A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Man, this thread exploded since I last checked. I don't know where to start.
Seven Dead, Several Hospitalized in Isla Vista Mass Shooting
- Thread starter tehbible
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Yeah, must get new parents as well.
DoktorEvil
Banned
Sex isn't the be all end all. More people should realize that. Sex is the cherry on the intimate relationship sundae.
It certainly doesn't help that porn is commoditized and free and shoved down men's throats all the time, on top of the shitty tropes in movies where the guy has to get laid in order to feel like a man.
I feel as if all of this men vs women rhetoric comes down to fundamental miscommunication. That is, men and women dont know how to communicate with one another.
User 100115
Banned
I suggest copious amounts of alcohol before you even try.
Fiction & Dev aren't lying about the shit around here. We've all seen it, but usually in those threads the arguments get so heatlily targeted towards Fiction & Dev offending men, hardly any discussion comes of it outside of 'angry feminists offending us as not all guys are like x! so leave it alone."
I haven't even begun to swallow the male meninist group, or whatever. I thought it was a weird meta movement happening. But its clearly the same type of guys that can't separate themselves from a generalization for some strange reason. Men that don't know women personally, have no idea how harassed they are, how they are treated at work, or if they dare to have a drink at a bar. I don't get offended when women say that most men are ______ because I know that most men are idiots who "can't talk to women!" as if they are a subspecies.
Theres been dozens of threads here with men who can't seem to communicate with the opposite sex. Its so strange to see reactions here that aren't willing to admit the missteps in order to arrive at a solution.
Now its a movement? So strange.
I haven't even begun to swallow the male meninist group, or whatever. I thought it was a weird meta movement happening. But its clearly the same type of guys that can't separate themselves from a generalization for some strange reason. Men that don't know women personally, have no idea how harassed they are, how they are treated at work, or if they dare to have a drink at a bar. I don't get offended when women say that most men are ______ because I know that most men are idiots who "can't talk to women!" as if they are a subspecies.
Theres been dozens of threads here with men who can't seem to communicate with the opposite sex. Its so strange to see reactions here that aren't willing to admit the missteps in order to arrive at a solution.
Now its a movement? So strange.
What if its family?
My problem with creep shaming is that it often feel that it crosses the line to "socially awkward" shaming.
User 100115
Banned
Or it turns into 'why are you ignoring a problem men face and talking about women's issues, shut up about women's issues'
It's depressing.
Get yourself to a point where you can tell them to fuck off. I've spoken on GAF many times about how my dad is a great guy to everyone but me. It took me a decade to consciously be able to tune him out and do it in a way that wouldn't rip the rest of the family apart.
I never once tell people that shit like that will be easy. Hell, it might be the hardest thing you do. But being surrounded by bad people, influenced by them positively or negatively, while being aware of it is some of the most toxic shit you can do to yourself.
EdibleExplosives
Member
Man, some of the threads on here lately have been really depressing. Not for the original content (as disgusting as it is), but the posts throughout them, especially that first thread.
I had to bail on that thread pretty early on as it was just pissing me off too much. Seeing posters, especially those I previously had respect for, basically defending the coworker is disgusting.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Part of me hate that he's being immortalized as a meme, but I cracked up.
At least he's being laughed at.
Mammoth Jones
Member
I'm more disturbed to be honest. Not a good look. Giving him exactly what he wanted: Immortality (to become a God). It's like a little fucking kid: Any attention is good. Even if it's for doing something bad.
A lot of guys don't even get to be intimate. As i already said sex isn't the main problem.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
The problem could be something like the possible entitlement in that first sentence. That can go from innocent to warped real fast. The problem is we have to see through this stuff with people who have built up a lifetime of defenses and justifications.
Is not entitlement, is a human need. A need of all sexual life in the planet has. Yes, you can't (or shouldn't be able to) force anyone to be with you, but the physical and psychological need of companion is there.
Devolution
Member
It's entitlement when you start viewing people as nothing more than things you're owed.
Err, sex and intimacy aren't really the same thing.
I'd venture to say that most people need some form of intimacy. To not have it could fuck you up pretty badly.
And a relationship is the solution? come off it man
There's nothing about this that says "if only he ACTUALLY had a gf, things would be different". All this relationship stuff - dude, have you considered that some people, many even, aren't ready for relationships past a certain level?
User 100115
Banned
There was a guy earlier in the thread honestly convinced that if women gave out free blow jobs, violence wouldn't exist.
Devolution
Member
His ideas about relationships were entirely infantile anyway. It wasn't about love, compassion, and experience with another person it was about having someone. That's what a bunch of people are disconnecting on or maybe that's why they see themselves in him. They simply want another person. That's not how it works, the other person is a fucking human being.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
His entire manifesto talks about how he deserved to be with gorgeous women because he was "the perfect male specimen". If that isn't entitlement, I don't know what is.
You're just here for my gratification Fiction. Don't forget that.
I'm so glad I don't have any real life experience with these kinds of guys in my life...
Nothing stops men from treating women as an object like treating women as an object!
Oh, that guy was full of entitlement and megalomania. But the chain of post wasn't talking about that guy specifically. I'm merely stating that wanting human contact is not entitlement, is a deep need that we have as a species.
Holy shit that was in this thread?
I assumed people were talking about something that had been written in the manifesto, but no... ???
DirgeExtinction
Member
Holy shit, I've lived on the UCSB campus for a while and spent some time in Isla Vista. It's so crazy to think something like this happened there. My condolences to the families affected.
RockTurtle
Member
sounds like he was a major sexual narcissistic.
Then he should've gone out of his way to go an initiate that contact. Many of his anecdotes talk about how he wandered the streets, waiting for people to come to HIM.
Iamwolfthing
Member
This happened on my cousin's campus as he was getting off work and one of the victims was a good friend of his. Makes me sick thinking about what could have happened to him.
Devolution
Member
People want human contact without working on their own ability to empathize with other people. It's always about them. We should empathize with their plight but do they bother to do the same? Maybe if they did, they might be able to connect with other people.
Note: I'm not defending the guy and his actions. Sorry if it came out that way.
Well, that is true about this case and probably many others. But not all the socially isolated people lack empathy for others. My problems lies on this generalization.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Maybe this wouldn't have happened if sex bots had been invented and he had access to his personal "aryan" one, but then he might have ended up landing a job and going postal 20 years later.
I highly doubt that the lack of intimacy was a principal contributing factor to this tragedy. If we're going to point fingers then I'd say it's the lack of good role models that could teach him how to be a proper human being. He had a friend when he was younger that would just indulge him in his power fantasies, until it one day got too real and the friend just cut off contact.
I highly doubt that the lack of intimacy was a principal contributing factor to this tragedy. If we're going to point fingers then I'd say it's the lack of good role models that could teach him how to be a proper human being. He had a friend when he was younger that would just indulge him in his power fantasies, until it one day got too real and the friend just cut off contact.
User 100115
Banned
Yep. But no, people who feel that women are just objects for pleasure to be acquired don't actually exist, this guy is the extreme outlier, all the posts online supporting him are just trolling, etc etc...
CountAntonius
Member
Good point.
DoktorEvil
Banned
Honestly both the guy that made the innocuous comment as well as the knob talking about in detail about dick sucking should've both been banned.
Permanently.
That's a really tasteless to make that comment with all things considered.
User 100115
Banned
Huge, huge difference between being socially awkward and being creepy.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
But I'd reckon a lot of people still end up conflating those two groups.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Usually depends on what's coming out of their mouth, not just noting that there are similarities in behavior.
Fucking this and it doesn't apply just to sexism.
I hope more people internalize that with any joke post you have to consider the person in some fashion possibly believes their nonsense.
Devolution
Member
I am so fucking tired of social anxiety/awkwardness being posted as some sort of excuse for generally shitty behavior.
The "well someone should have done X/he should have been more empathetic" stuff assumes he or someone else is naturally capable of these things. Not everyone is- and that creates issues in how we as a society need to handle them.
CountAntonius
Member
It doesn't always, You make it seem like people aren't extremely judgmental. If you are extremely shy, quiet, go to movies alone stand around by yourself at parties people will think you're a creep. You don't even need to open your mouth.
This.
You may not be a creep inside and out - but you should definitely know that you're acting like one. And people identifying it is not inherently mean-spirited either.
Prax
Member
Oh my gosh, I really hope people don't conflate sex, intimacy, and romantic fulfillment as the same thing.
And I also hope all those things aren't considered "vital" to existence. It's nice to want things, but you aren't entitled to having another person validate your existence.
And yeah, that means no one is "entitled" to have friends either (especially if you're a huge jerk).
People have them because of efforts made to communicate and overlapping factors of need and fulfillment. And while it's sad some people don't get everything they want, I think most people can get what they actually need if they just put in the effort and don't have some warped criteria or sense of entitlement about it.
And you don't need "intimacy" with a romantic partner! Get some friends. Be a dweeb and role-play or cyber. Participate and contribute. There are so many things to do with other humans!
This murderer though seemingly chose NOT to participate in any positive way and wondered why no one liked him. WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS? It seems like he set himself up for this trainwreck willingly (because he's that self-important it needs to be glorious and dramatic), and sopped up misogynistic ideas as further validation of his eternal suffering and justification for his crimes. Don't make the mistake as identifying with him because this is not just a "he didn't get intimacy so boohoo he went crazy" issue. And if you DO relate to him because of the very same reasons he has going on (entitlement, self-importance, unwilling to participate, objectification of people) you need to seek help.
And I also hope all those things aren't considered "vital" to existence. It's nice to want things, but you aren't entitled to having another person validate your existence.
And yeah, that means no one is "entitled" to have friends either (especially if you're a huge jerk).
People have them because of efforts made to communicate and overlapping factors of need and fulfillment. And while it's sad some people don't get everything they want, I think most people can get what they actually need if they just put in the effort and don't have some warped criteria or sense of entitlement about it.
And you don't need "intimacy" with a romantic partner! Get some friends. Be a dweeb and role-play or cyber. Participate and contribute. There are so many things to do with other humans!
This murderer though seemingly chose NOT to participate in any positive way and wondered why no one liked him. WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS? It seems like he set himself up for this trainwreck willingly (because he's that self-important it needs to be glorious and dramatic), and sopped up misogynistic ideas as further validation of his eternal suffering and justification for his crimes. Don't make the mistake as identifying with him because this is not just a "he didn't get intimacy so boohoo he went crazy" issue. And if you DO relate to him because of the very same reasons he has going on (entitlement, self-importance, unwilling to participate, objectification of people) you need to seek help.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
Yep.
CountAntonius
Member
What's acting like a "creep"? I really want to know this definition to understand exactly where you and devo are coming from.
Angelus Errare
Banned
Or that they're shy and introverted.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Not sure what this tangent has to do with the main discussion.
Let's be real here, they're more likely to be called a creep.
Let's be real here, they're more likely to be called a creep.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I do all of those things, especially standing alone at parties, and I think people probably do judge me as creepy sometimes, but I don't give a fuck. I'm not actually creeping on anyone, and I think anyone whose opinion you value would agree since there's no evidence, so fuck everyone else.
However, there are definitely people who are using their weirdness as an excuse for every weird thing they do. Sometimes the weird things are actually really creepy and shitty, and they've created the excuses to defend themselves from having to own it.
Isn't this kind of circular?
It sounds like you're saying they should connect with other people so they can connect with other people.
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