or might not work out. And there's no guaranteed that your current gf will be around waiting or that she won't found out, now or in the future. Not to mention, how could you wake up every morning to somebody you're cheating with? I've always been very serious with my relationships, not dabbling in that foolishness knowing that in the end things never work out the way they would if you hadn't bothered in the first place. Do you really want to think about "the possibilities if you hadn't cheated" the rest of your life? You already gave it one shot, is this worth another? Very sticky scenario.

Situation Current GF

You're with somebody that's nice, caring, and comfortable but whom you're settling for. That's all nice and dandy but clearly not what you really WANT the rest of your life. I would suspect that with your omission of chemistry in her description, you're not that attracted to her either. Probably just a good bed buddy for the time being. Naturally, people are curiously attracted to others even while they are in committed relationships. The difference is whether you're a man or a boy. This doesn't seem to be a case of whether you can keep your clothes on or not but instead which woman you really want. My suggestion would be, whether you get with the Ex or not, do this woman a favor and end the relationship. I sure as hell would NOT spend the rest of my life "settling" if I really want somebody else out there in the world. You might keep up the charade with your gf for a long time, maybe even decades, but in the end she will know that she wasn't your first choice and it's gonna burnnnnnnnnn. Remember that quote "Hell Has No Fury for a Woman Scorned"? It's gonna burnnnnnnn you and any kids the two of you have together. That day is gonna burn.


I didn't post a Situation C because I figured you would at least want to keep one of the women instead of losing them both.
Click to expand...

In my years of dating, I've realized something: no one ever ever gets their first choice because most "first choice" relationships are so imbalanced towards the guy or the girl that it would never work.

With second/third/whatever choices, both of you are actually required to work things out. More importantly, you're required to grow with each other, which speaks more than first choices.
 
Wrekt said:
80 miles is still a long distance relationship.
Click to expand...


Yes it is. Plus there is no way she moved across the country for her ex. She is there for work, school, whatever, not you. If she was there for you, she would be 8 miles away, not 80. Stick with your new chick, keep the ex at a distance.
 
SRG01 said:
Your ex didn't move for you.

Your ex moved for herself.



In my years of dating, I've realized something: no one ever ever gets their first choice because most "first choice" relationships are so imbalanced towards the guy or the girl that it would never work.

With second/third/whatever choices, both of you are actually required to work things out. More importantly, you're required to grow with each other, which speaks more than first choices.
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That's true but my perspective is only between these two women. He could have been in other relationships before the Ex even. The problem is his emotional connection and attractiveness to the Ex versus his current GF. You can compromise attraction(as sex will not keep you together for 50 years) to a certain degree for love but what do you do when neither exist enough to make a relationship work? If you care for AND are attracted to somebody else more, then you're settling. You won't ever truly be happy if that's the case
 
She broke your heart once, she'll do it again.

I guess it depends how long you want to be in a fairy tale relationship before it turns into a second nightmare.
 
FrenulumBreve said:
She broke your heart once, she'll do it again.

I guess it depends how long you want to be in a fairy tale relationship before it turns into a second nightmare.
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this.
if you get back with your ex. what makes you think she wont find another reason to break up with you?
you take out the long distance equation. other reasons will show up.
 
Sounds like its a case of whether or not you want to have the upper hand with the current girl, as you say she would never leave you. If you go back to the first girl, she now knows that she has the upper hand in the relationship if you come back. Its hard to say but A sounds like the safest choice. B and C have lots of risks. Depends if you want to take chances.
 
Go with A. It's really not worth what you have now to go fooling around with your ex. She may or may not have moved to CA for you, but she still dumped you once before.

Although I'd like to point out that it seems like you haven't really moved on completely from when your ex broke up with you. I still think it's a bad idea to forgo what you have right now for something that's possibly not even there at all.
 
Wow...so many juniors, but with pretty good advice.

You 'never' give a woman a second chance if she's dumped you. Argue, fight, storm out, whatever that's fine. If she breaks it off, then she's lost her chance. I've always thought about my ex's as well, but then I remember all the problems associated with them. Don't be a jerk and play both women, go for one or the other, though the point was made that if you don't really like the current GF now, you might want to just bail. Not necessarily go back with the ex mind you, but if you're not happy, then things will get worse the longer you stay with her.
 
Kuro Madoushi said:
Wow...so many juniors, but with pretty good advice.

You 'never' give a woman a second chance if she's dumped you. Argue, fight, storm out, whatever that's fine. If she breaks it off, then she's lost her chance. I've always thought about my ex's as well, but then I remember all the problems associated with them. Don't be a jerk and play both women, go for one or the other, though the point was made that if you don't really like the current GF now, you might want to just bail. Not necessarily go back with the ex mind you, but if you're not happy, then things will get worse the longer you stay with her.
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normally i'd agree but the primary reason for the break off was the distance. we met on vacation, we tried the long distance thing but it was just destined for failure. i think i'd be a fool not to give it another chance now that she's made the move. an hour and 20 minute drive is not that bad considering santa barbara is a beach resort town i'd be like going on weekend vacations.

as to the current girlfriend, i just don't know what to do about that. she'll be out of the country next month and needs me to take care of some things here while she's gone. i can't let her down with that, i need to be there for her. seeing the ex though while she's away is just plain dirty. it's not me, but i really don't see much of a choice.

we'll keep u guys posted, thanks for all the advice. it really is helpful to hear so many different views and opinions. gaf, you came through again.
 
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