simpatico
Gold Member
How the hell did we end up here boys.
This was my promised land. I was supposed to spend thousands of dollars and years of my life buying and enjoying Ubisoft Tom Clancy video game branded products. A literal golden goose. You could not fuck this up if you tried. You're being bankrolled by multiple friendly governments and there is a built in fanbase before a game is even announced. We like modern military shoot stuff. Go slow kinda. Boom. It was a symbiotic relationship...
PS2 era. We're doing pretty fucking good. Splinter Cell comes out, hope is alive and running through the veins of American men. We played the original, Pandora Tomorrow and the opus Chaos Theory. Ghost Recon was strong on Xbox. Meaty, Put hair on your chest when you played it. Fuck yeah.
Then the FuckBox 360 came out. Rainbow 6 Vegas was amazing. Uniting PC players and drooling console subtards with a brilliant little gameplay loop. Someone at Ubi Montreal was cooking with that simple cover & breach system. So many games today owe a debt to that guy. Magnificent bastard. I bet he makes websites now. GRAW hit the streets. It was cool. Modern. Sandboxy and lens flarey. You still had to be tactical and keep your shit together. Go slow! You don't want to be exposed. Future Soldier continued this attempt and bringing a lot of good ideas for how to control a game like this. Underrated to this day. Vegas 2 was more of the same. Splinter Cell got kinda shitty this gen. It turned into something else, still fun, but fuck I want to play a new Splinter Cell too!
(How fucking cursed is this thing? Inviting Microsoft execs into gaming was a huge mistake.)
Sometime in the PS4 era Tom Clancy shit the fucking bed. Ghost Recon Wildlands is brilliant, but it didn't become good until it was discounted to $20. You can say the exact same thing for Breakpoint. Rainbow 6 turned into a fucking hero shooter and Sam Fisher is still fucking missing. Ubisoft had a license to print fucking money and shit the bed. They pooped their pants full.
The Division is the furthest thing from Tom Clancy, but it's a pretty fun looter shooter.
(playing survival mode on ketamine is a bit of a religious experience. Headphones please)
Playstation 5 era. The gaming landscape is a wasteland. Gamestop a graveyard of necrotic dicks and early teenage aspirations. Ubisoft, like every other AAA publisher has fucked off and decided to stay up all night taking apart the money printing machine for fun. It doesn't work anymore and no one still employed by the company knows how to fix it.
This was my promised land. I was supposed to spend thousands of dollars and years of my life buying and enjoying Ubisoft Tom Clancy video game branded products. A literal golden goose. You could not fuck this up if you tried. You're being bankrolled by multiple friendly governments and there is a built in fanbase before a game is even announced. We like modern military shoot stuff. Go slow kinda. Boom. It was a symbiotic relationship...
PS2 era. We're doing pretty fucking good. Splinter Cell comes out, hope is alive and running through the veins of American men. We played the original, Pandora Tomorrow and the opus Chaos Theory. Ghost Recon was strong on Xbox. Meaty, Put hair on your chest when you played it. Fuck yeah.
Then the FuckBox 360 came out. Rainbow 6 Vegas was amazing. Uniting PC players and drooling console subtards with a brilliant little gameplay loop. Someone at Ubi Montreal was cooking with that simple cover & breach system. So many games today owe a debt to that guy. Magnificent bastard. I bet he makes websites now. GRAW hit the streets. It was cool. Modern. Sandboxy and lens flarey. You still had to be tactical and keep your shit together. Go slow! You don't want to be exposed. Future Soldier continued this attempt and bringing a lot of good ideas for how to control a game like this. Underrated to this day. Vegas 2 was more of the same. Splinter Cell got kinda shitty this gen. It turned into something else, still fun, but fuck I want to play a new Splinter Cell too!
(How fucking cursed is this thing? Inviting Microsoft execs into gaming was a huge mistake.)
Sometime in the PS4 era Tom Clancy shit the fucking bed. Ghost Recon Wildlands is brilliant, but it didn't become good until it was discounted to $20. You can say the exact same thing for Breakpoint. Rainbow 6 turned into a fucking hero shooter and Sam Fisher is still fucking missing. Ubisoft had a license to print fucking money and shit the bed. They pooped their pants full.
The Division is the furthest thing from Tom Clancy, but it's a pretty fun looter shooter.
(playing survival mode on ketamine is a bit of a religious experience. Headphones please)
Playstation 5 era. The gaming landscape is a wasteland. Gamestop a graveyard of necrotic dicks and early teenage aspirations. Ubisoft, like every other AAA publisher has fucked off and decided to stay up all night taking apart the money printing machine for fun. It doesn't work anymore and no one still employed by the company knows how to fix it.
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