• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

Tasteless Jokes Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
B

Bildocube

Member
Warning, not for the faint of heart

Post your most tasteless jokes here. The only one I can think of that made me crack up lately is the Maddox Schiavo animated gif:

tanim1.gif


:lol
 
D

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
When you said "tasteless jokes" I didn't know you meant "played out Maddox jokes from last week".

Boooo-urns.
 
Blackace

Blackace

if you see me in a fight with a bear, don't help me fool, help the bear!
after working as a union laborer for 4 years I know a lot of baaaaad jokes... so here is one don't read if you are offended by anything.

what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? nothing you already tried to tell her twice
 
F

FoneBone

Member
Bildocube said:
Warning, not for the faint of heart

Post your most tasteless jokes here. The only one I can think of that made me crack up lately is the Maddox Schiavo animated gif:

tanim1.gif


:lol
Click to expand...
Is the joke that it's not actually animated?
 
D

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
FoneBone said:
Is the joke that it's not actually animated?
Click to expand...
No, the joke's that she actually hates the color green, but can't do or say shit about it because she's a fucking vegetable! EES SO FUNNY.
 
L

Lathentar

Looking for Pants
What do Michael Jackson and someone who wins a silver medal have in common?

They both come in a little behind.
 
W

whytemyke

Honorary Canadian.
Man... these are all sooo weak.

First off, that south park aristocrats video is fucking hilarious. I was literally laughing my ass off when the 9/11 shit started. "Running around naked covered in shit and piss and cum screaming, 'OH MY GOD THEY'RE COMING DOWN!!!'" Wow. Funny, funny shit.

Hm. we can always use the dead baby jokes:
What's the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies?
-I don't have a corvette in my garage.

What's black and white and silve?
-A baby with forks stuck in its eyes.

...then you can always do the ol' Jew jokes. Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

There's disgusting...
Leper with gangrene goes into a bar. He's scared as shit as he doesn't wanna gross anyone out. So he sits there and tells the bartender, "Hey, I can leave if you want. I totally understand if I gross people out." The bartender says "Nahhh... You're fine." So the leper has a beer. Then a customer runs out and throws up. The leper says "Hey, I'm gonna go. I'm sorry." The bartender insists he sits down and finishes another beer, saying that nothing is wrong. So he does. Then TWO people run out vomitting. The Leper is adamant this time, insisting he should go. The bartender says "No no no, here, next ones on me." They have some small talk as the leper enjoys his brew. Then THREE people go out and vomit, screaming and such about how disgusting it is. And the Leper finally just gets up to go, and the bartender says "Why you leaving?!" The Leper decries, "Because, man, I'm grossing people out!" And the bartender says, "Thats not you... it's the guy next to you dipping his chips in your arm."

Oh... I could go on and on and on with things that would surely offend almost anyone here. My buddies and I, when in High School, would purposely try to say the most offensive things we possibly could, just to piss everyone else off. It was fun.


EDIT: oh yeah, and another good racial joke...
Why can't Stevie Wonder read?
Because he's black.
 
J

Justin Bailey

------ ------
I think I first saw this one here on GAF some time ago:

What's black, white, red all over, and can't get onto an elevator?

A nun with a spear through her head
 
B

boredJonathan

Member
My two favorites that play into each other..

How do you get a baby into a jar?

A blender.

How do you get a baby out of a jar?

FRITOS!
 
F

fallout

Member
Dead baby joke:

You know what's gross?

A dead baby.

You know what's grosser than that?

A big pool of dead babies.

You know what's grosser than that?

One's alive at the bottom.

You know what's grosser than that?

He's eating his way out.

You know what's grosser than that?

He made it.

You know what's grosser than that?

He's going back for seconds.
 
G

gollumsluvslave

Member
What's green and melt's in your mouth?
A leper's cock



There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".



You might need to come from the UK to get this one:-


Wifey come's up to one of those posh guy's on the Antique's Roadshow, slaps down a used tampon...

"I'll give you fifty quid if you can tell me which period that's from"
 
M

ManDudeChild

Member
gollumsluvslave said:
What's green and melt's in your mouth?
A leper's cock



There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".



You might need to come from the UK to get this one:-


Wifey come's up to one of those posh guy's on the Antique's Roadshow, slaps down a used tampon...

"I'll give you fifty quid if you can tell me which period that's from"
Click to expand...

You win the thread.
 
P

Prince of Space

Banned
One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings. She opens it to a guy, ''Hi, is Tony home?'' The wife replies, ''No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want.'' So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says ''You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one.'' Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says ''That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together.'' Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look. A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, ''You know, your friend Chris came over.'' Tony thinks about it for a second and says, ''Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?''



Two old ladies are standing at a bus station and one of them is smoking. Suddenly it starts raining so the smoking one takes out a condom from her purse, cuts the edge off and puts it over the cigarette. Her friend asks her: ''What are you doing?!?'' So she replies: ''I don't want my cigarette to get wet so I covered it with a condom'' So her friend asks: ''What’s a condom? Where did you get it?'' So she says: ''At the pharmacy'' So the next day her friend goes to the pharmacy and asks the clerk if she can get a condom. The clerk asks: ''What size?'' So she replies: ''I dunno, one that will fit a camel''
 
S

Sullichin

Member
Bildocube said:
Warning, not for the faint of heart

Post your most tasteless jokes here. The only one I can think of that made me crack up lately is the Maddox Schiavo animated gif:

tanim1.gif


:lol
Click to expand...

Animated? :lol :D
 
M

Minotauro

Finds Purchase on Dog Nutz
tsu.jpg


Ta da!


Actually, my favorite tasteless joke is as follows...

What's the worst part about eating bald pussy?

Putting the diaper back on when you're finished.
 
T

Triumph

Banned
Justin Bailey said:
I think I first saw this one here on GAF some time ago:

What's black, white, red all over, and can't get onto an elevator?

A nun with a spear through her head
Click to expand...
Hey, that's mine! But it works better if you say javelin for some reason.

Some others of note:

What's the difference between a penguin and Michael Jackson?

A penguin is both black and white. Michael Jackson is somewhere in between, and he also molests children.

What's the worst thing about having sex with young boys?

Getting the blood off the clown suit afterwards.
 
S

Smidget

Member
What's black and blue and hates sex?

The 4 year old in my trunk

What's better than having sex with a 6 year old asian boy?

Nothing.
 
O

ocelittle

Banned
Dead baby jokes:

What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock?
You can't f*** a rock.
When a woman is in labor, why do the doctors boil water?
So if it the baby doesn't make it, everyone can have soup.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at a window?
A baby in a microwave.
What's blue and sits in the corner?
A dead baby in a ziplock bag.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby two weeks later.

Can't think of anymore right now.
 
M

Matlock

Banned
A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later,
they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.
 
H

hXc_thugg

Member
Matlock said:
A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later,
they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.
Click to expand...

Jokes with realistic endings!
 
L

Loki

Count of Concision
A man is taking his usual jog along the beach one morning when he happens upon a lady crying near the shore. She has no arms, and no legs, so she's basically a stump with a head. He inquires, "why are you so upset?"; she responds, "well, I've never been hugged before". So with that, he proceeds to give her a hug to ease her troubles, and goes on his way.

The next day, he jogs past her again and again she's crying. He stops and asks what's the matter, and she says "I've never been kissed, and I'm so depressed about it..." He then gives her a kiss, tells her to keep her head up, and jogs off.


A few days later, he encounters her again, and again she's crying. He asks, "what's wrong now?" She replies, "Well, I don't know exactly how to say this politely, but, well...I've never been fucked before."


So he picks her up, throws her in the water, and says "now you're fucked!" :D
 
C

CajoleJuice

Member
This is really old, but the one just posted is just as old, so here goes...

A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat starts to sink.
The men are ready to get off the boat and...

The rabbi says, "What about the children!?"

The lawyer says, "Fuck the children!"

The priest says, "Do you think we have time?"
 
J

jadehorizon1

Member
Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in court to get divorced ...

Minnie lawyer gets up and questions Mickey who is up at the witness stand


Lawyer - "So Mickey ... you you think your wife is crazy?"


Mickey - "No man ... I think shes fucking goofy"



:D
 
W

WedgeX

Banned
What's the difference between babies and bowling balls?

You can't load bowling balls onto a truck with a pitchfork.
 
S

StoOgE

First tragedy, then farce.
whats green and smells like pork?

Kermits finger.

three tampons walking down the street, which one would you talk to?

None of them, they are all stuck up bitches.
 
M

miyuru

Member
I heard these on GAF from the last thread:

Who's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken

What do you call Magic Johnson in a wheelchair?
Rollaids
 
H

Hitokage

Setec Astronomer
Heh, this is back from my elementary days but it still gives me a smile...

What's black, white, and "red" all over?

Two nuns in a chainsaw fight.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

What if the Seinfeld characters were the “heroes” of Lord of the Rings?
9
661
Pegasus Actual replied
Comedy doesn't work if you're literal-minded, says John Cleese
11
2K
Trilobit replied
AI could be used to create a traditional looking cartoon so detailed that would be impossible before.
38
3K
FeralEcho replied
An Ancient Roman novelty souvenir stylus found in London
39
2K
Hookshot replied
A Week in London: What I Didn’t Expect
Social 2 3 4
152
6K
Donald mac Ronald replied
Top Bottom