So I have a good client who runs a local body shop. Think short, Italian with the attitude to match. We'll call him "Craig". He often visits and updates us on his latest insane stories and sometimes gets me involved. The most recent have been involving his neighbor. A new guy who moved in to the house next door to him who Craig describes as a Typical slimy lawyer type who liked to run off at the mouth around him. Sufficed to say the two didn't hit it off.
STORY #1:
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It started with the neighbor parking his vacation RV in from of Craigs house. For weeks he had repeatedly requested that the 20 foot RV be parked elsewhere. Like say, in the guys driveway where it belonged. The neighbor always declined to that option insisting that it had an oil leak and didn't want it all over the driveway. So instead the RV stayed and pooled oil in the road in front of Craigs house. This went on for a month. Craig decided to take some action. He promptly ordered a full 25 foot trailer cab from a trucking company and parked it in front of the neighbors house. He then had me install an 8 foot tall yellow smilely face centered on the trailer on the side facing the lawyers house. The RV was quickly relocated. The Trailer was not. Craig left it there for a month matching the time the neighbor had left his RV in front of his home. Every morning for that month the neighbor awoke to an 8 foot tall smiling face parked in front of his house.
STORY #2
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The lawyer got himself some dogs. Two "big smelly shit machines" as Craig would describe them. Rather than actually walk the dogs the neighbor would simply send them outside where they would promply shit and piss on Craigs well manicured lawn and shrubs. Again, Craig requested that the "asshole" would curb his "shitboxes". And again, weeks went on and no action was taken to aid the situation. So, Craig decided to visit the grocery store. There he purchased a pound of ground beef and a bottle of ex-lax pills. He then came home and rolled up little balls of meat and ex-lax and spread them about his lawn. The next day there was a knock at the door. There two police officers waited requesting Craigs presence. Two officers that Craig happens to drink with on weekends. The conversation went something like this: "Craig, what the fuck did you do? Your neighbor called complaining that you tried to kill his dogs. Says you fed them poison." Craig answered with, "I don't know what your talking about. I've got a raccoon problem so I spread some meat around my property with some ex-lax to scare em off." The officer replied, "Right" and the two officers proceeded to burst into fits of laughter. Craig said, "Whats so funny?" The officer explained, "The neighbor called us inside to take a look. There was dog shit sprayed 6 feet up the white walls of the house. Shit everywhere." Sufficed to say the neighbor walks the dogs now.
Yes, Craig is indeed one of my best clients.
STORY #1:
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It started with the neighbor parking his vacation RV in from of Craigs house. For weeks he had repeatedly requested that the 20 foot RV be parked elsewhere. Like say, in the guys driveway where it belonged. The neighbor always declined to that option insisting that it had an oil leak and didn't want it all over the driveway. So instead the RV stayed and pooled oil in the road in front of Craigs house. This went on for a month. Craig decided to take some action. He promptly ordered a full 25 foot trailer cab from a trucking company and parked it in front of the neighbors house. He then had me install an 8 foot tall yellow smilely face centered on the trailer on the side facing the lawyers house. The RV was quickly relocated. The Trailer was not. Craig left it there for a month matching the time the neighbor had left his RV in front of his home. Every morning for that month the neighbor awoke to an 8 foot tall smiling face parked in front of his house.
STORY #2
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The lawyer got himself some dogs. Two "big smelly shit machines" as Craig would describe them. Rather than actually walk the dogs the neighbor would simply send them outside where they would promply shit and piss on Craigs well manicured lawn and shrubs. Again, Craig requested that the "asshole" would curb his "shitboxes". And again, weeks went on and no action was taken to aid the situation. So, Craig decided to visit the grocery store. There he purchased a pound of ground beef and a bottle of ex-lax pills. He then came home and rolled up little balls of meat and ex-lax and spread them about his lawn. The next day there was a knock at the door. There two police officers waited requesting Craigs presence. Two officers that Craig happens to drink with on weekends. The conversation went something like this: "Craig, what the fuck did you do? Your neighbor called complaining that you tried to kill his dogs. Says you fed them poison." Craig answered with, "I don't know what your talking about. I've got a raccoon problem so I spread some meat around my property with some ex-lax to scare em off." The officer replied, "Right" and the two officers proceeded to burst into fits of laughter. Craig said, "Whats so funny?" The officer explained, "The neighbor called us inside to take a look. There was dog shit sprayed 6 feet up the white walls of the house. Shit everywhere." Sufficed to say the neighbor walks the dogs now.
Yes, Craig is indeed one of my best clients.