Perspicacity
Banned
TheKad it isn't a betrayal of self to grow and to pursue new interests, you're just becoming the best you that you can be. It's hard for an egg to become a bird, but an egg can never learn to fly.
James Franco being thirsty. It reminded other people of how thirsty they were. Summer's right around the corner.
if im going on a date and the girl picks me up in a fedora what do i do
if im going on a date and the girl picks me up in a fedora what do i do
Branching out and discovering new interests isn't changing who you are as a person. It's literally adding to the things you like. That's it.
TheKad it isn't a betrayal of self to grow and to pursue new interests, you're just becoming the best you that you can be. It's hard for an egg to become a bird, but an egg can never learn to fly.
if im going on a date and the girl picks me up in a fedora what do i do
if im going on a date and the girl picks me up in a fedora what do i do
I'll give you a clue:
The games you play don't define you as a person. Your favorite food doesn't define you as a person.
Branching out and discovering new interests isn't changing who you are as a person. It's literally adding to the things you like. That's it.
Let's see.
An asshole likes video games and drawing. He decides to go out and see if he likes rock climbing. He does!
Is he still an asshole?
if im going on a date and the girl picks me up in a fedora what do i do
I'm glad you've turned on to what literally means so maybe we can try this again.
Adding is literally change. Improvement is literally change. You are literally changing who you are to be a more attractive person.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Take it off her head, put it on yours, say "M'lady, leave that stuff to me" then wink.
Our revenge is now, brothers!
I read things like this article and remember what it was like to feel similar incredibly negative and angry sentiments, but god, I was 15. It's so cringe-y now to think some adults are still thinking and behaving this way. They've sincerely never self-examined. The guy's insecurities are so plainly visible.God, this recent spate of relationship threads reminds me how I used to be several years ago. I was totally one of these guys. Glad I finally grew up.![]()
you tell her to use ubuntu
Please, really, stop attempting to insult me. I don't understand what I've personally done to piss you off, but it seems like recently you've been coming into threads with the express purpose of trying to pick a fight with me.
And I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Adding to your list of interests doesn't change who you are because people are more than just lists of interests. I am truly sorry that you believe they are.
the presumption of 'be yourself' is that you are not a creature of abject misery ruining everything around you. being yourself means not putting up a facade in an attempt to curry interest or gain attention. the concept seems very simple to me, yet it always ends up with pages of discussion.Taken from another angle though... If someone if an asshole, shouldn't they change that? If someone is unknowingly uncomfortable to be around, and they want to be social, shouldn't they address that? I guess there is an assumption here, and that assumption is that people who are needing this sort of advice often have fundamental issues with themselves, or aren't aware that parts of their personality make it difficult to socialize...
I guess what I'm getting at is that I really disagree with the idea that "being yourself" is a defacto good thing. Change who you are to be the person you want to be, don't just shrug your shoulders at your flaws and say "this is who I am" if those flaws cause misery for your and everyone around you.
I had an ex like that, who had a lot of things she needed to work on, but didn't. Part of that was because she was so sure that being "herself" includeded all these bad things, and that in the end the people around her should just learn to accept it. Heck, she didn't even like the stuff she did, but she just... assumed that she couldn't change. Also, she was really lazy about a lot of things, and changing yourself for the better is hard.
Please, really, stop attempting to insult me. I don't understand what I've personally done to piss you off, but it seems like recently you've been coming into threads with the express purpose of trying to pick a fight with me.
And I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Adding to your list of interests doesn't change who you are because people are more than just lists of interests. I am truly sorry that you believe they are.
TheKad it isn't a betrayal of self to grow and to pursue new interests, you're just becoming the best you that you can be. It's hard for an egg to become a bird, but an egg can never learn to fly.
the presumption of 'be yourself' is that you are not a creature of abject misery ruining everything around you. being yourself means not putting up a facade in an attempt to curry interest or gain attention. the concept seems very simple to me, yet it always ends up with pages of discussion.
The concern isn't respecting others, but respecting yourself.
thanks for writing this, it's precisely what i, and i assume many others, mean with the idea of being yourself.Okay, for the "being yourself" thing.
Recently, there was a study on OKCupid looking at the people who got the most hits/dates off of the site. What they found was that people who used a profile picture that was fairly normal (they didn't look gross, weren't supermodel gorgeous either... just kinda normal in a picture pose) got the most hits by a wide margin.
Sounds good, right? Everyone should be normal.
HOWEVER, with a closer examination of the data, it turned out that of this huge number of hits, very few of them turned into dates, and even fewer turned into relationships. Instead, the people who took a picture of themselves doing something they enjoyed or with something they liked (like someone taking a picture with their cat or going sailing or with a movie poster in the background) got fewer hits, but the hits they did get were far more likely to turn into a date/full relationship because they were self-selecting for people who shared their interests and it was easier to start up a conversation and get to know the other person.
This is why I think it's important to not hide the things you like. Because if you're looking for a long term relationship, if you try to be something you're not, you have the options of living a lie or risk the other person finding out and ending things. If you're upfront about what you like, you select for people you'd be more comfortable with in the first place. And really, those are the people you're more likely to have fun with. Even if they might be less physically attractive or whatever.
HOWEVER, with a closer examination of the data, it turned out that of this huge number of hits, very few of them turned into dates, and even fewer turned into relationships. Instead, the people who took a picture of themselves doing something they enjoyed or with something they liked (like someone taking a picture with their cat or going sailing or with a movie poster in the background) got fewer hits, but the hits they did get were far more likely to turn into a date/full relationship because they were self-selecting for people who shared their interests and it was easier to start up a conversation and get to know the other person.
Threads like these just serve to confuse me and make me even more hesitant to try dating at some point. My first love was a girl I met the first day of high school ( not on that day though lol) and our relationship including the eventual marriage lasted just over 10 years. Being in a lesbian relationship was a bigger hardship due to other's reactions than the awkward teenage dating phase was.
I haven't tried dating since the divorce and I have no idea what the hell proper dating etiquette is these days. I don't know what people expect of each other and what behaviors or phrases have secret messages attached. Added to that is the fact that while I have an interest in men as well as women I have even less of an idea of how to interact with them in that sort of setting.
Why the hell is everything so complicated? How am I supposed to tell genuinely good people from "nice guys/girls"? How do you not give "confusing signals' and end up being the source of people's ire for unintentionally misleading them?
Yup, your core personality has nothing to do with what hobbies you happen choose.And I'm sorry, but you are wrong. Adding to your list of interests doesn't change who you are because people are more than just lists of interests. I am truly sorry that you believe they are.
Yup, your core personality has nothing to do with what hobbies you happen choose.
Please, really, stop attempting to insult me. I don't understand what I've personally done to piss you off, but it seems like recently you've been coming into threads with the express purpose of trying to pick a fight with me.
I'm gonna use that picture of me fapping.
1. What is your 'core' personality?
2. How would it not be affected by lets say... taking up running?
3. Why wouldn't you want to change your core personality?
Yup, your core personality has nothing to do with what hobbies you happen choose.
Because running a mile or two a day doesn't change you. Having a hobby doesn't not mean your personality is attractive. A self entitled ass is a self entitled ass even if they run a marathon. Some people can't change. Some people don't want to change. Some people are In pure denial of who they are and throw up all these things they think other people will like just because they are afraid of what people would really think about them. Having interest can not hide who you really are. So being yourself is clearly the best way.
If you're an asshole, then you're an asshole. Take some criticism when someone tells you you're an asshole and change that or own it, don't add "Rock Climbing" as your change.
To be fair, I've had several girls that were'nt interested in me in high school because I was a nice guy come back and try to date me.
But by then all I did was laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
Because running a mile or two a day doesn't change you. Having a hobby doesn't not mean your personality is attractive.
A self entitled ass is a self entitled ass even if they run a marathon. Some people can't change. Some people don't want to change. Some people are In pure denial of who they are and throw up all these things they think other people will like just because they are afraid of what people would really think about them. Having interest can not hide who you really are. So being yourself is clearly the best way.
If your an asshole, then your an asshole. Take some criticism when someone tells you you're an asshole and change that or own it, don't add "Rock Climbing" as your change.
Have to bring this back again: if someone calls himself a nice guy, he's likely not one. The problem is that the women who would potentially date them see it, but the man doesn't. Some women don't "mess about with idiots" as much as they look for men who are independent and don't define themselves by the woman, which I've seen happen over and over. Nice guys are the ones saying "please respond." Who wants that?Really disappointed by the content of this message. I think there really is an issue where many younger women claim to want nice guys, mess about with idiots, and then only ring you up when they're older and more desperate. That absolutely does happen and it's infuriating. But the author of this piece is such an insecure, bitter tool that any point he's trying to make is lost.
Point is, ladies, nice guys need companionship and sex too. If you're not ready for commitment yet and are going to give someone a jump, give a nice guy a jump. Give the good guys some positive reinforcement instead of encouraging the idiot guys of the world.
1. What is your 'core' personality?
2. How would it not be affected by lets say... taking up running?
3. Why wouldn't you want to change your core personality?
Running a mile or two every day would absolutely change you. So much of your brain and body would change from something like that. Having a hobby can absolutely make your more attractive.
I'm not sure how any of this is either true or pertinent to the discussion at hand. First of all, interests aren't the only thing that change you, but even if they were, they absolutely could change your personality. If you decide to take a class at the local community college every few months, so much of who you are would change. If you decide to... I don't know, have a bonsai tree as a hobby, that would change a lot of who you are. And if you run, that can change a lot of who you are as well, and to re-iterate, not just physically.
I don't think a single person here suggested that to stop being an asshole, they should take up a specific hobby. People (specifically me) suggested that
1. The hobbies you take up can absolutely change you in many different meaningful ways.
2. That 'being yourself' isn't a particularly valuable suggestion, especially if there are personality traits of yours (or ones that you are lacking) that you could or should address if you want certain things in your life - like learning to be a more socially aware person if you want more friends, or being less crass with your humour if you don't like offending people.
3. Basically, changing yourself not only is a good thing, it's already always happening.
Really disappointed by the content of this message. I think there really is an issue where many younger women claim to want nice guys, mess about with idiots, and then only ring you up when they're older and more desperate. That absolutely does happen and it's infuriating. But the author of this piece is such an insecure, bitter tool that any point he's trying to make is lost.
Point is, ladies, nice guys need companionship and sex too. If you're not ready for commitment yet and are going to give someone a jump, give a nice guy a jump. Give the good guys some positive reinforcement instead of encouraging the idiot guys of the world.