• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

The need for success is draining my energy

Whitecrow

Whitecrow

Banned
I dont know how the f did I get to this point, but man is it awful...

I'd like to do so many things, singing, drawing, playing the guitar, the piano, being in some high rank in online games, write books, create remixes of videogame OSTs...

I can do most of those things decently enough, but I'm ***** average on most of them and I cannot get to being great at anyone.

I feel like I'm a waste if I dont succeed at something. But the worst of it all is that I cannot do good at my programmer job since my mind will always try to do something that in some way or another contributes to my self improvement.
I need it. And I'm the embodyment of frustration.

What is wrong with me? How do I get rid of this awful feeling.

I wanna fkn be free T_T

Sorry.
 
Barnabot

Barnabot

Member
do it like myself. i just wanna live a simple life. living as salary man. longing for a peaceful and quiet life, safe from any worry. i never wanted to rank any better than 3rd place in any competition because i want to avoid standing out. i do that so nothing can stop my habits.


also don't try to be a jack of all trades because you may also become master of none most of the times.
 
mango drank

mango drank

Member
You want to do these things just for yourself, or to make yourself look better in the eyes of other people?

Which things do you genuinely like doing, vs which do you do because it gets you attention on social media, or from people you want to impress?

There's going to be some overlap between things you like doing and things you do for attention, so it's not always an either-or situation.
 
Whitecrow

Whitecrow

Banned
Harry Tung said:
Focus on one thing and become fucking excellent on it. No short cuts, just pure dedication and practice everyday for the rest of your life. If you can manage that you will eventually be successful.
Click to expand...
Believe me I wish I could. I need some serious work getting my priorities straight, but is so damn hard for me : /
nush said:
Being high ranked in online games is the biggest waste of time non achievement ever, unless your playing a tournament level. So I'd give that up first. The rest of the stuff you've listed are at least worthwhile skills.
Click to expand...
Yeah, it sure is. In relaity I dont give a f about ranking online, but...
brohmbel said:
You want to do these things just for yourself, or to make yourself look better in the eyes of other people?

Which things do you genuinely like doing, vs which do you do because it gets you attention on social media, or from people you want to impress?

There's going to be some overlap between things you like doing and things you do for attention, so it's not always an either-or situation.
Click to expand...
And by people we mean, girls. Yeah, it's so sad.
The thing is, that I dont feel like I'm worth of what I want from a partner, so that's why i kinda feel obligated to keep improving always. But I know that the reality is not that way...

I know that my thinking is wrong, but that doesnt help me : /
synchronicity said:
Move with your passions (your heart), and don't worry about outcomes. (Judgment from yourself or others)
Click to expand...
Problem: I dont really know what my heart wants at this point. i've been blind for so long lmao
Barnabot said:
do it like myself. i just wanna live a simple life. living as salary man. longing for a peaceful and quiet life, safe from any worry. i never wanted to rank any better than 3rd place in any competition because i want to avoid standing out. i do that so nothing can stop my habits.


also don't try to be a jack of all trades because you may also become master of none most of the times.
Click to expand...
I envy you. Really.
And yes, that's my big problem. Too much jack of all trades. Need to fix that.
Tesseract said:
this is true

enjoy the experience, don't get entrenched in numbers
Click to expand...
I do that sometimes, but in the end...


Well, thank you for the answers. I know that right now talking to me is like talking to the wall. But I really appreciate your words and I like to listen to them. Thanks!
 
Belmonte

Belmonte

Member
I don't know much about being more relaxed, since I'm very far from being one but here is a good book that can help in your struggle:



Around the globe, people are facing the same problem - that we are born as individuals but are forced to conform to the rules of society if we want to succeed. To see our uniqueness expressed in our achievements, we must first learn the rules - and then how to change them completely.

Charles Darwin began as an underachieving schoolboy, Leonardo da Vinci as an illegitimate outcast. The secret of their eventual greatness lies in a 'rigorous apprenticeship': by paying close and careful attention, they learnt to master the 'hidden codes' which determine ultimate success or failure. Then, they rewrote the rules as a reflection of their own individuality, blasting previous patterns of achievement open from within.

Told through Robert Greene's signature blend of historical anecdote and psychological insight and drawing on interviews with world leaders, Mastery builds on the strategies outlined in The 48 Laws of Power to provide a practical guide to greatness - and how to start living by your own rules.


This is no self-help garbage. It is a legit book with a lot of practical and well researched advice.
 
mango drank

mango drank

Member
Whitecrow said:
And by people we mean, girls. Yeah, it's so sad.
Click to expand...
Whitecrow said:
Problem: I dont really know what my heart wants at this point. i've been blind for so long lmao
Click to expand...

Nothing wrong with trying to impress girls. Male birds attract females with plumage. Male humans attract with ... male overcompensation, lol. And hey, you need hobbies outside work anyway.

Take a break from all this stuff for a couple weeks. Clear your head, get some perspective. When you come back, rank which things you miss doing the most (music vs writing vs drawing etc). For the ones you miss doing the most (i.e., you realize you like doing those things better than the rest), focus on getting better at those going forward. Put the rest of the list on the back burner. Revisit and revise over time.
 
bronk

bronk

Banned
Being good at alot of things is awesome bro. There are people that arent good at shit. Looks like you're killing it at alot. You'll never be the best and there will always be someone better. Be stoked you have broad talent.
 
Last edited:
MastAndo

MastAndo

Member
Being at least average at lots of things (i.e. well-rounded) doesn't sound like the end of the world. I feel I fit into that category was well, and the benefit is that there is hardly ever a shortage of things to do, or things you can do competently. Perhaps you can embrace that, and accept that that as something that heightens your self-worth, rather than diminishes it - bearing in mind that there are plenty of people that stink at everything.

If you insist on being great at one particular thing, maybe don't spread yourself so thin, and really insist on focusing on one thing. There's that 10,000-hour rule that may be worth testing out. If you're for real about it, you can't simply accept yourself as average at something until you've put some real time into it.
 
Last edited:
O-N-E

O-N-E

Member
Don't listen to people telling you to focus on only one thing. Being one thing and only one is a new concept. Men used to be painters, fighters, philosophers, inventors, all in one. You've already mastered multiple skills in your life. Add a few more and focus on those. Once you're satisfied, add a few more.

Your attention span focusing on one thing at a time is only efficient for around 20-25 minutes. Work on one skill for 25 min, take a small couple minute break, then work on a different skill, and repeat the cycle. Add in however many skills you feel comfortable with.
 
Cunth

Cunth

Fingerlickin' Good!
GlaringWanCowbird-size_restricted.gif
 
Punished Miku

Punished Miku

Banned
I'd recommend meditation. It sounds like what you're describing is the inability to control your own thoughts and impulses. You have difficulty concentrating even at work, and your mind races to different things. But you never stick to one of them long enough to actually accomplish significant improvement.

Could be you have actual ADD, and could benefit from some kind of medication, but I'd consider that a last resort. Look up secular meditation training books and read through one. It's basically just practicing breathing, relaxation, and concentration in the present. Could also be that you're uncomfortable being quiet with your own thoughts, and race around constantly to cover up silence. Meditation will force you to face this too.

I don't see anything wrong with constantly wanting to improve things, and nothing wrong with doing multiple things. The only real issue is you seem to be unable to concentrate.
 
Last edited:
Punished Miku

Punished Miku

Banned
Also, buy a large planner.

Write in your work schedule. Then write in what days you're going to work on various projects. Plan it out for an hour, or 2 hour blocks. Try to see if you can stick to your planning for even 2 weeks.

Time management fixes a lot.
 
MaestroMike

MaestroMike

Gold Member
Jack of all trades that know how different trades come together and create synergy is very important especially if ur running a business with many different moving parts. U don't need to be the best just hire the best/very skilled from each field and have them create and pick whatever u like the most from them and put the pieces together !!
 
bitbydeath

bitbydeath

Gold Member
Review the list:
1. What do you enjoy the most?
2. What are you best at?

You can still tackle multiple activities if that doesn’t bring it down enough but you need structure so you know the what’s and when’s.
 
fran.fernandez

fran.fernandez

Member
I don’t care about that...
I care about working and getting money end of the month.

I try to be good at my current work and if I’m not, be humble and trustful.

I have 2 degree and speak 4 languages. Even with that I was dish washer at 4am and walking to my job at -18c. Never felt less and man those plates shineeeeee.
 
Ozzy Onya A2Z

Ozzy Onya A2Z

Member
Try a bunch of the things you want to do (one at a time), see what you're naturally decent/good at and then practice like fuck. Talent is one thing, finding your talent takes getting out of your comfort zone and hard work will take you places talent alone cannot.
 
ConkerTheSquirrel.

ConkerTheSquirrel.

Member
If I were you, seeing as how you're distressed with taking up so many things at once and only being average at them, I'd suggest dropping all of them and focusing within. If your 'soul' isn't happy, any vocation you try to pursue is probably not going to do you much good.
Enjoy life. Breathe a little and enjoy the little things. Once you've calmed, you can have an honest look at your life and what you value; especially now, with COVID-19 going on.

Cheers, and I hope you find peace.

Edit: Also, if you're really serious about pursuing all those things at once, try NoFap or cutting out porn in your life (assuming that you watch those things). Here's a video I would recommend you watch:

 
Last edited:
Nico_D

Nico_D

Member
I struggled with that myself but then i made a conscious decision to just stop dreaming and trying to achieve something big, my life's been considerably better. I still do the thing I love the most but without the pressure. I do what I want with who I want without thinking whether this gets me somewhere. I do it because I love it, not because I want to become something.

I know artists who are in the same place as you and they really aren't happy at all. They have achieved quite a lot but they still keep wanting more, needing more validation moving the goal post all the time. Because there's always something to get, always someone who hasn't told you how awesome you are.

How I did it? No idea. I saw the how futile and pointless it is, got fed up with it and just stopped. Just like that.
 
M

Michael Hawk

Member
1) You'll never ever get rid of that "awful" feeling because that "awfulness" is -- as corny as it sounds -- a deeply rooted desire to not be a mediocre member of society.

2) You can absolutely be a master at doing multiple things. However, you need to invest the majority of your time + energy + money on one thing then do the same on another after you've mastered that one thing. Think of it like a sequence or -- since we're on a videogame board -- think of it like learning different fighters in Mortal Kombat. Start with Scorpion, then learn Sub-Zero, then Jax, etc.

3) The fact that you have a programming job -- and I'm assuming that you don't suck shit at it -- means that on some level, you're wired to think about things logically. I cannot stress how important logic is in creating stuff. People like to think that logic has no place in creating things but 90%+ of the time you cannot see a thing from start to finish without employing logic. Be it drawing, writing a book, creating an entirely new meal etc. -- all of this requires your brain to be wired to do stuff in a way that works.

4) Your post makes you sound like you lack confidence. Unless you're severely disabled or you're trying to come up with like Compound V, you can achieve whatever the hell it is that you want. You need to actually want it and not just say that you want it because it sounds good to say that you want it. So understanding that you can become the person in your head -- the artist/composer/whatever -- is critical to you becoming that person. You don't need medication, meditation, or consultation. You need to understand that you can achieve what you want.

Finally, some perspective on doing things for girls/pussy. Most people don't achieve what they want until they're 25+ years old. Be it getting your dream job, becoming a millionaire, getting married, losing a lot of weight, whatever. All available data shows that success leans towards older people. Why? Because achieving shit takes time. So if you're concerned about becoming older and 'aging out' of the pussy you want, you're looking at it the wrong way. Women are attracted to successful men for the simple fact that women don't want to have children with losers. Do girls fuck up and have baby daddies that amount to nothing? Absolutely. However, not a single woman wants to struggle in life. So as long as you're crushing it in whatever field you're in, as sleazy as it sounds, you'll have your pick of girls within any (legal) age range.

Anyways, in a somewhat no-shit and probably unnecessarily wordy conclusion, if you want money/fame in order to attract girls then what you need to do is become successful. Your success will lead to money and fame which will lead to significantly more girls being attracted to you. Obviously, if you're really boring or really physically unattractive then you need to start going out more and invest your programmer money into your appearance (e.g. Get some weights, get better clothes, go see a dentist, get acne medication etc.) Other than that, just work hard at turning your C's into A's and the girls will come. Just keep in mind that getting girls is 90% hype 10% fun, and in reality, being with an attractive girl always ranks low on the hierarchy of long-term satisfaction. Hot girls aren't worth as much of your resources as you think, and you'll learn this once you've been with a couple -- especially the ones that expect your attention at all times because they can't comprehend that you have other shit to do than stare at them all day. Just be ready for that.
 
Last edited:
SKM1

SKM1

Member
Did you feel like this prior to the quarantine? Maybe it's just a temporary feeling subject to the current zeitgeist.

This thread is full of advices so I'll just give a concrete one, which has to do with self image.
Take all the activities you feel you are good at and change them with other "similar" activities or talents.
So for instance you would change "good at guitar" with "good at piano", or "knows japanese" to "knows russian".
Then evaluate what you feel about this new constructed persona. If it seems interesting to you, then that means that you are, in fact, an interesting person.

Having a good self image is key to a healthy life.

My brain is also scrambled among many different pursuits. Professionally I'm a physicist (which at this point in history is just a sport, really) and that keeps me somewhat centered. It helps that I'm immersed in a community of like-minded people, however.
 
highrider

highrider

Banned
Don’t do what makes you happy. Do what gives your life meaning. Don’t orient your life around your personal feelings of accomplishment. Orient your life around meaningful accomplishments.
 
K

Kimahri

Banned
Here's what I do, and it works like a charm.

I'm like you, I want to do everything, so I do it in turns, because eventually I'll get tired of anything.

I do whatever sparks my fancy. I can get heavily into drawing or painting, and then I'll do that every day for months. Then I get sick of it, so I just stop so I don't lose interest. I switch to something else, which might be anything from playing games, reading books, or working in the garden, building furniture or making sculptures, or making music. I just rotate as I lose interest in one thing I'm usually ready for something else.

I'd also suggest using youtube. If there's something you want to do, but might not be sure about how, like if there's a specific texture you want to paint on a miniature for example, or something you want to build. Watch videos on youtube. It's a great rabbit hole of creativity to fall into, and it's inspiring.

Second to last, find a job that doesn't exhaust you but affords you as much free time to enjoy your life as possible.

And lastly, don't listen to anyone who says forget everything but one thing. If you're passionate about something, you can get good at it, even if you're passionate about tons of things. In my experience, every kind of creative outlet will aid you in every other. So do whatever you want, just don't force yourself to do it if you get tired of it, that's a great way to get burnt out.

Unless you want it to be your living, then you have to just soldier through.
 
Whitecrow

Whitecrow

Banned
Too many posts to answer to : D

I'll try to summarize, from bottom to top:

n0razi n0razi
I bet. Hope some therapy can help me with it.

FreedomOfSpeech FreedomOfSpeech
More than 2 years have passed lmao

K Kimahri
Great post. Yeah, that same thing happens to me. I'll try to do just as you said. Doing things one after another, enjoy more about doing them and thinking less about the result : )

highrider highrider
Easier said than done : D

SKM1 SKM1
Taking your advice into account, thanks!
To be honest, I'm clean of medication for a month now. i've been with antidepressants for more than two years.
Now I dont feel depressed, but I started to give more fucks than before : / And sure, the quarantine made the things a bit worse, but it's not its fault.

M Michael Hawk
Pretty smart post : )

I'm 29, and the only thing I succeeded at is being a normal person.
I'm started working on my looks a few weeks ago, but my fight there was that for a long long time, I invested in being the best person I could, thinking that that would make me stand out. Guess what. It didnt. My average look didnt help me ever. I met a lot of single girls I established good friendship with. But the ones I really liked had no interest in me. To put you in conext, at my 29 I look like 20, with little to no muscle at all.

It's been a life of rejection even if I was fighting for improving. But improving the wrong thing. That's why my confidence is under the deepest of holes : D

Stiflers Mom Stiflers Mom
Because my own judgement about my value as a man, have 0 value if then most of the girls thinks different.

And I think that this is one of the big problems. I give no value at all about what I think of myself... I'l put some time to work on that too.

ConkerTheSquirrel. ConkerTheSquirrel.
I'm sure that if I could do that, but I dont think that I can. I'm a fuck giver by nature T_T

As always, thank you all for your words, I've read all of you and I really appreciate your time to help me.
Hugs : 33
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

I feel like everything about my body is denying my current job at this point
19
2K
sono replied
I found an object with bite marks on it.
2
69
4K
Trunx81 replied
  • Locked
Has anyone else here ever struggled with not wanting to be alive?
48
3K
GigaBowser replied
Issue with management (Advice Needed)
Opinion Drama Community
39
3K
GeekyDad replied
Mega Man X Fortnite: Sign my stupid petition to try and get Mega Man X -- you guessed it -- into Fortnite
9
964
AREYOUOKAY? replied
Top Bottom