Lemurnator
Banned
I'd like to apologize beforehand for any grammar and punctuation mistakes I've made in this post, an appropriate tag for me would be Proofreaders Wanted, though that wouldn't be anywhere near as funny as my current tag.
I tried as hard as possible to make this as unpretentious as possible, I apologize for any failure to live up to this goal. Hopefully I don't make anyone who reads this embarassed. Although I could have come up with a better title. Somehow I think "I'm Leaving" doesn't quite put the message across that I'm trying to send.
I know I've never really been a quality poster on these boards though I've become somewhat well known for one of the other, not so glorious reason(s). So my importance as a poster here are slim to none. Still I've taken from and tried to give back as much as I could to a few good people people on these boards who've reached out to me in friendship, in what is turning out to be the most difficult time of my life. To these people there are no thanks in the world that can convey how much I've appreciated you, your friendship, your support, your time, and your words. All I can try and say now to these people is thank you, from the bottom of my heart, it's meant a lot to me.
I've tried to be good friends back to all of you, a set of ears for hearing what you've had to say, a brain to give any insight I could give at the time, and just good plain company.
As a poster here I've never felt as though I really even qualified to post here. I hardly ever hit the post button without fearing what the outcome might be. I know nearly everything I have to say has not got a place on this forum, and when I try to put what I have into writing it ALWAYS comes out not as my brain intended to while I was thinking it. I also ALWAYS seem completely ignorant in the majority of my posts which is embarrassing. I always wanted to be able to say SOMETHING to the people on these boards, I've just never known how. This makes nearly everything I've ever said here akin to someone sending messages in bottles from a desert island to people across an ocean. I've done my fair share to fuck up my reputation as a good poster on this forum. I tend to bring out the worst in a lot of people. I like to think I've come a long way since I first registered for these forums though.
Still regardless of all that, a lot of perfect strangers have been there to just say once or two sentences which at the time had taken an insurmountable amount of weight off of my shoulders. To those people, I have nothing but respect for you also. For those of you who've ever never had any contact in any way shape or form, I'm cool with all of you. All the users here meld together to make this place what I have come to find as the most rewarding, funniest, friendliest, and most enjoyable places on the internet. To those of you have never done nothing but walk all over me, said extremely hurtful things to me, and have had all around malicious contact with me. I only ever really hated a few of you. I'm a very easily baited person because I do take your hurtful comments seriously, and some of the stuff a few of you have to say does have an emotional affect on me. You're not the reason I'm leaving.
These past few months have been the absolute worst in my entire miserable life. With things concerning my immediate family. My dad and how he continues to fuck up everyone in my family's life. My brother who's made every day for me living in this house an uncomfortable, stressful, special kind of hell. Me being very sick for going on over a month now. My mom at the end of the rope having to deal with everyone's problems. All of this. I feel as though I'm constantly sinking deeper into depression, anxiety, frustration, anger, helplessness, hopelessness, loneliness, and worthlessness. Yes I know a lot of people think of average teenage angst, crawwwwwwwwwwwling in my skiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin and all that bullshit but I honestly feel I'm set apart from that category. All while growing ever more apathetic toward the world around me. I don't find enjoyment in anything I've had a lifelong interest in. Videogames were the first to go during the summer as things started going downhill. Then it was my friends (offline) who I've never in my life ever felt like I've shared a real bond with. I could never talk to my friends about the things that stir in my head. Music is a double edge sword. I can't listen to 10 hours straight of nonstop music anymore, but the level at which the music I listen to is able to touch me has increased as has my growing interest in learning to write my own songs and bettering myself at the guitar.
Then it's the internet. My safety net from before the last year or so. I had written out a very long explanation of this but decided not to include it in my giant wall of text.
I don't think it's beneficial for me to stick around here as a poster as I've become increasingly more apathetic toward all the things that at one time brought me joy. As pathetic as that might be. I'm sailing some rough seas and I think I need to give myself a break from this and everything that isn't absolutely necessary. At least until I feel good enough to be able to sleep at night. If and when I ever decide to come back I might and hope to be a very changed person for the better. I'm not thinking that my leaving is going to have any impact on the forum in one way or another. I don't feel as though I've ever had an impact on the forum to begin with.
Until then, thank you for the laughs, thank you for the drama (OT), thank you for the camaraderie, and thank you for your time.
I tried as hard as possible to make this as unpretentious as possible, I apologize for any failure to live up to this goal. Hopefully I don't make anyone who reads this embarassed. Although I could have come up with a better title. Somehow I think "I'm Leaving" doesn't quite put the message across that I'm trying to send.
I know I've never really been a quality poster on these boards though I've become somewhat well known for one of the other, not so glorious reason(s). So my importance as a poster here are slim to none. Still I've taken from and tried to give back as much as I could to a few good people people on these boards who've reached out to me in friendship, in what is turning out to be the most difficult time of my life. To these people there are no thanks in the world that can convey how much I've appreciated you, your friendship, your support, your time, and your words. All I can try and say now to these people is thank you, from the bottom of my heart, it's meant a lot to me.
I've tried to be good friends back to all of you, a set of ears for hearing what you've had to say, a brain to give any insight I could give at the time, and just good plain company.
As a poster here I've never felt as though I really even qualified to post here. I hardly ever hit the post button without fearing what the outcome might be. I know nearly everything I have to say has not got a place on this forum, and when I try to put what I have into writing it ALWAYS comes out not as my brain intended to while I was thinking it. I also ALWAYS seem completely ignorant in the majority of my posts which is embarrassing. I always wanted to be able to say SOMETHING to the people on these boards, I've just never known how. This makes nearly everything I've ever said here akin to someone sending messages in bottles from a desert island to people across an ocean. I've done my fair share to fuck up my reputation as a good poster on this forum. I tend to bring out the worst in a lot of people. I like to think I've come a long way since I first registered for these forums though.
Still regardless of all that, a lot of perfect strangers have been there to just say once or two sentences which at the time had taken an insurmountable amount of weight off of my shoulders. To those people, I have nothing but respect for you also. For those of you who've ever never had any contact in any way shape or form, I'm cool with all of you. All the users here meld together to make this place what I have come to find as the most rewarding, funniest, friendliest, and most enjoyable places on the internet. To those of you have never done nothing but walk all over me, said extremely hurtful things to me, and have had all around malicious contact with me. I only ever really hated a few of you. I'm a very easily baited person because I do take your hurtful comments seriously, and some of the stuff a few of you have to say does have an emotional affect on me. You're not the reason I'm leaving.
These past few months have been the absolute worst in my entire miserable life. With things concerning my immediate family. My dad and how he continues to fuck up everyone in my family's life. My brother who's made every day for me living in this house an uncomfortable, stressful, special kind of hell. Me being very sick for going on over a month now. My mom at the end of the rope having to deal with everyone's problems. All of this. I feel as though I'm constantly sinking deeper into depression, anxiety, frustration, anger, helplessness, hopelessness, loneliness, and worthlessness. Yes I know a lot of people think of average teenage angst, crawwwwwwwwwwwling in my skiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin and all that bullshit but I honestly feel I'm set apart from that category. All while growing ever more apathetic toward the world around me. I don't find enjoyment in anything I've had a lifelong interest in. Videogames were the first to go during the summer as things started going downhill. Then it was my friends (offline) who I've never in my life ever felt like I've shared a real bond with. I could never talk to my friends about the things that stir in my head. Music is a double edge sword. I can't listen to 10 hours straight of nonstop music anymore, but the level at which the music I listen to is able to touch me has increased as has my growing interest in learning to write my own songs and bettering myself at the guitar.
Then it's the internet. My safety net from before the last year or so. I had written out a very long explanation of this but decided not to include it in my giant wall of text.
I don't think it's beneficial for me to stick around here as a poster as I've become increasingly more apathetic toward all the things that at one time brought me joy. As pathetic as that might be. I'm sailing some rough seas and I think I need to give myself a break from this and everything that isn't absolutely necessary. At least until I feel good enough to be able to sleep at night. If and when I ever decide to come back I might and hope to be a very changed person for the better. I'm not thinking that my leaving is going to have any impact on the forum in one way or another. I don't feel as though I've ever had an impact on the forum to begin with.
Until then, thank you for the laughs, thank you for the drama (OT), thank you for the camaraderie, and thank you for your time.
