Support NeoGAF

[ApharmdX]

As a guy, I've dated a couple of women who were bisexual. It's not a big deal, I never found it intimidating or anything.

This article popped up on my newfeed this morning: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/glamour-magazine-sexuality-survey_us_56bcad12e4b0b40245c57d6a



While "Glamour" obviously not the most credible source, it does introduce an interesting discussion, and perhaps suggests a weird prejudice and double standard that society have. I'm curious to hear Gaf's thoughts on if someone's "bisexuality" would impact your decision to date them?

I saw this article on HuffPo the other day. There's an obvious double standard here between guys dating women who have been with women, and women dating guys who have been with men. Speaks to the cultural acceptance for girl-on-girl, I guess. And shit, I'll bet that, given the choice between a woman that's only been with other women, and a woman that's only been with men, a lot of dudes would choose the former.

 

[Amory]

Up until she met me my girlfriend had only dated / slept with other women.

It was...surprising to me when she told me. But it doesn't bother me

 

[berzeli]

I don't know why you're being so aggressive. I think maybe you should relax a bit.

Anyway I misspoke when I said biphobia wasn't the issue. I more meant that supporters/allies are contributing to those biphobic attitudes. When someone who is pro-bisexual comes into this thread saying "ohhh yeah I'd date a bi women. That would be so hot. Tons of 3somes!", that furthers biphobic attitudes.

Because you aren't coming across as a supporter. Or well, you're coming across as one of those supporters you mention, one of those who are contributing to biphobic attitudes.

Saying things like; "When even the allies/supporters of bisexual people are saying "bisexual people can't do monogamy" how could you possibly get mad at people wanting monogamy for avoiding bisexual people?" is going to upset me, for good reason. Which is what I was trying to illustrate with my analogy (more on that below). How dare you tell me what I should or should not take exception to, or do you do you assume that if I were to ignore their biphobia it would magically go away?

I missed this the first time, but this is sort of a gross comparison.

I don't think anyone would consider it an issue to not have sex with or date a person you had no physical attraction to. Does this comparison mean you'd be fine with refusing to hire a person who wasn't sexually attractive?

I think being able to provide food/shelter for yourself is a fundamental right. If nobody will hire you, and there is no social safety net, you literally will die from lack of funds at some point. Lack of food/shelter can kill.

Nobody is entitled to a date.

It was an analogy, not a comparison. I.e. I'm not saying the situations are equal I'm using the analog to illustrate the faulty and harmful logic occurring in both scenarios.

 

[Jiyuu Tenshi]

Bisexuality has nothing to do with being polygamous. Being bi doesn't mean that you need to have sex with guys and girls at the same time, it also doesn't mean that there is anything missing when you are exclusively dating one person at a time. What it means is that the gender of a potential partner isn't really important. It's more like a choice between a blonde or a brunette. Would you also be insecure about being blonde, because your partner is into brunettes as well?

Of course there are bisexuals who are also polygamous, just as there are homosexuals and heterosexuals that are, and there's nothing wrong with that either as long as everyone involved is okay with it and there are certain safety rules in place to protect everyone from diseases.

As a bisexual guy I consider myself lucky to be in a relationship with another bisexual guy. It's great to have someone who actually understands what it means to be bisexual. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't date heterosexual women or homosexual guys, but they'd need to accept me for who I am, I'm not going to lie to any potential partner about my sexuality. If they are too insecure to trust me, it wouldn't work out anyway.

 

[CornBurrito]

Because you aren't coming across as a supporter. Or well, you're coming across as one of those supporters you mention, one of those who are contributing to biphobic attitudes.

Saying things like; "When even the allies/supporters of bisexual people are saying "bisexual people can't do monogamy" how could you possibly get mad at people wanting monogamy for avoiding bisexual people?" is going to upset me, for good reason. Which is what I was trying to illustrate with my analogy (more on that below). How dare you tell me what I should or should not take exception to, or do you do you assume that if I were to ignore their biphobia it would magically go away?

Yes, I'm talking about biphobic attitudes that actually exist. I don't carry those attitudes myself. My main point with that post was that both actually biphobic people and some of their alleged supporters further those sorts of attitudes.

I also didn't say to ignore biphobia. But I think expressing anger towards certain people won't really solve the issue. Or lets say I think anger is being expressed towards the wrong people.

Lets say we have Jenny. Jenny wouldn't date a bisexual man. She has her reasons. She doesn't know anyone that expressed overtly biphobic opinions, but she has spent several years on sites like Reddit and NeoGAF. Fairly liberal sites. When the topic of bisexuality comes up, you have people go "Oh man I 'd love tp date a bisexual! Tons of threesomes!" or "I wouldnt have any issue with my bisexual partner sleeping with someone of the same sex. That's just providing something I can never provide my partner."

Jenny sees these comments, from people who are allies towards bisexual people. Jenny doesn't think bisexuals are gross or anything. But she doesn't -want- threesomes. She doesn't like the idea that she'll never be able to fully satisfy her bisexual boyfriend.

And these ideas are coming from allies. Jenny isn't some hateful bigot. She wants monogamy. And both actual bigots and alleged allies are leading her to believe she won't find it with a bisexual man.

If you want to express anger towards Jenny, that's fine. But I think some of those allies deserve a bit of blame too. If you see someone going "oh yeah, I'd love to date a bisexual. Tons of threesomes." Call them out. Because even as a "positive" it is still biphobic as fuck.

 

[The Mule]

Would someone's bisexuality make them undateable?

No, of course not.

 

[Aarglefarg]

I missed this the first time, but this is sort of a gross comparison.

I don't think anyone would consider it an issue to not have sex with or date a person you had no physical attraction to. Does this comparison mean you'd be fine with refusing to hire a person who wasn't sexually attractive?

I think being able to provide food/shelter for yourself is a fundamental right. If nobody will hire you, and there is no social safety net, you literally will die from lack of funds at some point. Lack of food/shelter can kill.

Nobody is entitled to a date.

Reasons for dating someone or not dating someone can sometimes be based in prejudice and stereotypes. Criticising someone for this isn't forcing them to date who they do not want to.

 

[Kisaya]

Yes, I'm talking about biphobic attitudes that actually exist. I don't carry those attitudes myself. My main point with that post was that both actually biphobic people and some of their alleged supporters further those sorts of attitudes.

I also didn't say to ignore biphobia. But I think expressing anger towards certain people won't really solve the issue. Or lets say I think anger is being expressed towards the wrong people.

Lets say we have Jenny. Jenny wouldn't date a bisexual man. She has her reasons. She doesn't know anyone that expressed overtly biphobic opinions, but she has spent several years on sites like Reddit and NeoGAF. Fairly liberal sites. When the topic of bisexuality comes up, you have people go "Oh man I 'd love tp date a bisexual! Tons of threesomes!" or "I wouldnt have any issue with my bisexual partner sleeping with someone of the same sex. That's just providing something I can never provide my partner."

Jenny sees these comments, from people who are allies towards bisexual people. Jenny doesn't think bisexuals are gross or anything. But she doesn't -want- threesomes. She doesn't like the idea that she'll never be able to fully satisfy her bisexual boyfriend.

And these ideas are coming from allies. Jenny isn't some hateful bigot. She wants monogamy. And both actual bigots and alleged allies are leading her to believe she won't find it with a bisexual man.

If you want to express anger towards Jenny, that's fine. But I think some of those allies deserve a bit of blame too. If you see someone going "oh yeah, I'd love to date a bisexual. Tons of threesomes." Call them out. Because even as a "positive" it is still biphobic as fuck.

They are not allies. People who make those comments along with Jenny are just all ignorant.

 

[Chmpocalypse]

The worst prejudice against Bisexuals comes from the gay community. It's not even really close. Some of them will roll their eyes in your face when you tell them, it's the most insulting shit.

There's nothing inherent to bisexuality that lends itself to polyamory, at least any moreso than heterosexuality or homosexuality.

Broke up with a gay couple I was dating over this. The teasing comments about me not "accepting" that I was only gay got tiresome. Yes, I like men. I also like women. It's who I am. I didn't pick a side, and won't, because then I wouldn't be true to myself.

 

[berzeli]

Yes, I'm talking about biphobic attitudes that actually exist. I don't carry those attitudes myself. My main point with that post was that both actually biphobic people and some of their alleged supporters further those sorts of attitudes.
*snip for brevity*
If you want to express anger towards Jenny, that's fine. But I think some of those allies deserve a bit of blame too. If you see someone going "oh yeah, I'd love to date a bisexual. Tons of threesomes." Call them out. Because even as a "positive" it is still biphobic as fuck.

Look I'm willing to chalk up our disagreement to you misspeaking and me being antsy about this subject. But if you want to portray yourself as an ally, writing things like

When even accepting people think that bisexuals can't be faithful, do you really expect anyone to give a bisexual person consideration as a serious romantic partner?

I don't think homophobia or biphobia is really the issue here.
...
When even the allies/supporters of bisexual people are saying "bisexual people can't do monogamy" how could you possibly get mad at people wanting monogamy for avoiding bisexual people?

just doesn't send that message. It just sounds as making excuses for biphobic people.

 

[CornBurrito]

They are not allies. People who make those comments along with Jenny are just all ignorant.

Precisely why I used the term alleged/supposed allies. Some of the people making those comments probably think they are so forward thinking and liberal because they'd date a bisexual person. But they can be just as guilty of fostering/furthering biphobic attitudes as actual bigots.

 

[Dali]

If she were hot enough maybe. It's not something I'd actively seek but it likely wouldn't come up on the first date anyway. It wouldn't be a deal breaker upon finding out.

 

[Ms.Galaxy]

God, I really hate the whole "Bisexuals are unfaithful and need to have sex with both sexes" myth. I'm bisexual and I never once thought of or considered cheating or even leaving my boyfriend (who is also bisexual, leaning towards hetero). I'm perfectly satisfied with having grapes and sausage everyday.

 

[suzu]

The promiscuous and cheating stereotype is so damn stupid.

 

[Kenai]

The whoring around/unfaithful stereotype and the "oh you're really gay you are just lying about it" stuff are the absolute worst imo, I am not particularly open about my sexuality because of it, and certainly wouldn't hang with anybody who held those views by choice, let alone date them (why would I?)

Not that it really matters right now since I have been in a relationship with a woman for a long time, people just assume I am straight so whatever.

 

[oni_saru]

I didn't know this was a dealbreaker for some women.

Personally i wouldn't mind dating a bisexual man. If he had male partners in the past, well good for him. I'm his partner now and that's all that should matter.