Support NeoGAF

[j-wood]

I should be graduating college this coming May, and am fixing to send in a resume and cover letter to a job that looks perfect for me, and I'm pretty excited about it. This is my first real deal though, so would you guys give me some input on my cover letter? I'd really appreciate it.

I am applying for the technical systems analyst position. This position would be a perfect match for a person with my technical support experience and education in Management Information Systems.

I am currently a senior at my college and anticipate graduating in May 2010 with a degree in Business Administration/Management Information Systems. Throughout my career here at the university, I took classes that enhanced my skills. One of these classes focused extensively on networking. The topics included network infrastructure, windows server configuration, routers, switches, and digital and analog communications. This class also had a semester project that involved setting up a server with Windows Server 2003 and a client machine with Windows XP. This project gave me valuable experience in configuring DHCP, DNS, and the TCP/IP protocols.

In collaboration with my education, I am gaining valuable experience working at my college’s College of Businesses’ IT support office in a multi-user environment. In this position, I am responsible for maintaining the computers, managing the software, and troubleshooting the network for the college. I also handle technical support issues for faculty and staff that arise. These include, but are not limited to, virus and spy-ware removal, hardware/software installation and support calls, proper configuration of Microsoft Office products, such as linking Outlook 2007 to the Microsoft Exchange server on campus, and data back-ups. Furthermore, I am required to log all issues and their eventual resolution in an online information system called Footprints. I am also responsible for deciding when and how to solve issues, as this position requires self-management on a daily basis.

I have experience in designing and implementing an information system. This year I created a Microsoft Access database to manage the inventory of the College of Business. This is an expansive database that stores necessary information, such as serial numbers and location, of all of the computers, projectors, printers, and visual presenters in the building.

This past October, I met with a representative from Network Solutions at the career fair at my college. I thoroughly enjoyed learning about the company, and became very excited about the possibility of working there. I am confident that I would be a perfect fit at Network Solutions. My education, experience, and background match the job requirements well. I am genuinely interested in joining the team and contributing my skills.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

I replaced my school's name with "my college" if those parts sound a little weird, so disregard them lol

 

[funkmasterb]

Too long. 1 paragraph, 2 max. (RECRUITERS) Won't read the novel you have here.

Also, I'd say you focus to much on excitement, enjoyed etc...and it doesn't come off as professional.

 

[∀ Narayan]

Too long. 1 paragraph, 2 max. Won't read the novel you have here.

Why even post this shit.

 

[funkmasterb]

Why even post this shit.

Because that's the most useful advice he'll receive jackass.

Recruiters DON'T have time to read your life story, and if your resume is decent, they shouldn't have to read it

 

[oxrock]

I suggest just stating that you have experience with whatever and then going into details in the actual resume

 

[LogicStep]

Why even post this shit.

He does have a point, resumes need to be kept short and to the point.

 

[∀ Narayan]

Because that's the most useful advice he'll receive jackass.

Recruiters DON'T have time to read your life story, and if your resume is decent, they shouldn't have to read it

Ah. I misunderstood. I thought your post was equivalent to the "tl;dr" statement. Although, in regard to the cover letter and resume - the same would probably apply.

 

[j-wood]

You really think it's too long? It's 1 page in word, and I've been told by a few teachers and the career people here that's what I needed to shoot for. The job posting had alot of requirements and preferences, so I thought it would be a good idea to point out as much of those as I meet in 1 page.

Just for a full grasp of the situation, here is what my resume looks like

Education My College

• Bachelor Degree in Business Administration/Management Information Systems
• Anticipated Graduation Date: May 2010
• Current GPA: 3.7 of 4.0
Experience
My college | Support Agent

August 2006 – Present

• Maintain and update teacher desktops, student labs, mobile labs, and classroom desktops
• Install and maintain classroom equipment such as projectors, speakers, and DVD players
• Troubleshoot hardware, software, and networking issues
• Install network cards, video cards, hard drives, and RAM
• Use imaging software on a mobile lab and classroom desktops
• Manage an inventory database
• Keep a log of issues

Kroger | Cashier

Summer job from May 2005 – August 2009

• Respond to customer issues and handle them accordingly
• Count down register tills
Skills
• Proficient PC and Macintosh Use
• Microsoft Office Suite Including: Access, Excel, Word, PowerPoint
• Visual Basic Programming
• VB Scripts
• Java Scripts
• Java Programming
• ASP.Net Programming
• SQL Database Programming
• Windows Server Including DHCP and DNS Configuration
• Norton Ghost
• Acronis Imaging Software
• Sysprep
• Computer Forensics
• PC, Mac, and Network Troubleshooting


References Available Upon Request

 

[zhenming]

You should list accomplishments, not want you know and learned. You can have a separate "skills" section for that...

like.....

managed 100 computers on a daily basis

 

[j-wood]

He does have a point, resumes need to be kept short and to the point.

Just to clarify here, the first post is my cover letter. I just posted what my resume looks like. Both equal 1 page in word. The job requires both be sent in.

 

[LogicStep]

Just to clarify here, the first post is my cover letter. I just posted what my resume looks like. Both equal 1 page in word. The job requires both be sent in.

Ah I see. Wouldn't be a bad idea to have a teacher or someone you know in the field to check your resume and letter out to see what they think.

 

[funkmasterb]

Personally, I think it's too long. I just had a masterclass from a guy at the top of our extremely competitive field at one of the forefront companies in it. Basically he said, 1-2 paragraphs, unless you want to increase the risk the recruiter not reading anything at all, which is killer.

In your case, where you don't have a portfolio as well - MAYBE 2-3 paragraphs.

But basically yes, keep it as short as possible.

You really think it's too long? It's 1 page in word, and I've been told by a few teachers and the career people here that's what I needed to shoot for. The job posting had alot of requirements and preferences, so I thought it would be a good idea to point out as much of those as I meet in 1 page.

Just for a full grasp of the situation, here is what my resume looks like

Education My College

• Bachelor Degree in Business Administration/Management Information Systems
• Anticipated Graduation Date: May 2010
• Current GPA: 3.7 of 4.0
Experience
My college | Support Agent

August 2006 – Present

• Maintain and update teacher desktops, student labs, mobile labs, and classroom desktops
• Install and maintain classroom equipment such as projectors, speakers, and DVD players
• Troubleshoot hardware, software, and networking issues
• Install network cards, video cards, hard drives, and RAM
• Use imaging software on a mobile lab and classroom desktops
• Manage an inventory database
• Keep a log of issues

Kroger | Cashier

Summer job from May 2005 – August 2009

• Respond to customer issues and handle them accordingly
• Count down register tills
Skills
• Proficient PC and Macintosh Use
• Microsoft Office Suite Including: Access, Excel, Word, PowerPoint
• Visual Basic Programming
• VB Scripts
• Java Scripts
• Java Programming
• ASP.Net Programming
• SQL Database Programming
• Windows Server Including DHCP and DNS Configuration
• Norton Ghost
• Acronis Imaging Software
• Sysprep
• Computer Forensics
• PC, Mac, and Network Troubleshooting


References Available Upon Request

 

[SapientWolf]

My advice is drop the bullet points on the skills and make them into a list. You should also quantify and claim credit for as much as you can. For example, maybe you figured out how to reduce the average customer transaction time by some percentage saving the company x dollars. That's the way the decision makers think so you have to think the same way.

 

[Peronthious]

One thing I've been told is to not have things on your resume which don't pertain to the job you're applying for, which here would be Kroger. All it serves here is to show you didn't piss away your summers partying or sitting around.

You may want to reword your support agent activities so they sound more like things you did, not things you're supposed to do (i.e., "Keep a log of issues" would become "Kept a log of issues")

Also, "References Available Upon Request" isn't necessary. The recruiter knows your references are available upon request, having it there is superfluous.

 

[Fuzzy]

I was going to make a joke about making it as "white" as possible and link to that thread from last week but I'm too lazy to find it.

 

[j-wood]

Well, if you guys think it needs to be shorter, what would you cut out? Here is what the job posting looks like.

Job Summary:
We are looking for a highly motivated and self-manageable candidate to become an integral team member of a growing IT Consulting firm. We provide full-scale professional IT Services for a number of small to medium sized businesses. Our team is professional, reliable and fun.

Job Tasks:
Provide network support for a growing client base. Monitor and maintain network infrastructures. Proactively recommend changes to improve system stability and reliability.
Work directly with customers on a consulting basis to assist with all aspects of IT infrastructure management including:
Budgeting
Support
Data management
Data migration
Security
Training

Additional Job Tasks Include:
Diagnose and resolve hardware and software issues in an efficient and timely manner.
Research, test and deploy new technology.
Create and provide innovative solutions to complex technical problems
Contribute to project planning and strategies, including systems analysis, design, implementation, and testing.
Manage a web based support queue of tickets assigned and show initiative to address items in the queue based on priority.
Maintain a tracking system of hours billed and report them appropriately on a regular basis to fulfill company requirements and customer billing practices.
Monitor network performance in order to determine whether adjustments need to be made, and to determine where changes will need to be made in the future including determining the practical/business effects those changes might make to LIVE system operations.
Plan, coordinate and implement network security measures in order to protect data, software and hardware.
Diagnose hardware and software problems, and replace defective components in a cost effective and efficient manner.
Research new technology, and implement it or recommend its implementation.

Experience in the following areas is required:
Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration, Management Information Systems or a related field.
Experience in network administration, systems analysis and design, and support activities in multi-user network environments.
Legal experience preferred.
Must display an interest in career development, continual education, and a desire to create and implement innovative solutions.
Must demonstrate a high level of organizational skills and the ability to self-manage and prioritize a dynamic workload.
Must always exercise the highest ethical standards.

The following knowledge is required:
Proficiency with computing hardware including:
Desktop and Laptop computer configuration and BIOS knowledge
Networking equipment: router, firewall, WAP, switches, ISP/PBX equipment
Servers: SCSI configuration, Raid arrays, Backup tape drives, BIOS
PBX/Telephony equipment
Proficiency with computer software including:
Microsoft Windows.
Microsoft Windows Server
DHCP
DNS
TCPIP
RRAS
Terminal Services
Microsoft SQL Server
TCPIP. Especially that related to Internet connectivity and troubleshooting
Microsoft Office
Microsoft Exchange Server
Desktop Imaging & Standardization
Microsoft Terminal Services
Backup Software, devices and media

Personal Requirements:
Well organized and detail oriented.
Excellent oral and written communication skills.
Excellent problem solving abilities.
Get it done attitude and ability.
Self Management / Innovative

 

[Zaptruder]

You people realise that people that read large volumes of text aren't forced to read each and every word right? They skim read it.

1 page is fine for a cover letter; but make sure that it is easily read, easily skimmed. Have about 3-4 points that you want to emphasize, and structure each paragraph so that each point is explicitly and clearly stated.

The first paragraph is simply preamble; I've heard fantastic things about your company, looking forward to providing you with the benefit of my skills and services... something to butter them up and formally state intention.

Last paragraph is a simple summary; I believe that these points, along with what's in my resume show that I am an able and willing applicant for this position, and look forward to meeting you in person!

Doesn't have to be in those words... but that's the general and classic structure of a well written cover letter.


While the cover letter is mostly fluff, it does demonstrate a couple things that the resume itself might not; that you're able to write, that you're articulate, but also concise and to the point. At the worst, a well written cover letter will help you appear more intelligent than candidates with poorly written cover letters.

 

[industrian]

My CV/Resume right now is two full pages. Which is arguably the longest it should ever be. It's hella condensed but it's laid out neatly. I used to work alongside the recruitment people in Human Resources in my previous job and they gave it the green light.

My name, address and contact details are in the header.

Page 1 has a 100-word-max paragraph on me and how awesome I am and why I should get the job over everyone else. Then my tightly listed and specific-for-the-job 8-10 "Core Skills." Then my Education and Work Experience. Always include dates and full addresses for Education and Work Experience.

Page 2 is Work Experience, Personal Projects (freelance web design, my personal interests and stuff goes here) and two references with full contact details.

Your bullet lists should have 5 bullet points max. If you want more, do 10 max and put them side by side in a table.

References Available Upon Request

Don't do this.

 

[j-wood]

You people realise that people that read large volumes of text aren't forced to read each and every word right? They skim read it.

1 page is fine for a cover letter; but make sure that it is easily read, easily skimmed. Have about 3-4 points that you want to emphasize, and structure each paragraph so that each point is explicitly and clearly stated.

The first paragraph is simply preamble; I've heard fantastic things about your company, looking forward to providing you with the benefit of my skills and services... something to butter them up and formally state intention.

Last paragraph is a simple summary; I believe that these points, along with what's in my resume show that I am an able and willing applicant for this position, and look forward to meeting you in person!

Doesn't have to be in those words... but that's the general and classic structure of a well written cover letter.


While the cover letter is mostly fluff, it does demonstrate a couple things that the resume itself might not; that you're able to write, that you're articulate, but also concise and to the point. At the worst, a well written cover letter will help you appear more intelligent than candidates with poorly written cover letters.

That's what I've learned the cover letter should be. What do you think of mine?

 

[Dies Iræ]

I would make significant changes to cover letter.

Cut how much you're saying in half and ensure that it all has a purpose. Some of your statements are spurious, such as the fourth paragraph on information systems. This is information that ought to be in your resume and therefore has no value in a cover letter.

You may consider rewriting the components of the letter that aren't discarded. Some of the writing comes across as too mechanical. Remember, a cover letter should demonstrate enthusiasm and interest in the job itself. This isn't a resume!

For example, I would rewrite the beginning of your cover letter as follows:

"Dear Mr. X,

I am very pleased to offer myself as a candidate for the position of technical systems analyst with [growing IT Consulting firm.] Your organization's emphasis on network support and direct customer consultation reflects my own academic and professional orientation."

Blah, blah, blah. The goal isn't to tell them your qualifications, it's to show them how some of your specific qualifications make you perfectly suited for their position.

Be simple, concise, and specific. Try not to overload your cover letter, corollary information and "proof" should be reserved for your resume.

 

[Zaptruder]

That's what I've learned the cover letter should be. What do you think of mine?

Merge the last paragraph with the first; compliment them, tell them you've heard great things about them and would be eager to work for a company of such a sterling reputation... then remove the rest of the references to how much you're looking forward to things.

Maybe experiment with using italics for the software that you know (to help aid in skim reading).

And seek to reduce ancillary information that can be better gleaned from your CV. Emphasize on the readability...

 

[j-wood]

There is some great advice in here guys. I really appreciate it. I'm going to do some reworking of this tonight and I'll post what I've changed in the morning and see what you guys think then. I really appreciate it.

 

[tak]

I think one important thing to remember is that the rules of cover letter writing and resume writing are not set in stone since the same person is not going to read your cover letter and resume for every job you apply.

Your best bet is to do a little research and try to figure out who is reading your cover letter and resume and try to figure out what they look for in a cover letter and resume. It's not always possible narrow things down to a single person, but it is always possible to narrow things down to a particular field.

 

[Exilexc]

First - I know you are trying to brag on yourself ( which everyone does ). But don't use "I" so much, if you re-word some of your sentences you can make a greater impact with your applications. This is their first image of you, and you look how you write. If that makes sense to you.

Second- This needs to be shorter. Ask yourself would you want to read 200 of those ? No.. Also, you tell of your experiences, but you fail to tell the company your plans if they hire you. That is where "most" people mess up.

Good luck man, and don't put all your eggs in one basket.

 

[NeoUltima]

I've been told cover letters are basically useless nowadays and employers don't care for them. Don't give one unless they specifically want one.

Pretty much all about resumes nowadays. Give resume, they like resume, they call, they like you in call, you get interview, like you in interview, get job.

Resumes get you interviews, good interviews get you jobs.

edit: with that said, you should have a few sentences of your 'objectives/what you are looking for' at the start your resume after the contact info.

 

[Salazar]

Résumé.

Respect the accents. There was apparently a Jewish mystical sect whose adherents held that a misplaced diacritical mark in the transcription of divine will was what let evil (imperfection, see ?) into the world.

 

[Phobophile]

Résumé.

Respect the accents. There was apparently a Jewish mystical sect whose adherents held that a misplaced diacritical mark in the transcription of divine will was what let evil (imperfection, see ?) into the world.

Considering even the firat acute accent is optional and the French say curriculum vitae themselves, it's prolly a rather moot point.

 

[Commodore_Perry]

IMHO tl;dr. As someone who has had to do a lot of hiring in his lifetime, and been asked to sit in on a lot of HR interviews to give my opinion on an applicant, in my experience the most successful people at getting the initial interview and getting hired are always the ones that keep it to about 2-3 short paragraphs which are no longer than half a page. If you're worthy of the job you're applying for, your cover letter should be an ice breaker and your résumé should do all the talking.

...But then again, you mention that your profs said otherwise. You're applying for a job in IT, which I've never had experience with. The preferences change across the spectrum of career fields. Perhaps instead of consulting GAF you should consult those profs who are probably more qualified to give you an opinion. While you're at it, you should probably ask them if you can list them as a reference, since they're some of the best ones to have.

 

[Salazar]

Considering even the firat acute accent is optional and the French say curriculum vitae themselves, it's prolly a rather moot point.

Optional like underpants are optional. In any case, the French are modern civilization's masters of nepotism (with the clear exception of undemocratic and undeveloped nations), so they probably consider the things redundant.

 

[duracell017]

Quick question.

So towards the end of the interview, they would ask if I have any questions. Usually I do not cuz they are telling me everything. Should I always ask something and do employers used that portion of the interview as a kicker to move the candidate up? My field would be IT.

 

[McBacon]

Quick question.

So towards the end of the interview, they would ask if I have any questions. Usually I do not cuz they are telling me everything. Should I always ask something and do employers used that portion of the interview as a kicker to move the candidate up? My field would be IT.

If you don't ask a question, you will not get the job. If you can't think of anything you can just say like "what do you think is going to happen in Season 6 of LOST" and "do you pull your pants all the way down when you pee". It doesn't matter what you ask, its just about asking a question.

 

[Osaka]

If you don't ask a question, you will not get the job. If you can't think of anything you can just say like "what do you think is going to happen in Season 6 of LOST" and "do you pull your pants all the way down when you pee". It doesn't matter what you ask, its just about asking a question.

I don't get this. :lol

 

[usea]

If you don't ask a question, you will not get the job. If you can't think of anything you can just say like "what do you think is going to happen in Season 6 of LOST" and "do you pull your pants all the way down when you pee". It doesn't matter what you ask, its just about asking a question.

No question is better than certain questions. For example if you say "So, what does your company do?" then you will instantly be removed from consideration.