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[Triumph]

That would be "Fairytale of New York". I'm not sure who originally wrote it, but the best performance IMHO is by the Pogues featuring Kirsty Maccoll. I mean, you can't really beat a song about getting thrown in the drunk tank and breaking up with your girl on Christmas Eve.

Lyrics:

It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
And I turned my face away
And dreamed about you

Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true

They've got cars
Big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old

When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me

You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on the corner
Then danced through the night

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing 'Galway Bay'
And the bells were ringing
Out for Christmas day

You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Living there almost dead on a drip
In that bed

You scum bag
You maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God
It's our last

I could have been someone
So could anyone
You took my dreams
From me when I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you

 

[Coop]

BZZZ Wrong

Mr. Hankey: Howdy Ho.
The Virgin Mary was sleepin'
When Angel Gabriel appeared
He said, "You are to be the virgin mother."
And Mary thought that was weird.

Kenny: (So she sat him down and told him,
that she went and blew a guy last year.)

Mr. Hankey: But then Gabriel said to Mary,
"My child, have no fear."

Kenny: ('Cause you can suck all the dick you want)

Together: And still be a virgin, Mary.

Kenny: (You can suck all the dick you want)

Mr. Hankey: And still not be considered flawed.

Kenny: (And Mary, just relax and play,
and suck some through the night)

Together: You're still a virgin in the eyes of God.

Mr. Hankey: There was no room at the inn
When Mary and Joseph did arrive.
They were so very tired, you see,

Kenny: ('Cause they had a tussle on the drive)

Mr. Hankey: Since she had no money,

Kenny: (and since she needed a place to sleep)

Mr. Hankey: Gabriel appeared to Mary
And told her not to weep.

Kenny: ('Cause you can suck all the dick you want)

Together: And still be a virgin, Mary.

Kenny: (You can suck all the dick you want)

Mr. Hankey: And still be the mother of Christ.

Together: If there's no room at the inn
Then it's not considered a sin

Kenny: (To suck a dick and get a place for the night!!)

Mr. Hankey: [Kenny laughs] That's right
Then, three wise men did appear
Bearing gifts of myrrh and such
They said that they had followed a star
And missed a woman's touch

Kenny: (Mary said, "Damn, it's so tragic that
I could not take them to bed.")

Mr. Hankey: But again, Gabriel appeared to her
And this is what he said

Kenny: (You can suck all the dick you want)

Together: And still be a virgin, Mary.

Kenny: (You can suck all the dick you want
Of everyone) [laughs]

Mr. Hankey: Everyone in the nation.

Kenny: (Fellatio ain't no sin
So go and blow the Three Wise Men)

Mr. Hankey: And you'll still be a virgin

Kenny: ('Cause there's never any penetration!
You can suck all the dick you want)

Together: And still be a virgin, Mary.

Kenny: (And take it from the ox and the lamb)

Mr. Hankey: And even the little drummer boy
Folks will remember your name quick

Kenny: ('Cause you're sucking on the biggest dick!!
And sucking dick)

Together: Brings peace on Earth and joy. [Kenny laughs]

Kenny: ('Cause sucking dick)

Together: Brings peace on Earth and joy.

Kenny: (You can suck my dick.)

[laughs]

 

[Matlock]

Aw, and I was all ready to snap out if you said "I farted on Santa's lap."

 

[shoplifter]

Heat Miser is the correct answer.

 

[Triumph]

You're all getting punched in the genitals. You know that, right?

 

[Minotauro]

Isn't "best Christmas song" a contradiction in terms? Seriously, I don't know how mall employees put up with that shit.

 

[Triumph]

Isn't "best Christmas song" a contradiction in terms? Seriously, I don't know how mall employees put up with that shit.

But that's why it's good! It's such a downer!

 

[Minotauro]

But that's why it's good! It's such a downer!

<shrugs> I didn't even read your post. The words "best", "Christmas", and "song" together causes my brain to convulse like an epileptic.

 

[Triumph]

<shrugs> I didn't even read your post. The words "best", "Christmas", and "song" together causes my brain to convulse like an epileptic.

Awww... sounds like Mario Hitler needs a hug!

 

[Minotauro]

Awww... sounds like Mario Hitler needs a hug!

I need A LOT more than that.

 

[Manics]

On a serious note, I think "I believe in Father Christmas" by Emerson, Lake and Palmer and "Happy Christmas" by John Lennon are two of the better Christmas songs.

 

[FnordChan]

I love "Fairytale of New York"...but I love Nina Hagen's German cover even more:

BAP and Nina Hagen - Frohe Weihnachten.

We love you, Nina!

FnordChan

 

[Triumph]

I love "Fairytale of New York"...but I love Nina Hagen's German cover even more:

BAP and Nina Hagen - Frohe Weihnachten.

We love you, Nina!

FnordChan

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! BEAT IT WITH A STICK!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MrPing1000]

Barbara Jeans Ass (A Christmas Song)

Up on the house top santa claus he was fidgeting with his balls
Down to the chimney with broken toys to fondle all the little boys
Ho ho ho hey lets go Santas gonna give us all a blow
Up on the house top suck my dick
Barbara Jeans Ass makes me sick

Up on the house top santa claus he was fidgeting with his balls
Down to the chimney with broken toys to fondle all the little boys
Ho ho ho hey lets go Santas gonna give us all a blow
Up on the house top click click click
Barbara Jeans Ass makes me sick

Up on the house top santa claus he was fidgeting with his balls
Down to the chimney with broken toys to fondle all the little boys
Ho ho ho hey lets go Santas gonna give us all a blow
Up on the house top suck my dick
Barbara Jeans Ass makes me sick


Santa's Coming

ou better watch out, you better not cry
You better not pout I'm telling you why

Cause I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! F**k!

He's making a list, he's checking it twice
He's gonna find out who's a f**ker...

And nobody's getting f**k! You hear me?
Nobody's getting any toys! F**K!
Nobody's getting f**k!

He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake
He doesn't know a god damn thing 'cause the whole f**king thing
is fake

"Santa, is there anything I can do?"
"Is there anything you can do? You can GET BACK TO WORK!"

You better watch out, you better not cry
You better not pout I'm telling you why

Cause I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill you! F**k!

He's making a list, he's checking it twice
He's gonna find out who's a f**ker...

And nobody's getting f**k! You hear me?
Nobody's getting any more toys! F**K!
I want some f**kin *can't unnderstand it*

He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake
Your stocking's filled with coal because you're a spoiled
brat-ass dick

You better make sure you learn how to spell
Cause if you don't you're burning in hell

Santa Claus is coming, I said Santa Claus is coming,
I said Santa Claus is coming, I said Santa Claus is coming,
Santa Claus is coming to town
Shit

Shitty Christmas

I wish you a fucking Christmas
I wish you a sucky Christmas
I wish you a shitty Christmas
And hate Richard Gere

I wish you a shitty Christmas
I wish you a fucking Christmas
I wish you a sucky Christmas
And a boring New Year

I bring you a stocking full of gore
I'll fuck you in the asshole screaming for more
I wish for the death of you and your kin
Now hanging from the ceiling
I'll shred off your skin

And a boring New Year

 

[8bit]

He's right you know. That and Christmas Wrapping always put me in the mood for Christmas. That is, the wanting to kill mood for Christmas.

---

Fnordchan, that's the most beautiful mp3 you posted since the last Christmas one(Dalek for Christmas or something?).

 

[FnordChan]

Fnordchan, that's the most beautiful mp3 you posted since the last Christmas one(Dalek for Christmas or something?).

That would be "I'm Gonna Spend My Christmas With A Dalek" by The Go Go's. No, not that Go Go's.

It's so painful it hurts. And not in a good way.

Meanwhile, three words: Christmas In Hollis.

It's Christmas time in Hollis, Queens
Mom's cooking chicken and collard greens

*sniff* God bless Run-DMC.

FnordChan

 

[Killkernal]

I totally agree that 'Fairytale of New York' is the best. With the first line you just assume it'll be some sweet little love song. Thankfully, the mood quickly changes.

"It was Christmas Eve babe..." = Awww

"...in the drunk tank" = WTF

It only gets better from there.

 

[moist]

Merry Mutherfucking Christmas by Eazy E > *

 

[Sullichin]

Christmas Celebration by Weezer! Ooh-Ooh!

 

[8bit]

That would be "I'm Gonna Spend My Christmas With A Dalek" by The Go Go's. No, not that Go Go's.

It's so painful it hurts. And not in a good way.

Excellent, I knew I had it at work somewhere, but you're a hero!

 

[bishoptl]

Merry Mutherfucking Christmas by Eazy E > *

Damn, beat me to it.