Not sure if this is really the best thread to post this is, but it's affecting my mental health so!...
How does one go about discovering what they want to do with their life- what they might like, what they might be particularly good at- when in their 30s, stuck in a horrible dead end job and with nothing really worthwhile on their resume? I'm 32, going on four years now making shit money at a bank call center job that makes me hate life, and when trying to think about what I'd like to go to school for or other types of jobs I'd consider applying for (that I'd have any shot at getting), I draw a blank and become paralyzed with anxiety and fear and a sense of hopelessness.
It doesn't help that I have pretty serious life-long issues with self esteem and self confidence and social skills.... I think I may have avoided applying to other jobs all these years because I'm afraid of interviewing. When it comes to school I'm incredibly apprehensive due to how bad I am at studying (at least partially I think due to having legit ADD) and a hatred of discussion-based classes. It's a miracle I graduated college at all, albeit with a useless degree that means nothing to me and has done nothing for me.
I don't have any hobbies or active interests that could be turned into a career. Earlier in life my parents (particularly my father) tried to push me down the path of computer science and then IT, the former I just wasn't capable of and the latter I absolutely despise. I don't know why I bothered even humoring them with the idea of going into IT and getting those certificates....dealing with my own computer and networking problems makes me fucking rage like nothing else, the last thing I would want is to deal with those things 40 hours a week. Growing up the only things I wanted "to be when I grow up" were architect, photographer, game designer, a vague notion of doing something with music (I have musical experience from earlier in life), and then filmmaker/cinematographer/whatever. I never did anything more than fantasize about how cool it would be, though. It seems the kinds of things I've fantasized about doing with my life tend to be things that, regardless of the skills directly involved, require many of the aspects of character I lack the most. Given my personality you'd think I'm best suited for a quiet office job that involves little interaction with people and little to no creative expression. But that sounds like a horrible waste of a life to me.
I'm just completely and utterly lost. Several years ago I got a book from the library based on a recommendation, I can't remember what it was called but it was considered a popular alternative for younger people, like right out of college or mid-20s, to the book
What Color Is Your Parachute. I thought it was the same author but looking on Amazon I may be wrong. Anyways I figured a book aimed at younger people would be better suited for me since I was 110% clueless about what I wanted to do with my life. I quit about 75 pages in or so because the book made all sorts of assumptions about the reader knowing certain things about themself and what they want out of life. It was incredibly frustrating and depressing, the book was just completely useless to me and I couldn't take anything away from it because of that. That was over half a decade ago and if anything I feel even more lost now.
Not to mention it's affecting other areas of my life as well. I have a really hard time making friends and I've never dated, and working a boring-ass call center job doesn't exactly give me much to talk about with new people and isn't much of a source of self-esteem.
