Ned Flanders
Banned
..and I'm thoroughly convinced that this may be my most hated film of all time. Let me count the ways:
1. And this seems almost like a minor point now, but it was my immediate complaint upon first seeing the previews. Umm..FINDING NEMO, anyone? You're telling me the studio was completely unaware that Disney/Pixar were planning a G-rated blockbuster CGI movie involving talking aquatic life? Ever think that may put your film at a conceptual disadvantage from the audience standpoint? Or was this a deliberate gravy-train maneuver? Its like Tarzan coming out a year and a half after The Jungle Book. WTF
2. Its almost plainspokenly stereotypical. For those that don't know, the premise of the film is that Jack Black plays a shark who befriends a fish that he can't bring himself to eat (sound at all like any of the characters from Finding Nemo?) because he's vegetarian (the preview gave a very 'gay-outcast' vibe to Blacks character). The fish (Will Smith) upon remaining uneaten, declares himself the "Shark killer" as a front for Black. The catch is that sharks are presented as the, -you guessed it- Italian mafia!! So of course we get treated to boatloads of hammed up mafiso wop-isms..but the stereotyping doesn't stop there!!
As the producers of the movie explained, the film is essentially split into 2 settings, the dark, drab realm of the Shark mafia, and the overtly shiny in-yo-face "Hip Hop world"!! It's packed with 'flava' and even features....featu...*ahem*...FEATURES RASTAFARIAN JELLYFISH voiced by none other than Ziggy Marley and "I'm still employed" Doug E. Doug. The mind FUCKING BOGGLES.
What bothers me as much as anything is the FUCKING actors who volunteer for these roles. We've got Michael Imperioli (Christophuh..WHY??), Peter Falk, and Robert DeNiro, none of whom have ever been known for portraying mobsters before *cough* sailing headlong into Clicheville, and the Jellyfish seem to have no problem embracing stereotypical views of themselves. And why not? They're probably both too HIGH ALL THE TIME to notice, right Mr Bumbaclot Rastaman?? Marty Scorcese even 'gets crunk' with the lingo while unknowingly exchanging hip-hop slanguage with Will Smith's character! An old white guy trying to be hip!! Who'da thunk of that one!!
I know its a childrens film and I'd expect some things to be dumbed down for a mass audience anyway, but the sheer bombardment of the cliches and stereotypes delivered by this movie was just staggering. And you'd like to think that the people that we'd least likely want to pollute with stereotypes would be the impressionable minds of young children. But instead we get the cultural-diversity cops handing us patronizing enlightenment. This is why I hate political correctness. All it does is shift the prejudice to a less perceptable (or perhaps 'more acceptable') level...but anyway.
3. The soundtrack seemingly represents everthing I hate about modern music today. Its chock full of artists I despise (The talentless Missy Eliot!! The desperate-to-be-down Justin Timberlake!!), doing a shitload of, -you guessed it again- FUCKING MUSICAL RETREADS!! X-tina and Missy take on destroying "Car Wash", and Mary J Blige and the Fresh Prince give "Got To Be Real" a modern perspective it never deserved. Then Ziggy Marley teams up with dimness-perpetuator Sean Paul to further soil his fathers memory with a remake of "Three Little Birds". Keep covering dads tunes Ziggy, and casket gymnastics will be an Olympic sport by 2008!! It's like, we hear these tunes enough thanks to sampling and the revivalist hipster retro culture that populates our trendy period flicks and "baby boomer demographic appeal" car commercials..did they really need a 5TH RADIO COMEBACK?!?!
In addition to the retreads we've got fresh new tracks from champion of ignorance Ludacris and the youngest pop-slut on record, JoJo. My heart flutters with anticipation for the soundtrack. If you played it in a church Jesus would probably leap from his crucifix before using it as a sledgehammer to pulverize the disc to shards.
I'm probably not overreacting to this at all, but I just couldn't help but be appalled at this seemingly benign childrens film being so chock full of subliminal corruption and stereotype pandering. It would appear to easily be the most safe, derivative, sugarcoated pop culture piece of corporate dogshit filmmaking since the dawn of cinema. If movies are food for the brain then you can call Dreamworks "Moron Catering", because this film hits "lowest common denominator" on every cylinder. Which of course means they may as well be printing money. Can't wait till it scores record ticket sales come fall!!
Oh did I mention that the movie even has funny UNDERWATER FLATULENCE! Tee hee!! If I wind up going Trenchcoat Mafia in the Dreamworks studios, GAF forgive me.
1. And this seems almost like a minor point now, but it was my immediate complaint upon first seeing the previews. Umm..FINDING NEMO, anyone? You're telling me the studio was completely unaware that Disney/Pixar were planning a G-rated blockbuster CGI movie involving talking aquatic life? Ever think that may put your film at a conceptual disadvantage from the audience standpoint? Or was this a deliberate gravy-train maneuver? Its like Tarzan coming out a year and a half after The Jungle Book. WTF
2. Its almost plainspokenly stereotypical. For those that don't know, the premise of the film is that Jack Black plays a shark who befriends a fish that he can't bring himself to eat (sound at all like any of the characters from Finding Nemo?) because he's vegetarian (the preview gave a very 'gay-outcast' vibe to Blacks character). The fish (Will Smith) upon remaining uneaten, declares himself the "Shark killer" as a front for Black. The catch is that sharks are presented as the, -you guessed it- Italian mafia!! So of course we get treated to boatloads of hammed up mafiso wop-isms..but the stereotyping doesn't stop there!!
As the producers of the movie explained, the film is essentially split into 2 settings, the dark, drab realm of the Shark mafia, and the overtly shiny in-yo-face "Hip Hop world"!! It's packed with 'flava' and even features....featu...*ahem*...FEATURES RASTAFARIAN JELLYFISH voiced by none other than Ziggy Marley and "I'm still employed" Doug E. Doug. The mind FUCKING BOGGLES.
What bothers me as much as anything is the FUCKING actors who volunteer for these roles. We've got Michael Imperioli (Christophuh..WHY??), Peter Falk, and Robert DeNiro, none of whom have ever been known for portraying mobsters before *cough* sailing headlong into Clicheville, and the Jellyfish seem to have no problem embracing stereotypical views of themselves. And why not? They're probably both too HIGH ALL THE TIME to notice, right Mr Bumbaclot Rastaman?? Marty Scorcese even 'gets crunk' with the lingo while unknowingly exchanging hip-hop slanguage with Will Smith's character! An old white guy trying to be hip!! Who'da thunk of that one!!
I know its a childrens film and I'd expect some things to be dumbed down for a mass audience anyway, but the sheer bombardment of the cliches and stereotypes delivered by this movie was just staggering. And you'd like to think that the people that we'd least likely want to pollute with stereotypes would be the impressionable minds of young children. But instead we get the cultural-diversity cops handing us patronizing enlightenment. This is why I hate political correctness. All it does is shift the prejudice to a less perceptable (or perhaps 'more acceptable') level...but anyway.
3. The soundtrack seemingly represents everthing I hate about modern music today. Its chock full of artists I despise (The talentless Missy Eliot!! The desperate-to-be-down Justin Timberlake!!), doing a shitload of, -you guessed it again- FUCKING MUSICAL RETREADS!! X-tina and Missy take on destroying "Car Wash", and Mary J Blige and the Fresh Prince give "Got To Be Real" a modern perspective it never deserved. Then Ziggy Marley teams up with dimness-perpetuator Sean Paul to further soil his fathers memory with a remake of "Three Little Birds". Keep covering dads tunes Ziggy, and casket gymnastics will be an Olympic sport by 2008!! It's like, we hear these tunes enough thanks to sampling and the revivalist hipster retro culture that populates our trendy period flicks and "baby boomer demographic appeal" car commercials..did they really need a 5TH RADIO COMEBACK?!?!
In addition to the retreads we've got fresh new tracks from champion of ignorance Ludacris and the youngest pop-slut on record, JoJo. My heart flutters with anticipation for the soundtrack. If you played it in a church Jesus would probably leap from his crucifix before using it as a sledgehammer to pulverize the disc to shards.
I'm probably not overreacting to this at all, but I just couldn't help but be appalled at this seemingly benign childrens film being so chock full of subliminal corruption and stereotype pandering. It would appear to easily be the most safe, derivative, sugarcoated pop culture piece of corporate dogshit filmmaking since the dawn of cinema. If movies are food for the brain then you can call Dreamworks "Moron Catering", because this film hits "lowest common denominator" on every cylinder. Which of course means they may as well be printing money. Can't wait till it scores record ticket sales come fall!!
Oh did I mention that the movie even has funny UNDERWATER FLATULENCE! Tee hee!! If I wind up going Trenchcoat Mafia in the Dreamworks studios, GAF forgive me.
