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[Lionheart1827]

I wanted to let everyone know I am feeling a lot better today. My doctor gave me a script for Ondansetron, which helped a ton and I was able to sleep last night.

Though he also told me to reduce the methotrexate to two pills a week, down from eight, until I feel I can tolerate a step up and go up to four.

It's sort dejecting because the 8 pills a week don't seem to be doing shit, so two pills a week are going to do even less :/

But hey! No more nausea.

Odansetron is the shit. It really made a night and day difference in what felt like death bringing nausea to manageable "I can eat a little bit!" nausea when I was on the really tough chemo. I still have a full pack of the strawberry flavored dissolving ones just in case.

The drug was created specifically to combat chemo induced vomiting and nausea so you got a good deal! The only thing that worked better for me was Benzos like Ativan but obviously not recommended

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

So I'm not really depressed (or don't think I am) but I've been starting to have fantasies of suicide once more (happened freshman year of college, am currently a senior). Basically I think to myself that all I'm really doing while being alive is passing the time until I die. I don't have any particular hopes or dreams. No passions or hobbies that fill my life with purpose. And I don't really have any drive or motivation to go out and do something amazing. I go to college and play games as a way to pass the time. Soon I'll go to grad school. Then the workforce. And really none of that has any purpose. I don't find the journey particularly exciting or anything special, so why not rush to the destination. Of course, I'm in a clear enough state of mind to realize how negatively it would effect my family. So most of my fantasies boil down to "man if I had no family right now I could just end it right now. Damn that'd be so great." I'm not really depressed, just in a sort of "why even bother" type state. Wanted to get this off my chest, and this felt like the right thread to post in.

ShironRedshift had a heartfelt response, but I only wanted to chime in and add that I understand completely what you're feeling. Mostly I'd say that I'm living by inertia: it's not as if I'd cause myself harm, but at the same time, if I were ended tomorrow (and I had the capacity to actually react to it after the fact), I'm not sure that I'd care much. It's difficult to offer any counsel because what you're stating is something that I understand full well -- the best anyone can offer are "the experiences along the journey are incomparable," and to that I'll add, perhaps you can understand them on an intellectual level, but until you experience them firsthand, you don't truly know them. (Cue those who talk about holding their newborn child, for instance.)

In any case, I wish you the best of luck. Share, please, if you've got some insights. As you say, I don't characterize what you're experiencing as depression. Honestly, it's more like ennui or mal du siècle, And I think that sort of disillusionment is different from other types of mental maladies.

 

[CornBurrito]

ShironRedshift had a heartfelt response, but I only wanted to chime in and add that I understand completely what you're feeling. Mostly I'd say that I'm living by inertia: it's not as if I'd cause myself harm, but at the same time, if I were ended tomorrow (and I had the capacity to actually react to it after the fact), I'm not sure that I'd care much. It's difficult to offer any counsel because what you're stating is something that I understand full well -- the best anyone can offer are "the experiences along the journey are incomparable," and to that I'll add, perhaps you can understand them on an intellectual level, but until you experience them firsthand, you don't truly know them. (Cue those who talk about holding their newborn child, for instance.)

In any case, I wish you the best of luck. Share, please, if you've got some insights. As you say, I don't characterize what you're experiencing as depression. Honestly, it's more like ennui or mal du siècle, And I think that sort of disillusionment is different from other types of mental maladies.

But how much journey can we truly experience? After college comes graduate school. Then the workforce. How much vacation time will I have exactly? How much funds to truly go out and see the world? And all that stuff are just distractions. Ways to pass time until you die. They may hold some temporary joy for me, but so what? The way I see it, you can't miss what you never had. If I ended my life before getting to experience something, so what?

Really the only thing stopping me right this moment is the fact that I have living relatives. Maybe I'll feel different and these feelings will fade as they once have before, but once a few more of my relatives have passed away I might just do the deed and be done with it.

I appreciate the response. Sadly I see no sort of advice that would help me. The only thing that could help me right now would be the immediate death of my family members so that I could kill myself right now without an ounce of guilt.

edit: Feeling a lot better after eating dinner somehow. The change in my mental state is frightening.

 

[Salvadora]

Anyone have experience with sertraline in here?

Might be called something different outside the U.K.

 

[StickSoldier]

edit: Feeling a lot better after eating dinner somehow. The change in my mental state is frightening.

Don't be frightened! Embrace the happiness, it's a wonderful experience.

 

[User 100115]

Odansetron is the shit. It really made a night and day difference in what felt like death bringing nausea to manageable "I can eat a little bit!" nausea when I was on the really tough chemo. I still have a full pack of the strawberry flavored dissolving ones just in case.

The drug was created specifically to combat chemo induced vomiting and nausea so you got a good deal! The only thing that worked better for me was Benzos like Ativan but obviously not recommended

Yeah it worked really well. I guess since methotrexate is technically a chemo drug that's what they gave me? No clue. But it's good shit, I actually ate something today!

 

[Windam]

Saw my psychiatrist today and he recommended I take melatonin. I don't have trouble falling asleep, it's just that I'm always tired (even if I sleep on time for 8 hours). Could this help? :/

 

[CheesecakeRecipe]

Saw my psychiatrist today and he recommended I take melatonin. I don't have trouble falling asleep, it's just that I'm always tired. Could this help? :/

It's an "all natural" sleep aid. I used to take it when I was in elementary school, can't remember how much of a help it was in terms of making me feel more well-rested. I use a combination of a certain chamomile tea and a clock on my phone which uses fancy bullshit to detect when the best time to wake me up near my desired alarm time is. I have no idea if the program actually does things but I feel it does!

I am a daily coffee and tea drinker though so don't take my energy/awakeness levels as gospel or if it will work for you. There is no harm in getting a small bottle of Melatonin and seeing if it improves anything for you.

 

[StickSoldier]

Saw my psychiatrist today and he recommended I take melatonin. I don't have trouble falling asleep, it's just that I'm always tired (even if I sleep on time for 8 hours). Could this help? :/

It never helped me honestly. But it's different for everyone really. I know a lot of things that worked for me but no one else. Research it to see the use of Melatonin. I don't see why it'd hurt though as long as there's no health hazard associated with poppin a few.

 

[Windam]

It's an "all natural" sleep aid. I used to take it when I was in elementary school, can't remember how much of a help it was in terms of making me feel more well-rested. I use a combination of a certain chamomile tea and a clock on my phone which uses fancy bullshit to detect when the best time to wake me up near my desired alarm time is. I have no idea if the program actually does things but I feel it does!

I am a daily coffee and tea drinker though so don't take my energy/awakeness levels as gospel or if it will work for you. There is no harm in getting a small bottle of Melatonin and seeing if it improves anything for you.

It never helped me honestly. But it's different for everyone really. I know a lot of things that worked for me but no one else. Research it to see the use of Melatonin. I don't see why it'd hurt though as long as there's no health hazard associated with poppin a few.

Thanks guys. There shouldn't be any issue with my meds or anything, so I'll be safe on 3-5mg. I do consume an absurd amount of coffee/caffeine in a day, and I can't function without a certain amount of cups of coffee. Probably have caffeine dependency which I know is bad, but I really can't kick it. I could drink 5 cups of coffee in a day and still sleep like a baby around 9pm. :/

I should look into doing cardio stuff, shouldn't I? We have a stationary bike here, but I've found that it just tires out my legs and doesn't do much to my heart rate (I don't feel an increase in my pulse after cycling on it for a bit with the highest resistance).

 

[StickSoldier]

Thanks guys. There shouldn't be any issue with my meds or anything, so I'll be safe on 3-5mg. I do consume an absurd amount of coffee/caffeine in a day, and I can't function without a certain amount of cups of coffee. Probably have caffeine dependency which I know is bad, but I really can't kick it. I could drink 5 cups of coffee in a day and still sleep like a baby around 9pm. :/

I should look into doing cardio stuff, shouldn't I? We have a stationary bike here, but I've found that it just tires out my legs and doesn't do much to my heart rate (I don't feel an increase in my pulse after cycling on it for a bit with the highest resistance).

Yeah man, you'd be surprised how much it helps to do cardio. When I was in jail just awhile back, I would do jumping jacks when I was sleepy, then energy hit me like a freight train lol. Better than coffee or cola.

 

[Gurthang]

Watching the World Cup alone is more depressing than joyful to be honest. I feel so jealous of those who have relatives and friends and can watch the games with them.

 

[Colin.]

So I'm not really depressed (or don't think I am) but I've been starting to have fantasies of suicide once more (happened freshman year of college, am currently a senior). Basically I think to myself that all I'm really doing while being alive is passing the time until I die. I don't have any particular hopes or dreams. No passions or hobbies that fill my life with purpose. And I don't really have any drive or motivation to go out and do something amazing. I go to college and play games as a way to pass the time. Soon I'll go to grad school. Then the workforce. And really none of that has any purpose. I don't find the journey particularly exciting or anything special, so why not rush to the destination. Of course, I'm in a clear enough state of mind to realize how negatively it would effect my family. So most of my fantasies boil down to "man if I had no family right now I could just end it right now. Damn that'd be so great." I'm not really depressed, just in a sort of "why even bother" type state. Wanted to get this off my chest, and this felt like the right thread to post in.

I see you're feeling better now, which is good. But this post summarises a lot of my own feelings as well, and it's been the case for a long time. I don't have any big dreams, ambitions, or talents. Even the more fun activities I should enjoy doing, I don't. All those things offer up for me is engrossing distractions to kill time, until I can go to sleep and not have to think any more. It is a very empty existence, but I too have immediate family around. If I didn't, I definitely wouldn't choose to be alive. It's frustrating, as any feelings they have purely comes from moral obligation, coming from the same bloodline. The fact I would have no one if you took them out of the equation kind of proves that. I can't even function like a normal person, socially, or emotionally. Which is probably getting worse now with age, if anything. There just isn't any reason for me to exist.

 

[CornBurrito]

I see you're feeling better now, which is good. But this post summarises a lot of my own feelings as well, and it's been the case for a long time. I don't have any big dreams, ambitions, or talents. Even the more fun activities I should enjoy doing, I don't. All those things offer up for me is engrossing distractions to kill time, until I can go to sleep and not have to think any more. It is a very empty existence, but I too have immediate family around. If I didn't, I definitely wouldn't choose to be alive. It's frustrating, as any feelings they have purely comes from moral obligation, coming from the same bloodline. The fact I would have no one if you took them out of the equation kind of proves that. I can't even function like a normal person, socially, or emotionally. Which is probably getting worse now with age, if anything. There just isn't any reason for me to exist.

Not that I like that you are having the same troubles, but I find it comforting that someone else understands exactly what I am going through. This is me. 100%.

edit:

Honestly, not being able to just do it because of my family is making me significantly less functional. I wouldn't call it depression still. But it is a strong emotional pain mixed with anger. Maybe the word for that is frustration.

 

[Flo]

But how much journey can we truly experience? After college comes graduate school. Then the workforce. How much vacation time will I have exactly? How much funds to truly go out and see the world? And all that stuff are just distractions. Ways to pass time until you die. They may hold some temporary joy for me, but so what? The way I see it, you can't miss what you never had. If I ended my life before getting to experience something, so what?

Really the only thing stopping me right this moment is the fact that I have living relatives. Maybe I'll feel different and these feelings will fade as they once have before, but once a few more of my relatives have passed away I might just do the deed and be done with it.

I appreciate the response. Sadly I see no sort of advice that would help me. The only thing that could help me right now would be the immediate death of my family members so that I could kill myself right now without an ounce of guilt.

edit: Feeling a lot better after eating dinner somehow. The change in my mental state is frightening.

I've felt like that for a long time, it's paralysing. I do think it's a form of depression though. How it can be treated I don't know. For me it went away on it's own. Or well, maybe that's not true. I just can't pinpoint an easy solution. I took medication and saw a therapist while feeling that way. So I guess talking about it helped me. Also doing PMT and haptonomy have helped me get closer to my real feelings. I live in my head most of the time, but knowing what I really like or think of things and act accordingly is super hard. It's a coping mechanism that helped me at a certain point in time, but right now it's just in the way.
Also; eating well, or eating at all is good. When I feel bad I stop eating, but I've learned that quickly makes things a whole lot worse. Like I'm poisoning my body, there is not enough going in so it feeds on itself.

Feeling a little better all of a sudden sounds good, I totally understand it's scary though. And also not easy to embrace. I have gotten used to feeling bad. I don't like it, but it's something I know and feel comfortable with in a weird way. I've been feeling a lot better the last year and it's still freaking me out sometimes. Like it's just waiting for things to get worse again (which is not an unreal possibility).

I wanted to let everyone know I am feeling a lot better today. My doctor gave me a script for Ondansetron, which helped a ton and I was able to sleep last night.

Though he also told me to reduce the methotrexate to two pills a week, down from eight, until I feel I can tolerate a step up and go up to four.

It's sort dejecting because the 8 pills a week don't seem to be doing shit, so two pills a week are going to do even less :/

But hey! No more nausea.

Good to see that the nausea is gone!

 

[Femmeworth]

My psychiatrist is having me switch to a different anti-depressant, Viibryd. I'm currently on Lexapro 20mg and Buspar 15 mg x 3 times a day. I would be switching it out with Lexapro, of course. He gave me vague instructions for tapering off and suggested starting the Viibryd immediately. Any suggestions? I don't want serotonin syndrome and Viibryd is strong from what I understand, having it with the Buspar might be bad too.

 

[Colin.]

Not that I like that you are having the same troubles, but I find it comforting that someone else understands exactly what I am going through. This is me. 100%.

edit:

Honestly, not being able to just do it because of my family is making me significantly less functional. I wouldn't call it depression still. But it is a strong emotional pain mixed with anger. Maybe the word for that is frustration.

I know what you mean. I had similar feelings when I saw your original post, as it corresponded with me quite well. Except I would classify myself as having depression, as have the various mental health related people I've spoke to. But whilst my mood isn't always low, my thoughts on my life remain the same. The advice you get on it can be irritating, as some will base it entirely on what they'd do with their own skills/mindset, under the assumption that you too have those same abilities. I can't even do the most mundane shit, without difficulty.

 

[hiex_]

.

 

[coldvein]

keep ya head up.

 

[kiyomi]

keep ya head up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfXwmDGJAB8

 

[Collete]

I have been silent over this thread for some time...possibly because I've been such a dead beat with my art work and I've been worrying about a lot of things as of late.

I've been working at my novel, even though it's finished, the editing that goes into has been sucking my soul lately.

My creativity for my artwork has also been dropping, and part of my future ideas to live off doing creative things came to a halt because I couldn't come up with any ideas.

Working at my love life has been fruitless so far...I'm still hoping and working towards it but I'm starting to get fears that maybe I'm just destined for solitude...I hope not but it seems to be going that way.

Top that off my GRE studying will come soon and I don't know how this will go or if I'm even going the right destination in my path.

My faith in my religion has all been tapering down which hasn't helped much either...I've been on and off going to church but...I don't know.

Alas, I'm sorry again I have no offer of comfort or solace for anyone. I wish I can come back here helping people some day but I guess this past year has been fruitless in that regards. Apologies.

 

[Bel Marduk]

There has to be a point where people are just sick of dealing with you.. They have to be, right? I mean, I can only go on for others for so long.. I've had mental illness my whole life and it just gets worse and worse.. Sure, there are positive things but they have no bearing. Even the smallest setback and I'm fucking drowning again. Whats the point in continuing if its only getting worse? What is there to live for if your brain is completely broken?

 

[MetalGuardian]

Does anyone have experience with St. John's Wort? For those who have tried it -- was it helpful? Is it a "take as needed" pill, or do you need to take it consistently over several days/weeks before it starts having positive mood effects?

 

[Smiley90]

Does anyone have experience with St. John's Wort? For those who have tried it -- was it helpful? Is it a "take as needed" pill, or do you need to take it consistently over several days/weeks before it starts having positive mood effects?

You, I know you

Spoiler

Haven't taken it, sorry

 

[HolyBaikal]

I watched this in the last few weeks, and it really cheered me up.

 

[Kozak]

Currently in probably my 2nd month of depression.. Nothing too bad, just rut sort of stuff, down on my luck etc. Nothing I haven't dealt with before.

Normally I'd deal with this shit by letting it roll. Letting the next high-point in life pick me up.

The only problem is I have a girlfriend now and its destroying me that she's exposed to this version of me.

I don't even know what to say you know? Sometime I need space but sometimes I don't need space.. I want her to maximize her potential and sometimes I feel she'd be better off..

 

[jb1234]

Does anyone have experience with St. John's Wort? For those who have tried it -- was it helpful? Is it a "take as needed" pill, or do you need to take it consistently over several days/weeks before it starts having positive mood effects?

I took it for a while in my early 20s. It sorta, kinda worked for a while but then suddenly failed and I was worse off than before I had started taking it. But my depression is very treatment resistant (due to my life circumstances) in general.

 

[Bruiserk]

Currently in probably my 2nd month of depression.. Nothing too bad, just rut sort of stuff, down on my luck etc. Nothing I haven't dealt with before.

Normally I'd deal with this shit by letting it roll. Letting the next high-point in life pick me up.

The only problem is I have a girlfriend now and its destroying me that she's exposed to this version of me.

I don't even know what to say you know? Sometime I need space but sometimes I don't need space.. I want her to maximize her potential and sometimes I feel she'd be better off..

If the relationship is not affecting you negatively, then you have no reason to end it because you are worried she is better off. Her responsibility is her own happiness and it is her choice to determine whether she wants to stay with YOU. I mean YOU as in all of you -- depression and all.

 

[Polydeuces]

So I did worse than I imagined on my second test. But there was a bump so I almost passed (19/40) That one example I glossed over from lecture was basically the same but with different numbers. It was worth 10 marks which sounds ridiculous. Just gotta keep moving on and prepare for the final. My C programming course on the other hand I got another assignment due on friday. Not entirely sure what to do so I procrastinated more. I haven't met alot of people who wanted to work on their assignments on the day it was released/very early and most of the friends I met do their assignments a few days before it's due. Its hard working on this alone but im pretty sure others are having it equally rough or more so I gotta keep going. I guess if I were to be held accountable for something then I would have the drive to get it done.

 

[Windam]

So I've pretty much accepted that I'm not smart enough to do what I want to do, and now I don't know what to do other than cry. I can't cry though, no matter how much I hurt. What do you do when you can't cry, but it's at most all you're capable of?

 

[Prez]

Anyone have a suggestion what might help against anxiety on top of Zoloft? Zoloft helps a little but not enough. I've tried so many other SSRIs but Zoloft is the only one that helps a little against anxiety. I've been to many doctors and psychiatrists already so I thought I'd ask here, who knows. I'd like to stay away from benzos (like Xanax and Diazepam).

 

[Various Artists]

So I've pretty much accepted that I'm not smart enough to do what I want to do, and now I don't know what to do other than cry. I can't cry though, no matter how much I hurt. What do you do when you can't cry, but it's at most all you're capable of?

Try focusing on something else. Take a walk, work out, read a book. Keep positive!

 

[White Man]

Does anyone have experience with St. John's Wort? For those who have tried it -- was it helpful? Is it a "take as needed" pill, or do you need to take it consistently over several days/weeks before it starts having positive mood effects?

Read up on it. There are certain things you aren't supposed to take while using it.

 

[MisterLuffy]

I seriously need to build some stamina because I played basketball with my brother and cousin yesterday. We were playing tips, and for few minutes I started to tired and had to breathe. It was okay to the point when I thought I had given up and said to myself that I will not play again. Because I missed so many shots, I stopped playing my best. I'm glad we played "HORSE", at least I won something before we went home.

I always have this mentality of giving up because it's frustrating when I keep losing. I've played Project M last night with them, and I kept losing. And I want to give up on that game. I always hate when I play more matches or do something different made me believe that I'm good. Not even close, I went to my cousins house to challenge his Ness and he bodied me. After losing so many times, I just lost faith in myself and wanted to quit. Same thing when I play other fighting games.

 

[jb1234]

Yesterday was special. I found myself in the hospital because the pain was so severe that I was practically gasping for air. I was afraid that I'd take every pill I had just to escape it. They gave me morphine, which cut the pain in half. Yes, I know. Morphine only worked halfway. Isn't that a joke? I talked to a few people who didn't take me very seriously and then was discharged. Things didn't get much better from there. The morphine eventually wore off, my mental state (already in tatters) reached apocalyptic levels and it was game over.

It's a mess. I can't do anything about the depression because no one can offer me anything for the pain that is either safe long-term or even effective. I can't put into words what chronic pain of this severity does to the mind. I can't describe it. It's torture in the most literal sense. When all you can think about, all you can see is pain, it consumes your present and your future. And the depression is completely out of control at this point, just as much as the pain is. Both together turn me into a raving lunatic, someone I fucking despise and I'm pretty sure the people who care about me aren't very fond of either. When I'm this aware of what I'm doing under these conditions, what I'm saying and unable to control any of it, I hate myself even more. I wish I could even claim the antidepressant is working because I don't have a fucking clue. I've lowered it, raised it, gone off it, gone back on it and I always feel the same, my moods completely governed by how I feel physically. In the last decade, I've been on at least six different types, all of them undoubtedly double-blind approved, all of them varying degrees of useless.

One thing I'm figuring out (mostly through trial and error) is that I have a validation addiction. Somewhere along the way, I developed this gaping hole in my soul (heart, psyche, whatever) and I try to fill it (usually subconsciously) at any cost. Growing up and into my early 20s, I was able to use my musical talent as a stopgap and the adoration (give or take) I got from people was usually sufficient. Once I got sick and I lost all of this, I had a serious problem on my hands. Not only did I lose my stopgap (which meant far, far, far more to me than it sounds) but I lost any physical way of finding something to replace it. I was consumed. Nothing's ever enough for me. Love, attention, kind words. It's all sucked into this black hole and never heard from again. I can't use people to make myself feel better because it's toxic as all fucking hell and because it NEVER WORKS. It's like asking a triangle to fit into a circle. OOPS, THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN (*). Of course, this doesn't stop me from trying on occasion and it almost always blows up in my face. As it should.

No one can help me. I am fucking desperate here. I am losing my mind. The doctors have nothing. The psychiatrists have nothing. God has nothing. I can't bear what this is doing to me and the people around me and I'm horrified at the thought of what I'll become by the time it's over. I'm so, so sorry.

* Actually, evidence is stacking up (based on the fact I literally took a pen and paper to test it) that a triangle can in fact fit into a circle. Let's just pretend it's a really fucking big triangle, shall we?

 

[Out of Working Order]

I am sorry to read that jb. I have art to keep me somewhat feeling like I have something positive I can do. I can't imagine losing that.

I see you're feeling better now, which is good. But this post summarises a lot of my own feelings as well, and it's been the case for a long time. I don't have any big dreams, ambitions, or talents. Even the more fun activities I should enjoy doing, I don't. All those things offer up for me is engrossing distractions to kill time, until I can go to sleep and not have to think any more. It is a very empty existence, but I too have immediate family around. If I didn't, I definitely wouldn't choose to be alive. It's frustrating, as any feelings they have purely comes from moral obligation, coming from the same bloodline. The fact I would have no one if you took them out of the equation kind of proves that. I can't even function like a normal person, socially, or emotionally. Which is probably getting worse now with age, if anything. There just isn't any reason for me to exist.

My family (parents and brother) are the only reason I am still here. Sometimes I feel peaceful, and the depressing thoughts will leave my head. I'd say this is a sense of numbness, sometimes feeling sad. These are usually the times I am creative. I may give thought to moving somewhere or changing my job. But then I'll feel that no, I really am a lost cause. I don't want to be alive anymore. That I am only considering these options because I know I have to be around for my family. And it's true.

I've had days where I've been at work and imagined it being my last day - that I was going to kill myself that night. Trying to suppress the thought that I was imagining the scenario, it was relieving to know that I wouldn't have to be tormented by my own thoughts anymore. I just 100 percent know that I'd do it without a second thought. There'd be nothing here for me without them.

So what do you do? When you really don't want to be here? When you cannot engage in life? With other people? I wish I had the answer. Or perhaps not.

 

[Windam]

Try focusing on something else. Take a walk, work out, read a book. Keep positive!

I don't have the time to focus on anything else. I have my Biology final and Calculus midterm on Thursday.

 

[LittleBoots]

I'm just exhausted. I hate rapid cycling, and it's been happening to me a lot more than usual. It always happens whenever I'm alone. That's why I'm afraid of being by myself. Today I was in the car, on my way back from an interview, and my mind just gets flooded with negative, depressing thoughts. I feel hopeless and abandoned. I feel that no one cares about me, or understands what I'm going through. I started crying uncontrollably, felt really weighed down with sadness, and then a few minutes later, I'd regain my composure and be completely normal. Then a few minutes later, it would start all over again.

My psychiatrist prescribed me lithium to take for the rapid cycling, but since I just started it, it's a low dosage. And I haven't been on it for that long, so it will probably take a while to kick in. I just don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be crazy. I don't want to be bipolar. I want to be normal like everyone else. I want to be happy. I don't want to be depressed or anxious and panicky all the time. I know that it's impossible for me to be like everyone else. But I'm at my wit's end, here. The worst thing for me is to be alone because that's when I go manic. Social interaction is the best way for me to get out of it. I've been applying for many jobs but I'm still at a loss for the time being.

 

[bigmakattack]

Has anyone had to deal with an incredibly excessive work load while also dealing with other mental health problems. I just got a job today which I don't really need but it was I was able to get considering my school work load. Problem is, every day I'm not going be at school, I'm going to be working 8 hours. So for the next 6 months, I'm going to be faced with work AND school every single day with an exception here or there. I am already not in greatest shape, so I'm fearing that this is going to lead to huge mental and physical burnout that probably won't help me with the current problems I have. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what advice would you offer?

As it stands, school is my absolute number one priority. I'm doing extremely well in school and I know exactly where I stand and when I'm going to finish. In the worst case scenario, I can just quit the job and focus solely on school, something a lot of people agree with me on except my parents, and I live in their house so I can't really go against it.

There's other issues I want to talk about but I'm not comfortable talking about them openly, though they are tied to this current situation.

I don't know if I am panicking unnecessarily, but I know the job I got hired at is known for being tough.

 

[zeemumu]

I don't have the time to focus on anything else. I have my Biology final and Calculus midterm on Thursday.

You still have a lot of time to find something that you're good at, Windam. You can keep at what you're doing and see if you get it with some practice, but if it doesn't work out it's not the end of the world.

 

[Booker Dewitt]

You already told the end of your story right there.

Bummer to see that the answer can be summed by one, somewhat condescending, sentence. Really don't know why I bothered with this thread, had the fear that my problems weren't shit, and that I'm just to weak. Only got confirmation of those fears. Sorry for bothering you guys.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

So I have a problem with this girl, namely being that I like her, she doesn't like me. As illustrated last November by her taking a date to our place of employment while she knew I was working. Since then, she broke up with that dude, and started dating someone who used to be my best friend. We've had varying degrees of positive and negative relations during this period, and this past weekend while her boyfriend was in another state, I wound up taking her to see a band, because know one else could've gone with me. Except, when we had already confirmed it, my friend managed to make his schedule work and I had the displeasure of the girl telling him that I would rather go with her than him. So I fucked up a relationship with one of my friends, with him being frustrated at how much of a hypocrite I am because I've talked plenty of mess about her behind her back to him. We then watched Fault in our Stars after the show, which our fellow employees noticed and commented on to me. She ignored the text I sent today, and with her boyfriend back in town, I just don't know what I am to her.

Even typing this out is hard, because I just feel like a desperate, dirty, and worthless piece of shit. Why can I not just get over her, if she wants a boyfriend who dips on her birthday, doesn't bother getting her Valentine day Cards, why do I have to feel bad about it. I'm only hurting myself, and my friends by still wanting to be with her...but I can't help it. A lot of people have said she doesn't deserve me, that she deserves that dickass, but if I'm letting this get to me so, and having these wants and selfish desires, do I really deserve anything. Why should anyone have to put up with my bullshit. If I spend much of the day angry that two shitty people have someone else to appreciate them, and I have the misguided impression that I'm a "good" person and thus I deserve someone, isn't it my own fault. If I haven't had any semblance of a actual relationship in the ten years I've tried, and there have been close ones, am I not the one fucking up.

I know this shouldn't be bothering me this much, that's theres more to life than this right now...But I haven't been able to get through a course in school for the past three years now, been stuck at the same job, and still live with my parents with moving out nowhere in sight. I just feel like a waste of effort, espeically since I was gifted with a childhood of a upper-middle class family.

Well, rule of attraction is about that people are more attracted to what they can't get. That's what people strive for. That's the prize. Remember your Frontal Cortex is your visualiser. It gives you the power to predict and visualise outcomes. Imaginary outcomes, that most likely will never happen.

You then get angry, upset and passive aggressive towards your ideas of how it should be in your own private fairy tale. Don't judge people on what they say, judge them on what they do. The girl did you a favour. You can now move on with your life. There are 3 billion women out there you haven't met. There is no difference between this girl and a female random bus driver. Neither are interested in you, so move on. Getting angry at this is like getting angry at rain.

Why be angry at rain? Sometimes it rains. That is life. You might imagine and dream of a world with no rain, but what good does that do reality, the place in which you live? You sound stuck in your head mate. Release yourself from your head.


Mental Thought Prisons are both a blessing and a curse. It's like a very tricky riddle to get out of you. The good news is that only you got the key. And only you can get out of it.
It starts with forgiving yourself.
If you were going to be happy with this girl, she would have shown way more interest and affection towards you. her old BF not being in the picture would not be good news for you. Just a time waste. You need to surround yourself with people who truly deeply wanna do things for you, and change their schedules to be with you.


If you feel that this is not happening, you need to be more happy, affections, optimistic, adventurous, brave, interesting, knowledgeable. You can always work on these things and be a better human. The thing about relationships is that they come when you are not thinking about it. Like the best friends. they appear when you are doing something else. So forget the girls, forget the relationships. Focus on getting better at life. Don't assume the world the world owes you anything. Good luck mate

 

[Flo]

Bummer to see that the answer can be summed by one, somewhat condescending, sentence. Really don't know why I bothered with this thread, had the fear that my problems weren't shit, and that I'm just to weak. Only got confirmation of those fears. Sorry for bothering you guys.

Your problems aren't nothing, as has been said before here, there is no use in comparing. In the end you're the one that has to live with them, if they bother you, there is something you can work on. The one sentence indeed doesn't help you though, I'm glad to see Vigilant took the time to answer you. It would help next time if you ask a clear question for people to answer.

I don't really know what else to say. This thread is complicated, there are many people that feel too bad to be able to help others. I feel alright, but often don't know what to say. The sadness in the thread can be overwhelming. There are a lot of people here that just want to vent..

 

[Windam]

Fucked up real nice on my first math midterm. Got it back today and I did worse than I thought I would. 53%. That and I'm going to do no better on the midterm I'll be writing on Thursday. I'll fuck up math midterm 2 and Bio final.

Bad at school, bad at everything else... I really don't have anything going for me.

 

[glow]

I'm just exhausted. I hate rapid cycling, and it's been happening to me a lot more than usual. It always happens whenever I'm alone. That's why I'm afraid of being by myself. Today I was in the car, on my way back from an interview, and my mind just gets flooded with negative, depressing thoughts. I feel hopeless and abandoned. I feel that no one cares about me, or understands what I'm going through. I started crying uncontrollably, felt really weighed down with sadness, and then a few minutes later, I'd regain my composure and be completely normal. Then a few minutes later, it would start all over again.

My psychiatrist prescribed me lithium to take for the rapid cycling, but since I just started it, it's a low dosage. And I haven't been on it for that long, so it will probably take a while to kick in. I just don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be crazy. I don't want to be bipolar. I want to be normal like everyone else. I want to be happy. I don't want to be depressed or anxious and panicky all the time. I know that it's impossible for me to be like everyone else. But I'm at my wit's end, here. The worst thing for me is to be alone because that's when I go manic. Social interaction is the best way for me to get out of it. I've been applying for many jobs but I'm still at a loss for the time being.

Is it normal for you to cycle so quickly? I'm diagnosed Bipolar with rapid cycling and I feel like at the most I cycle through 2 or 3 states a month that aren't caused by external factors. It's all kind of flattened by the meds I take now though. Blah.

I hope the Lithium works for you. I wish it did something for me besides make me gain 20lbs and feel dead inside. Be sure to pay attention to your salt and water intake while you're on it...

 

[White Man]

You're 2 or 3 dosage increases away from being in the therapeutic range for lithium. It's annoying.

 

[LittleBoots]

Is it normal for you to cycle so quickly? I'm diagnosed Bipolar with rapid cycling and I feel like at the most I cycle through 2 or 3 states a month that aren't caused by external factors. It's all kind of flattened by the meds I take now though. Blah.

I hope the Lithium works for you. I wish it did something for me besides make me gain 20lbs and feel dead inside. Be sure to pay attention to your salt and water intake while you're on it...

I never rapid cycled like that until this year. I believe it to be pretty circumstantial. My new psychiatrist says I'm cycling from a normal state to a mixed state. But my therapist, whom I've known for 14 years, and my former psychiatrist, agree that my cycling is from states normal to full on manic. I wish I didn't have to switch psychiatrists, but I had no choice when my insurance changed. It took me a month and a half to find a new psychiatrist, so I don't want to go through the process of trying to find another one right away.
I have yet to see some positive results from the lithium, but to be fair, I just started taking it about a week ago. It will take some time.

 

[SonnyBoy]

I just want to say thank you in advance to any/all who contribute to this thread. This was the first place, I thought to look to for some guidance.

 

[bigmakattack]

Is there anyone to talk to here that could listen? I don't want to message anyone and not have them available or not see it. I'm gonna see a psych soon, but I can't at the moment due to work training and school, plus figuring out some insurance stuff. being able to talk/vent and listen to some opinions might help me a bit, at least I hope.

 

[FYC]

Been feeling regretful lately. In the past few years I've been a pretty awful person at times. I used to throw around terribly offensive slurs/jokes in an effort to be cool. I said some terrible things and often acted like a huge jerk. I'm really, really, really ashamed. Heck, even last year I was a bit of an ass to some people. I already apologized to most of them, but I'd like to say sorry if I've ever made somebody's day even slightly worse. Being a dumb angry teenager at the time isn't an excuse.