HP_Wuvcraft
Banned
And by watched, I mean watched. In the most literal definition of the word. My eyes were privy to the actions on screen and they brought that information into my brain, a Saw-like captive participant to this massacre. It physically hurt. I had to leave for the bathroom to just get away once, and I fell asleep twice. But let me back up, give context to why I would possibly see what I already knew was going to be a bad film.
Dad, my bro-bro, and I were at the Metreon in San Francisco tonight, discussing an upcoming trip and generally hanging out. We wanted to go see a film, and it was between Deadpool, Batman v. Superman, and Midnight Special. I had seen Deadpool, and I could actually stomach BvS again cause I knew that would at least be an interesting conversation on the ride home. But what I did not expect, and I honestly should have after seeing Compton with my dad, was that his odd racism would kick in and he'd pony up to see Meet the Blacks just to complain about black representation in the industry and how it is their problem or some shit.
Let me say right now that after Meet the Blacks, I no longer give a shit about Batman v. Superman being a shit film. Its so high above the bullshit in MtB that it doesn't even register. BvS was offensive to comic book readers as well as being a bad film, but MtB was offensive to fucking everyone and everything as well as being a bad film. It's like trying to complain about how wrestling is fake when there's a fucking axe murderer in your house. It's not "that's offensive but talking about an issue that needs discussion". It's not even "that's offensive but hilarious". It's not even "I saw The Purge and this is funny". Hell, it's even more horrible than the Spoof Movie Movies.
So I mean, I guess you can say that if the purpose of a film is to make you feel, then Meet the Blacks accomplished that mission by making me feel sick for existing.
But I get ahead of myself. So we three find seats in the very back of the theater. There are about twenty previews, all for films with actors of color. My dad leans in and starts it up: "I don't get why there's a big commotion about the lack of representation in film. All I see are black people".
"Dad" I go "That's because the film we're about to see stars a mainly African-American cast".
"Oh."
So. The movie begins with Snoop Dog in white-face (yup) playing the president, even though for some reason, George Lopez plays him later (in a scene that would be funny in any other movie). He goes over the basics of what a Purge is. By the way, this film is an all too on-the-nose comedic parody of The Purge in which whites hunt blacks. Anyhow. Then we're presented with a voice over from Omar Epps detailing, through comic book pages accompanied by gangster rap, what should have been the first twenty minutes of the film. He worked for a drug dealer but stole all the guys money and drugs, then moved to L.A. to start a new life for his family. Because apparently Purges don't happen in L.A., even though nothing in the film states they don't and they actually reference that Purges happen in L.A. all the time. Omar Epps just likes saying "fuck Chicago".
Let's scroll back. The main character steals money as well as drugs. The money is actually contextual, but there's no reason ever stated as to why he also needed to steal the drugs. Well, except so Cro-Mag (or something), his gangster cousin he took with him from Chicago because that's what you do when you are trying to get your family away from gangs, to smoke it all. Because, honestly, him taking the drugs also makes him a drug dealer. When we're supposed to root for him as the plucky but put-upon guy trying to make things right. I'd let it slide if not for the fact that the rest of the movie is horribly, brutally, 100% racist. Even for a comedy. So right in the first two minutes, our main character is a drug dealer and the writing is fucked.
Omar Epps is driving up to his new house. The black security guard stops him and goes "excuse me, but I'm not sure if you've noticed, but you're a nigga and those are not allowed inside". And when I say "nigga", I am just using that as a way to get around using the Plantation Version of the slur, which is thrown around like a Hot Potato when you're playing the game Hot Potato. So Epps and Security Guard have a scene where they throw around the N word, and this is supposed to be funny because it's two black guys calling each other that word us whites can't use. Only it's the White Version of That Word and not The Black Version of That Word.
Epps gets home, which is still being unpacked because have you seen the budget of this film?. They have just moved in. He wants to find his wife and kids. I'm pretty sure they wanted to cast Kevin Hart, but Kevin Hart is too busy getting more famous, so they just told Omar Epps to be Kevin Hart and then they gave him a dose of Asperger's Syndrome through vaccination. We are introduced to his family: his daughter who does nothing in this film. Actually, no, she serves two purposes: have a crazy boyfriend who tries to rape her in a scene played off as pure chuckles, and make a completely out-of-nowhere homophobic comment about sleeping with her mother. His son, who thinks he is a vampire. By "thinks he is a vampire", I mean wears fangs and a cape. Other than that, he seems pretty normal and as useless as the sister. Oh, and the vampire thing? Never ever pays off. It's not a character arc, it's not revealed that he is a vampire by killing the main bad guy. He just.... that's his thing.
And then we get to his wife, who spends the first five minutes of her introduction in an outfit that probably belonged to the costume designer's S&M playroom. There's no contextual reason for her to be wearing it, either. She's also supposed to be the most down to Earth and reasonable of the family. So of course that means wearing an outfit that makes you look like Elvira's personal trainer. It's such a pity, too, because she is the only character that has anything remotely resembling an arc. Oh, and the kids hate her, too, because she's Mexican and not really black. Not because their mom died and she's the replacement.
Omar Epps then steps into the scene that is the most racist out of the entire movie, which is fucking saying something. And by "most racist", I mean how the fuck did this get greenlit. There's a Nigerian insurance claims agent looking for Epps, and so what does Epps do upon laying eyes on him? Nope, not ask who he is or what he's doing. He proceeds to, and again I'm laying this on as soft as I can, berate him for being darker skinned than he is. So now we have a scene where two black men sling slurs at each other because they are not the same skin tone. Colorism, oh, that's so funny! Kevin Omar Epps Hart gets in a few zingers about how Insurance Agent should go back to Africa, while Insurance Man makes hilarious jokes about raping his wife. I need to point out that Insurance Agent's weapon during The Purge is a fucking blowgun.
This is a movie made by people in 2016.
This film is like if Lionel Mandrake wrote a hilarious trilogy of books in the late 80s that had strong subtext of progressivism for race relations, only for the film to be directed by Zack Snyder and written by Tim Burton and Fred Armisten's lovechild.
I fell asleep. When I woke up, the actual Purge was happening. Now, for a movie parody of The Purge (which honestly does not need to happen because even The Purge films are not subtle about their metaphors), this assumes a lot of the audience. It assumes we've either seen The Purge or heard of it, although the film itself never really explains The Purge even though it is thrown around as if the actors are just improving their scenes. The white homeowners have come from the Black family, in a never ending series of monologues (once again played for laughs) about how the blacks are going to fuck all of the white women. This is where Charlie Murphy and Paul Mooney come in. More on Paul in a bit, but for no let's focus on Charlie Murphy. He is honestly the only good actor in this film, killed off in the same scene in which he is introduced as a fairly important character to his film's shoestring mythology. It's okay, though, because it is implied at the end that he survived because of a scene in which they for some reason go over the rules of scary movies and then forget they were even talking about it because that idea was stupid as fuck. Seriously, that's how that scene goes. They introduce the "Scream Rules" idea and then discard it in a matter of seconds.
Here's actually how that scene goes:
"We've been acting like black people this whole time. We need to think like white people."
And that joke would have actually landed if it were played as a joke and not straight. The most obvious joke in the movie was done as a serious moment.
Charlie Murphy. And you know that Eddie Murphy had to sit through this festering pile of minstrel dressed up as satire and tell his brother "you did a good job, man".
Paul Mooney plays a KKK member. It's a scene that is blatantly trying to make you remember the Black KKK Skit from Dave Chapelle.
Mike Tyson plays a bad wig.
There are, like, five different "end boss" characters that you can just tell the movie was written on the spot. Although I did laugh at the Final End Boss being told The Purge was over, only for him to respond with "oh, no, you see, I just kill black people".
It ends with an obvious lead-in to a sequel, although I did not understand why. But then I saw the end credits. This is the first film for Snoop Dog's new production company, Snoopalicious Films. Great first job, dude, making a film full of racial self-hatred and all of the worst stereotypes.
I hated this film so much, and it's only now calming down. Like, not just from the racism angle. Every aspect of this film was just done so lousy. I felt bad for having someone pay for a ticket for me, for having seen it, for being white and contributing to an industry that says yes to this.... stuff.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go downstairs and eat a shitload of cheese.
Dad, my bro-bro, and I were at the Metreon in San Francisco tonight, discussing an upcoming trip and generally hanging out. We wanted to go see a film, and it was between Deadpool, Batman v. Superman, and Midnight Special. I had seen Deadpool, and I could actually stomach BvS again cause I knew that would at least be an interesting conversation on the ride home. But what I did not expect, and I honestly should have after seeing Compton with my dad, was that his odd racism would kick in and he'd pony up to see Meet the Blacks just to complain about black representation in the industry and how it is their problem or some shit.
Let me say right now that after Meet the Blacks, I no longer give a shit about Batman v. Superman being a shit film. Its so high above the bullshit in MtB that it doesn't even register. BvS was offensive to comic book readers as well as being a bad film, but MtB was offensive to fucking everyone and everything as well as being a bad film. It's like trying to complain about how wrestling is fake when there's a fucking axe murderer in your house. It's not "that's offensive but talking about an issue that needs discussion". It's not even "that's offensive but hilarious". It's not even "I saw The Purge and this is funny". Hell, it's even more horrible than the Spoof Movie Movies.
So I mean, I guess you can say that if the purpose of a film is to make you feel, then Meet the Blacks accomplished that mission by making me feel sick for existing.
But I get ahead of myself. So we three find seats in the very back of the theater. There are about twenty previews, all for films with actors of color. My dad leans in and starts it up: "I don't get why there's a big commotion about the lack of representation in film. All I see are black people".
"Dad" I go "That's because the film we're about to see stars a mainly African-American cast".
"Oh."
So. The movie begins with Snoop Dog in white-face (yup) playing the president, even though for some reason, George Lopez plays him later (in a scene that would be funny in any other movie). He goes over the basics of what a Purge is. By the way, this film is an all too on-the-nose comedic parody of The Purge in which whites hunt blacks. Anyhow. Then we're presented with a voice over from Omar Epps detailing, through comic book pages accompanied by gangster rap, what should have been the first twenty minutes of the film. He worked for a drug dealer but stole all the guys money and drugs, then moved to L.A. to start a new life for his family. Because apparently Purges don't happen in L.A., even though nothing in the film states they don't and they actually reference that Purges happen in L.A. all the time. Omar Epps just likes saying "fuck Chicago".
Let's scroll back. The main character steals money as well as drugs. The money is actually contextual, but there's no reason ever stated as to why he also needed to steal the drugs. Well, except so Cro-Mag (or something), his gangster cousin he took with him from Chicago because that's what you do when you are trying to get your family away from gangs, to smoke it all. Because, honestly, him taking the drugs also makes him a drug dealer. When we're supposed to root for him as the plucky but put-upon guy trying to make things right. I'd let it slide if not for the fact that the rest of the movie is horribly, brutally, 100% racist. Even for a comedy. So right in the first two minutes, our main character is a drug dealer and the writing is fucked.
Omar Epps is driving up to his new house. The black security guard stops him and goes "excuse me, but I'm not sure if you've noticed, but you're a nigga and those are not allowed inside". And when I say "nigga", I am just using that as a way to get around using the Plantation Version of the slur, which is thrown around like a Hot Potato when you're playing the game Hot Potato. So Epps and Security Guard have a scene where they throw around the N word, and this is supposed to be funny because it's two black guys calling each other that word us whites can't use. Only it's the White Version of That Word and not The Black Version of That Word.
Epps gets home, which is still being unpacked because have you seen the budget of this film?. They have just moved in. He wants to find his wife and kids. I'm pretty sure they wanted to cast Kevin Hart, but Kevin Hart is too busy getting more famous, so they just told Omar Epps to be Kevin Hart and then they gave him a dose of Asperger's Syndrome through vaccination. We are introduced to his family: his daughter who does nothing in this film. Actually, no, she serves two purposes: have a crazy boyfriend who tries to rape her in a scene played off as pure chuckles, and make a completely out-of-nowhere homophobic comment about sleeping with her mother. His son, who thinks he is a vampire. By "thinks he is a vampire", I mean wears fangs and a cape. Other than that, he seems pretty normal and as useless as the sister. Oh, and the vampire thing? Never ever pays off. It's not a character arc, it's not revealed that he is a vampire by killing the main bad guy. He just.... that's his thing.
And then we get to his wife, who spends the first five minutes of her introduction in an outfit that probably belonged to the costume designer's S&M playroom. There's no contextual reason for her to be wearing it, either. She's also supposed to be the most down to Earth and reasonable of the family. So of course that means wearing an outfit that makes you look like Elvira's personal trainer. It's such a pity, too, because she is the only character that has anything remotely resembling an arc. Oh, and the kids hate her, too, because she's Mexican and not really black. Not because their mom died and she's the replacement.
Omar Epps then steps into the scene that is the most racist out of the entire movie, which is fucking saying something. And by "most racist", I mean how the fuck did this get greenlit. There's a Nigerian insurance claims agent looking for Epps, and so what does Epps do upon laying eyes on him? Nope, not ask who he is or what he's doing. He proceeds to, and again I'm laying this on as soft as I can, berate him for being darker skinned than he is. So now we have a scene where two black men sling slurs at each other because they are not the same skin tone. Colorism, oh, that's so funny! Kevin Omar Epps Hart gets in a few zingers about how Insurance Agent should go back to Africa, while Insurance Man makes hilarious jokes about raping his wife. I need to point out that Insurance Agent's weapon during The Purge is a fucking blowgun.
This is a movie made by people in 2016.
This film is like if Lionel Mandrake wrote a hilarious trilogy of books in the late 80s that had strong subtext of progressivism for race relations, only for the film to be directed by Zack Snyder and written by Tim Burton and Fred Armisten's lovechild.
I fell asleep. When I woke up, the actual Purge was happening. Now, for a movie parody of The Purge (which honestly does not need to happen because even The Purge films are not subtle about their metaphors), this assumes a lot of the audience. It assumes we've either seen The Purge or heard of it, although the film itself never really explains The Purge even though it is thrown around as if the actors are just improving their scenes. The white homeowners have come from the Black family, in a never ending series of monologues (once again played for laughs) about how the blacks are going to fuck all of the white women. This is where Charlie Murphy and Paul Mooney come in. More on Paul in a bit, but for no let's focus on Charlie Murphy. He is honestly the only good actor in this film, killed off in the same scene in which he is introduced as a fairly important character to his film's shoestring mythology. It's okay, though, because it is implied at the end that he survived because of a scene in which they for some reason go over the rules of scary movies and then forget they were even talking about it because that idea was stupid as fuck. Seriously, that's how that scene goes. They introduce the "Scream Rules" idea and then discard it in a matter of seconds.
Here's actually how that scene goes:
"We've been acting like black people this whole time. We need to think like white people."
And that joke would have actually landed if it were played as a joke and not straight. The most obvious joke in the movie was done as a serious moment.
Charlie Murphy. And you know that Eddie Murphy had to sit through this festering pile of minstrel dressed up as satire and tell his brother "you did a good job, man".
Paul Mooney plays a KKK member. It's a scene that is blatantly trying to make you remember the Black KKK Skit from Dave Chapelle.
Mike Tyson plays a bad wig.
There are, like, five different "end boss" characters that you can just tell the movie was written on the spot. Although I did laugh at the Final End Boss being told The Purge was over, only for him to respond with "oh, no, you see, I just kill black people".
It ends with an obvious lead-in to a sequel, although I did not understand why. But then I saw the end credits. This is the first film for Snoop Dog's new production company, Snoopalicious Films. Great first job, dude, making a film full of racial self-hatred and all of the worst stereotypes.
I hated this film so much, and it's only now calming down. Like, not just from the racism angle. Every aspect of this film was just done so lousy. I felt bad for having someone pay for a ticket for me, for having seen it, for being white and contributing to an industry that says yes to this.... stuff.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go downstairs and eat a shitload of cheese.
