Relationship venting thread...help me GAF.

Status
Not open for further replies.
T

Terra

Member
Hey GAF!

I really need to vent something that I have on my chest. I am down and devastated.

I have this girlfriend that i just met for a month. It has been very intense, and very good.
We have really been bonding and I guess you could say that we are very much in love with each other. Very much.

Now...just in the days before we met the first time, four weeks ago. This girl had made vacation plans with another guy, a friend of hers. It´s a guy that I don´t know very much about. Other than that he seems to have a lot of money. And he has been the friend of my girl for five years. I also believe he is quite a shady guy. They have never been sexually involved with each other, or so my girl says.

Now, my girl has went on a two weeks vacation to California and Hawaii with this guy. It´s the most luxury of places and suites with champagne on ice, wich really fits his lifestyle. I am quite the opposite here. I also believe that they share apartments and also bed. He pays for everything.

It was pretty easy for me up to two days before traveling. I did not sleep for three nights and when it finally came to the day for vacation (yesterday) I had kind of a breakdown. Got sad and went home from my girlfriend, we were both in tears. I did not connect to her in any way.

So now they are away, and I just now heard from her in a message, telling me not to worry the slightest, and that she´s not really comfortable with being away, and that she loves me and stuff. And also that cancellation of the trip was impossible, as it was decided to happen before we got involved with each other.

Am I overreacting? Maybe. I am not the jealous type otherwise...but I really feel downplayed here.

Halp!
 
Now...just in the days before we met the first time, four weeks ago. This girl had made vacation plans with another guy. It´s a guy that I don´t know very much about. Other than that he seems to have a lot of money. And he has been the friend of my girl for five years. I also believe he is quite a shady guy. They have never been sexually involved with each other, or so my girl says.

Now, my girl has went on a two weeks vacation to California and Hawaii with this guy. It´s the most luxury of places and suites with champagne on ice, wich really fits his lifestyle. I am quite the opposite here. I also believe that they share apartments and also bed. He pays for everything.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this at all even if you just started dating.. there has to be a line of respect and even if she said she loves you this doesn't show its true. Real love would have her revise her plans for you. This is just my opinion.. i would let her know your feelings and you need to make the decision of moving on or dealing with it. Personally - i dealt with a girl in a smaller way that would do this and i "dealt" with it but my friends made me realize it was all bs and i let her go and found out the truth through the breakup. Again, this is just my experience and could be different.. just be careful and always put yourself first if this is affecting you time to go.
 
I'm sure anyone in your shoes would feel similarly anxious. Maybe she's a good egg and can be trusted, it's impossible to say. But even if she is, you can't predict what he'll do/try to do.

It's a shitty situation for sure. She should've cancelled or at least changed the accommodation setup (as a minimum, call up and ask for a twin room not a double).
 
tumblr_static_tumblr_static_7bjbz178y7sw0g4kcogkk48wg_640.jpg


Yeah, I wouldn't trust the guy, especially after describing him as being shady.

sexlexia

Edit: Didn't see the part about sharing a bed. Yeah, doesn't look good at all.
 
I would feel the same even if it was a long term relationship. Sharing a bed is a big no...But just relax and hope for the best. One month is absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things and you really can't know THAT much about her at this point. Best to just distract yourself for now and try to take the relationship at a much slower pace.
 
You let your girlfriend — who you are very much in love with — go on vacation to Hawaii with a guy you believe to be shady, and they also share a bed? She's her own woman, and can make her own decisions, but you'd be out of your mind to not have misgivings about this situation and be feeling jealous.

I don't want to cast aspersions on your girlfriend — who you are very much in love with — so I'll cast them on her friend instead; if your gut is telling you he is shady, he's probably shady. On their return, you need to have a chat with this dude; tell him to take a hike.
 
Your gf is on a romantic vacation with another guy plus sharing his bed. I'm sure it's fine. But on the off chance she isn't being honest, I'd try moving on.
 
what the hell with the sharing bed. unless it's a relative or gay friend and they're saving money, this sounds fucked up.

Also, why would she do that to you? If the genders were reversed, this would sound just as bad.
 
I don't know what your girlfriend wants in this situation but I'm sure we can all agree on what that other guy wants
 
The obvious answer is move on.

The whole story is absurd on so many levels, and to have intense feelings for her is going to get the best of you in the end. It's been a month, cut it off now.
 
Adults can share a bed and it not be sexual.

Gaf is not a good place to discuss this. All you can do in this situation is choose to trust her or not, choose whether the effect this has on you is something you can weather or not, and continue with your relationship being honest about your own feelings and making decisions that are right for you.

Ignore the people here who call it auto-doomsday. Comments like "they be fucking" aren't useful at all.
 
One of my closest friends is a woman that I've traveled extensively with, sharing hotels, costs, etc, mostly after we both got divorced. We've always had 2 bed rooms but honestly, I can say for certain we could have shared 1 and it wouldn't have made a difference.

We had a trip booked to Toronto for months before I met my SO. Met her 3 weeks before I was scheduled to go. Went anyway. I was always up front about the nature of the friendship. If anything, it made things with my SO stronger because there was a sense of trust and openness.

Bottom line is no, she shouldn't change her plans. What should happen is open and honest communication. If you can't have that, this "love" you speak of is just lust.

All lessons it took me years to learn.
 
Ron Mexico said:
One of my closest friends is a woman that I've traveled extensively with, sharing hotels, costs, etc, mostly after we both got divorced. We've always had 2 bed rooms but honestly, I can say for certain we could have shared 1 and it wouldn't have made a difference.

We had a trip booked to Toronto for months before I met my SO. Met her 3 weeks before I was scheduled to go. Went anyway. I was always up front about the nature of the friendship. If anything, it made things with my SO stronger because there was a sense of trust and openness.

Bottom line is no, she shouldn't change her plans. What should happen is open and honest communication. If you can't have that, this "love" you speak of is just lust.

All lessons it took me years to learn.
Click to expand...

Well said.
 
Zakalwe said:
Adults can share a bed and it not be sexual.

Gaf is not a good place to discuss this. All you can do in this situation is choose to trust her or not, choose whether the effect this has on you is something you can weather or not, and continue with your relationship being honest about your own feelings and making decisions that are right for you.

Ignore the people here who call it auto-doomsday. Comments like "they be fucking" aren't useful at all.
Click to expand...

You are right.
But let's look at the context:
Champagne
Romantic Vacation
Same Bed
Only dated OP for 1 month

Never mind, you are right. They are totally playing scrabble fully clothed right now.
 
Ultima_5 said:
Love after a month? How old are you guys op?
Click to expand...

It happens. It happened to me and moved into a 2 year relationship. I'm still very close with the girl, our lives just moved in separate directions after a while.

MoeDabs said:
You are right.
But let's look at the context:
Champagne
Romantic Vacation
Same Bed
Only dated OP for 1 month

Never mind, you are right. They are totally playing scrabble fully clothed right now.
Click to expand...

You don't know for sure either way.
 
BigAT said:
Are you sure this girl is your girlfriend?
Click to expand...

Bingo.

And come on dude, a month? Give it time bro. Love has to grow and not in a month. That shit is infatuation.

Although I did fall head over heels in love for a girl after 4 months.
 
Terra said:
Hey GAF!

I really need to vent something that I have on my chest. I am down and devastated.

I have this girlfriend that i just met for a month. It has been very intense, and very good.
We have really been bonding and I guess you could say that we are very much in love with each other. Very much.

Now...just in the days before we met the first time, four weeks ago. This girl had made vacation plans with another guy, a friend of hers. It´s a guy that I don´t know very much about. Other than that he seems to have a lot of money. And he has been the friend of my girl for five years. I also believe he is quite a shady guy. They have never been sexually involved with each other, or so my girl says.

Now, my girl has went on a two weeks vacation to California and Hawaii with this guy. It´s the most luxury of places and suites with champagne on ice, wich really fits his lifestyle. I am quite the opposite here. I also believe that they share apartments and also bed. He pays for everything.

It was pretty easy for me up to two days before traveling. I did not sleep for three nights and when it finally came to the day for vacation (yesterday) I had kind of a breakdown. Got sad and went home from my girlfriend, we were both in tears. I did not connect to her in any way.

So now they are away, and I just now heard from her in a message, telling me not to worry the slightest, and that she´s not really comfortable with being away, and that she loves me and stuff. And also that cancellation of the trip was impossible, as it was decided to happen before we got involved with each other.

Am I overreacting? Maybe. I am not the jealous type otherwise...but I really feel downplayed here.

Halp!
Click to expand...

This is fine.
 
Even if your girlfriend doesn't see him that way, he certainly is trying to get in her pants. I wouldn't trust it also. And she being OK with sleeping in the same bed....

Then again, you are together a month. Is that like, you met her a month ago? Because I wouldn't call that a relationship to being with. You are dating. Is she on the same level as you think you two are?

Either way. Start looking around and moving on.
 
Dude come the fuck on. You are in love after a month and she is traveling around with a shady, wealthy guy that wines n dines her and they share a bed? Wake up bro!!!
 
Ron Mexico said:
One of my closest friends is a woman that I've traveled extensively with, sharing hotels, costs, etc, mostly after we both got divorced. We've always had 2 bed rooms but honestly, I can say for certain we could have shared 1 and it wouldn't have made a difference.

We had a trip booked to Toronto for months before I met my SO. Met her 3 weeks before I was scheduled to go. Went anyway. I was always up front about the nature of the friendship. If anything, it made things with my SO stronger because there was a sense of trust and openness.

Bottom line is no, she shouldn't change her plans. What should happen is open and honest communication. If you can't have that, this "love" you speak of is just lust.

All lessons it took me years to learn.
Click to expand...
Were you both official though at that time (3 weeks before)? Or still getting to know each other. I view them as different situations if the latter. If she had a problem with it would you have changed your plans?

Glad it worked out for you btw.
 
Ron Mexico said:
One of my closest friends is a woman that I've traveled extensively with, sharing hotels, costs, etc, mostly after we both got divorced. We've always had 2 bed rooms but honestly, I can say for certain we could have shared 1 and it wouldn't have made a difference.

We had a trip booked to Toronto for months before I met my SO. Met her 3 weeks before I was scheduled to go. Went anyway. I was always up front about the nature of the friendship. If anything, it made things with my SO stronger because there was a sense of trust and openness.

Bottom line is no, she shouldn't change her plans. What should happen is open and honest communication. If you can't have that, this "love" you speak of is just lust.

All lessons it took me years to learn.
Click to expand...

Good for you, but if your SO did have an issue with it would you still do it? Of course not! Clearly OP does have a problem and his "girlfriend" is still doing it knowing how upset he is. That's wrong.
 
MoeDabs said:
You are right.
But let's look at the context:
Champagne
Romantic Vacation
Same Bed
Only dated OP for 1 month

Never mind, you are right. They are totally playing scrabble fully clothed right now.
Click to expand...

I would be very disappointed if my wife was playing Scrabble in that situation.
 
gamz said:
Blah. Love doesn't have time limits. After my first date with my Wife we knew we loved each other. 1 date!

It happens.
Click to expand...

Zakalwe said:
It happens. It happened to me and moved into a 2 year relationship. I'm still very close with the girl, our lives just moved in separate directions after a while.
Click to expand...

That's sweet and all but how old were you guys? That's something that happens in the teens. Early twenties.

Most of the time it's just infatuation at that stage
 
MoeDabs said:
You are right.
But let's look at the context:
Champagne
Romantic Vacation
Same Bed
Only dated OP for 1 month

Never mind, you are right. They are totally playing scrabble fully clothed right now.
Click to expand...

Fully clothed scrabble... that's not going PRO.
 
Guy pays for everything
Lives together
Shares bed

Honestly, you sound like the odd man out. Are you sure shes not just toying with you on the side? They sound more like a couple than what you believe you and her have.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Gaf, tell me about times you got it wrong.
13
213
Blade2.0 replied
Please help me understand Space 2.0 - Universe might have existed before the big bang.
2
90
547
jason10mm replied
Help me find a video
Community 
9
2K
Mistake replied
A little Computer Help Please
34
87
winjer replied
High-End Headphone help
15
568
Xeela_sunston replied
Top Bottom