Post your favourite limerick

Status
Not open for further replies.
S

Salvor.Hardin

Banned
A young psychic midget named Marge
Went to jail with the most heinous charge
But despite lock and key
The next day she broke free
And the headlines said "Small Medium at Large".


Gets a chuckle out of me.
As does this one



A dying mosquito exclaimed,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
Diphenyl-trichloroethane.
 
There once was an old woman from France
Who went up the Eiffel Tower to dance
She fell off the top
And landed on her bot
So now she can't sit down or prance.


I wrote that myself in primary school in Year 6 when I was ten. Almost eighteen years later and I can still remember it.
 
There once was a man from Dundee
Who buggered an ape in a tree
The results were most horrid
All ass and no forehead
Three balls and a purple goatee.

thank you Kurt Vonnegut.

And one I wrote in high school:

As I was driving down the road
I came across a lil' green toad
So I stepped on the gas
And ran over its ass
And SPLAT went the lil green toad.
 
There once was a man from Peru
who slept all night in a canoe
While dreaming of Venus
he played with his penis
and woke up with a handful of goo
 
There once was a man from Kilride
Who slipped in a sewer and died
His poor young brother fell into another
And the verdict on both was sewercide

Dumb but I remember it for some damn reason.
 
There once was a man from Nantucket
His Dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
While whiping his chin
If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it
 
There was a young dentist Malone
who had a charming girl patient alone.
But in his depravity
he filled the wrong cavity,
God, how his practice has grown!
 
There once was a man and his dick,
It was giant and lengthy and thick,
When his penis strengthened,
Her vagina moistened,
His name was The Mana Legend.
 
There was a young lady named Bright
Who traveled much faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And came back the previous night.
 
There once was a man from nantucket,
who road down the highway on his rocket.
The force from the blast,
shoved his dick up his ass,
and his balls were found in his pocket.
 
There once was a man from Boston
Who drove around in an Austin
There was room for his ass
And a gallon of gas
But his balls hung out and he lost 'em.
 
By Ogden Nash:

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "let us flee!"
"Let us fly!" said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
 
There was a young girl named Elise
Who’s pubes hung way down to her knees
Her crabs got together
To knit her a sweater
So in winter her crotch wouldn’t freeze.
 
There once was a forum called GAF.
'Twas unusually full of riffraff.
They were crude and unkind,
though we didn't much mind,
since at least it was good for a laugh.

They once had this Amirox mod
whose past statements were really quite odd.
There was nothing to see
in his post history,
he was some sort of time travel god!

God's Beard once created a thread
just to boast about soup and some bread.
It exploded with mirth
since he'd paid thrice its worth,
and he soon was embarrassed instead.

The PS3, to its great shame,
is well known to not have any game.
(Though that isn't quite true,
it's got Mass Effect 2,
Killzone 3, and some more I can't name.)

An expert on modern Japan
advised Square to repent, if they can.
Their cross port of FF
is a W-T-F.
They just screwed up their whole business plan!

EviLore was once left seeing red
when a strange girl passed out on his bed.
Men of bold-colored hue,
Yellow, green, red and blue,
performed acts on her best left unsaid.
 
UncleSporky said:
There once was a forum called GAF.
'Twas unusually full of riffraff.
They were crude and unkind,
though we didn't much mind,
since at least it was good for a laugh.

They once had this Amirox mod
whose past statements were really quite odd.
There was nothing to see
in his post history,
he was some sort of time travel god!

God's Beard once created a thread
just to boast about soup and some bread.
It exploded with mirth
since he'd paid thrice its worth,
and he soon was embarrassed instead.

The PS3, to its great shame,
is well known to not have any game.
(Though that isn't quite true,
it's got Mass Effect 2,
Killzone 3, and some more I can't name.)

An expert on modern Japan
advised Square to repent, if they can.
Their cross port of FF
is a W-T-F.
They just screwed up their whole business plan!

EvilLore was once left seeing red
when a strange girl passed out on his bed.
Men of bold-colored hue,
Yellow, green, red and blue,
performed acts on her best left unsaid.
Click to expand...


That is amazing...
 
There once was a guy half and half,
who frequented a website called a GAF.
And his only real plan,
was to watch juniors get permabanned,
so he could go to sleep with a laugh.

Edit:
Just saw sporky's. He stole all the good ideas.
 
There was a man from Rome
Who daily composed a poem
Try as he might
He just couldn't quite
Stop from putting too many words in the last line, it sounded awful.

There was a young poet of Mainz
Whose limericks had no last lines.
When asked why this was,
He said "it's because
 
Ultima_5 said:
Tis a pun
Click to expand...

Ah, see, the version I heard had 100% more sexual innuendo.

UncleSporky said:
There once was a forum called GAF.
'Twas unusually full of riffraff.
They were crude and unkind,
though we didn't much mind,
since at least it was good for a laugh.

They once had this Amirox mod
whose past statements were really quite odd.
There was nothing to see
in his post history,
he was some sort of time travel god!

God's Beard once created a thread
just to boast about soup and some bread.
It exploded with mirth
since he'd paid thrice its worth,
and he soon was embarrassed instead.

The PS3, to its great shame,
is well known to not have any game.
(Though that isn't quite true,
it's got Mass Effect 2,
Killzone 3, and some more I can't name.)

An expert on modern Japan
advised Square to repent, if they can.
Their cross port of FF
is a W-T-F.
They just screwed up their whole business plan!

EviLore was once left seeing red
when a strange girl passed out on his bed.
Men of bold-colored hue,
Yellow, green, red and blue,
performed acts on her best left unsaid.
Click to expand...

Best post on GAF.
 
UncleSporky said:
There once was a forum called GAF.
'Twas unusually full of riffraff.
They were crude and unkind,
though we didn't much mind,
since at least it was good for a laugh.

They once had this Amirox mod
whose past statements were really quite odd.
There was nothing to see
in his post history,
he was some sort of time travel god!

God's Beard once created a thread
just to boast about soup and some bread.
It exploded with mirth
since he'd paid thrice its worth,
and he soon was embarrassed instead.

The PS3, to its great shame,
is well known to not have any game.
(Though that isn't quite true,
it's got Mass Effect 2,
Killzone 3, and some more I can't name.)

An expert on modern Japan
advised Square to repent, if they can.
Their cross port of FF
is a W-T-F.
They just screwed up their whole business plan!

EviLore was once left seeing red
when a strange girl passed out on his bed.
Men of bold-colored hue,
Yellow, green, red and blue,
performed acts on her best left unsaid.
Click to expand...

Oh. Oh wow. This is brilliant.
 
There once was an old man named Bill
who swallowed an atomic pill
his left ball imploded
his right ball exploded
and his dick landed on a hill
 
Read this one in a Piers Anthony book back in high school, but I think he said that he didn't write it:

There once was a lass from Mandrass
Who had the most beautiful ass
Not rounded and pink
As you'd probably think
Instead it was grey and ate grass
 
I've spent the last few minutes attempting to find some limericks about Limerick city, but I can't find any.
 
There was once a mouse called Keith,
Who circumcised people with his teeth.
It wasn't for leisure, or sexual pleasure,
But to get at the cheese underneath.

Less of a dirty one:

There was once a man from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
In 24 hours, his willy was flowers,
And his bum was covered in weeds.
 
UncleSporky said:
There once was a forum called GAF.
'Twas unusually full of riffraff.
They were crude and unkind,
though we didn't much mind,
since at least it was good for a laugh.

They once had this Amirox mod
whose past statements were really quite odd.
There was nothing to see
in his post history,
he was some sort of time travel god!

God's Beard once created a thread
just to boast about soup and some bread.
It exploded with mirth
since he'd paid thrice its worth,
and he soon was embarrassed instead.

The PS3, to its great shame,
is well known to not have any game.
(Though that isn't quite true,
it's got Mass Effect 2,
Killzone 3, and some more I can't name.)

An expert on modern Japan
advised Square to repent, if they can.
Their cross port of FF
is a W-T-F.
They just screwed up their whole business plan!

EviLore was once left seeing red
when a strange girl passed out on his bed.
Men of bold-colored hue,
Yellow, green, red and blue,
performed acts on her best left unsaid.
Click to expand...

This thread needs to be bumped again and again and again until this post gets the GAF-wide recognition it deserves. Post of the forever.

But anyway, the only limerick I can ever remember:

There once was a man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When he was asked why
He was quick to reply
"I always try to fit as many words into the last line as ever I possibly can"
 
There once was an old hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
You gotta admit, she wasn't worth shit
But think of the money he saved
 
UncleSporky said:
There once was a forum called GAF.
'Twas unusually full of riffraff.
They were crude and unkind,
though we didn't much mind,
since at least it was good for a laugh.

They once had this Amirox mod
whose past statements were really quite odd.
There was nothing to see
in his post history,
he was some sort of time travel god!

God's Beard once created a thread
just to boast about soup and some bread.
It exploded with mirth
since he'd paid thrice its worth,
and he soon was embarrassed instead.

The PS3, to its great shame,
is well known to not have any game.
(Though that isn't quite true,
it's got Mass Effect 2,
Killzone 3, and some more I can't name.)

An expert on modern Japan
advised Square to repent, if they can.
Their cross port of FF
is a W-T-F.
They just screwed up their whole business plan!

EviLore was once left seeing red
when a strange girl passed out on his bed.
Men of bold-colored hue,
Yellow, green, red and blue,
performed acts on her best left unsaid.
Click to expand...

Yo, this is some godlike limerick right here.
 
Dellrizla said:
There was once a mouse called Keith,
Who circumcised people with his teeth.
It wasn't for leisure, or sexual pleasure,
But to get at the cheese underneath.

Less of a dirty one:

There was once a man from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
In 24 hours, his willy was flowers,
And his bum was covered in weeds.
Click to expand...

:lol :lol these are the best ones, especially the first one, the rest in this thread are so lame and tame compared to these.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Your favourite quizshows - new and old!
18
714
StabbyStabStabStabStab replied
Your top 10 favorite movies of the 21st century. Post your ballot.
21
51
kunonabi replied
Your favourite, most listened to albums in 2024
18
1K
Nukedisk replied
Post a pic of your new year eve!
5
466
Mihos replied
  • Poll
Have you ever reported a post?
37
387
Fbh replied
Top Bottom