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Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
Heh, is there a dating site that's meant to be for low-maintenance people that work a lot?
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
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HalfBakedProphet
Member
just for future reference for the thread, when it comes to those situations, its always best to communicate based on how situations make YOU feel rather than blaming or becoming to accusatory (which can happen really easily, even when that isn't your intention)
"I know how busy youve been but I was feeling worried when you were forced to cancel our plans. I was looking forward to seeing you"
Vs
"why did you cancel our plans? I haven't seen you in a week! You're acting like a jerk, you should want to see me"
I know which one those I'd be more receptive too.
Start with the OTPerfect time to take in new information now that you have an empty mind, and is eager to learn and get help.
Watched about half of it, and it seemed the take home is just make people have fun + don't give a shit about anything beyond that and it just happens? Seems ok for a longer term, but specifically for my situation I should engage her or some shit in a way that makes her enjoy being around me?
D'you reckon it would be daft to ask her out soonish even though I don't know her too well/known her too long? After the second event, there is no feasible way I can think of of maintaining contact really. It seems to take me so long to actually be interested in someone in that way that it's a bit annoying when it's tricky to even capitalise on the rare occasions.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Note, I mentioned women who were in their early 30's in my post. A full decade older than you. That decade makes a vast difference in what people want and are focused on. I think it is perfectly okay for people to just relax, have fun and date without any major expectations in their early 20's or at any other point in their life for that matter. Just do what you want and makes you feel happy.
My original post, which was quoted from some time back, was in response to lots of people in here saying they couldn't find anyone good to date, and that 99.99% of all women their age were taken a number we all know is simply not true. That post that I wrote was mostly noting that while guys are in here saying those things, I've been hearing from ladies who feel the exact same way. Just seems odd that both sexes are saying similar things.
Perspicacity
Banned
Tinder?
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Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
Isn't that filled with kids? I need grown folks. I might head on over to cougarlife.com. I need low maintenance people who are career focused and are ok with giving space. It might be too niche and I need to keep finding individuals though and keep trying to find that.
Perspicacity
Banned
I've been dating someone my age for 4 years, think I need to date some kids for a while.
...Kids is probably the wrong term
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Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
I can't go back to younger people. Like, anyone under 23 or so just feels impossible. Its obviously not, because everyone is unique and you never know who you might find but still. I need those career focused people.
Perspicacity
Banned
Ah, see I need to go the opposite way for a while. I don't want someone who takes their career to seriously. Unfortunately I work in politics so the only people in their 20s I meet are Yuppie politico types and they're the worst.
TriniTrin
war of titties grampa
Just an update on my case. She hasn't text me back, I guess she isn't interested anymore. Feels kinda bad, man
Sorry to hear man... definitely sucks but just keep on keeping on!
I knew this one girl for 10 years. We had been great friends and occasionally with added benefits. I really liked her and she seemed to really like me. about 2 years ago, It started wrecked my head because I thought we may have a connection beyond friendship. But then she got weird on me.
She would be shady and flaky when I would call her, never really wanting to commit to meeting or doing something. Then about 2 months later, she would hit me up and we would go out and have a great time together. Me being stupid, I kept trying to call and text her and wanting to take her out since we have great fun with each other. Every time I felt like she wasn't interested, she would come back into my life and we would have such good times! This made me want to spend more time with her to see if there was something there, but every good time was followed by minimal response if any.
2 weeks ago I saw her again and again she and I had a great time together. But this time, she was in a really bad place and at the end of the night, she starts crying. Telling me that she loves me and missed me along with other shit she had on her mind. She mentions that she hates her BF, which is something I was unaware she had(she never mentioned it). Because she has alot of shit going on that she is dealing with, I wanted to be there for her. Before I dropped her off, I told her that she was a great girl and that if she ever needed anything I would be there to help and if her BF isn't treating her right, ditch the dude....
Little did I know, I would be the one being ditched! lol! Now she hasn't respond to any of my texts or calls for the last 2 weeks.. I know I didn't say or do anything fucked up so it was kinda shitty of her to just stop communicating at all. Before she would at least respond but would be flaky with plans and stuff. Needless to say I felt like shit last week, mainly because we were great friends and I didn't think she would just stop talking to me like that....
C'est la vie though.... Not planning to try to contact her and the more I think about her, the less I care. Gotta keep on keeping on! Too bad, she done missed out
Sorry to hear man... definitely sucks but just keep on keeping on!
I knew this one girl for 10 years. We had been great friends and occasionally with added benefits. I really liked her and she seemed to really like me. about 2 years ago, It started wrecked my head because I thought we may have a connection beyond friendship. But then she got weird on me.
She would be shady and flaky when I would call her, never really wanting to commit to meeting or doing something. Then about 2 months later, she would hit me up and we would go out and have a great time together. Me being stupid, I kept trying to call and text her and wanting to take her out since we have great fun with each other. Every time I felt like she wasn't interested, she would come back into my life and we would have such good times! This made me want to spend more time with her to see if there was something there, but every good time was followed by minimal response if any.
2 weeks ago I saw her again and again she and I had a great time together. But this time, she was in a really bad place and at the end of the night, she starts crying. Telling me that she loves me and missed me. She has alot of shit going on that she is dealing with and I wanted to be there for her. I told her that she was a great girl and that if she ever needed anything I would be there to help.
Cut to now where she doesn't respond to any of my texts or calls for the last 2 weeks.. I know I didn't say or do anything fucked up so it was kinda shitty of her to just stop communicating at all. Before she would at least respond but would be flaky with plans and stuff. Needless to say I felt like shit last week, mainly because we were great friends and I didn't think she would just stop talking to me like that....
C'est la vie though.... Not planning to try to contact her and the more I think about her, the less I care. Gotta keep on keeping on! Too bad, she done missed out
Why do people play these kind of games?
Even guys do this too.
I just don't get it.
Are people just bad at relationships in general?
stn
Member
@TriniTrin
I hate to say it but this girl doesn't respect you, man. She believes that you'll come to her any time she requests you, that's why she keeps doing this. She believes she can control you. The best thing would be to just stop coming every time she calls. Sucks because she's been your friend for 10 years but these things happen. Better to stop talking to her and show you're a person who demands respect than let her ignore you and then call you when its convenient for her.
I hate to say it but this girl doesn't respect you, man. She believes that you'll come to her any time she requests you, that's why she keeps doing this. She believes she can control you. The best thing would be to just stop coming every time she calls. Sucks because she's been your friend for 10 years but these things happen. Better to stop talking to her and show you're a person who demands respect than let her ignore you and then call you when its convenient for her.
TriniTrin
war of titties grampa
Definitely, I know now what my mind didn't want to believe then. She doesn't respect or care about me. Sucks but the thing that really gets me is that we have known each other for YEARS. At the very least I thought she respected me as a friend because she always tells me I am the only one who has been there for her... HA! Its one of those things though, I know what I have to do! Just have to follow through and keep on keeping on!
stn
Member
Unfortunately, she's the type of person that will take advantage of people. That's why you "always being there" has convinced her to take you for granted. Like I said, totally sucks that she's shown her true colors years later; but the reality is that people change.
So yeah, no more contacting her. She'll just keep doing the same crap. Good luck, you've made it clear you know what needs to be done so I'm sure this will all be solved.
So yeah, no more contacting her. She'll just keep doing the same crap. Good luck, you've made it clear you know what needs to be done so I'm sure this will all be solved.
Out of Working Order
Member
Why does the online dating thing feel incredibly one-sided? It's me that's doing all the work and sending messages out, but getting zero responses.
I sent a message to somebody to comment on how interesting they sounded, and that it's not often you come across somebody with those interests. I knew I was most likely not what she was looking for, but thought I'd wish her good luck in her search. Spent ages mulling over whether to send the message, but finally thought 'what the hell' and went for it.
No response. You'd think somebody would appreciate a message like that and at least respond to say thanks. It's just made me feel shittier - as if I am not even worth bothering with when I am just making a quick friendly compliment.
I sent a message to somebody to comment on how interesting they sounded, and that it's not often you come across somebody with those interests. I knew I was most likely not what she was looking for, but thought I'd wish her good luck in her search. Spent ages mulling over whether to send the message, but finally thought 'what the hell' and went for it.
No response. You'd think somebody would appreciate a message like that and at least respond to say thanks. It's just made me feel shittier - as if I am not even worth bothering with when I am just making a quick friendly compliment.
TriniTrin
war of titties grampa
Try not to worry about it man! Not everyone will respond, hell some don't even look at your profile and will just ignore ya! I say, onto the next one! Keep sending messages to people you're interested in and try not to care about responses. In the end, all you can do is say what you wanna say!
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
These posts are so frustrating. Try to see it from her side. She doesn't know you, doesn't owe you anything, she's probably got a lot of messages to deal with, dudes are creeps so opening a line of communication is risky, etc.
You already know she probably isn't looking for you, so why do you take it hard when she doesn't respond? You definitely said "no" to yourself with the message you sent, too, so there's no reason for her to reply. Let her say no to you.
Ok here's my problem,
Been dating a woman for 3 months now and we finally became official last Thursday. She was heading out of town and really wanted to see me before VD. We've agreed that we will only see one another and we talked about what were gonna do and the ground rules so to speak. I like her, she likes me but:
She's awful at texting and communicating when we aren't together. Since last Thursday? Four texts a piece and no phone calls. Now this how she's always been. I don't get it. All other women I've met have been all texting and little action and this is the opposite. She does get back to me when I text her and does sound genuinely excited for our date on Sunday. But does this scenario seem weird to you? Anybody else hit it off with a woman in person but you kind of disappear some when you're not together? I've asked her this and she said it should be a once a day thing just to check in and yes we seem to do that inconsistently. I like her and trust her but this bizarre texting is making me concerned.
Been dating a woman for 3 months now and we finally became official last Thursday. She was heading out of town and really wanted to see me before VD. We've agreed that we will only see one another and we talked about what were gonna do and the ground rules so to speak. I like her, she likes me but:
She's awful at texting and communicating when we aren't together. Since last Thursday? Four texts a piece and no phone calls. Now this how she's always been. I don't get it. All other women I've met have been all texting and little action and this is the opposite. She does get back to me when I text her and does sound genuinely excited for our date on Sunday. But does this scenario seem weird to you? Anybody else hit it off with a woman in person but you kind of disappear some when you're not together? I've asked her this and she said it should be a once a day thing just to check in and yes we seem to do that inconsistently. I like her and trust her but this bizarre texting is making me concerned.
Haiiro Husky
Member
Damn, I wish I had a girl like that. I absolutely dislike when I have to do little actions and such through text. And then they get mad when I don't respond. I don't think I have to tell you every little thing at all time. So if anything, I'm jealous of your GF for being like that.
Out of Working Order
Member
Wish I could let it roll off me like that.
No, she doesn't owe me anything. No, she doesn't know me.
Christ almighty - I just want a bit of luck with women for once in my life. Like I said, it's entirely one-sided. I am getting nowhere even on dating websites - is it impossible to see that I might be feeling really fucking lousy and down?
It's frustrating when people say: 'well, she owes you nothing' just because I raise the point that I get no responses, no matter how much effort I put in, or how many messages I send. No woman owes me anything, I know that.
She is a very busy woman with work and school. And she's been completely honest with me. When she's had to cancel a date she CALLS instead of texts. Explains the situation thoroughly. I do like that about her. She has been honest and upfront about things from day one. And she is the one that pushed exclusivity. Still I'm thinking, "what the hell is she doing on her end?"
I have an update on the rich girl situation. I know Half-Baked Prophet is gonna yell at me but I feel like I handled it well given the situation. I couldn't ask her during our time at the lab. We were never alone and I didn't wanna put pressure on her by asking her in front of everyone. At one point she suddenly says she's leaving and it catches me off guard. I didn't wanna chase after her because just no. After about a minute I say fuck it and do it anyway but I freaking lost her. I then realized her number was on some roster list in the lab so I texted her and told her that she left too quickly and I wanted to ask her out. No response in almost an hour though. I hope she's not making a big deal out of it, because I feel perfectly fine.
I know, I was adding my own tangent to the conversation. Additionally, I find it interesting that people in this era want to delay a serious relationship until their 30's, compared to earlier generations who started in their 20's. Lots of implications about how different today's social climate is compared to even just 10 years ago.
HalfBakedProphet
Member
You absolutely should have done it face to face.
The big problem with online dating is this: there are many, many times more men on there than there are women. Women receive such an insane amount of messages per day or even per hour, that after a time having to open and read each one becomes exhausting. So, they develop a coping mechanism in the form of a filter. If a message contains certain words/no content, they're filtered out. If they see a post is longer than one or two sentences and check out the guy's page but find him uninteresting, they filter him out (btw, sites like OKCupid allow people to be anon while browsing others' profiles, so you won't know whether or not someone has visited your profile most times). Many people go based on looks first. Looks are a huge factor for both sexes. That's how it is no matter how you slice it, and yes, it sucks for dudes, but online dating has always been a meat market. You will get told (often) by women to deal with it because "you aren't special, tough luck, shut up and put up and stop bitching, you are annoying, I have options". And they do have options. So many that they can't keep up with it all.
This is one example
Moral of the story: don't rely on online dating too much.
I know, I know. I should have just ran after her. I've asked girls out in person before but this girl is so elusive sometimes. If she's really ignoring me, I don't see the point. It's not like she can avoid me. Our seeing each other is inevitable.
OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather
Member
You started off by saying you have a problem, but you didn't post the problem. What gives?
I guess my uneasiness of her just disappearing into the woodwork like she does. I just don't hear from her in days and days and when I do it's a text or two at the most. That's how she rolls. In person she's completely different. I guess I was asking if someone had some similar situation. It's like I'm dating two different women at the moment.
I agree, you have to "man up" so to speak. If she really likes you, this won't matter much. But women like courageous guys, not to say you weren't for asking her out. That's half the battle, but do so in person from here on out.
OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather
Member
I say enjoy it. One day, you're gonna wish you had more space.
Yeah I agree too. It felt weird asking her through text but I wasn't about to wait the entire weekend to ask her and yeah it probably wouldn't have mattered if she liked me. If she's like this through a simple text though, I can't imagine how she would've reacted in person. Fear of confrontation is annoying.
bigfunkychiken
Member
It's always better in person because the person will almost always give you some sort of answer (the only exception being if they have a serious anxiety issue or something).
But it's really easy to ignore a text for a while and get away with it.
Perspicacity
Banned
This sounds like a bad message. You just complimented her and said you probably weren't what she was looking for? What is someone even supposed to say to that?
the 100:1 ratio of most women online and off
for every 1 women there is usually 100 guys in her social or surrounding area
it's like a breadline but only one person gets to eat most of the time...
OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather
Member
Pretty much. The longer you ignore a text, the easier it becomes, until it's almost as if you never received it, and at that point, it's too late to even bother.
Heh. I'm a little eager to see how she plans on avoiding me when we see each other again on Tuesday.
Interesting point. I'm just not used to a woman who didn't like texting. I dated about 20 women last year until finding one I wanted to be exclusive with. Most of those women liked texting, a lot. But then again, they're no longer hanging around for one reason or another.
I think you'd have to have a very limited definition of "women" to get those statistics.
Just come out and say it honestly. Apologize if you're reading the situation incorrectly, but say you'd rather the two of you be on the same page.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Anyone try this "Crushee" site? Just signed up last night.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
grap3fruitman
Banned
Was it a wet dream?
grap3fruitman
Banned
So you're not a complete wreck. Cheer up.
Charlie McCarthy
Member
Regarding the online dating discussion going on here. Others have already said it but i'll back them up and say its definitely heavily skewed in the womens favour. The women have so many options, that you really have to stand out or lower your standards a little. Believe me, ive seen a few girls inboxs.
I have had some success with POF, nothing long term but I was never looking for that online. Easily the most important factor is your pictures, get these wrong and you won't have much luck.
Also while Liu Kang BAP is right about them not owing you anything, I can definitely sympathize with guys who just try this out for the first time, after hearing the success others have had with it and getting nowhere. I always maintain online dating should always be used as a secondary option to actually going out and socializing because meeting women in the real world is just so much better imo. It just feels more "natural" I guess, as a lot of people here who have done online dating will tell you, people can appear very differently online then they do in the real. It can really lead to some awkward first meetings.
Also will say that stn gives the most legit advice in this thread and the OKCupid thread. He clearly knows his stuff. Not saying others don't give good advice because Kung Fu Jedi and a few others make some excellent posts but stn hits the nail on the head every time.
I have had some success with POF, nothing long term but I was never looking for that online. Easily the most important factor is your pictures, get these wrong and you won't have much luck.
Also while Liu Kang BAP is right about them not owing you anything, I can definitely sympathize with guys who just try this out for the first time, after hearing the success others have had with it and getting nowhere. I always maintain online dating should always be used as a secondary option to actually going out and socializing because meeting women in the real world is just so much better imo. It just feels more "natural" I guess, as a lot of people here who have done online dating will tell you, people can appear very differently online then they do in the real. It can really lead to some awkward first meetings.
Also will say that stn gives the most legit advice in this thread and the OKCupid thread. He clearly knows his stuff. Not saying others don't give good advice because Kung Fu Jedi and a few others make some excellent posts but stn hits the nail on the head every time.
n64coder
Member
As others say, maybe she doesn't like texting? If you want to connect with her before a date, how about picking up the phone and chatting for a few minutes? Maybe that will go better?
Why is that the case? Is it because more men tend to be more tech savvy and have a higher online presence on dating sites? Is it like taking a elec engineering course where the ratio of M to W is like 40 to 1?
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