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[OmegaSupreme]

My partner of the last 8 years left me about a month ago. We've been having issues for a few months, but I was hopeful we'd make it through. I've been left before, so this isn't new to me, but I thought she was "the one". Maybe it's because I'm way older now, but it's not been easy letting go. I still love her now just as much as ever. It's also not helped that she's still living with me and will be until early August when her new apartment is ready.

So brokenhearted gaf... How did you pull through? Any good tips besides drinking myself into oblivion? Reconciliation seems to be a far-off dream btw. As much as I'd like it, I'm not confident.

 

[AJUMP23]

It can be hard to pine for what you cannot have, but if the person does not want you or what you want then you need to move on. The thoughts will lesson in time. But you need to find things to replace the gap in the mean time. The more free time you giver yourself the more you will think about it. Find something active to do with your time. Go do things with friends.

When I lost my mom, not the same as a relationship, I went on a long trip overseas with my brother and dad. That helped. A trip can help. Change the scenery.

 

[AJUMP23]

This is how the rich and famous deal with rejections.

 

[OmegaSupreme]

I have been going to the gym pretty consistently since it all went down, which has helped.

 

[ForAcademicPurposes]

Truth? Find another one that will make you forget her.

Start typing your resume right now.

 

[p_xavier]

My partner of the last 8 years left me about a month ago. We've been having issues for a few months, but I was hopeful we'd make it through. I've been left before, so this isn't new to me, but I thought she was "the one". Maybe it's because I'm way older now, but it's not been easy letting go. I still love her now just as much as ever. It's also not helped that she's still living with me and will be until early August when her new apartment is ready.

So brokenhearted gaf... How did you pull through? Any good tips besides drinking myself into oblivion? Reconciliation seems to be a far-off dream btw. As much as I'd like it, I'm not confident.

Don't drink or do drugs (I did it for 15 years). For me just gym training helps me better. Dating just sucks for men these days, I mean half of guys under 35 never had a gf. If you don't mind what were the issues? Where I'm from, a relationship was never about love, it was about a commitment. Which is shocking to me right now where I live is that it's only love based. I mean how can you manage a relationship on feelings!?

 

[Chuck Berry]

How do you go eight years with someone without marrying them?

 

[OmegaSupreme]

How do you go eight years with someone without marrying them?

Exactly. I've had a fear of that kind of commitment for a long time. I've had nothing but bad examples of marriage around me in my life, and I let it influence me too much. She very much wanted to get married years ago.

 

[DKehoe]

That sucks man. Sorry to hear that. I'd say give yourself some time rather than throwing yourself back out there and trying to find someone else as soon as possible. You mentioned about going to the gym, that's a good plan since it's something productive you can focus your energy into. Get yourself into a good place before beginning to date again. A relationship is great but it's important to be happy and comfortable in yourself without needing someone to make you feel complete.

 

[Oberstein]

Sorry man, hang in there. I don't really have any advice to give you, but I've noticed that women seem to move on a lot more easily than we do.

It's pretty typical in relationships: once it's over, they genuinely stop caring, while the guy is usually the one left brooding over it...

 

[Connificent]

Just watch porn and beat your meat

 

[OmegaSupreme]

Sorry man, hang in there. I don't really have any advice to give you, but I've noticed that women seem to move on a lot more easily than we do.

It's pretty typical in relationships: once it's over, they genuinely stop caring, while the guy is usually the one left brooding over it...

That's been my experience as well in life. That's why I'm pretty sure another chance is off the table. Sucks man.

 

[Shifty1897]

Get a support system of friends. People you can physically hang out with or do things with. For the love of God do not spend a holiday alone unless you want every happy memory with them you ever had to stab you in the chest.

In the short term, your goal should be staying out of contact with them and staying busy. Focus on improving yourself in any way you can: physically, socially, mentally, spiritually if you're into that, you can also focus on your career.

Once you're a few months removed from the situation, processing why things happened and accepting them as they are will be easier for you (at least it was for me). It took me about 9-10 months before I felt like I was ready to try dating again.

 

[MaestroMike]

get a good sweat going every day no deodorant and showers make sure she's smells that testosterone oozing throughout the house haha

edit: eat a lot of steamed broccoli and some onions/garlic too

 

[Days like these...]

Sorry, I have no advice I was trauma bonded for a long time but that's different getting over her is not going to be easy after so many years. What is wild is her still living there. I'd put her out or I'd leave.

 

[MidGenRefresh]

Hit the gym ASAP. If you're already going, go more often and train harder.

 

[Aces High]

Embrace the situation with all your heart.

Fully accept it for the rest of your life.

Don't negotiate. Just let go.

 

[lughnasadh123]

Give yourself the space and time to process your feelings without drinking or smoking shit that just just represses it. You have every right to feel like shit right now, and the sooner you do that, the faster you'll be on your way to feeling better.

Then you start working on yourself to make YOU better for your own sake while you enjoy that sweet single life. Eventually you'll figure out when you're ready to jump back into the dating pool assuming you even want to.

 

[Northeastmonk]

What did she say was wrong, maybe before she left? No signs, no constant reminders?

I notice in marriage that certain hang ups tend to stay as grudges for years and years. The cap being loose on the tooth paste or the toilet seat is never closed. Those tend to add more and more tension, especially when you're living together. Did she complain about the way you looked or the expectations you never "met".

I'd say move on. Work on yourself, put yourself out there, and build a social network. Don't waste time grieving or don't grieve forever. A coworker of mine, good guy, is still focusing on his ex and her life. IMO he's going in the wrong direction. This girl has a kid with another man and has moved on. He shouldn't be trying to stay up to date with her life. She apparently moved on and so should he. He needs to spend that time finding another outlet and going on dates. Remind yourself that if she wanted to, she would, but if she's not move tf on.

 

[Rush2112]

You dont just get over it instantly. Like personal grief after losing a close relative or friend. Takes time.

 

[nush]

Get a younger, better looking girlfriend and maybe even a promotion or higher paying job. Then enjoy all the salt from the ex. It worked for me.

 

[EverydayBeast]

How can you not move on? Someone is always moving on from something and with school just around the corner you have to get your priorities straight

 

[Donald mac Ronald]

My partner of the last 8 years left me about a month ago. We've been having issues for a few months, but I was hopeful we'd make it through. I've been left before, so this isn't new to me, but I thought she was "the one". Maybe it's because I'm way older now, but it's not been easy letting go. I still love her now just as much as ever. It's also not helped that she's still living with me and will be until early August when her new apartment is ready.

So brokenhearted gaf... How did you pull through? Any good tips besides drinking myself into oblivion? Reconciliation seems to be a far-off dream btw. As much as I'd like it, I'm not confident.

There is no easy answer.
Similar thing happened to me end of 2023 and I'm still going through that process.
Meeting someone new can be a short term fix and if they end up being great can replace that loss feeling but isn't guaranteed. Also in my case anyone new I met never measured up or bored me.

As typical and cheesy as it sounds. Simply time and doing things you like or new things you want to try. Gaming wont help.

Be a passport bro and go Thailand.

 

[Lord Panda]

I would just add this, yes it will take time and in the meantime:

While understandable, don't beg or do something that will make you and everyone cringe at you later.
Be stoic, have self-respect, and trust that in time things will be better.

 

[Plies]

Come with me to Colombia.

 

[EviLore]

Exactly. I've had a fear of that kind of commitment for a long time. I've had nothing but bad examples of marriage around me in my life, and I let it influence me too much. She very much wanted to get married years ago.

8 years is a long time for a lady to wait.

If it's too late to patch it up and propose, then you hit the gym, level up your career, buy a C8 Corvette, and play the field.

 

[Eirin]

Exactly. I've had a fear of that kind of commitment for a long time. I've had nothing but bad examples of marriage around me in my life, and I let it influence me too much. She very much wanted to get married years ago.

Idk about you, but whenever I dig my heels in and stop budging, even with things I say I want or feel I should want, it's because there's something about whatever's going on that I really do not want.

If you truly were excited to build a future with her, I can't see that you wouldn't have had a serious conversation about what she wants and what you want and where your ideas of what the future should look like intersect and where they diverge. If you really wanted to reconcile, I genuinely don't believe you wouldn't have apologized before this for whatever's been brewing for much longer than "the past few months". Guys always say it comes out of nowhere and it never does >:{

Sorry man, hang in there. I don't really have any advice to give you, but I've noticed that women seem to move on a lot more easily than we do.

It's pretty typical in relationships: once it's over, they genuinely stop caring, while the guy is usually the one left brooding over it...

Definitely not true. If a woman cares about you, she hopes very fiercely for a very long time. What severs that hope is having every last 'gap' in her memory & understanding of you filled in with irrefutable proof that you don't care about her and you won't change. Or that something she thought was true about you (ie your work ethic, your integrity, other values) aren't what she thought they were. The exact second something makes her realize that you're different than what she was hoping or who she thought you were is the second she stops caring.

I suppose OP is right in that you can't fix things after that.

 

[March Climber]

Exactly. I've had a fear of that kind of commitment for a long time. I've had nothing but bad examples of marriage around me in my life, and I let it influence me too much. She very much wanted to get married years ago.

My advice is simply to not do this to the next person. Cut the cord sooner if you're unsure, because you're essentially wasting years of their life (in this case almost a decade) for your own comfort.

Many people don't realize this and then act surprised when the other person might move on faster. It's because they just got hit with a negative 8 on the average lifespan, and if that's someone trying to get married and maybe even have kids, you have moved them from medium difficulty to hard difficulty.

By saying that, whoever you meet next, be more sure of yourself, with them, for sooner than 8 years. Not saying anything crazy like 1 month or even 1 year, but just not another 8.

 

[Revolutionary]

She's still living with you? Not saying to kick her out but seeing her every day is going to make things more complicated and difficult for you to move on. Surely she has a girlfriend or two that she can crash with for the next month?

 

[Avid Reading Horse]

Try and replace any emotions you are feeling with a useful one, i.e. hatred