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[heavy liquid]

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=817&e=1&u=/ap/cooking_tong_attack

SAVANNAH, Ga. - Police are looking for two women they say sexually assaulted a man with a pair of cooking tongs in a drug-related attack.

Savannah-Chatham Metropolitan police say the victim, a 25-year-old man, awoke Saturday morning with a metal object protruding from his body.

The victim, who police say was using cocaine at the time, told police he does not remember much of what happened.

He told doctors he was drinking and using cocaine at his mobile home Friday night when he saw two women outside his home and invited them in.

Bad times.

I just hope they didn't use spaghetti tongs on him:

 

[Ninja Scooter]

holy shit. It really is a helluva drug.

 

[shuri]

I was like "Cooking Thongs?! WHAT!?"

 

[bob_arctor]

"I said THONG, godammit!!

 

[Minotauro]

Protruding from where?!

 

[belgurdo]

This registers a 9.9 on the pwned scale

 

[Dujour]

He was probably making it up, he just needed help to remove it so he made a story up that wouldn't make him look bad. It might have been two guys.

 

[olimario]

He was probably making it up, he just needed help to remove it so he made a story up that wouldn't make him look bad. It might have been two guys.

You're probably right. This story sounds better than, "I was masturbating with cooking tongs, high on cocaine".

 

[Gantz]

Man rape? OMFG!@ :lol

 

[human5892]

He was probably making it up, he just needed help to remove it so he made a story up that wouldn't make him look bad. It might have been two guys.

Exactly what I was thinking.

"What did these women look like, sir?"
"They were incredibly gorgeous, frankly. I believe one was Angelina Jolie."

 

[Dujour]

You're probably right. This story sounds better than, "I was masturbating with cooking tongs, high on cocaine".

Your avatar...

/me swoons.

 

[Minotauro]

Your avatar...

/me swoons.

What exactly happens when someone swoons?


I also still want to know where the tongs were protruding from. There are any number of orifices on the human body in which irregular cooking instruments could be placed.

 

[Deleted member 1235]

I used to hostel with some radiologists

This thread seems to be a fitting time to tell you that the occurance of someone coming in to get an x-ray with some bizarree object cramped up their ass/vagina is surprisingly regular.

What kind of girl stick drawing pins up her fanny for gods sake?
also
"I was in the shower and I fell over and the shampoo bottle was like, on the floor and...."

etc etc

 

[LakeEarth]

What exactly happens when someone swoons?


I also still want to know where the tongs were protruding from. There are any number of orifices on the human body in which irregular cooking instruments could be placed.

It does say sexual assault... and unless the man has a gigantic urethra....

 

[way more]

E.R. doctors will tell you that someone with a knife wound has no idea how it happened. Someone with a foreign object in their ass accidently "fell on it."

 

[Luscious LeftFoot]

See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never. It's always an accident. Every story ends in the same way... .'It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one. /Kramer

 

[Jim Bowie]

I think it'd be humorous to hear someone in this situation to say, "I just love to shove (item)s up my ass. I guess I just screwed up this time."

 

[Phoenix]

Protruding from where?!

His ass most likely

 

[boutrosinit]

Translation:

"I decided to snort ten grams of cocaine and then felt the need to shove things up my ass. I then felt so much/pain pleasure, that I passed out and my neighbours found me. Of course, I made up this story about two girls to get out of any embarassment, but then of course, i had to phone the police to make like it was true."