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[OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather]

I always end up overcomplicating things, but yeah in your situation if you think she was into you but since you dont have her number just message her on facebook about hanging out. If she is actually into you she wont care if its through phone or facebook she will be happy that you are interested. That's actually exactly how I ended up with this one girl last semester for a bit.

I deleted my Facebook page a while back. There are other avenues though. Thanks.

Everyone "tests" their potential partner in some way. Otherwise there's not much of a filter for who you'll be with.

I'd imagine many of these tests happen somewhat subconsciously as well.

 

[gugi40]

Depends on the comment. A lot of people, myself included, will make friendly jabs at a person as sort of an indicator of closeness. I guess the subconscious idea is that a close friend will understand that it's just a dumb joke and not to be taken seriously, and that they should in turn sling some shit back at me. I would basically never insult someone who wasn't a friend, if that makes sense. The problem with this tendency is it really backfires when misunderstood.

Not saying that's what happened here. Kind of hard to say without the full story.

I will give an example, because it is sort of hard to explain.

The guy will be talking to me for about a day or two asking questions and finding common interests....here is some dialogue:

Guy: So do you have any pets?
Me: Yeah I have two cat's and two ferrets, would love to get a hamster again or a fish, I miss having them around. What about you? Do you have any pets?

(after a few hours of wait)

Guy: I am sick of asking questions all the time on here I feel like that's all I do.
Me: Yeah it can be kind of repetitive for the most part but it is the only way to find out if the other person is compatable enough.
Guy:Yeah you people are all the same. You are all fake and phony and I am tired of being asked questions and going nowhere. You all take too much time on here.


So I blocked him because I don't like when anyone says "you people" or "you are all the same"

I have more dialogue from other guys too if it will help.

 

[Pau]

As a woman I can say with confidence I have never done that, but do guys do the same thing? I would imagine people would want to be as nice to their potential prospect as possible...at least that's how I go about it, then comes their supremely random negativity. Maybe they just get bored that I am not asking to S their D, but I do give many compliments so I don't know anymore.

Sounds like guys who are either really bad at flirting, really bitter, or both. Or that "negging" shit.

I've never had a profile on a dating site, but from what I hear it's exhausting to go through all the bullshit. How frequently does this happen?

Yeah, that example sounds like someone who's bitter and taking it out on you. :/

 

[gugi40]

If someone does that, I classify them as a shithead and have no interest. I don't have time for mind games, and anyone entertaining that kind of bullshit test, sorry, I'm just not into it.

I find it manipulative to do such a thing, but it seems to be a frequent thing for online dating in my own experience.

 

[Pau]

Everyone "tests" their potential partner in some way. Otherwise there's not much of a filter for who you'll be with.

There's ways to filter out people without being an asshole though, which is what a lot of these "games" amount to.

 

[gugi40]

Sounds like guys who are either really bad at flirting, really bitter, or both. Or that "negging" shit.

I've never had a profile on a dating site, but from what I hear it's exhausting to go through all the bullshit. How frequently does this happen?

I think it might be a mix of bitter and insecurity, but why do that to someone who is interested in you and being nice?

It is exhausting, in the past it happened a little bit but I still managed to meet some really awesome people through it, now it seems like no one reads profiles anymore andso many guys seem really mad about having no luck...I am having bad luck too and I am not mean!

 

[OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather]

I think it might be a mix of bitter and insecurity, but why do that to someone who is interested in you and being nice?

It is exhausting, in the past it happened a little bit but I still managed to meet some really awesome people through it, now it seems like no one reads profiles anymore andso many guys seem really mad about having no luck...I am having bad luck too and I am not mean!

Like I said before, I think some of it happens at a subconscious level. As for the ones being outright assholes, well, they're just that, assholes, and it's better it gets out there now rather than later on, as frustrating as it can be. Also, some dudes think being a complete asshole will attract women.

 

[gugi40]

Like I said before, I think some of it happens at a subconscious level. As for the ones being outright assholes, well, they're just that, assholes, and it's better it gets out there now rather than later on, as frustrating as it can be. Also, some dudes think being a complete asshole will attract women.

You are probably right, I prefer knowing if someone is a D-bag sooner than later it makes it easier to decide, it just seems to happen really often like every 3 out of 8 guys will be mean randomly. Do girls do this at all? In anyones expereince?

 

[Servbot24]

There's ways to filter out people without being an asshole though, which is what a lot of these "games" amount to.

I don't really see how it's a game. You want to see your potential partner in a variety of situations to see what they're like.

 

[Pau]

I don't really see how it's a game. You want to see your potential partner in a variety of situations to see what they're like.

Insulting a potential partner to see how they react isn't a shitty game? Come on now. Call it what you will, but really, it's bullshit that a lot of people aren't going to put up with.

I think it might be a mix of bitter and insecurity, but why do that to someone who is interested in you and being nice?

It is exhausting, in the past it happened a little bit but I still managed to meet some really awesome people through it, now it seems like no one reads profiles anymore andso many guys seem really mad about having no luck...I am having bad luck too and I am not mean!

Sometimes it's easier to self-destruct than it is to put effort into something that might not go anywhere.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Testing is ridiculous. I prefer to set up an obstacle course and judge them on three criteria:

Time
Technique
"It"-Factor

 

[Pau]

Testing is ridiculous. I prefer to set up an obstacle course and judge them on three criteria:

Time
Technique
"It"-Factor

Have them wear a superhero costume, and this sounds pretty good. They'll be tested on their costume choice, obviously.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Have them wear a superhero costume, and this sounds pretty good. They'll be tested on their costume choice, obviously.

That goes under It-Factor.

 

[Servbot24]

Insulting a potential partner to see how they react isn't a shitty game? Come on now. Call it what you will, but really, it's bullshit that a lot of people aren't going to put up with.

Depends if we're talking about a genuinely hurtful insult or more just teasing.

 

[mikeGFG]

I will give an example, because it is sort of hard to explain.

The guy will be talking to me for about a day or two asking questions and finding common interests....here is some dialogue:

Guy: So do you have any pets?
Me: Yeah I have two cat's and two ferrets, would love to get a hamster again or a fish, I miss having them around. What about you? Do you have any pets?

(after a few hours of wait)

Guy: I am sick of asking questions all the time on here I feel like that's all I do.
Me: Yeah it can be kind of repetitive for the most part but it is the only way to find out if the other person is compatable enough.
Guy:Yeah you people are all the same. You are all fake and phony and I am tired of being asked questions and going nowhere. You all take too much time on here.


So I blocked him because I don't like when anyone says "you people" or "you are all the same"

I have more dialogue from other guys too if it will help.

if it were two days of frivolous okc small talk about ferrets without a meet-up planned I would go crazy, too

 

[The Artful Dodger]

I will give an example, because it is sort of hard to explain.

The guy will be talking to me for about a day or two asking questions and finding common interests....here is some dialogue:

Guy: So do you have any pets?
Me: Yeah I have two cat's and two ferrets, would love to get a hamster again or a fish, I miss having them around. What about you? Do you have any pets?

(after a few hours of wait)

Guy: I am sick of asking questions all the time on here I feel like that's all I do.
Me: Yeah it can be kind of repetitive for the most part but it is the only way to find out if the other person is compatable enough.
Guy:Yeah you people are all the same. You are all fake and phony and I am tired of being asked questions and going nowhere. You all take too much time on here.


So I blocked him because I don't like when anyone says "you people" or "you are all the same"

I have more dialogue from other guys too if it will help.

He said Phony, tell him to stop reading Catcher in the Rye and move on with your life.

 

[Pau]

Depends if we're talking about a genuinely hurtful insult or more just teasing.

I'd file teasing under flirting, not being an asshole towards someone to see what sort of reaction it'll get. Although I've certainly known guys who didn't realize when their attempts at teasing were more hurtful or just awkward than fun.

 

[n64coder]

I have more dialogue from other guys too if it will help.

Out of curiosity, I would be interested in seeing other responses you received.

As others mentioned, I think the guy was frustrated or maybe is an a-hole in real life but I don't think it's common. Just move on to the next prospect.

 

[Idde]

I'd file teasing under flirting, not being an asshole towards someone to see what sort of reaction it'll get. Although I've certainly known guys who didn't realize when their attempts at teasing were more hurtful or just awkward than fun.

But it still falls under seeing if somebody is compatible or not. If somebody can't take a joke, or can't tell if I'm joking, that's a sign we're just not compatible. Somebody might laugh at it, and somebody else will be grossly offended. Of course, don't be an asshole, but there's a bunch of people who don't get my humor, and might be offended.

A couple of days ago I spent fifteen minutes talking about male/female inequality in todays society in a completely serious manner. After that we moved on in the conversation in which I make a completely harmless, but somewhat sexist joke about women not being able to read maps properly. Sorry, but if you can't take that, we're just not meant to be.

But if you reply with something about guys not being able to do two things at a time, awesome-o. So it is just testing the waters, and seeing if someone is a good fit. Of course, don't be a bitter asshole, as the guy in gugi's example obviously is.

edit: on the other hand I understand the guys frustration. Not how he's dealing with it, but certainly what he's talking about. I can't count the amount of times I've had the feeling I was doing all of the work in a conversation, without any input from the other person. Like I'd be asking all the question, and just getting one word replies in return.

Makes sense, since women can afford to be very pretty picky, but it's hella frustrating. Not saying that is what gugi did. But I can relate to the guy.

 

[gugi40]

if it were two days of frivolous okc small talk about ferrets without a meet-up planned I would go crazy, too

I agree it would be pretty annoying to only talk about frivolous things, but it was not. I answer their questions that they ask me, I am not comfortable meeting up with someone as soon as they say hello, in the past guys have badly harassed me from going on one date and not being interested, so I like to see what I am getting into before meeting up.

He said Phony, tell him to stop reading Catcher in the Rye and move on with your life.

Lmao I forgot about that book.

Out of curiosity, I would be interested in seeing other responses you received.

As others mentioned, I think the guy was frustrated or maybe is an a-hole in real life but I don't think it's common. Just move on to the next prospect.

Well one guy I was talking to for a day or two was talking about the color he wants to paint his bathroom when he became all sexist on me. Which went like this


Me: So you ended up painting it beige? That is a good color for a bathroom, a fine choice. I told you it would be great!
Guy:Yeah well you are just creative.
Me: Thanks, although sometimes I have no creativity at all lol
Guy:Well girls are creative. Guys aren't.
Me: Well I know a lot of girls that have no creativity at all and guys that are super creative, I guess it depends on the person.

Spoiler

(I am trying to keep things neutral)

Guy:No guys are not creative only women are, you are supposed to be.
Me: What?
Guy:Uh no, women are supposed to be creative, not guys. That is how it works.


I got freaked out and stopped talking to him after that

I have an even worse one lol.











In regards to moving on, trust me...I am lol I just found it really odd at the frequency of these mean guys.

 

[OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather]

Me: So you ended up painting it beige? That is a good color for a bathroom, a fine choice. I told you it would be great!
Guy:Yeah well you are just creative.
Me: Thanks, although sometimes I have no creativity at all lol
Guy:Well girls are creative. Guys aren't.
Me: Well I know a lot of girls that have no creativity at all and guys that are super creative, I guess it depends on the person.

Spoiler

(I am trying to keep things neutral)

Guy:No guys are not creative only women are, you are supposed to be.
Me: What?
Guy:Uh no, women are supposed to be creative, not guys. That is how it works.

That's just... What? smh

 

[RayStorm]

I agree it would be pretty annoying to only talk about frivolous things, but it was not.

Well one guy I was talking to for a day or two was talking about the color he wants to paint his bathroom when he became all sexist on me. Which went like this

The first one was quite odd. I probably would have asked him point blank what he was about after his first "I have to do all the work"-bit. You did ask him questions after all.

The second one I think there is a chance he was trying to do a mockingly stereotypical role play. I could see myself responding similar as he did if I were to try that angle without being serious about it at all. I can also see myself trying to hammer that bit down a bit too much as he might have done.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

This guy sounds amazing. I'm disappointed to hear it didn't work out.

Alright fellas here're two valentines cards that are super easy and will make your lady swoon! Thank me later! (courtesy of Beaver and Steve Comics)

Just print that sucker out (colored, don't cut corners and do black and white, otherwise it will seriously hamper the levels of Romance that might be achieved) and be ready with a bucket of water cause things will get Hot!

 

[OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather]

I don't get the second one. I mean, it does amuse me cause it makes little sense. Why is he saying triceratops? lol

 

[gugi40]

The first one was quite odd. I probably would have asked him point blank what he was about after his first "I have to do all the work"-bit. You did ask him questions after all.

The second one I think there is a chance he was trying to do a mockingly stereotypical role play. I could see myself responding similar as he did if I were to try that angle without being serious about it at all. I can also see myself trying to hammer that bit down a bit too much as he might have done.

Is being sexist role play these days? I am pretty sure he was being serious, if he was joking I would have laughed but I can't tell online, and it did not seem jokey.

 

[RayStorm]

Is being sexist role play these days? I am pretty sure he was being serious, if he was joking I would have laughed but I can't tell online, and it did not seem jokey.

I might have read too much on NeoGAF, but to me a "supposed to" and then a "that's how it works" signals sarcasm. But obviously even if it was intended to be funny, you obviously didn't feel the same way. I guess at least in that context I as a male, quite oblivious to sexism, just don't really see how he was demeaning to you.

 

[Astral]

I'm so bad at women. I developed a crush on some girl in this research lab I assist in. For some reason I can only talk to her with little inhibition when there's this one funny-ass guy there. We both just kinda tease her a bit. Every other time I'm mostly quiet and she's on her phone or doing whatever her job is that day. I swear I hear a hint of disappointment whenever I leave early and she sometimes she asks me to wait for when she has to go out and do something for whatever fucking reason. If I had any balls I'd just ask her to spend Valentine's Day with me. She says she doesn't celebrate it but I don't give a fuck. At least, I'd like to not give a fuck. Siiiiiiiiigh.

 

[beat]

Is being sexist role play these days?

Well, there's some stupid people who think "I can say racist or sexist things and it'll obviously be a joke because I'm not a racist or sexist", but this is a very tricky thing to pull off and it's completely idiotic to try it with strangers.

I'd vote for him just being kinda dumb and bad at conversation.

 

[TheVampire]

Guys I have a first date with a girl I met on Tinder on valentines day......

Because its valentines day do you think I should bring her a flower or flowers?

Usually I would never do that on any other day of the year for a first date.

Would it be weird or too much or something too soon?

 

[giga]

Guys I have a first day with a girl I met on Tinder on valentines day......

Because its valentines day do you think I should bring her a flower or flowers?

Usually I would never do that on any other day of the year for a first date.

Would it be weird or too much or something too soon?

Too much for a first date. You guys haven't even met in person. Put yourself in her shoes--getting flowers from a guy she's never met before. Right now you're just trying to get to know each other.

 

[TheVampire]

Too much for a first date. You guys haven't even met in person. Put yourself in her shoes--getting flowers from a guy she's never met before. Right now you're just trying to get to know each other.

Yeah I know it would usually be too much for a first date but it is valentines day so thats why I was just wondering.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

Yeah I know it would usually be too much for a first date but it is valentines day so thats why I was just wondering.

HELL no. Don't do that.

 

[mikeGFG]

Yeah I know it would usually be too much for a first date but it is valentines day so thats why I was just wondering.

showing up with one rose would be straight g

 

[Ghost_Protocol]

Hey all, have a question....been dating a girl I met on okcupid for about 3.5 weeks. She seems to be very into me, always giving me compliments, lots of touching/hugging/kissing/etc. She's accepted every date I've asked her on (5) and immediately counter offers other days/times if she happens to be busy. Initiates texts/calls too.

However, I've noticed that she still logs into the site quite often.....I log in every couple of days to read emails, and to see if she still active, and sure enough, she's logged in on the day every day I've looked. Could she just be doing what I'm doing? Or could she legitimately looking? Is this common with online dating?

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Hey all, have a question....been dating a girl I met on okcupid for about 3.5 weeks. She seems to be very into me, always giving me compliments, lots of touching/hugging/kissing/etc. She's accepted every date I've asked her on (5) and immediately counter offers other days/times if she happens to be busy. Initiates texts/calls too.

However, I've noticed that she still logs into the site quite often.....I log in every couple of days to read emails, and to see if she still active, and sure enough, she's logged in on the day every day I've looked. Could she just be doing what I'm doing? Or could she legitimately looking? Is this common with online dating?

It has been my experience that both men and women will do this until they decide to be exclusive. You're signing in, so she's probably noticing that as well and thinking a very similar thing. While she might not be actively engaging with others, she is probably keeping her options open to a degree. When you're ready to be exclusive with one another, it'll be time to shut down your accounts.

 

[gugi40]

I might have read too much on NeoGAF, but to me a "supposed to" and then a "that's how it works" signals sarcasm. But obviously even if it was intended to be funny, you obviously didn't feel the same way. I guess at least in that context I as a male, quite oblivious to sexism, just don't really see how he was demeaning to you.

Well to me, saying one gender is good at one thing and the other is not because of reasons is sexist. He was not making jokes the whole conversation so it felt really weird and non-joke like, if that makes sense.

I have had some people do the same thing and I thought they were being sarcastic but they were really just being rude, so it is really hard to tell what is what online. But I see what you are saying.

 

[gugi40]

Well, there's some stupid people who think "I can say racist or sexist things and it'll obviously be a joke because I'm not a racist or sexist", but this is a very tricky thing to pull off and it's completely idiotic to try it with strangers.

I'd vote for him just being kinda dumb and bad at conversation.

Most likely this than anything. Which might explain the rest as well.

 

[beat]

Hey all, have a question....been dating a girl I met on okcupid for about 3.5 weeks. She seems to be very into me, always giving me compliments, lots of touching/hugging/kissing/etc. She's accepted every date I've asked her on (5) and immediately counter offers other days/times if she happens to be busy. Initiates texts/calls too.

However, I've noticed that she still logs into the site quite often.....I log in every couple of days to read emails, and to see if she still active, and sure enough, she's logged in on the day every day I've looked. Could she just be doing what I'm doing? Or could she legitimately looking? Is this common with online dating?

"Fuck, how can I commit to this guy when he's on OK Cupid all the time? Is he looking for other girls?"

(but yeah, what Kung Fu Jedi said.)

 

[Idde]

I might have read too much on NeoGAF, but to me a "supposed to" and then a "that's how it works" signals sarcasm. But obviously even if it was intended to be funny, you obviously didn't feel the same way. I guess at least in that context I as a male, quite oblivious to sexism, just don't really see how he was demeaning to you.

Nope. He even started of with a compliment. IMHO it wasn't mean. Then tried to continue with a joke based off of it. When that failed he tried a bit harder by exaggerating. He should have put an exclamation mark there, to show his exaggeration even more! Or just dropped it. But that's what I meant. Some people pick up and play off the sarcasm, some don't. If that's your sort of humor, go with it. And see who you're compatible with.

 

[versa7il]

Help me GAF! I got invited into a speed dating thing my college is doing tomorrow. The matching is going to be mixed. I'm currently single so that's not a problem but the thing is some of my friends and family are pretty conservative. They wont like the idea at all. I really don't know what to expect. Should I go?

 

[Tex117]

Help me GAF! I got invited into a speed dating thing my college is doing tomorrow. The matching is going to be mixed. I'm currently single so that's not a problem but the thing is some of my friends and family are pretty conservative. They wont like the idea at all. I really don't know what to expect. Should I go?

lol! Dude, relax. This isn't an orgy. Go talk to fun people who obvioulsy don't take themselves too seriously, or take themselves WAAYYYY too serioulsy (but you can spot them).

 

[Sword Familiar]

Help me GAF! I got invited into a speed dating thing my college is doing tomorrow. The matching is going to be mixed. I'm currently single so that's not a problem but the thing is some of my friends and family are pretty conservative. They wont like the idea at all. I really don't know what to expect. Should I go?

Eh, conservative how exactly? Why would they object to you doing something so harmless?

 

[Perspicacity]

Help me GAF! I got invited into a speed dating thing my college is doing tomorrow. The matching is going to be mixed. I'm currently single so that's not a problem but the thing is some of my friends and family are pretty conservative. They wont like the idea at all. I really don't know what to expect. Should I go?

It isn't about your friends and family, they're dicks if they don't support your efforts to be happy.

And it's 2014, even hardcore Christians are using Dating Sites/speed dating etc.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Help me GAF! I got invited into a speed dating thing my college is doing tomorrow. The matching is going to be mixed. I'm currently single so that's not a problem but the thing is some of my friends and family are pretty conservative. They wont like the idea at all. I really don't know what to expect. Should I go?

Well obviously you're going to marry one, so just make sure you get one that wil yield many children and please Vater und Mutter.

Spoiler

I apologize to any Germans who read this.

 

[grap3fruitman]

You're all going to die alone.

Spoke too soon. I have a Valentine's date courtesy of Tinder. She's really cute and out of my league in more ways than one.

We're supposed to go ice skating and for Mexican. Of course, I've never been on a date before and don't know the first thing about planning one and I'm panicking.

How much you want to bet I bail on this poor, sweet girl?

Any recommendations for Mexican places near Millennium Park in Chicago?

So what? Everybody dies alone.

Not these guys: http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=766802

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Spoke too soon. I have a Valentine's date courtesy of Tinder. She's really cute and out of my league in more ways than one.

We're supposed to go ice skating and for Mexican. Of course, I've never been on a date before and don't know the first thing about planning one and I'm panicking.

How much you want to bet I bail on this poor, sweet girl?

Any recommendations for Mexican places near Millennium Park in Chicago?

Don't bail. You got this!

 

[grap3fruitman]

It's not so much bailing as I don't have a plan so... yeah.

Spoiler

It's bailing.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

It's not so much bailing as I don't have a plan so... yeah.

Spoiler

It's bailing.

Look on yelp for a good mexican spot, and see if you need reservations. Idk much about ice skating and whether you need reservations for that or something but look into that too. Just make it happen Cap'n!

 

[Exr]

It's not so much bailing as I don't have a plan so... yeah.

Spoiler

It's bailing.

Dont bail damn you, be yourself. Worse case scenario is it might make for a good story.

 

[Oxn]

It's not so much bailing as I don't have a plan so... yeah.

Spoiler

It's bailing.

Self sabotage