eot
Banned
Divorce or not, don't put up with that shit. You only have one life, don't spend it with someone screaming at you whatever you do. Fuck that shit.
Should I get a divorce?
- Thread starter GeorgioCostanzaX
- Start date
Kenpachii
Member
Set your boundaries, talk about it that u do not appreciate it. And want changes.
If she doesn't give 2 shits about it and laughs about it, make changes that effect her, like u going to take some time off alone so it affects her and she starts to see that something is up and unusual and maybe dailes back. if she doesn't give 2 shits simple start to move to a exit strategy. No point in staying with somebody that doesn't respect u. She will probably start to realize she gotta change and if not. Moving on to the next one.
If she doesn't give 2 shits about it and laughs about it, make changes that effect her, like u going to take some time off alone so it affects her and she starts to see that something is up and unusual and maybe dailes back. if she doesn't give 2 shits simple start to move to a exit strategy. No point in staying with somebody that doesn't respect u. She will probably start to realize she gotta change and if not. Moving on to the next one.
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Stiflers Mom
Banned
I really don't know what the dynamics are in your relationship, and it would probably be interesting to hear what she is telling her friends about her relationship with you.
I guess though, that you are a too nice person for her.
Women are just so weird, and different to what we men actually expect. I read once, that you need to treat women like they were little girls. Don't take them and their hissing fits seriously.
Not that this is easy, I have been falling into this trap of giving her moods too much weight many times myself.
In the end I guess from what you write, that she kind of despises you for being the gentle person you are.
Also, I wonder if she hates herself a bit that she is still together with you, instead of being a man that can cope with her crazy behavior and treats her like the little stupid bitch she is.
It sounds harsh, but many men have been with horrible women like this, and had to learn how to show them their limits.
If it's worth it in the end I don't really know.
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Super Mario
Banned
The haircut thing is overrated. It's like a fat girl putting on makeup to look attractive. At the end of the day, it's a moot point. A fancy haircut might get the quick attention of a young girl in the club if you are young. Other than that, if you work out, no one really cares about your hair as long as it's not homeless hair.
I can't understate the importance of working out, as so many people have. Being fit and muscular is such a self-confidence booster, and puts you in control.
LokusAbriss
Member
HeadsUp7Up
Member
Divorce is not easy emotionally or financially and is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. It's not a decision to be taken lightly and it should be done only after exhausting all other avenues. You all desperately need counseling and I would suggest a couple that does counseling. Women are more inclined to listen to women and vice versa for men.
So to answer your question: No.
So to answer your question: No.
Pallas
Member
Look you aren't happy and she's obviously not happy, prolonging that marriage is just misery for you and her. Honestly if it hasn't come to mind yet(it probably should have) she could have already moved on and seeing someone else. If anything you should talk to a lawyer, and get ahead of it. Shits just going to get worse, unless you honest to god believe you can salvage it but why would you? She's treating you like shit.
There, I said my piece and I didn't mean to fire off on you for venting OP.
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Stiflers Mom
Banned
My experience differs on that, but you do you..
D
Deleted member 775630
Unconfirmed Member
First get your financials in order. Obviously I don't know her at all, and we only have this small paragraph to work with, but she sounds horrible, and the type of person that will go for everything you have if you divorce her.
ThatGamingDude
I am a virgin
Agreed; I'm not Catholic myself, but I'd suggest discussing it with your clergy, if that's your thing
If not, then move to discussing it with a counselor on your own, and if suggested, move to marriage counseling
As a kid of divorced parents, don't listen to the knuckle heads saying "Show her up!" and stuff
As the kid, both my parents are still my parents, your divorce doesn't change that.
However, a lot of their actions towards each other during the divorce made me lose a ton of respect for both parents (I was a teenager at the time). If they would have spent more time focusing on us kids than fighting with each other...might have been a better use of energy and time
Talk to a counselor and discuss future options (Staying together, etc) and be civil if it comes to that; stand your ground, sure, but don't do anything that's in the vein of revenge
Let the other party dig their own holes; if you do end up getting separated, at that point you're worrying about your side of the street, not theirs.
If you got no holes on your side of the street to fill, you're in good shape for relaxing and putting that energy towards good healthy things, than being petty and vengeful.
diffusionx
Gold Member
I just want to know how many people advocating for a divorce have actually been through one.
Because it is the worst, most miserable, most soul-draining, most stressful, and most emotionally traumatic event a person can have, outside of perhaps losing a child. It is not something to be done lightly. That's not to say it isn't good for some people, but one must really think about whether or not it is worth it to go through hell on earth for X months or years to come out on the other side.
My personal feeling is that anything you think can be tried, should be tried, before you get to the point where you are calling divorce lawyers. Divorce should literally be the last option.
Because it is the worst, most miserable, most soul-draining, most stressful, and most emotionally traumatic event a person can have, outside of perhaps losing a child. It is not something to be done lightly. That's not to say it isn't good for some people, but one must really think about whether or not it is worth it to go through hell on earth for X months or years to come out on the other side.
My personal feeling is that anything you think can be tried, should be tried, before you get to the point where you are calling divorce lawyers. Divorce should literally be the last option.
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Weiji
Banned
100% this. Self respect, friends and autonomy first. Decision on marriage later.
GeorgioCostanzaX
Member
It's a religion based on guilt and confession lol. Haven't been to church for years but kept it up when my grandma was still alive: when she passed we pretty much all stopped going but the up brining of saying hail Mary's and asking for forgiveness still remains a part of my psyche for better or worse. We're basically like orthodox Jews who also worship a hippie very little fire and brimstone anti gay rhetoric and hate spewing at least at the churches I attended. Protestant churches always seemed way more dependent on the personal views of the preacher anyway. I think I'm over this for today not making any rash decisions I'm going to continue to just focus on improving myself and achieving my weight loss goal and not playing into her bullshit. Also when we have big blow ups I tend to drink and play games alone so that probably needs to stop...
Thanks all!
SlimySnake
Flashless at the Golden Globes
get a divorce.
SiteSeer
Member
if you didn't have the child, then definitely, why haven't you already? with a child makes it much more difficult, maybe see a therapist or get some counseling. how you describe her behavior is red flags all over. good luck, there are no good options at this point, just bad and worse options.
Bryank75
Banned
Get evidence and witnesses / if your neighbors hear this screaming / shouting (they probably wont want to get involved) but try asking if they would write something for your lawyer.
Bring her to court.
Do not divorce straight away... try and put away some money (not in an account or anything), properly hidden. leave as little in your accounts as possible.
Nobody deserves that shit...
(Go to therapy as the guys suggested above)
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BlackOlivesMatter
Banned
Yes
Hinedorf
Banned
I'm in a 10 year marriage and a lot of ways I think I'm a lot like your wife is to you only it's clear i'm not as consistently mean. Like her I come from a yelling family, it's not violent but I communicate through screaming, just something you get from having a hard ass construction working father with his own emotional shortcomings.
Like your wife I get super passionate about stuff and lose my shit. The big red flag is her staying at friends houses......my wife would lose her shit to be away from me for even a night for any reason at all if she didn't have to. The fact that your wife is regularly not present with you is the biggest BIG RED FLAG that if i were you I wouldn't be so believing in the fact it's just women.
It sounds to me like she's already done with you, and if you had the good sense any woman who treated you that way should be done to you but you have a kid.
If you're staying with her for the kid, you're doing both yourself and the kid a problem. Kids do 10% of what they're told and 90% of what they see, don't think you're hiding any toxic behavior from the child because you can't. I have to keep asking the question, if she's completely disrespectful to your face what makes you think she's respectful to you when she's not around you? If she doesn't value you are you sure it's because she's irritated with you when compared to a man she does value in her life?
I'll shorten it.....if she's not cheating then she's just a major cunt. If she's not just a major cunt she's likely a major cheating cunt. That's the only thing I can think in this situation.
Like your wife I get super passionate about stuff and lose my shit. The big red flag is her staying at friends houses......my wife would lose her shit to be away from me for even a night for any reason at all if she didn't have to. The fact that your wife is regularly not present with you is the biggest BIG RED FLAG that if i were you I wouldn't be so believing in the fact it's just women.
It sounds to me like she's already done with you, and if you had the good sense any woman who treated you that way should be done to you but you have a kid.
If you're staying with her for the kid, you're doing both yourself and the kid a problem. Kids do 10% of what they're told and 90% of what they see, don't think you're hiding any toxic behavior from the child because you can't. I have to keep asking the question, if she's completely disrespectful to your face what makes you think she's respectful to you when she's not around you? If she doesn't value you are you sure it's because she's irritated with you when compared to a man she does value in her life?
I'll shorten it.....if she's not cheating then she's just a major cunt. If she's not just a major cunt she's likely a major cheating cunt. That's the only thing I can think in this situation.
Barsinister
Banned
Just out of curiosity, how many people posting in this thread make themselves the villain in their own personal life story?
Great job with the new exercise routine. Honestly, i'd get my financials in order and then have a serious talk with her. I wouldn't take on new activities after work and not come home because that would likely backfire with you and your kid's relationship.
It already sounds like she's done with you. It could just be time to start your next chapter in life.
It already sounds like she's done with you. It could just be time to start your next chapter in life.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
I read this the other day and I feel like its a good thing to reflect upon, especially if you have a kid.
concordmediationcenter.com
You mold your children based upon your relationship with your spouse. They'll eventually grow up and base their relationship off of the one you had because that's how they were raised. I remember my parents fighting like cats and dogs. I was glad the day my mom moved to an apartment. The fighting stopped.
Focus on Children - Concord Mediation Center
concordmediationcenter.com
You mold your children based upon your relationship with your spouse. They'll eventually grow up and base their relationship off of the one you had because that's how they were raised. I remember my parents fighting like cats and dogs. I was glad the day my mom moved to an apartment. The fighting stopped.
GeorgPrime
Banned
Jeah just tell her to do something useful once and shut the fuck up. Tell her that as long as she doesnt talk normal with you that she doesnt have to talk to you at all. Take or leave it. You now where the door is.
Turn into a Alpha Male once and show her where her place is - in that case thats more than necessary
But in the end it seems like both of you are better off with a divorce
Dont stay together just because of the kids or she will mentally destroy you over time. It seems like that already happens.
You need to be a good father, even if that means to be seperated from the mother but a broken one cant help his kid.
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Plus in some states the man is not just fleeced but more like skinned alive regardless of circumstances.
I missed that, yeahhhhh, staying at friends houses is a) suspicious b) even if she is not having an affair it shows some major dysfunction in a relationship.
Bolivar687
Banned
Don't get a divorce. Stand up to your wife. Go to counseling. Lose the weight.
"Traditionally Catholic" means something else. Find a Latin mass parish when this is over and take your daughter there every week, go to catechism classes with her.
"Traditionally Catholic" means something else. Find a Latin mass parish when this is over and take your daughter there every week, go to catechism classes with her.
Tesseract
Banned
Moogle11
Banned
She's being emotionally abusive. Put your foot down a demand marriage counseling and individual therapy for both of you. Work on yourself and losing some weight as well. You'll feel better, it may help the marriage, and if not you'll still be healthier and more attractive when you're ready to get back in the game.
She says no to counseling and therapy, it's time to leave. You give it a fair shot for a few months and the counseling and therapy doesn't help, time to go. Life is too short to be unhappy, much less abused.
She says no to counseling and therapy, it's time to leave. You give it a fair shot for a few months and the counseling and therapy doesn't help, time to go. Life is too short to be unhappy, much less abused.
sonomamashine
Member
Get a lawyer, divorce, take care of your daughter, get a new wife.
Moogle11
Banned
Sorry op, that sounds like a fucking nightmare. You make beaucoup bucks though
Sadly doesn't go nearly as far in the Bay Area as most other places. Especially if he has to pay child support and alimony if he gets screwed in family court.
sonomamashine
Member
Classicrockfan
Banned
Divorce her,it would be better for the kids why should they be around seeing someone get verbally abused they might also start acting that way later to each other or when they get older to their significant others.
sonomamashine
Member
OP haven't you notice that you being overweight is because of her constantly verbally abusing you ?
Hinedorf
Banned
I see a lot of people on here saying divorce and it's a much easier thing to do till you're in a marriage. I don't think OP would be posting here if he wasn't looking for some help/opinions sans his own worst case scenario.
Because we don't have all the details the #1 place the OP needs to start is open the communication, ask why she is this why, ask whats going on, ask what can be done to change behavior. If that doesn't happen then nothing will change good or bad.
Communication and Compromise fix everything, divorce should be a worst case scenario, you got married for reasons, see if you can figure out why you lost that first. The easiest thing to do is just quit and it solves nothing going forward.
Because we don't have all the details the #1 place the OP needs to start is open the communication, ask why she is this why, ask whats going on, ask what can be done to change behavior. If that doesn't happen then nothing will change good or bad.
Communication and Compromise fix everything, divorce should be a worst case scenario, you got married for reasons, see if you can figure out why you lost that first. The easiest thing to do is just quit and it solves nothing going forward.
synchronicity
Member
Don't put up with that abuse. If your wife won't get counseling and/or listen to your objections to her abuse while thoughtfully changing her behavior and making amends to you, then show her the door / hit the road yourself. Let her wallow in her own misery.
Tesseract
Banned
whenever a woman yells at you, just walk out the house and drive away
cool off
answer the phone if she calls, she'll wanna know you keep a lifeline open for her and your daughter (and you should)
fuck that predatory shit tho, you are the man of the house
tame that crazy bitch
cool off
answer the phone if she calls, she'll wanna know you keep a lifeline open for her and your daughter (and you should)
fuck that predatory shit tho, you are the man of the house
tame that crazy bitch
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StormCell
Member
I have two words I can't believe I didn't see anywhere else in the thread: Love & Respect (Google this)
If she's a decent woman with honest and good intentions, then she will respond to love. It could easily be something about your marriage and the way you interact with her that leaves her feeling as though you don't really love her.
Definitely, you are seeing disrespect from her. Disrespect is how a scorned woman will respond to her husband if she perceives he is being unloving. She's communicating it loud and clear to you, although she may not know why she is having these feelings or that it stems from not feeling loved by you.
I wouldn't be quick to place the blame in this damaged relationship. Every married couple I know goes through these phases of hurting one another. Things he does makes her feel unloved. Things she does makes him feel disrespected.
What you perceive as a power play (the threatening of divorce) is actually not as bad as if she began to cut you out of her life entirely and had no verbal communications with you. Her use of the divorce mention might be her way of probing to see if you're even still interested in continuing the marriage.
So before I began any divorce proceedings, I would at least give the book a few chapters of reading and try to talk to her about your relational difficulties. You may be surprised to find out that she hasn't felt love from you in many years. Men can do this and be completely oblivious to the fact because for most of us it's not our first nature and not at all how we prefer to relate with one another (feelings).
If you want to, please feel free to reach out to me to chat more. I think every marriage has the potential to be salvaged predicated on the fact that you have decent and good willed people on each end of it. It takes a special kind of character to intentionally enter into a marriage with the sole intention of abusing and wrecking it.
If she's a decent woman with honest and good intentions, then she will respond to love. It could easily be something about your marriage and the way you interact with her that leaves her feeling as though you don't really love her.
Definitely, you are seeing disrespect from her. Disrespect is how a scorned woman will respond to her husband if she perceives he is being unloving. She's communicating it loud and clear to you, although she may not know why she is having these feelings or that it stems from not feeling loved by you.
I wouldn't be quick to place the blame in this damaged relationship. Every married couple I know goes through these phases of hurting one another. Things he does makes her feel unloved. Things she does makes him feel disrespected.
What you perceive as a power play (the threatening of divorce) is actually not as bad as if she began to cut you out of her life entirely and had no verbal communications with you. Her use of the divorce mention might be her way of probing to see if you're even still interested in continuing the marriage.
So before I began any divorce proceedings, I would at least give the book a few chapters of reading and try to talk to her about your relational difficulties. You may be surprised to find out that she hasn't felt love from you in many years. Men can do this and be completely oblivious to the fact because for most of us it's not our first nature and not at all how we prefer to relate with one another (feelings).
If you want to, please feel free to reach out to me to chat more. I think every marriage has the potential to be salvaged predicated on the fact that you have decent and good willed people on each end of it. It takes a special kind of character to intentionally enter into a marriage with the sole intention of abusing and wrecking it.
Arimer
Member
Try counseling first if you think there' anything there worth saving, if she refuses or you don't see the point then you already have your answer. You're still a young man, change things while you can still bounce back because someday soon you'll be an old man without that oppurtunity.
Chaplain
Member
When did your wife's emotional issues begin? I ask because sudden mental issues often times are due to medical complications (e.g., thyroid imbalance).
"Symptoms of thyroid conditions exist on a sort of two-sided coin. On one side, there's hyperthyroidism (too much thyroid hormone), which causes the body's cells to go into a sort of metabolic overdrive. Weight loss, anxiety, irritability, sweating, difficulty sleeping, as well as rapid, irregular and pounding heartbeats are all common symptoms, and any combination of them (and others) can exist in people with hyperthyroidism ... On the other side, you had hypothyroidism (too little thyroid hormone), which causes the same cells' metabolic processes to slow to a crawl. Results include weight gain, depression, poor memory, increased sensitivity to cold, fatigue, muscle weakness and slowed heart rates ... While the causes of thyroid issues are largely unknown, women are five to eight times more likely than men to encounter them, according to the American Thyroid Association. Those with a family history of thyroid disorders are also at an increased risk, Kopp says." (Exactly What to Do If You Suspect Thyroid Problems)
"Symptoms of thyroid conditions exist on a sort of two-sided coin. On one side, there's hyperthyroidism (too much thyroid hormone), which causes the body's cells to go into a sort of metabolic overdrive. Weight loss, anxiety, irritability, sweating, difficulty sleeping, as well as rapid, irregular and pounding heartbeats are all common symptoms, and any combination of them (and others) can exist in people with hyperthyroidism ... On the other side, you had hypothyroidism (too little thyroid hormone), which causes the same cells' metabolic processes to slow to a crawl. Results include weight gain, depression, poor memory, increased sensitivity to cold, fatigue, muscle weakness and slowed heart rates ... While the causes of thyroid issues are largely unknown, women are five to eight times more likely than men to encounter them, according to the American Thyroid Association. Those with a family history of thyroid disorders are also at an increased risk, Kopp says." (Exactly What to Do If You Suspect Thyroid Problems)
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