th #gg stuff is only a small fraction of what I'm doing. Trust me. I'm mostly focused on the other stuff. its just this thread is focusing only on that small part of what I am and what I do. that's why we discuss it here.
Lets instead talk about my merits for a while and I think I'd feel a lot better, instead.
Boogie, speaking as someone who has found this whole ordeal emotional painful (it took me damn near two months to even be able to effectively discuss this with someone in real life without facing an anxiety attack), I feel like sharing. If nothing else my pain, but I feel like our experiences (or emotional temperament) might be somewhat similar in this area. This is highly presumptuous of me, so if nothing else take this as one person needing to vent, but my intention is to offer perspective.
I might be off base, but from my experience I think the absolute worst part about putting yourself out there on a charged issue is attacked from everywhere and knowing people will instantly write you off as this or that no matter how many qualifiers you present - it doesn't matter what the charges levied are, still somehow you worry 'oh god, what if they're actually right'? I have often worried that contradictory judgement are both true, simultaneously. I find the concept terrifying and has been a source of difficulty in my life, I can only imagine what it must be like for you if you have similar issues in this area.
But something that has really helped me, and I feel like more and more I am making progress, is coming to accept that at the end of the day, all that matters is you spoke honestly and true to yourself. Those same people who write you off as this or that are likely flawed like everyone else. It's easy to say 'love yourself' or 'just have confidence in yourself', but so what right? It's so easy for someone to just say that, or for you to just 'try to believe' and feel like you're are lying to yourself all the while. Everything I just told you sounds like a two dollar self help book, right?
Here's the part where I finally managed to start breaking the cycle of ups and downs, and feeling like I was lying to myself by trying to believe. I took all that fear I feel, all that value I put in the insults and judgments hurled my way and started placing it in the words of those who value me, who told me things about myself that I never believed, good things things that I knew were true but could never accept because I hated myself that much.
People will always find reasons to dislike you in life for what you
do, what matters is who you
are, and how the people that see you, and I mean see you as a person or know you really well, feel about you.
I don't know you, I will never know you and you will never know me, I don't subscribe to your channel, I never watched the video you made about your past, and we will never meet.
But when I watch your videos, or hear you speak, I feel your warmth, I instantly feel what a good person you are, and how you mean your words and convictions, I see how troubled you seem, and I feel your goodness through that ten fold.
If you aren't ready to believe in yourself, believe in that and eventually you'll be able to believe in it for yourself too, and be able to deal with the with people disliking you without believing it in some dark corner. Trolls are going to troll, people are going to disagree with you in life no matter what you do, but not for one second do I believe that any person who is being honest with themselves, doubts your warmth and caring. Whatever else, it doesn't matter.