Getting ready for my move out of Austin to be with my girl. Today was my last day on the job. Movers coming tomorrow. She's flying in on Friday to drive with me back to our new place over the weekend. Can't wait!
Congrats!
vent a bit
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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Congrats!
vent a bitLet it out.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
congrats mate
Thanks man! I'm looking forward to the move. I know people love Austin, but I'm kind of over it. I was leaving this year regardless, I just happen to be leaving a little sooner than I expected and to a place I hadn't considered before.
That sucks! Hang in there. I know a break-up is awful and your Dating-GAF friends are here to help.
TruckDriver
Neo Member
Well, the girl who I wrote off has now been talking to me. I'm trying to set a specific date & time... so, we'll see.
Tangentially dating related: what's the best way to ask someone if they got your messages? I've been talking to this girl, and for some reason the past few days none of my texts will go through iMessage. Sent her a text tonight that went through as an iMessage with no errors, and her response* was a plain SMS, and she hasn't responded since.
I just don't want to risk sounding too desperate like "hey, why haven't you responded???", but I don't want to ignore her. pls halp
*after looking at her response, it wasn't really a response at all...so I don't know
I just don't want to risk sounding too desperate like "hey, why haven't you responded???", but I don't want to ignore her. pls halp
*after looking at her response, it wasn't really a response at all...so I don't know
If you hold your finger over the text message, you can resend them as texts instead of iMessage if they keep being mean to you
Just a headsup I learned the other day. Asking if the texts have been received will always be rough to do without sounding weak. In this you do have a legit reason to ask though. But her lack of response seems disheartening anyway unfortunately.If you hold your finger over the text message, you can resend them as texts instead of iMessage if they keep being mean to you
I know, lol. Asking if she's received my texts feels the same as "pls respond". But I'm not too worried about this girl thinking I'm crazy or anything...kind of.
update: She had just recently switched to Android and for some reason some iMessages error out, and some go to her iPad. crisis averted
Etrian Oddity
Member
0 success doing it in my experience, I can at least show some charm in meatspace.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Ooh! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you
Sorry to hear that electricshake. His loss
electricshake
Member
I feel like I want to die. I think I'm done with dating. It's too hard, I've been hurt too many times and I can't take it any more. Even though he said it was't me or anything I'd done, I still just feel like I'm not good enough. I would have done anything to make it work but it's still not enough.
And tomorrow I have to go to my uncle's funeral. I don't know if I can do this.
And tomorrow I have to go to my uncle's funeral. I don't know if I can do this.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
I said the exact same thing after the last guy I dated. He was a complete douchebag. Emotionally abused me for over a year before I walked away. 5 weeks later I was over him and willing to get out there again. And I'm glad I did because this guy I'm with now is the complete opposite.
Don't think that because guys have hurt you in the past you'll never find the right one. He's out there. You just have to get past the pricks to find your rose
Take some time to heal. Mourn your uncle. Mourn your relationship. It might take weeks, months or even years but you'll get there. And if you need anyone to talk to you can pm me if you like
except for the quitting smoking. Jesus I want to rip his head off some days
Take some time to heal. Mourn your uncle. Mourn your relationship. It might take weeks, months or even years but you'll get there. And if you need anyone to talk to you can pm me if you like
Man, I'm all over the place right now with my feelings for this long distance girl. Skyped for a good 5 hours yesterday and holidays came up. I'm thinking about going back to Seoul, partly to visit her and then move on to another destination. She suggested coming along with me to that new destination but I'm not sure about that yet. I'm gonna have to talk to her soon to put on the brakes at least a little bit and manage her expectations. I can't deny that I love talking to her but I'm just not sure if it's worth the LDR hassles yet. I think I'll make up my mind once I've visited Seoul again and possibly gone on holidays with her afterwards. I hope things will become clear to me then because right now my head is full of conflicting bullshit.
Sorry to hear about your break-up btw, Electricshake. Don't give up on dating just yet, this guy just wasn't the right fit for you.
Sorry to hear about your break-up btw, Electricshake. Don't give up on dating just yet, this guy just wasn't the right fit for you.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
If you see the long distance relationship as a "hassle" than you need to move on. If you're having those thoughts about it right now, it'll probably only get worse later. My girlfriend and I have been long distance for the past 6-7 months, and we've made it work. But never once did I think of it has a hassle. Yes, it sucked that we couldn't see each other every day, but she was more than worth it and I never thought twice about it. Tomorrow we go from LDR to living together and I couldn't be happier.
stn
Member
No suicide talk, no giving up talk. Take some time and cool off. Also, I know its easy for me to say but there's no point in getting caught up over this guy. Its futile when he no longer has interest in you. Your grief will only affect you, know what I mean?
Cheer up, it gets better.
TruckDriver
Neo Member
Ooh! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you
Thanks. She does seem interested, but her PhD program keeps pretty busy. We're planning on going to a barcade this weekend. Just need hammer out our a time meet (she has study session, I have a morning college class),.
Congrats man, it's impressive to me that you'd be so steadfast and sure of a step like that. Did you have a post somewhere detailing your situation and moving in together? I'd love to read about it.
Weird thing is, I don't see it as much of a hassle, I love talking to her and character-wise we're a great match. I do miss the physicality and although I haven't tried anything like skype sex yet I feel like it would be uncomfortable for both of us. I've considered asking her for a naughty picture but I'm not sure how I'd return the favor, I can't exactly take a picture of my abs so does anyone have any experience with that?
My main problem is that I feel like I'd be able to give it all up too easily if I met someone as great as her back here. And that wouldn't be so bad if I knew she thought about it the same way but I just know that she's more serious about it than I am. Its basically as simple as a shit or get off the pot situation but I I guess my main problem is that I'm not sure if my doubts stem from a deep character flaw I have with women (serious case of grass is greener on the other side-itis) or if she's honestly not the right person for me. If it's the former I want to atleast see if I can work on this flaw and fix it but if it's the latter I don't want to lead her on. I'm turning into a rambling maniac so I'll stop it here but I'd be thankful for any suggestions on how to potentially spice up a LD fling, or input on the rest.
electricshake
Member
No suicide talk, no giving up talk. Take some time and cool off. Also, I know its easy for me to say but there's no point in getting caught up over this guy. Its futile when he no longer has interest in you. Your grief will only affect you, know what I mean?
Cheer up, it gets better.
I couldn't, even if I wanted to. I just meant I don't know how I'm going to deal with all of this. And it's not that he's not interested in me, he's got a lot of family stuff going on and he said that he wouldn't be able to give me the time and attention I deserve. I can't even hate him for it. He asked if we could still talk, and as much as it killed me to say it, I had to tell him we couldn't be friends. He's the first guy that really made me feel good about myself. I think I was falling in love with him.
HalfBakedProphet
Member
You're much, much stronger than you imagine. You're a hell of a lot more resilient than you think, even though it doesn't feel like it in this moment.
Grieve for your relationship. Mourn for your uncle (I'm really sorry to hear, electricshake. Death is something nobody ever really gets used too, its always devastating) Those are good, healthy things even though they're very difficult now. Its a process, but just take it one day at a time. Talk out your feelings with friends and family, don't keep things inside to fester. Lean on the people important to you if you feel yourself slipping. Its ok to feel lost. Those are understandable feelings given what you're going through. Things will balance out given time.
I can tell you're a sensitive, good-hearted person just based of your posts the past year or so. You've taken a few hits on the chin in that time and always managed to come back. Even if it feels bigger and more imposing this time, you'll do it again.
It feels terrible for a while, but I guarantee it'll always get better. You are not thinking rationally at the moment and you'll be able to look back at this and wonder why it did feel so bad. I've been there before and the feeling is crushing. The thoughts you're having now will fade away and will turn into something better.
A new page will turn in your life and it will bring something better.
Prophet Steve
Member
I am sorry for you loss(es).
You should not be negative about yourself though. You mentioned not feeling good enough, while the reasons for breaking up are entirely different. It is normal to take a break from dating, but don't beat yourself up over this.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Aw, you're a sweet girl, you'll be fine.
No suicide talk, no giving up talk. Take some time and cool off. Also, I know its easy for me to say but there's no point in getting caught up over this guy. Its futile when he no longer has interest in you. Your grief will only affect you, know what I mean?
Cheer up, it gets better.
I rather think empathy and understanding would help her feel better more than logic at the moment
Bb
It'll hurt for a while. Sing sad/angry music at the top of your lungs and cry, do what you gotta do. It'll get better in time. <3
If you were like me, I'd be all "YEAH JOIN ME IN NO RELATIONSHIP HEAVEN!!!" but I know you're not.
grap3fruitman
Banned
stn, what did you do to this profile? I've got more messages in the few days since you set this up than I did on my own profile that I had for 2+ years.
I just de-activated my OKC. There aren't that many girls around my age (19) in my area and I feel like taking a break from online dating will help me focus more on the people I interact with daily or see every day. It'll give me more motivation to speak to them and whatnot. Besides, my message-back rate was really shit. :/ Oh well.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Hang in there dude. That's how online dating is. The reality for dudes at least lol.
vicissitudes
Banned
grap3fruitman
Banned
He never wins though...
I think you should date electricshake
grap3fruitman
Banned
Wow, this conversation with this girl really upset me. Not sad upset like I normally am but like... kind of bitter, I guess?
OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather
Member
Why? They're just words.
grap3fruitman
Banned
I just felt kind of insulted. But I'm really attracted to her. It's a weird feeling.
change avatar = get women?
OfWhiteSkinOnRedLeather
Member
Don't worry about it. Take it in stride and keep talking to her. She may not have meant to insult you, and even if she did getting upset over it isn't going to do you any good. Reacting negatively is a great way to perpetuate even more negativity.
TurboLibre
Member
I've been running into the strangest women.
I've known this girl at my coffee shop for some time. Asked her out a while back and she declined, so I aimed to just be friends and invited her to hang out when I was out doing stuff or looking for something to do. She declined almost every time. I quickly got sick of it, and stopped trying. For some reason though she keeps trying to get my attention and claims she wants to grab a drink. But, like always, flaked when I tried to make it happen.
Then there are another two that I used to work with. Both keep texting me and say they really want to hang out. Every time I try, there's either a new excuse or no response. So like before, I cut them out, and a couple months later they're trying to hang out again. Rinse and repeat.
I just don't know what the hell they want. Attention? I'm not really giving them any once I realize they're flakes. If they were interested they would make it happen. Then again, if they wanted to be friends they would too. I just don't know what to make of it all.
I've known this girl at my coffee shop for some time. Asked her out a while back and she declined, so I aimed to just be friends and invited her to hang out when I was out doing stuff or looking for something to do. She declined almost every time. I quickly got sick of it, and stopped trying. For some reason though she keeps trying to get my attention and claims she wants to grab a drink. But, like always, flaked when I tried to make it happen.
Then there are another two that I used to work with. Both keep texting me and say they really want to hang out. Every time I try, there's either a new excuse or no response. So like before, I cut them out, and a couple months later they're trying to hang out again. Rinse and repeat.
I just don't know what the hell they want. Attention? I'm not really giving them any once I realize they're flakes. If they were interested they would make it happen. Then again, if they wanted to be friends they would too. I just don't know what to make of it all.
bigfunkychiken
Member
Just stop bothering with them, they're just playing with you. If they try to contact you again, just ignore them.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Seriously though stn, what did you do to this profile? I'm actually getting messages. I have literally talked to more women since Saturday than I did when I had a profile of my own for over two years. The fuck?
TurboLibre
Member
But to what end? I'm not having long conversations with them. I'm not even showing much interest other than "Sure, we can hang out. Want to grab a drink this weekend?"
And when I do ignore them they just try harder. I just don't get it.
Best not to try and understand people who constantly give mixed signals and flake out
TurboLibre
Member
Best not to try and understand people who constantly give mixed signals and flake out
Mixed signals are the only signals I ever get.
;(
grap3fruitman
Banned
I should date TurboLibre, not electricshake.
Femmeworth
Banned
That's basically how my last relationship ended too.
TurboLibre
Member
Deal. But no eye contact and you have to address me as El Jefe.
stn
Member
@grapefruit
I didn't do anything special, lol. You had all the tools to succeed before, you were just using them incorrectly. Put up your best pic, make your profile different from the rest = success. Instead of pursuing girls, you let them see your profile and come to you. There's no rejection that way. That's why I was always saying to answer those questions.
But, you gotta make me a promise. There are times when things become DRY. You might screw up a few potential dates, you might not get messaged for a while - it happens. You must promise that, when that time comes, you won't become negative. If anything, you'll just keep at it until it works. Consider that a way of saying "thank you" for my help.
As we speak I am literally going through a drought. I caved in to myself and told this last girl I was bailing out of the conversation because I felt like she violated my principles, and a current girl I'm talking to is wayyyyyyyyy too conservative for me (in terms of physical stuff...wink wink). But she has a sweet personality. I'm pretty much talking to her even though I know I won't try to meet her.
If I showed you pics of them you might actually feel sorry for me, lol.
@TurboLibre
They just want attention. Stop talking to them, stand your ground. They just want to be pursued.
I didn't do anything special, lol. You had all the tools to succeed before, you were just using them incorrectly. Put up your best pic, make your profile different from the rest = success. Instead of pursuing girls, you let them see your profile and come to you. There's no rejection that way. That's why I was always saying to answer those questions.
But, you gotta make me a promise. There are times when things become DRY. You might screw up a few potential dates, you might not get messaged for a while - it happens. You must promise that, when that time comes, you won't become negative. If anything, you'll just keep at it until it works. Consider that a way of saying "thank you" for my help.
As we speak I am literally going through a drought. I caved in to myself and told this last girl I was bailing out of the conversation because I felt like she violated my principles, and a current girl I'm talking to is wayyyyyyyyy too conservative for me (in terms of physical stuff...wink wink). But she has a sweet personality. I'm pretty much talking to her even though I know I won't try to meet her.
If I showed you pics of them you might actually feel sorry for me, lol.
@TurboLibre
They just want attention. Stop talking to them, stand your ground. They just want to be pursued.
First, let me preface that we're both in the fire department together. She and her friend are in the EMS, while I'm a fresh probie (rookie) firefighter.
I met her under strange circumstances on Thanksgiving Eve. I had just kissed her friend since I thought she wasn't interested in me. We were both drunk and admitted to each other how cute we both thought the other one was. While I was interested in her friend, I was more interested in her. I'll admit that it was due in large part to how much prettier she was. She had a nice smile.
After giving a difficult explanation to her friend, and getting her friend's blessing, we started seeing each other in early December. Things were good, but she did not want to put a name on anything.
We'd see each other once or twice a week. However, members of the department started to catch on pretty quickly. Rumors started to fly, and some of our more affectionate moments got exaggerated. Having said that, I was really excited about everything and definitely had a hand in spreading some of those moments through members who I thought were friends.
Fast forward to the end of December. I overslept our breakfast date by nearly an hour. I made it, but she was sitting in a booth, waiting for me. I felt horrible, but she seemed to understand. I hadn't slept the few days prior. I promised it wouldn't happen again. But it happened again a few weeks ago. I missed a simple hangout session by 40 minutes.
As I said earlier, she didn't want to put a name on anything. As the minutes approached to our simple hangout session I was conflicted. We'd been seeing each other for a few months. Valentines Day was the day before and I wasn't sure if I should get her a card or not. It took me 40 minutes to come to a decision and I should have been more up front with her earlier, instead of making her wait again. Suffice to say, seeing her at the door that night 40 minutes late was the last straw.
We met about a week ago to talk things over and she broke it off with me. I took full responsibility for the rumors, the lateness, and my lack of communication. She said she still really liked me, but between my actions, her schoolwork, and our jobs, that it wouldn't really work out right now. Having said that, she said there's good promise that we could get together in the future. I'm not anticipating it, but I'm still conflicted since she still wants to remain close friends. For instance, she still wants to go to the department's comedy show together next weekend, and I'm not sure if that's the right move given the fact that I really like her. Although I guess I will be seeing her a lot either way.
What's your whole take on the situation? How should I handle it all? Have you had similar situations? What's the ratio of it working out to making things worse?
I met her under strange circumstances on Thanksgiving Eve. I had just kissed her friend since I thought she wasn't interested in me. We were both drunk and admitted to each other how cute we both thought the other one was. While I was interested in her friend, I was more interested in her. I'll admit that it was due in large part to how much prettier she was. She had a nice smile.
After giving a difficult explanation to her friend, and getting her friend's blessing, we started seeing each other in early December. Things were good, but she did not want to put a name on anything.
We'd see each other once or twice a week. However, members of the department started to catch on pretty quickly. Rumors started to fly, and some of our more affectionate moments got exaggerated. Having said that, I was really excited about everything and definitely had a hand in spreading some of those moments through members who I thought were friends.
Fast forward to the end of December. I overslept our breakfast date by nearly an hour. I made it, but she was sitting in a booth, waiting for me. I felt horrible, but she seemed to understand. I hadn't slept the few days prior. I promised it wouldn't happen again. But it happened again a few weeks ago. I missed a simple hangout session by 40 minutes.
As I said earlier, she didn't want to put a name on anything. As the minutes approached to our simple hangout session I was conflicted. We'd been seeing each other for a few months. Valentines Day was the day before and I wasn't sure if I should get her a card or not. It took me 40 minutes to come to a decision and I should have been more up front with her earlier, instead of making her wait again. Suffice to say, seeing her at the door that night 40 minutes late was the last straw.
We met about a week ago to talk things over and she broke it off with me. I took full responsibility for the rumors, the lateness, and my lack of communication. She said she still really liked me, but between my actions, her schoolwork, and our jobs, that it wouldn't really work out right now. Having said that, she said there's good promise that we could get together in the future. I'm not anticipating it, but I'm still conflicted since she still wants to remain close friends. For instance, she still wants to go to the department's comedy show together next weekend, and I'm not sure if that's the right move given the fact that I really like her. Although I guess I will be seeing her a lot either way.
What's your whole take on the situation? How should I handle it all? Have you had similar situations? What's the ratio of it working out to making things worse?
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