An unfair review? Leaf it out, Nissan
Last weekend on television I reviewed the all-electric Nissan Leaf and explained that it wasn't really a viable alternative to conventional petrol or diesel cars. I showed that it's hard to find somewhere where it can be charged and that when you do, the refuelling process can take 13 hours. As a result, the Leaf would take you longer to get from London to York longer than a stagecoach took in the 18th Century. Well Nissan are furious and have spent all week telling anyone who'll listen that Top Gear's test was unfair.
They say that we set out in the morning with the batteries only partially charged and that we drove round and round in Lincoln until eventually and inevitably the car spluttered to a halt. Quite how they know this, I'm not sure, Plainly the car has a tracking device of some kind and how's that legal? These days, you can go to prison for listening to Sienna Miller making her hair appointment on her mobile phone. So how is it all right for a Japanese car company to be able to track its customers?
No matter. The fact is Nissan's claims are accurate. We did set out with only partially charged batteries but this is not relevant. We didn't want to know how far the car would get on a charge, only what would happen when the charge ran out. And yes, I did drive round and round in circles. But that's because I was looking for a plug socket. At one point, I even tried to rent a flat for the day. Of course, at this stage, I'm sure that many people will be saying Oh look, there goes Jeremy on his eco crusade again.
So to be seen as even-handed, I have prepared a handy guide to the petrol and diesel cars made by Nissan. Hopefully, when they've read this they will have a better understanding of what it means to be on the receiving end of a review that really is unfair. We will start with the Micra. The idea was that this car should have a human face and that's brilliant. Except that the face they chose was the village idiot's. The Micra is a very popular first time buy for people who've just passed their test. There's a good reason for this. People new to the world of cars don't realise that every other car on the market is better. Further up the price scale we find the Qashqai. Named by someone who was sneezing at the time, it looks like a tough four-wheel drive car. But actually, it's just a normal hatchback. So it's the automotive equivalent of a padded bra. It's writing cheques its innards can't cash. Nissan also make what they call a sports car. It's the noisy 370Z which is powered by the engine from a Renault van. Still, there is no better way of saying: I am a dentist and I have recently left my wife.
Then there's the Pixo. It's very cheap but there's a reason for that. It's crap. My least favourite Nissan is the Juke. Fitted with the wheel arches from a John Deere tractor and wheels that are the size of Polo mints, it looks completely ridiculous. Inside, things are worse because even though this idiotic car is based on a Micra, it is fitted with a read-out that tells you how much G you generate in the bends. Answer: none, usually. There's only one reason you would ever buy a Juke. Because you had somehow managed to break free from your straitjacket.
Obviously, there is no way that a company which is so committed to the environment would make a big, thirsty off-road car. That would be hypocritical. But it does. Three in fact. It also makes the GTR, a twin turbo-charged, all-wheel-drive giant killer. One of the best cars I've ever driven. The new version is so good that until last week, I was thinking of actually using my own money to buy one. I liked the idea of all that power and technology wrapped up in a totally reliable package. Because that's the thing about Nissan. You can say what you like about their cars but the people who build them are really very good. Sadly, though, I was filming a GTR this week. And it went wrong. So there we are. A totally unfair review of the company's cars. Unlike the review I did on the Leaf last week-end. Which, despite what they say was completely accurate.
