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The Black Culture Thread |OT16| - I'm blacker than you'll ever be

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Malyse

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OT1 | OT2 | OT3 | OT4 | OT5 | OT6 | OT7 | OT8 | OT9 | OTX | OT11 | OT12 | OT13 | OT14 | OT15

Welcome to the Black Culture Thread, where everything from Little Caesars to 'what's hot on the streets' is up for debate. This community is focused on the discussion and experience of daily life for minorities. GAF is a rather large forum, and these unique experiences can get lost in the noise. But while this thread was created to ensure certain topics relevant to the black community could be discussed reasonably, this isn't a "Blacks Only" spot by any means. Any and all are free to hop in, regardless of skin color, ethnicity and walk of life. Consider it open mic: all are welcome to keep it real. It's a community thread, so it can be intimidating for newcomers to jump in considering all the in-jokes and general cadence of the thread. If you are unfamiliar with anything, just ask. We are always looking for more decent folks to bring into the family.

Enjoy your stay. Don't track dirt all over the good carpet.

Dunno how many more of these we'll get before World War III.

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The war of the elders continues...

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First time here? Long time lurker, first time poster?
Tell us who you are by filling out this quick questionnaire:
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The acclaimed (sorta?) occasional podcast featuring Moris, Slayven, Angelus, and Dream.

| LATEST EPISODE |

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Episode #38: Habitual Stupid Shit Do-Er
Angelus, Mike & Moris talk about the new Mary Jane, Ryan Lochte, Donald Trump, Teanna Trump and dating sites.
Click to stream | Right-click to download

The keeper of the BCT canon has compiled a dramatis personae for new users:
For your reference:

Slayven = Man born in 1776 who only likes Asian women and comics
Prototype Viktor/spindashing/double jump/Blasian Persuasion/BlackGhost/dskillzhtown = Selling mixtapes on the corner
Gordon = Alien from an ancient TV show. Eats kittens and stole Slayven's king crab crown while we weren't looking.
Shy = The nice guy TM.
Imm0rt4l = Swole
_***** = Died for our sins
Merc_ = _***** returns
DY = Doesn't pay child support.
Young Magus = DY Junior.
Furyous = DY's alt
EloquentM/FeenixRising/jmood88/LionPride/EdibleKnife/Black Republican/ArgyleReptile = Wild crabs. No home training and still out here wearing hoodies.
harSon = Drake
Jandro = Horse/Brony
EscoBlades = Works in a broom closet
JC = Keep him away from your mommas.
Moris = Permanent CPT
Numb = Quit GAF. We miss him.
Ironfist Sect = New guy, thinks he's Numb.
Bronx-Man = Silent L carrier. Has beef with TheKaeptain
TheBlackMarvel = Head of Black Euro GAF
MWS Natural = Writes laws
TheFlow/Kid Kamikaze10/Jacir/Kraftwerk/Face it Tiger../Kiddizzy/UnemployedVillain/Mizerman = Lil Crabs. Found books, a suit, and got a Lil home training
FyreWulff = Your white friend. Got to have him around.
Royalan = Got that good salad hair.
FreeMufasa = acclaimed author of the Niggas in Japan series
ManMadeMan/Parallax/ReiGun = Comic encyclopedias
Crocodile/zeemumu/Secret Fawful/Momotaro/Jackben = Anime encyclopedias
Sou Da = Cartoon encyclopedia
Village/Professor Beef = Sonic encyclopedias
HTown = Mark Henry/Nintendo Encyclopedia. Discovered a connection in racism and quantum locks.
Africanus/Nakazato/Yaphett Kotto/FadedRevolution/Gattsu25/bobbychalkers/MikeBreezy92/shingi70/ApharmdX = Smarty Art Crabs. Think they're leaving the bucket by picking up books, getting married and bettering themselves.
Devo/Satch = Alumni
Angelus = totes mixed with /s
Ishi = A Bear and former BCT Alumni
Rio = expert at getting drunk and strippers
Massive Duck, C.M. = Put in a lot of labor for black issues
Trey = Lost his thread making abilities to Subzero.
Subzero = Artist. Lost his thread making abilities to Malyse/DreamDrop
Malyse = The current Highlander
Kreed = Too much free time
captmcblack/Mrs. Manky/andthebeatgoeson/The Faceless Master/Big Baybee/soundscream = Sits on the corner and kicks knowledge.
akira28 = The guy that kicks knowledge but doesn't look like they should be kicking knowledge
The Adder = Has a lot of stories
Emperor_EL = Apparently rules over Ls. Not sure how I missed this one.
Vince McMahon = Owns the WWE
neojubei/Aiustis = I by Kendrick Lamar
Enzom21/Infinite/excelsiorlef = On the front lines
JeanGrey = Lives with an alien
jWILL253/Dai101/cdyhybrid/Dereck/RedSwirl/Crimson_Gold/hypernima/Bubba T/Afrocious/Kyledk05 = Black Belt Crabs. Have accepted the rules of the bucket.
Storm Chamber = Silky Johnson
MHWilliams/bish = Your local hood police.
XiaNaphryz = Chef that works part time in the hood police
Dreams-Visions = Mr. Steal your girl
Johndoey = Coming for Slay's king crab crown
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Everyone wants to be black. There's nothing more punk rock on Earth than being black. We stroll in, all muscle and sinew and cocoa, fucking the game up like dirty edge connectors. We laugh loud and speak bold and emit "I-just-don't-give-a-fuck" with every movement. We have been scrutinized and analyzed in every conceivable way, and still we are mysterious and exotic right down to the kink of our hair to those - surprising, still numerous - people who haven't been in contact with us before. We've created the rhythm and the blues, the rock and the roll, the hip and the hop. We brought in the noise and the funk. We put the soul in food, and pretty much everything else too. We built your pyramids, and we leap over them with our seemingly impossible collective athleticism, borne of mountains, jungles and plains that many of us still live in all across the world. Everyone wants to be black.

No one wants to be black. There's nothing more terrifying than the knowledge that we exist in every way but individually to everyone - even other black people. We can never be judged by our own merits; we carry the weight of the race's progression with every step into the future like Atlas, and even he shrugged...but we can't, because it's considered weak and selling out if we do. Every bit of slang, every bit of clothing that sits the wrong way, every head nod and hand gesture can and will be taken in the wrong way, a universal "there-goes-the-neighborhood" by everyone that can do so, which basically consists of everyone that doesn't want the social association with black people. That group, naturally, consists of everyone that is able to pass as "non-black". We live in a world where we were kings until we were cattle, and then we were weapons, and then we were like aphids, sprouting up where we weren't wanted, corrupting non-black youth, and the reason for everything from crime to lowered test scores or property value. Nobody wants to be black.

My blackness offends infinitely.
I want to be black.
Natural's Law - is a humorous observation made by GAF poster MWS Natural in 2011 which is becoming an Internet adage. It states: "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving black people approaches 1. In other words, Natural put forth the hyperbolic observation that, given enough time, in any online discussion regarding any form of conflict someone inevitably criticizes some point made in the discussion by comparing it to discrimination faced by blacks.
Racism is weird. Everybody knows it totally exists, but when you look at any specific situation, racism is never involved. You can know that it exists, but when you look for it, it turns into something else.

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Racism is quantum locked. It doesn't exist when it's being observed. The moment it is seen by any living creature, it freezes into a coincidence.
The Liberal Limit
And while we’re at it, let’s talk about another thing that has been pissing me the fuck off recently. Lately, in the pages of liberal bastions like Atlantic, Slate, and New Republic, there has been this movement gaining steam largely because nobody wants to give it a name. So let me name this mofo: The Liberal Limit. You know it— in fact it’s been the view of many liberals and leftists, but particularly old white liberal men (yeah I said it), that progressiveness has gone too far, so far that even their privilege now feels attacked.

They’re tired of learning new gender pronouns. Tired of hiding that nigger joke book. Tired of having to figure out how to respond to a Rihanna video. Tired of feminists of colour pointing out fissures in whatever wave of feminism we got right now. Tired of black kids on campus whining all the time. Tired of everybody being so angry because without their alliance all you coloured folk would be doomed. Liberal but up to the point where it scrapes on privilege.

But here’s the news. You’re a progressive. You’re supposed to progress. You’re supposed to be more liberal today than you were yesterday. Yes, we’re supposed to passionately debate (not tear down) even the stance of our allies, even those who agree with us 60% of the time. You’re supposed to keep changing your views on race because even the most positive view is inherently flawed and needs work. The whole point to being liberal, to being progressive is to continuously evolve, continuously question, continuously debate, even continuously knock down and build up, sometimes even ripping everything apart to start again. My views on trans people are different in 2014 that they were in 2004. And you can bet your ass it will be even better in 2024 than it is now, because that's what makes me not conservative. The point to being a progressive is to fucking progress.
After being beaten to the ground by Towering Black Football Player Trayvon Martin, Zimmerman reluctantly pulls the trigger in self-defense. Martin falls back and lets loose a mighty African laugh. "So it begins!" he cries (translated from thug language).

The transponder on his wrist contacts the White House, where Operation Caliphate sits waiting.

"Your majesty," cries an aide (likely homosexual), "Agent Martin, codenamed Fire of Allah, has completed his mission!"

Imam Hussein Obama clasps his hands and smirks, a "jazz cigarette" in his mouth. "And now the honkies will pay."
I live in Los Angeles, and the tension between police and blacks is still pretty thick. I always freeze up when I have to interact with a cop, or if one pulls me over for whatever reason.

My best friend, he's white and Persian (but looks white), was telling me about this one time him and his friend were driving on the freeway (his friend was black, my white friend was driving), and they got pulled over. When the officer got out of the car, he approached the black passenger and demanded that HE get out of the car, then proceeded to slam him against the car and cuff him, demanding answers to questions. My friend was like, "What the hell, dude, he wasn't even driving the car!" at which point he was told to shut the fuck up by the officer, and he continued to harass his friend. Fucking unbelievable, but it happens regularly.

My mom also has plenty of stories about how the cops used to harass her when she was younger, and she worked at Warner Bros. studios before I was born. Granted, that was in the 70's, but sadly, not much has changed when it comes to how we're perceived by non-blacks. We're always treated like wild animals that have been caged for too long and can pop off at any moment.

Most black kids in America have been grilled time and time again by their parents about how they should behave and act when around white people. It sounds awful, because it is, but it's true. I had more than a few sit downs growing up, where my mother would drill into me how important it was to "not give them a reason" to think less of you. I grew up trying to be the most perfect black guy I could be. I did everything I could to show non-blacks that we were nothing like the people they saw on TV, or read about in the newspaper. I had no idea at the time that it really doesn't matter how polite I am. How intelligent I am, how "well spoken" I am. To a lot of them, I'm just an uppity nigger with a chip on his shoulder.

Even then, I still continue to be the best person that I can be. Not because I'm afraid of white people, but because it feels good to not be a douche canoe to others, and ideally, I'd hope the same courtesy would be returned to me. Unfortunately, this country has a real fucking hard time seeing black people as equal humans. Centuries of dehumanization and demonizing has done a fucking wonder on our PR, so to speak. Even other countries are afraid of us because of what they've seen and heard in the media or news reports that choose to highlight the worst of us more often than the best of us.

I'm a short, light skinned black/Samoan guy that most people don't realize is black. The shit I've heard some of the nicest people in the world say about black people in my presence is disheartening. The look on their faces when I tell them, "Well, I'm black too, you know," is fucking priceless. And it wasn't just white people saying those things about black people to me, thinking I wasn't black. It was people of all ethnicities and backgrounds going on and on about how horrible, filthy, disgusting, and deplorable black people were, and how they were a hopeless race of people that no good ever comes out of.

Generally, they'd stammer a "Well, you're not like them" rebuttal when I'd out myself as a black guy. I was "one of the good ones." The sad thing is that, when I was younger, I used to wear that like a badge of honor. "I'm one of the good ones! The other blacks are bad!" I bought into the same institutional and systemic racism that leads to tragedies like this. The type of institutional racism that has black men and women that have managed to ascend higher than their peers to tell them to "pull their damn pants up." I'm not sure what you'd call it, but it's a shame that such a divide between our people has been allowed to propagate. I'm thankful that, as I got older, I realized how insulting and disrespectful being called "One of the good ones" really is. It's even sadder that, even to this day, it's still said to me by non-black friends, or family of friends. It's sad and frustrating that no matter what level of good blacks do in this country, we will always be judged by the actions of a few, and treated with the highest levels of fear and distrust.
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I am trying to get paid in Asian women. Shit I would sign up to be a slave again if I could make some red kool-aid using Kristen Kruek's grey water
You guys don't know what it feels like to have your heart betrayed like this. I just got cuckolded by a damn video game conpany. It's like if they announced Crash or Laura Croft for Smash. There's just some lines you don't cross.
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My mom trying to see DMX, im trying my hardest to talk her out of this fuckery.

Talkin about "I wanna hear him bark...." NO MOM!
My mom is still on this DMX thing man, no we not going damn!!
"Well, that plan was for me to go meet you in Norfolk so we can go eat then see the show, but no... you act like you hate me!!!"

-_-
"Mom, Janet Jackson is going to be here on the 10th, we can go see that."

"I don't care about no Janet!!! She old!!!"

"YOURE TRYING TO SEE A 45 YEAR OLD MAN BARK FOR TWO HOURS!!!!!"

"So?"

Ugh....
Moms ain't trying to watch Janet Jackson slinky tail waggle all over the stage. She wants to see a real man, who lives as a dog, barking and growling and rough riding.
If I have kids I hope they never hide DMX from me.
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So not going to prom this year was somewhat a tiny regret. At least I have one more year to go
I ended up spending the night on the phone with this girl who got is great and likes me, so not all was lost
Nigga probably curled his hair too
My dude lion skipped his prom to talk to a girl on the phone. That's an L. It's been awhile since I was in school but don't admit to that. Say you got sick, needed surgery or something. Bad case of Ebola.
Y'all was like "kiss me through the phone"
"you hang up first...no you....no you...no you!"
Both of yall wrong.

But......Did you sing Marvin's Room over the phone breh?
Lion on the phone like "No you hang up first.."

While Deshawn on the couch getting ready to blow her nexk out
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Remember how all yall ain't shit niggas shat on a young brotha for talking to a girl all night? Eat a dick cuz that shit went somewhere.
y'all went from a phone to skype?
To Macy's?
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She let you hold her kerchief for a while?
You played this song for her
https://youtu.be/o5WzGlkeafo
Eat cotton candy flavored dicks. She actually my first girlfriend. I'm definitely dating out of my league, pretty happy bout that
First base?

Edit-

You ate cotton candy flavored dicks? I'm getting too old for this shit..
Update us after upgrading from skype to holding hands
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bruh

i'd fly to Japan and tag in for maria ozawa during her bukkake scene just to get a chance to melt down fergie's left titty meat implant and mold it into a dildo to fuck myself with
HarSon probably the type who lets white women call him the N-word in bed.

Please tell me I'm joking HarSon.
Oh his post yeah taht is some shit. I refuse to be called a "Nigger" in a non-erotic way in my own house
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I'm about to go jerk it to a team photo of the Cavs. Thank you for breaking these Bay Area band wagonin shit stain's hearts Lebron and Kyrie. Yall doing God's work, and you'll be in my thoughts as I make use of this lotion tonight.
Harson, you need Jesus.

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Who's doing OT16?
god help us
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I agree and also massively disagree with him.

I agree that getting kids to fight the battles you didn't have the time or courage to fight ain't right. I agree that survival skills are important, and he brings up a big point about my issue with the "dismantle the system" movement. The massively outgunned part.

But the anti-tech, go back to hunter gatherers shit is so fucking false. It's that black libertarian shit I've always hated about Killer Mike. The whole fucking point of building a community is to delegate these things to uplift each other. You can do that with tech, you can do that with people who specialize.

We don't have to go all the way fucking back to "build our own".
 

LionPride

Banned
I agree and also massively disagree with him.

I agree that getting kids to fight the battles you didn't have the time or courage to fight ain't right. I agree that survival skills are important, and he brings up a big point about my issue with the "dismantle the system" movement. The massively outgunned part.

But the anti-tech, go back to hunter gatherers shit is so fucking false. It's that black libertarian shit I've always hated about Killer Mike. The whole fucking point of building a community is to delegate these things to uplift each other. You can do that with tech, you can do that with people who specialize.

We don't have to go all the way fucking back to "build our own".

Killer Mike is a trip and a half, I never have to hear him talk politically about anything ever again. Especially after his slick sexist shit a while back, he can just sit his ass down tbh
 

Bronx-Man

Banned
I want my bio changed. Kaeptain doesn't even exist anymore and I've become of BCT's favorites here. Think of me as the black Kramer or Wilson from Home Improvement.
 

Bubba T

Member
I have this old co-worker who is trying to
get one of her homegirls saved
hook me up with someone she knows. I can't help but be cynical.
 

NCR Redslayer

NeoGAF's Vegeta
Everyone here is already blacker than me by their tags.
And gifs...
Edit:eek:h hey i didnt make it to the good the bad or the ugly wall! And Captain Black is the hero we need but dont deserve.
 

Htown

STOP SHITTING ON MY MOTHER'S HEADSTONE
It’s Heartbreaking To See An Innocent Black Man Killed By Police Before He Even Gets To Experience The Full Range Of Horrors In The American Justice System

One of the foundational promises of life in America is that, if you’re black, you are born with the irrevocable freedom to be marginalized and suppressed in abundance by our grand institutions of justice. Whether you’re rich or poor, criminal or law-abiding, it is your birthright to be routinely brutalized by our laws and authority figures until you are old and gray. But when an innocent young black man is shot dead by a cop, he is stripped of that fundamental privilege to fully experience our nation’s grotesque inequality in all its richness.

With each of these shootings, one can’t help but mourn the lost potential. Had Laquan McDonald not been gunned down by Chicago police, who knows what kinds of indignities he might have gone on to endure at the hands of those entrusted to protect us? Perhaps he would’ve been searched without warrant and arrested on some petty drug charge that would’ve only earned a white person a warning. Without the means to make bail, maybe he would’ve been locked up for months in an overcrowded prison while his trial was repeatedly postponed, and then, once he finally had his day in court, he would’ve gotten steamrolled with a harsh sentence and incarcerated for no reason. But because of the disturbing actions of one trigger-happy police officer, Laquan will never get to find out exactly which path of bigoted justice he would have been subjected to.

The Onion is too goddamned real.
 

D i Z

Member
Nice, Malyse. Nice....

Hoping the need to test peoples patience with moe is left behind in the old thread...
 

Bronx-Man

Banned
If by burn out you mean disappear for a few months because you tried to box with god, then sure
Lay in fear of the mods your whole life, peasant. I'd rather reign in hell than serve in heaven.

That I'm a loser who likes animes. Alot. Like a whole lot.
But im gonna write a short story now so I'll be back in hour. Hopefully Sfv will work by then so I can play with Numb.
You could describe 90% of BCT with this.
 

Sch1sm

Member
Everyone here is already blacker than me by their tags.
And gifs...
Edit:eek:h hey i didnt make it to the good the bad or the ugly wall! And Captain Black is the hero we need but dont deserve.

That I'm a loser who likes animes. Alot. Like a whole lot.
But im gonna write a short story now so I'll be back in hour. Hopefully Sfv will work by then so I can play with Numb.

Nigga, what?

E: Keep it up and you'll be on that wall in no time.


But if he's dead, what good is the cash?

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Classy OT, Malyse. We're now playing with power

He'd probably cover the funeral and viewing, hit 'em with a, "Sorry for your loss," turn himself into the cops since those UK cats ain't got guns.
 

Bubba T

Member
That I'm a loser who likes animes. Alot. Like a whole lot.
But im gonna write a short story now so I'll be back in hour. Hopefully Sfv will work by then so I can play with Numb.

I mean we are all posting on a video game forum. Many people in this thread love talking about that anime shit. Who cares really.
 

Mizerman

Member
That I'm a loser who likes animes. Alot. Like a whole lot.
But im gonna write a short story now so I'll be back in hour. Hopefully Sfv will work by then so I can play with Numb.

Well, not for nothing, but we're on a forum dedicated with stuff about video games, comics, anime and other things. We are already pretty nerdy by that view. So don't worry about it.
 

LionPride

Banned
Lay in fear of the mods your whole life, peasant. I'd rather reign in hell than serve in heaven.


You could describe 90% of BCT with this.


That I'm a loser who likes animes. Alot. Like a whole lot.
But im gonna write a short story now so I'll be back in hour. Hopefully Sfv will work by then so I can play with Numb.

I'm calling the cops on Shy for this beatdown
GGs people

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Slayven

Member
I want my bio changed. Kaeptain doesn't even exist anymore and I've become of BCT's favorites here. Think of me as the black Kramer or Wilson from Home Improvement.

Nigga you the little sister from family matters, one day you will go upstairs and not come back down
 
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