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[StoOgE]

First let me preface this by saying I am the walking epitome of awkward. I have been presented with innumerable opportunities to do something smooth and bungled it every time.

However, every now and then even a blind squirrel finds a nut.

My friend and I went to Boston for 3 days to see the Red Sox/Yankees. Anyway, we bought these 7 day charlie card passes that get you on any public transport for a week. I think they cost like 10 bucks each.

As we exited the plane I went for my phone and grabbed my charlie card accidentally. I tapped my friend on the shoulder and grabbed his. It hit me that these things had 3 and a half days left on them and would go to waste since we weren't going to be anywhere near Boston for the rest of the week. At 2 dollars a trip they could certainly save someone some money.

Our plane was turning right back around and going to Boston so everyone in the waiting area was headed that way.

So, I grabbed both of our cards and walked up to these two really cute girls way out of my league. At this point I was just trying to be a nice guy and save them some money. I explained to them that they would be good for a few more days and gave them the cards. At this point I noticed they were wearing shirts from a store called "Tyler's" which pretty much means they are locals. They were appreciative.. and out of nowhere I said "Well, how about you two go out with us when you get back and we'll call it even".

Got the numbers, explained to my friend what was going on. Called dibs on the hotter of the two.. my friend (who has game and is well aware of my lack of it) sat their slackjawed at my ability to gump into being smooth.

The girls turned out to be complete bitches.. but still. Hooray.

 

[AlternativeUlster]

I had sex with some dude's wife for like 6 months. Had sex in a busy laundrymat. Had sex with a girl in her parent's bedroom while her parents were home. Went home with some girl at a strip club who wasn't a stripper within 10 minutes of meeting her. Had sex in a bar with some girl after dancing with her after 2 songs. Had sex with a burlesque dancer after her show in front of a crowd of 20 people.

I wish I could think of things that didn't involve sex but can't. I am pretty bad ass.

 

[Alfarif]

First let me preface this by saying I am the walking epitome of awkward. I have been presented with innumerable opportunities to do something smooth and bungled it every time.

However, every now and then even a blind squirrel finds a nut.

My friend and I went to Boston for 3 days to see the Red Sox/Yankees. Anyway, we bought these 7 day charlie card passes that get you on any public transport for a week. I think they cost like 10 bucks each.

As we exited the plane I went for my phone and grabbed my charlie card accidentally. I tapped my friend on the shoulder and grabbed his. It hit me that these things had 3 and a half days left on them and would go to waste since we weren't going to be anywhere near Boston for the rest of the week. At 2 dollars a trip they could certainly save someone some money.

Our plane was turning right back around and going to Boston so everyone in the waiting area was headed that way.

So, I grabbed both of our cards and walked up to these two really cute girls way out of my league. At this point I was just trying to be a nice guy and save them some money. I explained to them that they would be good for a few more days and gave them the cards. At this point I noticed they were wearing shirts from a store called "Tyler's" which pretty much means they are locals. They were appreciative.. and out of nowhere I said "Well, how about you two go out with us when you get back and we'll call it even".

Got the numbers, explained to my friend what was going on. Called dibs on the hotter of the two.. my friend (who has game and is well aware of my lack of it) sat their slackjawed at my ability to gump into being smooth.

The girls turned out to be complete bitches.. but still. Hooray.

Brother, that shit was as smooth as eggs.

I haven't done anything remotely smooth in my life. Yeah, I'm about as awkward as you.

 

[Chipopo]

I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

 

[cntr]

I had sex with some dude's wife for like 6 months. Had sex in a busy laundrymat. Had sex with a girl in her parent's bedroom while her parents were home. Went home with some girl at a strip club who wasn't a stripper within 10 minutes of meeting her. Had sex in a bar with some girl after dancing with her after 2 songs. Had sex with a burlesque dancer after her show in front of a crowd of 20 people.

I wish I could think of things that didn't involve sex but can't. I am pretty bad ass.

AlternativeUlster
Absolutely pathetic part deux

 

[MercuryLS]

I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

That's fucking awesome :lol

 

[AlternativeUlster]

I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

Too bad you didn't do the "How do you like those apples" line. But yeah, that is pretty smooth.

 

[StoOgE]

I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

I knew I liked you for a reason.

 

[Timedog]

I had sex with some dude's wife for like 6 months. Had sex in a busy laundrymat. Had sex with a girl in her parent's bedroom while her parents were home. Went home with some girl at a strip club who wasn't a stripper within 10 minutes of meeting her. Had sex in a bar with some girl after dancing with her after 2 songs. Had sex with a burlesque dancer after her show in front of a crowd of 20 people.

I wish I could think of things that didn't involve sex but can't. I am pretty bad ass.

Explain the lead up to these situations. Like what you did/said/touched.

Most times I've done anything smooth I don't have much recollection because I was too drunk.

 

[NimbusD]

I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

Hah, reminds of this one time:

I was writing a paper in college, sitting at my laptop in the afternoon and my suitemate comes in and asks if I want a beer and throws it at me before I could even look away from the screen. I caught it in my left hand, cracked it open and took a big long swig of it without even looking away from the screen.

 

[AlternativeUlster]

Explain the lead up to these situations. Like what you did/said/touched.

Most times I've done anything smooth I don't have much recollection because I was too drunk.

I could tell that the dude's wife liked me a lot so I kept on playing off her and was flirting with her constantly. I made this joke about how I was going to have sex with her friend which made her write me a letter admitting that she had this thing for me and wanted to act on it. So we did.

Sex in the laundrymat was this time I was on a date with this girl doing laundry and I was like, "So I see what underwear you wear but how will I know what you are wearing now?"

 

[Ela Hadrun]

In third grade Steve Lancioni used to say mean things about my crush, "Name Withheld." I don't even remember the things he used to say, but he was a big kid from a different class and everyone agreed he was a bully.

One freezing cold morning as we waited on the playground asphalt for our teachers to collect us from the buses, he started taunting him again. Filled with rage, I charged after him in my full-body purple snowsuit and yelled at him that he'd better stop it. He and a few of his cronies circled me on the ice and jeered that I couldn't hit them. I threw several punches and landed on my ass every time. The whistle blew for us to line up with our teachers and go inside.

Downcast, I returned to my line with my head low.

"That was awesome, Ela!!!" crowed one of my busmates. Bless her.
"No it wasn't, it stunk," I moaned.
"Ela!" she protested. "YOU BEAT UP STEVE LANCIONI!"

The entire class congratulated me and Name Withheld and I held hands at recess nearly every day.

I'm pretty sure that that is indeed the smoothest thing I have ever done.

 

[AlternativeUlster]

Explain the lead up to these situations. Like what you did/said/touched.

Most times I've done anything smooth I don't have much recollection because I was too drunk.

The parent's bedroom was with a girl who would go to the end of the world with so that wasn't so hard.

I was pretty drunk the night of the time I went home with a girl who was at the strip club and it was after me hitting on this other girl for 30 minutes. I went up to her and said, "Ok, you are hot. I am good looking. You are old enough that you seem like you need a house husband. Would you agree with that?"

The girl on the dancefloor was looking at me all night and when she started to dance with me, she was already rubbing on my junk so having sex with her in the bathroom wasn't going to be any problem at all.

The burlesque dancer I was dating for a couple of months and we would fuck anywhere. I went up to her and just ripped off her panties. She told me earlier that night that she wanted to fuck me right after the show. I didn't know I had it in me in front of a bunch of people though. Oh wait, I forgot cocaine was involved in this. That would explain it.

So key tips, do cocaine and be cocky as fuck which is what cocaine does. You are hot shit timedog, I know you have it in you.

 

[Cyan]

I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

:lol Awesomest.

 

[Timedog]

Wait, i do remember a really....unsmooth thing I said. I was saying all this crap that I thought was clever but not getting any response, then I said really stupid about how she needed to protect me because of Obama becoming the new president and how their were racists on the prowl (i'm half black and she was white). Somehow this made her eyes light up and things get better from there. Then we're back at her apartment and I mention how she's being a really shitty bodygaurd and there are probably snipers aiming at my heart outside of her living room window. Somehow that.....the dumbest thing ever, lead straight into her sitting on my lap, and then sex, and stuff that I said that was actually funny/cool caused no response. Whatever, I wasn't complaining.

 

[AlternativeUlster]

AlternativeUlster
Absolutely pathetic part deux

Look at me, my name is X-Ninji. It is like the extreme sports version of ninjas, I am sure with a name like that I get the 15 year olds left and right at the Warped Tourz. Har har har.

 

[AlternativeUlster]

Wait, i do remember a really....unsmooth thing I said. I was saying all this crap that I thought was clever but not getting any response, then I said really stupid about how she needed to protect me because of Obama becoming the new president and how their were racists on the prowl (i'm half black and she was white). Somehow this made her eyes light up and things get better from there. Then we're back at her apartment and I mention how she's being a really shitty bodygaurd and there are probably snipers aiming at my heart outside of her living room window. Somehow that.....the dumbest thing ever, lead straight into her sitting on my lap, and then sex, and stuff that I said that was actually funny/cool caused no response. Whatever, I wasn't complaining.

Yeah dude. Girls love cheeseball stuff like that. You will be surprised how often doing things like that works.

 

[YYZ]

I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

Is this you by any chance?

 

[WickedAngel]

My first near-miss motorcycle accident was some zen-like shit. Two hicks in giant trucks were turning left opposite to me (Meaning they would be crossing my right-of-way, which they did). There was about 4 feet in between the two of them and it was too late to do anything but go for it. I was going at a speed that would put me into the back of one if I slowed down too little but it was too late to stop completely; being a newb, I locked up the rear tire.

The rear tire was pulling up to my right (Like \) and I fit through the space with almost no room to spare. When the tire tracked back behind me, I let the rear brake go and rode it out as if nothing had happened. The adrenaline high was unreal.

 

[Nooreo]

I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

:lol :lol :lol

 

[my name is ed]

One time, a girl had invited me over to her place for a few drinks. I got pretty drunk and went to the restroom. I started pissing before I fully pulled my member out so I got some piss on my pants so I was like fuuuuck. It was impossible to hide that shit. Anyway, I came out without my pants and got more drink as she looked on. Within 10 min, I get laid and she tells me that coming out of that bathroom without my pants was damn sexy. Not really smooth but I saved my ass.

 

[BlueMagic]

Wait, i do remember a really....unsmooth thing I said. I was saying all this crap that I thought was clever but not getting any response, then I said really stupid about how she needed to protect me because of Obama becoming the new president and how their were racists on the prowl (i'm half black and she was white). Somehow this made her eyes light up and things get better from there. Then we're back at her apartment and I mention how she's being a really shitty bodygaurd and there are probably snipers aiming at my heart outside of her living room window. Somehow that.....the dumbest thing ever, lead straight into her sitting on my lap, and then sex, and stuff that I said that was actually funny/cool caused no response. Whatever, I wasn't complaining.

If you had sex, it's smooth.

 

[Timedog]

One time, a girl had invited me over to her place for a few drinks. I got pretty drunk and went to the restroom. I started pissing before I fully pulled my member out so I got some piss on my pants so I was like fuuuuck. It was impossible to hide that shit. Anyway, I came out without my pants and got more drink as she looked on. Within 10 min, I get laid and she tells me that coming out of that bathroom without my pants was damn sexy. Not really smooth but I saved my ass.

Whoa, awesome!

One time that same thing happened to me, but it was at this bar. Then after I got out everyone said their goodbyes, initiated by me cause I wanted to get out of there. My shirt was long enough to cover up the wet spots of piss, luckily. Then a couple minutes later the girl I came to see texted me to come over to her apartment, and that she really wanted to see me now that we could be alone. I declined because I had piss all over my pants. I'll try to think of some more unsmooth tales.

 

[wolfmat]

The occasional smooth heelflip, I suppose. First-try long backside nosegrind also happened.

In life - well, can't recall anything extraordinarily smooth right now. Not that my life's boring or whatever, it's just that I never snapped with my fingers and something worked out magically. It was always work.

 

[USD]

One time, a girl had invited me over to her place for a few drinks. I got pretty drunk and went to the restroom. I started pissing before I fully pulled my member out so I got some piss on my pants so I was like fuuuuck. It was impossible to hide that shit. Anyway, I came out without my pants and got more drink as she looked on. Within 10 min, I get laid and she tells me that coming out of that bathroom without my pants was damn sexy. Not really smooth but I saved my ass.

This is brilliant. :lol

 

[2 Minutes Turkish]

Picked up one of my now ex-girlfriends in a club without even meaning/intending to.

After doing a bit of club hopping one night, a group of us ended up at the Mercury Nightclub in Melbourne around 4.30am.

Now, one thing most Melbournians will know about our clubs, is that by this time, the only patrons you'll generally have in clubs is Indians out to pick up whatever is left over for the night.

But on this night we ALSO happened to see a small group of pretty cute girls. Since I'm one of only a handful of men who 1. Actually dances at clubs and 2. Can dance properly, I was the only one in my group left standing by this stage.

While dancing, I noticed this group of girls, and one in particular, was getting constantly hit on by these Indian guys, and I could see from her cowering she was genuinely annoyed and a bit scared.

So after a while I just went up to her, grabbed her by the hand, and started dancing with her. Once some more Indians came up, I simply told them "Hey guys, back off, this is my girlfirend". Which worked.

She started thanking me profusely, and we got to talking. I was also talking to her friend most of the night too.

Come 6.30am, and the three of us were pretty exhausted. So we all sat down, with me in between the two of them. I pulled my mobile out, gave it to one, said "Chuck your number in", then gave it to the other and said the same. Both gave me their numbers and we left.

Found out the net day one of them had a boyfriend, which I wasn't happy about. But I got in touch with the other one who I ended up dating for a couple of months.

I thought that experience was overall pretty smooth.

A threesome would have topped it off better though.

 

[D3RANG3D]

I was in elementary school, we were in a line doing something I don't remember, someone hit the ball I think it was a whiffle ball maybe one of those soft rubber baseballs and I was talking to my friend not paying attention, it went towards my head and my hand seemed to go up automatically and caught it everybody was like woah!

 

[Tarazet]

I lived in an area with a very heavy wildlife presence until I was 23. It was almost impossible to make it to town without seeing a deer or two. The first year I was driving, I came around a corner and my view ahead was completely washed out by the sun. I couldn't see a thing, but I did manage to notice a slight interruption in the light and acting on a hunch, I drifted into the oncoming lane. Then I looked to my right and there was a fawn standing right there in the middle of the lane I had veered out of. If I hadn't noticed that tiny little change in the light, I would have killed him.

High school talent show was pretty cool too. Most of the kids did some goofy skits or half-hearted stunts. Then I sat down at the piano and started to play Chopin's Barcarolle. I heard snoring noises as I started, but by the end I could really feel the energy in the audience, and I won the contest with a unanimous decision from the judges. Pretty cool.

 

[Door2Dawn]

Picked up one of my now ex-girlfriends in a club without even meaning/intending to.

After doing a bit of club hopping one night, a group of us ended up at the Mercury Nightclub in Melbourne around 4.30am.

Now, one thing most Melbournians will know about our clubs, is that by this time, the only patrons you'll generally have in clubs is Indians out to pick up whatever is left over for the night.

But on this night we ALSO happened to see a small group of pretty cute girls. Since I'm one of only a handful of men who 1. Actually dances at clubs and 2. Can dance properly, I was the only one in my group left standing by this stage.

While dancing, I noticed this group of girls, and one in particular, was getting constantly hit on by these Indian guys, and I could see from her cowering she was genuinely annoyed and a bit scared.

So after a while I just went up to her, grabbed her by the hand, and started dancing with her. Once some more Indians came up, I simply told them "Hey guys, back off, this is my girlfirend". Which worked.

She started thanking me profusely, and we got to talking. I was also talking to her friend most of the night too.

Come 6.30am, and the three of us were pretty exhausted. So we all sat down, with me in between the two of them. I pulled my mobile out, gave it to one, said "Chuck your number in", then gave it to the other and said the same. Both gave me their numbers and we left.

Found out the net day one of them had a boyfriend, which I wasn't happy about. But I got in touch with the other one who I ended up dating for a couple of months.

I thought that experience was overall pretty smooth.

A threesome would have topped it off better though.

Can you teach me how to dance?

 

[Baraka in the White House]

I remember really pissing a girl off in the cafeteria once. She got really pissed and as I was leaving she called my name and threw an apple straight at my face. I caught the apple and took a big bite with a shit-eating grin on my face like it wasn't no thing. It was pretty smooth.

I did something similar before, totally by accident. I walked into one of my classes for the first time in high school and someone decided to huck a sandal at me. Now the way I remember it is me jerking back slightly and just barely knocking it off its course toward my face, but others said it looked like I just casually pimp-slapped it away without missing a beat.

Insta-street cred.

 

[2 Minutes Turkish]

Can you teach me how to dance?

If you like.

I'm actually pretty proud of myself.

I'm white, and I got asked to dance in a group of all black dancers by this guy who promoted at an RnB club in Melbourne.

So I must be doing SOMETHING right.

 

[ElectricBlue187]

In high school I was on the soccer team and this lanky mofo used to pick on people by grabbing their butts while we were on runs like he/they were gay or something. Anyway, one day he was running right behind me and I just knew that he'd try it and when he did I turned around and shoved him really hard and he fell. After that, nobody ever gave me shit again. It was probably the most badass and satisfying thing I've ever done.

 

[alistairw]

Years ago, my housemate at the time had a friend from his work over - this gorgeous English girl who was about six years older than me. We were getting pretty drunk in the backyard, and then the topic turned to clothing, and how I was well dressed, so I offered to show her what else I had in my wardrobe upstairs. We went upstairs, and then starting making out against the door of said wardrobe.

Unfortunately, then she fell off the roof. So that sorta ruined the night a bit.

 

[Anticitizen One]

The parent's bedroom was with a girl who would go to the end of the world with so that wasn't so hard.

I was pretty drunk the night of the time I went home with a girl who was at the strip club and it was after me hitting on this other girl for 30 minutes. I went up to her and said, "Ok, you are hot. I am good looking. You are old enough that you seem like you need a house husband. Would you agree with that?"

The girl on the dancefloor was looking at me all night and when she started to dance with me, she was already rubbing on my junk so having sex with her in the bathroom wasn't going to be any problem at all.

The burlesque dancer I was dating for a couple of months and we would fuck anywhere. I went up to her and just ripped off her panties. She told me earlier that night that she wanted to fuck me right after the show. I didn't know I had it in me in front of a bunch of people though. Oh wait, I forgot cocaine was involved in this. That would explain it.

So key tips, do cocaine and be cocky as fuck which is what cocaine does. You are hot shit timedog, I know you have it in you.

Can I see what you look like? I would like to emulate you down to the tiniest detail to pick up chicks

 

[Fusebox]

I was lined up with a bunch of dudes waiting for the toilet at a dance music festival and out of the corner of my eye I saw an empty beer bottle on top of a running hand-dryer slowly inching to the edge just as it toppled so I did a big one-step lunge and caught it with one hand just before it smashed on the ground - everyone started giving me props but I suspect it wasn't actually as smooth as it felt and everyone else in there was just as mashed up as I was.

 

[Broseybrose]

The parent's bedroom was with a girl who would go to the end of the world with so that wasn't so hard.

I was pretty drunk the night of the time I went home with a girl who was at the strip club and it was after me hitting on this other girl for 30 minutes. I went up to her and said, "Ok, you are hot. I am good looking. You are old enough that you seem like you need a house husband. Would you agree with that?"

The girl on the dancefloor was looking at me all night and when she started to dance with me, she was already rubbing on my junk so having sex with her in the bathroom wasn't going to be any problem at all.

The burlesque dancer I was dating for a couple of months and we would fuck anywhere. I went up to her and just ripped off her panties. She told me earlier that night that she wanted to fuck me right after the show. I didn't know I had it in me in front of a bunch of people though. Oh wait, I forgot cocaine was involved in this. That would explain it.

So key tips, do cocaine and be cocky as fuck which is what cocaine does. You are hot shit timedog, I know you have it in you.

You from miami by any chance? cause that shit happens all the time around here :lol

coke and sluts are the 2 greatest things about this town

 

[Boogie]

I had sex with some dude's wife for like 6 months. Had sex in a busy laundrymat. Had sex with a girl in her parent's bedroom while her parents were home. Went home with some girl at a strip club who wasn't a stripper within 10 minutes of meeting her. Had sex in a bar with some girl after dancing with her after 2 songs. Had sex with a burlesque dancer after her show in front of a crowd of 20 people.

I wish I could think of things that didn't involve sex but can't. I am pretty bad ass.

Fuck you.

 

[whytemyke]

I had sex with some dude's wife for like 6 months. Had sex in a busy laundrymat. Had sex with a girl in her parent's bedroom while her parents were home. Went home with some girl at a strip club who wasn't a stripper within 10 minutes of meeting her. Had sex in a bar with some girl after dancing with her after 2 songs. Had sex with a burlesque dancer after her show in front of a crowd of 20 people.

I wish I could think of things that didn't involve sex but can't. I am pretty bad ass.

that's like drinking water in the shower.


my most recent one was walking into the NFL Combine in indianapolis without any press credentials or passes. It's a closed event and my buddy and I were both in suits, walked up to the building as this one reporter comes out and my buddy goes, "Hold the door!" and the guy does, I'm like "Thanks, buddy. 'Ppreciate it!" we were just walking around checking out everything. people running 40s still. NFL Network in the stands like 20 feet away breaking down the D-Backs of the draft. I even went to the Colts postgame presser podium and got my picture taken there, haha. Pretty awesome.

 

[BlackNMild2k1]

Once I was in a park in a pretty secluded area and this guy pops out from behind a structure and pointed a pistol at me. He advanced towards me pretty quickly yelling some bullshit about how he was gonna fuckin kill me or something, yet he wasn't aiming the pistol anymore, now he was trying to pistol whip me.

While he was swinging, I was dodging and backing up at the same time. At one point (30ft behind where I started) i went to dodge his swing while backing up and trying to fish a knife out of my pocket, I tripped on the curb behind me. Thats when the guy tried to make his move with the butt of his pistol, but panic to not get hit, even while falling, I pulled some Bruce Lee shit.
All in one motion I grabbed the gun, flipped him to the ground, landing right next to him while I pointed his own gun(while he was still holding it too) under his chin with my finger underneath the trigger blocking it from being pulled.

It seemed like 5 minutes went by while the guy begged to be let go, and not to kill him or whatever. That's when his friend with a baseball bat threatening to hit me if I didn't let his friend go. I let him up just as the police turned the corner and they both took off running into the bushes never to be found as far I know.

I think that was a pretty smooth moment, especially since I know I could never repeat it, nor would I want to be in the situation again to have to try.

 

[ItAintEasyBeinCheesy]

Got in a fight with an old drunk woman and DIDNT get kicked in the balls, went into the stance so she didnt get an opportunity..... smooth as MJ. Then i threw a rock at some bitches car.

 

[shuri]

More crazy antics, less penthouse reader's letters material please.

 

[koam]

A once in a lifetime thing, but a few years ago, i was going out with this girl and i told her i was breaking up with her. She got super irate, she flipped out on me. As she's yelling at me, my phone rings on the table, she grabs it and throws it at me. She completely missed but i did a hockey goalie move, caught the phone in a way where my thumb answered it at the same time. I put the phone at my ear as i continued the "saving motion" and said "hey man, what's up?".

Unfortunately the rest wasn't smooth at all.

 

[revolverjgw]

I can't recall ever performing one single solitary smooth operation.

 

[AlternativeUlster]

Can I see what you look like? I would like to emulate you down to the tiniest detail to pick up chicks

Yeah sure, why not?

 

[AlternativeUlster]

You from miami by any chance? cause that shit happens all the time around here :lol

coke and sluts are the 2 greatest things about this town

I was considering relocating there in a bit but my friend Ilenia is thinking about leaving town so I don't know if I am going to make the move now. It would be glorious though.

 

[Poimandres]

One time, I was walking home from the pub blind drunk. I'm talking really really drunk. I was stumbling, seeing double and had just vomitted...

5 minutes later, I come across two girls and a guy loitering around on the footpath. One of the girls is in tears. I stop and ask "what's going on guys?". One of the girls tells me that her friend dropped her engagement ring, and they've been looking for it for the last half an hour...

I say "I'll help you guys find it" and after about 2 minutes of staring at the blurry ground, a glint catches my eye. I reach down and pick it up. "Is this it?" I say, sure enough I have found the ring. The engaged girl is over the moon, takes the ring off me and skips up and down with her boyfriend. They walk off a few metres, leaving me and the other girl alone.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you found my friends ring. Thank you so much!" she says. In return I say "Hey, don't worry about it.... say, you wanna make out?". She looks completely embarrased, goes bright red then replies "umm, alright!" so I grab her and we start making out for a couple of minutes. "Wow" she says "I've never done anything like that in my life!". I give her a wink, say "that was fun. Well, better be going. See ya round" and I walk off into the night with a big ass grin on my face.

Perhaps the highlight of my life...

 

[DCharlie]

someone threw a golf ball at me once, i thought it was a ping pong ball or something so i headbutted it out of the air. It didn't actually hurt (i guess expectation that it was a ping pong ball or something?!). Friends were rolling with laughter as they knew what it was , guy who threw it had a "... the f*ck?!" look on his face.

 

[Costanza]

One time, I was walking home from the pub blind drunk. I'm talking really really drunk. I was stumbling, seeing double and had just vomitted...

5 minutes later, I come across two girls and a guy loitering around on the footpath. One of the girls is in tears. I stop and ask "what's going on guys?". One of the girls tells me that her friend dropped her engagement ring, and they've been looking for it for the last half an hour...

I say "I'll help you guys find it" and after about 2 minutes of staring at the blurry ground, a glint catches my eye. I reach down and pick it up. "Is this it?" I say, sure enough I have found the ring. The engaged girl is over the moon, takes the ring off me and skips up and down with her boyfriend. They walk off a few metres, leaving me and the other girl alone.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you found my friends ring. Thank you so much!" she says. In return I say "Hey, don't worry about it.... say, you wanna make out?". She looks completely embarrased, goes bright red then replies "umm, alright!" so I grab her and we start making out for a couple of minutes. "Wow" she says "I've never done anything like that in my life!". I give her a wink, say "that was fun. Well, better be going. See ya round" and I walk off into the night with a big ass grin on my face.

Perhaps the highlight of my life...

awesome story :lol

 

[rexor0717]

This happened during middle school.
This kid and I were arguing during P.E. about something stupid. I decide to just drop the argument and walk away. As I am walking out to the grass, something in the back of my head tells me to duck in about 2 seconds. I listen to this instinct, and right as I duck, a basketball flies right over me, only missing me by a few inches. I stand up, turn around, and it was the kid I was arguing with who threw it at me (obviously). I looked at him, laughed and walked away.

It looked smooth to everyone else, but I just wondered how I knew to duck. He didn't have a ball in his hand or even rear him when I started walking. :/

 

[pseudocaesar]

Had Ancient civs 101 with this girl I went to college (australian version, so like year 11 and 12) with, we weren't friends then but seeing as though we were in a class together we sat next to each other. I never thought much of her aside from her having a fantastic rack, invited her over one night with the intention of me and my best mate (he was staying at my place on a visit from S.A) giving her a spit. We were wasted, my mate gets a message and up and leaves cos some fat ass bitch wanted to root him (apparently his high school fuck buddy), which left me alone with the girl. He left, closed the door, and me being a very sarcastic person thought to crack a joke about being alone, I said "Can we fuck now?" and she just pulled her top off and layed on the bed and I was like man... too easy.
Theres a few other stories.. when I was working at Maccas (I think I was 16 or 17 at that time), there was this ridiculously hot chick working there. Full on done magazines and won bikini contests and whatnot. Few years older than me, anyway she asked me to put the Sundae mix in for her (lol) and I was like il put my sundae mix in if you gimme a kiss, She was a bit stupid so i think she missed the first line, but I still made out with her in the middle of a maccas kitchen. Ha ha.