Okay - The PukeBoy story
So one fine (hot and humid) morning in July, I'm riding the bus to work. I'm sitting in the back half of the bus reading a magazine. The year is 1999. The bus is pretty full at this time of morning as everybody is of course trying to get to work.
The buses in this city travel in the far right lane, which is usually one of the worse lanes in terms of maintenance and the like, so it's bit of a rough ride, especially considering this is an express route, so the buses speed quite a bit.
We're about a third of the way through the hour long bus ride from the suburbs to downtown, when a guy sitting in the very back row of the bus (in the corner), pulls the stop cord, gets up very suddenly, and basically runs off the bus. I think to myself, "That's odd. He must have missed his stop or something." and *almost* think nothing of it.
Then I catch a whiff of something.
I don't recognize it at first, because I haven't seen or done it myself in years, however, it's not long before I recognize the smell. Puke. Barf. Vomit.
Right then, I realize (as the bus begins to move after letting that guy off the bus), "Hey, that guy had something weird on his shirt....OH MAN, THAT WAS PUKE!!"
I'm guessing either the guy was just coming home from the bar, or he got motion sickness, either way, he just threw up in the back of the bus. I take a look at where he was sitting and there's vomit *all* over the window. My only guess is that he tried to puke out the window, but unfortunately for him (and the rest of us), it wasn't open.
So, people are beginning to realize what's happened from the smell, and keep in mind the bus is FULL (standing room only, and even then it's still packed), and it's a hot humid morning. People are trying to move towards the front of the bus, but there's no room to go anywhere.
So, the guy sitting directly in front of puke boy is rather disgusted and is saying he can't believe how bad it smells. Then he touches the back of his head...and smells his hand...and starts to gag. He pulls the stop cord and *RACES* off the bus. I guess puke boy, in his attempt to barf out the window, splattered it, and some of it ricocheted on to this guy's head. Casualty #1.
So the smell is becoming unbearable and people are desperately trying to move to the front. I notice that there's some vomit on one of the bars that you can hang on to when you're standing on the bus, *and* a lady has *just* put her hands on it. As soon as she does, she instinctively pulls her hand away...and of course smells it. Her face contorts and she makes a weird noise and begins to dry heave as well. I thought "Well this is great, we're about to have a domino effect and a tidal wave of vomit on this bus ride" (I've seen it happen before on a ride at the Red River Ex - The Rotor, but that's another story). Thankfully she has enough presence of mind to pull the cord and gets off the bus, dry heaving all the way. I guess puke boy must have had some of his gross regurgitation on his hands and on his way out of the bus, grabbed one of the poles. Casualty #2
So, now the smell has permeated the entire bus, everybody's queasy, and it's freaking hot. The back row is empty and the puke is starting to dry on the window. Some guy gets on the bus, but of course it's packed near the front, but he notices the back row is empty, so he makes his way back there. I don't know why, but *nobody* says *anything* about the puke (although, the smell should have tipped him off). I guess nobody realized he was going to the back seat (myself included). Before we can warn him, he gets into the back row and put his hand and leg in the pool of barf (LOOK BEFORE YOU SIT STUPID). The guy shoots up like a rocket, bashes his knee in the process and throws up in the same corner puke boy #1 did. He pulls the cord, runs off the bus and leaves his bag on the bus (poor dummy). Casualty #3.
By now, it's time for me to get off the bus, and I happily do. I swear to myself that by the end of the year, I will no longer be riding the bus, and if I never have to again in my life, I'll be a happy, happy man. A few questions remain though.
1. Did anybody tell the bus driver?
2. Did he drive around all day like that?
3. How do they clean that filth?
4. Does this happen often?
Moral of the story? LOOK BEFORE YOU SIT, WASH YOUR HANDS WHEN YOU GO
