ok, what sort of a jackass does this?
let me elaborate.
i was out of town this weekend, i went to hudson, ny with a friend of mine. he was going to visit his family , and i basically gave him a ride since he doesnt have a car. i stayed along friday night.
his ex gf threw her current boyfriend a party at queens, nyc last night (saturday), and invited my friend. he thought it'd be a good idea to go.
so on our way back from hudson, we stopped by at queens to attend this party.
i only had a glass of wine and a beer, because i had to drive back to brooklyn. now im not much of a party guy, i like to sit back, sip wine and listen to some music while discussing physics or literature. im a nerd.
i love to dance, but not in clubs. i hate clubs.
so anyway, im in the party, mingling, and being otherwise non committal in my usual nonchalant way, while everyone else was getting drunk and dancing.
ultimatley the decision was made to go watch a jazz group at the knitting factory (recommended place, my regular hang out back in college). my friend and i were planning to skip out at that point and come back to brooklyn. we were sorta partying since thursday night on, we were quite partied out.
but.
out of nowhere, my friend hooked up with one of the girls (ah, alcohol is good) like 15 minutes before we were about to leave. and he came over to me and said, "well i think i got something going on over here, i think i'll stick around and go to her place, what about you? you wanna stick around or go back to brooklyn? you gonna be alright driving by yourself?"
why am i elaborating all this? because i am a naive driver. outside of manhattan and brooklyn, i know shit about the other boroughs, and being an abstract thinker, i get confused with directions. i always have to visualize the maps before hand and memorize them. grid pattern of brooklyn and midtown manhattan is good. all of queens and downtown manhattan is an utter nightmare.
if someone tells me to take a right at the third light, i think "wait...third counting from the one straights ahead? or counting from the one after that?"
i have taken the train all my life, so i never needed to drive, though i have known how to drive for quite some time. just recently i got a car and have been driving around regularly. so im not yet very familiar with all the boroughs of new york.
so queens isnt my forte, to say the least.
i was put into a dilemma. i couldnt stick around with him because then he wouldnt be able to hit it. a cockblocker, i am not.
i couldnt go with the rest of the crowd. they were going by subway and i had my car. no, driving my car and meeting up with them wasnt an option, as i explained above, i'd get lost from queens to manhattan.
ok, now i'm getting to the jackass part.
cute chick is almost begging me to come along, we danced a bit earlier...i can never tell if girls are hitting on me or not. she grabbed me, i tworled her around a few times to some salsa music, and she kept asking my friend if i was gonna go to the knitting factory with them after the party.
i mean DUHHHHHHHHHHHH, DUHHHHHHHHHHHH nitewulf (insert actual name here), of course she is hitting on you!!!!!!!!!!!!
so finally when everyone is about to leave the place, she asked me if i was coming along.
and i actually told her that i was gonna drive back to brooklyn.
no wait for it, the idiocy looms near.
she makes a sad face and asks, "why, is brooklyn all that much fun?"
and i said, get this, i am a pimp i tell you, "sure, im gonna drive back home and read a book."
honesty is afterall, the best policy.
...
so she said, "oh, probably something i never even heard of, right?"
again, being a complete nutjob as far as thought processes go, i naturally assumed there was no chance a cute white chick would actually have heard of a novel i'm reading in my native tongue. so even though there existed a nonzero probability that she could have known about the novel, that probability was slim to none.
so obviously my reply was,
"yeah, probably not".
WHAT!!????
so anyway, they left along w/ cute activist chick, im back in brooklyn, and my friend is probably hitting it as we speak.
and im wondering, "wait, why didnt i leave the car...go to the jazz club, get to know her better, ask her to the interpol concert (or whatever) come back to queens in the morning w/ everyone else, get my car...get my jackass friend, and drive back home to brooklyn?"
not to mention on my way back i got lost twice (how the fuck did i get to manhattan through the williamsburg bridge from the BQE, i was avoiding all the exits! and then, how the fuck did i end up on williamsburg and NOT on the BQE on my way back???)
not to mention in the BQE (when i finally found it), all of a sudden my windshield got all fogged up (it was snowing), even though the defogger was on at full blast and i couldnt see shit in front of me!!
all i could think was, "if i ever get home in one piece, i'm shooting myself after a good whack off. because idiots like myself should be shot. repeatedly. and whacking off is probably the only pleasure i'll know in the near future."
let me elaborate.
i was out of town this weekend, i went to hudson, ny with a friend of mine. he was going to visit his family , and i basically gave him a ride since he doesnt have a car. i stayed along friday night.
his ex gf threw her current boyfriend a party at queens, nyc last night (saturday), and invited my friend. he thought it'd be a good idea to go.
so on our way back from hudson, we stopped by at queens to attend this party.
i only had a glass of wine and a beer, because i had to drive back to brooklyn. now im not much of a party guy, i like to sit back, sip wine and listen to some music while discussing physics or literature. im a nerd.
i love to dance, but not in clubs. i hate clubs.
so anyway, im in the party, mingling, and being otherwise non committal in my usual nonchalant way, while everyone else was getting drunk and dancing.
ultimatley the decision was made to go watch a jazz group at the knitting factory (recommended place, my regular hang out back in college). my friend and i were planning to skip out at that point and come back to brooklyn. we were sorta partying since thursday night on, we were quite partied out.
but.
out of nowhere, my friend hooked up with one of the girls (ah, alcohol is good) like 15 minutes before we were about to leave. and he came over to me and said, "well i think i got something going on over here, i think i'll stick around and go to her place, what about you? you wanna stick around or go back to brooklyn? you gonna be alright driving by yourself?"
why am i elaborating all this? because i am a naive driver. outside of manhattan and brooklyn, i know shit about the other boroughs, and being an abstract thinker, i get confused with directions. i always have to visualize the maps before hand and memorize them. grid pattern of brooklyn and midtown manhattan is good. all of queens and downtown manhattan is an utter nightmare.
if someone tells me to take a right at the third light, i think "wait...third counting from the one straights ahead? or counting from the one after that?"
i have taken the train all my life, so i never needed to drive, though i have known how to drive for quite some time. just recently i got a car and have been driving around regularly. so im not yet very familiar with all the boroughs of new york.
so queens isnt my forte, to say the least.
i was put into a dilemma. i couldnt stick around with him because then he wouldnt be able to hit it. a cockblocker, i am not.
i couldnt go with the rest of the crowd. they were going by subway and i had my car. no, driving my car and meeting up with them wasnt an option, as i explained above, i'd get lost from queens to manhattan.
ok, now i'm getting to the jackass part.
cute chick is almost begging me to come along, we danced a bit earlier...i can never tell if girls are hitting on me or not. she grabbed me, i tworled her around a few times to some salsa music, and she kept asking my friend if i was gonna go to the knitting factory with them after the party.
i mean DUHHHHHHHHHHHH, DUHHHHHHHHHHHH nitewulf (insert actual name here), of course she is hitting on you!!!!!!!!!!!!
so finally when everyone is about to leave the place, she asked me if i was coming along.
and i actually told her that i was gonna drive back to brooklyn.
no wait for it, the idiocy looms near.
she makes a sad face and asks, "why, is brooklyn all that much fun?"
and i said, get this, i am a pimp i tell you, "sure, im gonna drive back home and read a book."
honesty is afterall, the best policy.
...
so she said, "oh, probably something i never even heard of, right?"
again, being a complete nutjob as far as thought processes go, i naturally assumed there was no chance a cute white chick would actually have heard of a novel i'm reading in my native tongue. so even though there existed a nonzero probability that she could have known about the novel, that probability was slim to none.
so obviously my reply was,
"yeah, probably not".
WHAT!!????
so anyway, they left along w/ cute activist chick, im back in brooklyn, and my friend is probably hitting it as we speak.
and im wondering, "wait, why didnt i leave the car...go to the jazz club, get to know her better, ask her to the interpol concert (or whatever) come back to queens in the morning w/ everyone else, get my car...get my jackass friend, and drive back home to brooklyn?"
not to mention on my way back i got lost twice (how the fuck did i get to manhattan through the williamsburg bridge from the BQE, i was avoiding all the exits! and then, how the fuck did i end up on williamsburg and NOT on the BQE on my way back???)
not to mention in the BQE (when i finally found it), all of a sudden my windshield got all fogged up (it was snowing), even though the defogger was on at full blast and i couldnt see shit in front of me!!
all i could think was, "if i ever get home in one piece, i'm shooting myself after a good whack off. because idiots like myself should be shot. repeatedly. and whacking off is probably the only pleasure i'll know in the near future."
