-Plasma Reus-
Service guarantees member status
Do the following:
Ask her if she'd like to go catch a movie, or have dinner some time.
If she says no, then you know it was never meant to be.
-
Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!
Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
- Status
Do the following:
Ask her if she'd like to go catch a movie, or have dinner some time.
If she says no, then you know it was never meant to be.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Oh, OK. It's your call, I'm not really big on dating coworkers but if you want to then ask her. But I agree with Stn, ask her out normally, not making a comment like he said. That kind of comes off weird in conversations.
The second line in his paragraph was "I like this girl" and then you told him to not go after her. So you either just didn't read his statement and are giving advice based on poor assumptions or are jaded by a bad experience. It just seems all sorts of wrong to tell someone to not go after a girl they like for no other reason than work relationships can be bad.
Sure a work relationship that goes sour can be harmful but any relationship that goes sour can be harmful. As long as he is mature (and it's not his boss) then he can handle repercussions of a failed relationship at work.
Edit: ah you didn't read, don't give advice to people if you aren't listening to them
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Lol, love the condescending tone because I misread something. Get a life dude.
Yikes. Bailing out of this thread. Good luck Kittoo!
And I have a fantastic life. But thank you for your concern!
Psychoward
Banned
What's some good stuff to do around central Manhattan (on a budget preferably) besides going to eat (which we're doing) and just walking around? anything specific, was thinking of maybe going to the top of the rock or something, only that's like 30 bucks each which seems kinda steep.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Museums? Do you have certain interests? There's also cool gaming cafes that you can play board games with people at. Kind of depends on what you're looking for.
Ice skating (I believe it started). Could go lower west side and take them to the Highline. Plus go to the BBQ on the park itself ($9 a plate).
Psychoward
Banned
Nothing specific, if it gets too cold a museum might be a good idea, yeah.
Cool didn't realize it started so soon, also never actually heard of the Highline, that seems neat.
Edit:
ayy lmao
Edit 2: So is buying tickets for the Rockefeller stuff in advance a good idea?
No, don't do Rockefeller. Really fucking expensive.
Take her to Bryant Park (free, just pay for skate rentals) or the ice rink in Central Park (really pretty at night, less pricey than Rockefeller). I haven't been to it yet, but I have heard Sky Rink at Chelsea Piers is nice (cheap too, $15 per person).
Take her to Bryant Park (free, just pay for skate rentals) or the ice rink in Central Park (really pretty at night, less pricey than Rockefeller). I haven't been to it yet, but I have heard Sky Rink at Chelsea Piers is nice (cheap too, $15 per person).
Psychoward
Banned
Yeah noticed that, really wanted to go to the top at least. Guess I'll do ice skating at Bryant + highline (if there's time), then dinner.
I guess that brings me to my next question, what are some good restaurants near the Highline's north exit?
Is this a gf you are taking out? Woman you are dating? If so, for how long?
Doing all three of those things is crazy for a date. Just do Bryant and dinner afterwards. Save the Highline for another day.
Psychoward
Banned
Well I was assuming that there's going to be a short time limit on ice skating or something, right? And I dunno, Highline is only like a mile long. Thing is, we both live outside the city so I didn't want to only meet up for 30 minutes, then go to dinner then go back home.
They let you skate for hours. Although, you probably wouldn't want to do it more than an hour (and a half). It gets really tiring. 30-45 minutes is what I usually do.
Bryant park has a bunch of little shops that you guys can roam around in. Can also use the shops as conversation starters and whatnot.
Psychoward
Banned
Yeah probably haven't skated in almost 8-10 years though, so. It'll be interesting. I guess I will skip the Highline entirely then, maybe another week.
If either of you like boardgames, there's the Uncommons boardgame cafe near Washington Square that's $5 per person and you can borrow any of their games for as long as you want.
The prettiest park in Manhattan is the Cloisters and it's probably gorgeous right now. It's near Inwood, so you have to take the A train to get there, but I think it's worth it. (I prefer it to the Highline.) There's a restaurant there but it has some weird hours. There's also the actual Cloisters museum with some nice courtyards.
The prettiest park in Manhattan is the Cloisters and it's probably gorgeous right now. It's near Inwood, so you have to take the A train to get there, but I think it's worth it. (I prefer it to the Highline.) There's a restaurant there but it has some weird hours. There's also the actual Cloisters museum with some nice courtyards.
Yeah, these are pretty great too! I didn't realize they were up already. :O
Josh with a J
Member
Timeout! Can you take the board games home because that is really cool if so!
(nothing to do with dating advice)
(nothing to do with dating advice)
Smart man. Good luck with your date.
I have been wanting to go to Uncommon. Maybe I will go sometime this month.
I think Cloister is suggested donations (so pay what you want). They ask for $20ish, which is pricey, but I think it includes garden and museum.
Yeah, I think they open the shots early this year. Or at least it feels that way.
I didn't even know you were from NYC.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Well they have ones for sale but you can't rent it and take it home, no.
Uncommons is really cool, you should go at least once. People there always seem really nice there, I don't think I've ever met someone who was a jerk when I've gone with Pau.
Haha unfortunately no, you can't take 'em home. They do sell stuff and do raffles and stuff every now and then!
I always pay like a dollar for suggested donations.
But that's because I would have to go at least once a week while I was an art student! They've gotten more from me in the long run than from most people. That's my excuse.You don't have to pay to go hang in the park though. And the museum gives me allergies like nothing else so I tend to stay away. :/ It is a really nice museum though.
I always like the idea of buying something from those Christmas shops but I tend to just end up browsing. It's a fun time even if you don't buy stuff though! And there's Kinokinuya right next door. :3
I'm not originally from here but I've been here for three or so years.
Yup. People tend to be down to join a game, but if you want to hang out one on one with a date it's also a nice place since so many games are two-player. I'm always eavesdropping on people's dates.
It looks like a cool environment and a lot of fun. I went to this bar called Videology around Halloween time, and they were showing a horror movie (Saw), and they gave the guest the game Operation. It was a blast.
I always pay like a dollar for suggested donations.
You don't have to pay to go hang in the park though. And the museum gives me allergies like nothing else so I tend to stay away. :/ It is a really nice museum though.
I always like the idea of buying something from those Christmas shops but I tend to just end up browsing. It's a fun time even if you don't buy stuff though! And there's Kinokinuya right next door. :3
I'm not originally from here but I've been here for three or so years.
Yup. People tend to be down to join a game, but if you want to hang out one on one with a date it's also a nice place since so many games are two-player. I'm always eavesdropping on people's dates.
Lol, bet they give you the stink eye when you give them a $1. Good shit though, I always thought you had to pay to enter the park.
I'm the same way, those shops can cost an arm and a leg. But the chocolate shop that is there is the bomb.
Horseticuffs
Full werewolf off the buckle
Browsing in shops IS a great conversation starter. On our first date my girl and I showed up way early for a movie and hung out in a T.j. Maxx for like forty minutes!
Tinder girl and I have been seeing each other for a few weeks now.
It has been a pretty good experience. Sex is good, dates have been good, but I don't really feel a connection. As in awkward conversation is still present, and we end up failing to have things to talk about fairly often. Our interests lie in different areas, so conversations are usually one sided.
Anyways, a week or so ago she brought up the relationship question of what we were. Mentioning that she was insecure about herself, and that she was a little broken and wasn't sure if she wanted to move into something. I interpreted this as her wanting to take it slow and not move into a relationship too fast. So I said "Let's just enjoy each other's company like we have, and not worry about what it is. No pressure." She said, "Okay, thanks Granadier." and I figured that was that.
Well tonight the topic of sex came up again and I ended up asking if she was going back on BC, since she had mentioned she had gone off it for a while. She said she had an appointment this weekend for it. "Cool, that's one less thing to worry about.", "Yeah".
Then like 30 minutes later she sends this long text about wanting commitment, how BC makes her feel weird, how the situation has been all the perks of a relationship with none of the commitment, why am I doing all of this for someone I just met, etc.
To which I replied that we should get together and talk about this in person instead of over text.
Not really sure where to go from here. (Wow, I didn't plan to write all that out) We are getting together to talk tomorrow after I check out a new apartment. I had reservations previously about starting a full relationship with her, and was worried about continuing to see her for fear of her getting attached without me finding any attraction.
DatingGAF, help me out.
It has been a pretty good experience. Sex is good, dates have been good, but I don't really feel a connection. As in awkward conversation is still present, and we end up failing to have things to talk about fairly often. Our interests lie in different areas, so conversations are usually one sided.
Anyways, a week or so ago she brought up the relationship question of what we were. Mentioning that she was insecure about herself, and that she was a little broken and wasn't sure if she wanted to move into something. I interpreted this as her wanting to take it slow and not move into a relationship too fast. So I said "Let's just enjoy each other's company like we have, and not worry about what it is. No pressure." She said, "Okay, thanks Granadier." and I figured that was that.
Well tonight the topic of sex came up again and I ended up asking if she was going back on BC, since she had mentioned she had gone off it for a while. She said she had an appointment this weekend for it. "Cool, that's one less thing to worry about.", "Yeah".
Then like 30 minutes later she sends this long text about wanting commitment, how BC makes her feel weird, how the situation has been all the perks of a relationship with none of the commitment, why am I doing all of this for someone I just met, etc.
To which I replied that we should get together and talk about this in person instead of over text.
Not really sure where to go from here. (Wow, I didn't plan to write all that out) We are getting together to talk tomorrow after I check out a new apartment. I had reservations previously about starting a full relationship with her, and was worried about continuing to see her for fear of her getting attached without me finding any attraction.
DatingGAF, help me out.
charlie1701
Member
Thanks! We're going to take it slowly and see how it goes. Oddly, I am not stressed as I tend to be when I start dating someone.
He has a long term girlfriend (no other partners) who knows all about the situation.
Do I meet her or not? (Threesomes ain't my thing btw). He's suggested us all going for coffee or something. In for a penny, I guess...
Hi GAF! I've posted in the dating threads a few times and you guys are always helpful, I'm back again. (sigh)
I've been seeing a guy for a bit over a month very regularly and we haven't done the DTR talk, just having casual fun but now I'm starting to think about it more. I haven't brought up the topic yet though because I'm honestly not sure where I want the relationship to go. But lately I've been wondering if I even want to consider it or just cut and run because:
1. He's always busy on weekends. I'm busy during the week so I always push for the weekend, but he's never been available yet so far and we're like 7 weekends in. Sometimes he'll say why, like "I'm going to X on Sat/Sun" (but that doesn't explain why you are busy Fri) or "I'm going to Y on Fri" (that doesn't tell me why you aren't available Sun) but the rest of the time he just won't mention the weekend or even ignore when I bring it up (!). Every time we meet is because I make time on a weekday.
2. We're not even facebook friends, and I think he's blocked me. I don't really care about fb, I hardly use it so it never bothered me we weren't friends. I found his page before our first date though (I guess because I'm paranoid and I just check to see if people are who they say they are). Sometimes people pop into my head and I'll just creep their fb for 5-10 minutes, general curiosity or I'll flip through some pictures or something (maybe this is ultra creepy too, I dunno, but feels like everyone does this). Well, it popped into my head tonight after we set up another date for next week (on a weekday, surprise surprise) and I can't access his profile anymore...but my roommate can.
This set off warnings in my head. I don't assume exclusivity or a relationship or anything like that until we talk it out, but I don't like this suspicion that he might be actively hiding something from me. At the same time, I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like an accusatory crazy gf, I don't even have the second part of that down, so I definitely don't want the first one. But the story in my head is that I must be the weekday backup girl and there's something he doesn't want me to find from his facebook. Is this super sketch, or am I being crazy?
I've been seeing a guy for a bit over a month very regularly and we haven't done the DTR talk, just having casual fun but now I'm starting to think about it more. I haven't brought up the topic yet though because I'm honestly not sure where I want the relationship to go. But lately I've been wondering if I even want to consider it or just cut and run because:
1. He's always busy on weekends. I'm busy during the week so I always push for the weekend, but he's never been available yet so far and we're like 7 weekends in. Sometimes he'll say why, like "I'm going to X on Sat/Sun" (but that doesn't explain why you are busy Fri) or "I'm going to Y on Fri" (that doesn't tell me why you aren't available Sun) but the rest of the time he just won't mention the weekend or even ignore when I bring it up (!). Every time we meet is because I make time on a weekday.
2. We're not even facebook friends, and I think he's blocked me. I don't really care about fb, I hardly use it so it never bothered me we weren't friends. I found his page before our first date though (I guess because I'm paranoid and I just check to see if people are who they say they are). Sometimes people pop into my head and I'll just creep their fb for 5-10 minutes, general curiosity or I'll flip through some pictures or something (maybe this is ultra creepy too, I dunno, but feels like everyone does this). Well, it popped into my head tonight after we set up another date for next week (on a weekday, surprise surprise) and I can't access his profile anymore...but my roommate can.
This set off warnings in my head. I don't assume exclusivity or a relationship or anything like that until we talk it out, but I don't like this suspicion that he might be actively hiding something from me. At the same time, I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like an accusatory crazy gf, I don't even have the second part of that down, so I definitely don't want the first one. But the story in my head is that I must be the weekday backup girl and there's something he doesn't want me to find from his facebook. Is this super sketch, or am I being crazy?
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
That's definitely super sketchy. Personally I'd call him out and if he doesn't have a legitimate excuse I'd bail. And not making time for you is rude >:|
Sorry I don't have much more to add to this but everything about him seems sketchy from your explanation.
Josh with a J
Member
Sometimes you just need a kick in the rear to see what you don't want to see.
The weekend thing struck me way earlier but to be fair, here's why I kept accepting it:
1. Even though weekends are seemingly off-limits, he always seems super eager to make a weekday work. I can pick the day and the time and he'll meet it, even if I ask like 3 hrs prior. I've also canceled afternoon of (I sound kind of shitty but my schedule is just so uncertain sometimes), and he'll try to reschedule. I know he has a life/many activities, so I really don't think he's just sitting around doing nothing.
2. We do actual dates, not just hook ups (though we've never had one before early evening, because NO WEEKENDS) so it doesn't seem like a case where he's afraid of being seen out with me or only after sex.
He's initiated the last 4 dates so I actually reached out for this one, and after the facebook thing I don't know if I even want to keep it.
As someone who doesn't understand Facebook etiquette... why not just ask him if you can add him on Facebook? Or, alternatively, you could look on his page via your roomie's account to see if he's hiding anything, but that is sorta sneaky
. It's kinda weird if he blocked you, though, but if you're not sure if he did I don't think it's the best idea to bring it up.
As for the no weekends thing, maybe you should just have a chat with him on your next outing. If if bugs you, you gotta let him know, right?
and I'm sure everyone does it
As for the no weekends thing, maybe you should just have a chat with him on your next outing. If if bugs you, you gotta let him know, right?
BC making a girl feel weird isn't that uncommon. She probably brought it up because she doesn't like being on it unless she is in a committed relationship because of how it makes her feel. From what you've said it's obvious she wants a commitment from you. If you aren't ready or don't feel like she is someone that you want to commit to then you need to let her know. Otherwise you will just end up hurting her in the long run.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Hmm. I'm still getting suss vibes from this tbh. Definitely mention the weekend thing and try to get a solid answer from him. And if you're not comfortable just cancel the date. Something something block number, delete fb, hit the gym
It's really odd if she can't see him but the friend can. She could ask him to add her but what if he says no? I guess she could call him out then. And she should def mention the weekend thing. That's just odd.
We totally do stalk peoples profiles via other people. I've done it numerous times to those I've blocked/been blocked from >_>
I went for dinner for the first time with this girl and had a nice time. She suggested we should have dessert and went out for churos. I walked her to her car and Kissed on the cheek while I held her hand. I asked if she would like to do this again and she said that would be nice so I asked how about Saturday but she is busy. She didn't reply with a counter officer so what would you suggest?
I've asked several times already and pointed out that weekends are just much better for me. That's how I got the two actual reasons I did get, even if they don't fully explain, and otherwise he just said he travels but he'll let me know if he gets a free weekend. I hate being pushy and after this facebook thing, I just don't know if I want to deal with it.
Didn't mean for this to turn into a whine-fest, I appreciate the responses. I just wanted to check if my feelings were way off base on the situation being kind of shady.
Ask her when she is free or ask her for another date. If you don't get a solid answer or a counteroffer, I'd move on.
Didn't mean for this to turn into a whine-fest, I appreciate the responses. I just wanted to check if my feelings were way off base on the situation being kind of shady.
Ask her when she is free or ask her for another date. If you don't get a solid answer or a counteroffer, I'd move on.
Mutual acquaintance, we're at the same uni but not the same program. I can't go back to the mutual acquaintance and poke for info because I actually really dislike him. He probably wouldn't talk to me anyway.
Yes, definitely meet her. Don't have to become bff, but at least try and get to know her.
Thanks. This was my thoughts as well. I think it will be best for both of us if I let her know that I'm not at a point where I can comfortably commit to a relationship with her. I don't want to hurt her, and I think I will end up doing just that if I try to continue any further with her.
charlie1701
Member
Sounds like a good idea- they've been together a long time, so she's a very important part of his life.
It's weird (but kinda nice), I've known him for about a year, but he got super-nervous the first time we went on a proper date.
Thanks for the advice, I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm poly! Currently, I'm seeing a couple and a woman in a poly marriage and have just recently started dating someone else poly. I'm president of a club dedicated to talking about kink and polyamory at my school. Feel free to ask away.
You can even PM me if you'd like. Edit: I definitely recommend meeting her. She, like you, is an important part of his life. Worst case scenario, you don't get on and you hang out just the two of you rather than the three of you, best case scenario, you all get to hang out together. You don't have to do anything sexually that you're uncomfortable with. For instance, in the couple I'm dating, the male is heteroflexible, so we'll all go on group dates, and we'll all hang out, but we've only ever had one threesome, and if anything sexual happens, it's only with the girl for me.
PorcellainThrill
Member
Why dont you ask the guy directly if he is seeing other people beside you?
charlie1701
Member
I'm poly! Currently, I'm seeing a couple and a woman in a poly marriage and have just recently started dating someone else poly. I'm president of a club dedicated to talking about kink and polyamory at my school. Feel free to ask away.
Edit: I definitely recommend meeting her. She, like you, is an important part of his life. Worst case scenario, you don't get on and you hang out just the two of you rather than the three of you, best case scenario, you all get to hang out together. You don't have to do anything sexually that you're uncomfortable with. For instance, in the couple I'm dating, the male is heteroflexible, so we'll all go on group dates, and we'll all hang out, but we've only ever had one threesome, and if anything sexual happens, it's only with the girl for me.
That's very reassuring to hear, this is all very new to me. I think I'd like to meet his girlfriend.
The only thing we've disagreed about so far is my lack of another partner! He really encourages me to date around, but actually I've been single for a while and just want to see how it goes with us. Also I don't want to let friends/gaming time slide.
If it's OK, I'll PM you if any further questions arise- I really appreciate the advice.
That's totally valid as well. If someone arises who piques your interest, I definitely recommend pursuing that, but it's logical to want to cement something current before starting something new. Some people can feel guilty if they think that they're holding their other partners back from getting to explore. I would just re-assure him that your choice not to date is your own, and has nothing to do with him, and that once things are settled, you probably will explore things with other people.
charlie1701
Member
That's exactly how I feel; dating one person is enough to get my head around for the moment! We've got a solid friendship to build on, so I want to make sure we keep communicating well. Not a strength of mine in relationships to date, and something I'm working hard to get better at.
FaintColt388301
Member
I'm poly! Currently, I'm seeing a couple and a woman in a poly marriage and have just recently started dating someone else poly. I'm president of a club dedicated to talking about kink and polyamory at my school. Feel free to ask away.
Edit: I definitely recommend meeting her. She, like you, is an important part of his life. Worst case scenario, you don't get on and you hang out just the two of you rather than the three of you, best case scenario, you all get to hang out together. You don't have to do anything sexually that you're uncomfortable with. For instance, in the couple I'm dating, the male is heteroflexible, so we'll all go on group dates, and we'll all hang out, but we've only ever had one threesome, and if anything sexual happens, it's only with the girl for me.
Just curious. How did you even start with the poly thing? It seems like it'd be something hard to get in to. Did you just meet some other poly people who introduced you to it all or was it something you got in to on your own?
It's a fairly long story. I'd be happy to tell it, but it started with a terribly abusive monogamous relationship where I wasn't even allowed to have friends of any gender due to my girlfriend's crippling jealousy and insecurity that I would leave her for them. I guess that relationship really scarred me and I've always been disillusioned with the idea of monogamy since then (my parents have both been divorced multiple times on top of all of that including with each other). I never wanted to feel that constrained or constricted again. And ever since I was a kid, I dreamed of having a house with all of my friends and their wives and my wife, and we'd all just kind of hang out. But, I never thought that that was a thing. Then I went on a date with someone who was poly who was going to the college that I had gotten into, and while there was nothing there romantically, we became really good friends and she asked me to run her club while she went on study abroad. Then, I met someone in the club and we kind of explored it together. That didn't go so well, but it had more to do with the two of us than with poly, and ever since then, I've just kind of been learning about it and living it. There's a whole spectrum of ways to be poly. I opted for relationship anarchy.
So I had a really powerful dream about my ex last night that brought back a lot of emotions
An obvious sign I shouldn't be thinking about marriage yet (thanks for all the advice though)
But it's been almost 4 years since I've even seen her! Anyone else deal with something like this? So annoying
An obvious sign I shouldn't be thinking about marriage yet (thanks for all the advice though)
But it's been almost 4 years since I've even seen her! Anyone else deal with something like this? So annoying
Mr.Gingerlicious
Member
Hello again everyone
An update, on my situation, if anyone is free to listen
The story so far
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=138272551&postcount=450
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=138339226&postcount=455
Update
Ok, so I appreciate everyone on here that has heard me out and I have just gone with my gut / gone with the flow (and the recommendations were to do the same, thanks guys).
Things have gotten a little messy now, but not all is lost, except me and where I am :/
So far, in the past few days I have had a few serious conversations, all which have involved the significant people/ladies in my life and have a profound affect (effect?) on where I stand emotionally/mindset wise. They include;
FWB situation
The lady, M, whom I have shared a very clearly agreed "Friend with benefits" / no-strings attached arrangement laid out that, after hearing that I was starting to actively "date" and all that suggested that she backs off and lets me focus on that. Completely logical and mature thing, I agreed that's the best option and thanked her for her support and company on the past couple months.
The side note obviously being that, as a young "hot-blooded" ("Check it and see! Woooaaah" haha!) male I have to come to terms with that being my go-to intimacy/sex person being out of the picture (for now at least). No biggie, but I know myself and it does make it hard to concentrate on getting to know people without having an agenda haha!
Lady friend from work, recent date
Ok, so this was a likely path, but it went down in a slightly strange way.
I got a message from L, yesterday morning and it literally said this;
"Hey man I have to talk to you. Its pretty important and I don't really want to do it over messenger but I don't think it can wait. When are you free?"
Now, I hadn't clearly defined what we had going, nor did I pressure or feel pressured. But to be honest my stomach sunk when I read that. Instead of over-analysing (I am trying not to!), I just prepared myself for the most likely outcome - "Just friends" talk.
Fast forward to me going into work early and having a chat with her. Yep, spot on. She was visibly nervous/shaken, getting a bit teary etc etc
Pretty much she said that she was sorry for giving me the whole impression/signals and that she thought we were/could just have the close friend "dates", like I do with BFF T (As I said, she is the one getting married and we have a totally platonic BFF thing). I just consoled her and told her everything is fine. Reaffirming the fact that I didn't know where we were at, but I hadn't "defined" it either, and thanked her for clearing things up and speaking her mind.
It was obviously, from what she had said and how she was, that she didn't want to piss me off by "leading me on" unintentionally and that from talking to other ladies in my life that she definitely didn't make her stance clear until this point.
I am actually cool with it, she is a great person and we truly "click" / are on the same wavelength. But I am not going to lie (and don't have to tip-toe on here) that it was a massive kick in the guts and a hit to my confidence. Took me a couple of hours to snap out of it, since I was nervous sitting at home all day until it was out there. I honestly don't blame her and it won't impact our bond moving forwards, but it shows that I have to be even more careful / reserved in feeling/thinking anything (which isn't good at this time in my life).
Ex-partner dinner
Ok just to make the trifecta for lady/relationship/confidence smashing this week, I had a friendly dinner "date" (I have to be so careful with that now, apparently hahaha) with my ex.
It went well, no hard feelings at all (I have made a massive effort for it to be like that), caught up on what is going on in our lives etc etc
Eventually the beans were spilled over each of other dating/fling situations (I could tell she didn't want to say too much until I was cool with it).
Turns out she has had a couple one nighters with friends of friends (or whatever_, just to experiment/get it out of her system. Most of which was shit she said hahaha! Got a bit of boost by her saying that I "ruined sex for her" and set the bar too high. I don't personally need that, it's one area I am comfortable/confident with, but it made me laugh.
She said she is starting to "date" this guy she met out at a concert (Music used to be our "thing" so now she is running solo, which I have to admit I am a tad bitter about, I wish it was that easy for me to be the sort after minority /malelife). He is younger, doesn't have much going for him and is a virgin, apparently.
I just told her I was proud that she finally has started to grow up, come out of her shell and become the person I always knew she could be. But also cautioned her in regards to setting the bar too low and going for the rebound because it is easier.
Moving forward
Well, now I am still going to go with the follow up "date" (which is now officially a close friend catch up) with the lady L. I hope to be able to get some valuable feedback from her, especially since I have nothing to lose and she knows what I am like and obviously enjoys my company / personality. You know, asking all the hard/awkward stuff that people usually would love to ask after things "don't work out" or just picking apart "why". This is a thing I am really big on and I don't even hesitate on anymore.
There is something really weird about how/why/when this lady L suddenly did a 180 and wanted to quickly clear up where we were at. I know for a fact that she had some alone time with the FWB lady M the night before.
Long story short, L is doing a Sports/Remedial Massage course and has been doing practice sessions, M took her up on one. I know that I am reaping what I had sown there, but L didn't know who my FWB was and I had told M about the date/dinner and expected her to stay true to her word and not interfere. I will get the answer today, when I question M about it, I honestly don't give a fuck anymore, I need the closure.
I am planning to follow through with the friend set up that I was offered, by one the chef ladies at work, since I literally have nothing to lose and everything to gain from now on.
Thanks again for everyone's time, I appreciate any feedback / thoughts / relate-able stuff. I find it very therapeutic
An update, on my situation, if anyone is free to listen
The story so far
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=138272551&postcount=450
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=138339226&postcount=455
Update
Ok, so I appreciate everyone on here that has heard me out and I have just gone with my gut / gone with the flow (and the recommendations were to do the same, thanks guys).
Things have gotten a little messy now, but not all is lost, except me and where I am :/
So far, in the past few days I have had a few serious conversations, all which have involved the significant people/ladies in my life and have a profound affect (effect?) on where I stand emotionally/mindset wise. They include;
FWB situation
The lady, M, whom I have shared a very clearly agreed "Friend with benefits" / no-strings attached arrangement laid out that, after hearing that I was starting to actively "date" and all that suggested that she backs off and lets me focus on that. Completely logical and mature thing, I agreed that's the best option and thanked her for her support and company on the past couple months.
The side note obviously being that, as a young "hot-blooded" ("Check it and see! Woooaaah" haha!) male I have to come to terms with that being my go-to intimacy/sex person being out of the picture (for now at least). No biggie, but I know myself and it does make it hard to concentrate on getting to know people without having an agenda haha!
Lady friend from work, recent date
Ok, so this was a likely path, but it went down in a slightly strange way.
I got a message from L, yesterday morning and it literally said this;
"Hey man I have to talk to you. Its pretty important and I don't really want to do it over messenger but I don't think it can wait. When are you free?"
Now, I hadn't clearly defined what we had going, nor did I pressure or feel pressured. But to be honest my stomach sunk when I read that. Instead of over-analysing (I am trying not to!), I just prepared myself for the most likely outcome - "Just friends" talk.
Fast forward to me going into work early and having a chat with her. Yep, spot on. She was visibly nervous/shaken, getting a bit teary etc etc
Pretty much she said that she was sorry for giving me the whole impression/signals and that she thought we were/could just have the close friend "dates", like I do with BFF T (As I said, she is the one getting married and we have a totally platonic BFF thing). I just consoled her and told her everything is fine. Reaffirming the fact that I didn't know where we were at, but I hadn't "defined" it either, and thanked her for clearing things up and speaking her mind.
It was obviously, from what she had said and how she was, that she didn't want to piss me off by "leading me on" unintentionally and that from talking to other ladies in my life that she definitely didn't make her stance clear until this point.
I am actually cool with it, she is a great person and we truly "click" / are on the same wavelength. But I am not going to lie (and don't have to tip-toe on here) that it was a massive kick in the guts and a hit to my confidence. Took me a couple of hours to snap out of it, since I was nervous sitting at home all day until it was out there. I honestly don't blame her and it won't impact our bond moving forwards, but it shows that I have to be even more careful / reserved in feeling/thinking anything (which isn't good at this time in my life).
Ex-partner dinner
Ok just to make the trifecta for lady/relationship/confidence smashing this week, I had a friendly dinner "date" (I have to be so careful with that now, apparently hahaha) with my ex.
It went well, no hard feelings at all (I have made a massive effort for it to be like that), caught up on what is going on in our lives etc etc
Eventually the beans were spilled over each of other dating/fling situations (I could tell she didn't want to say too much until I was cool with it).
Turns out she has had a couple one nighters with friends of friends (or whatever_, just to experiment/get it out of her system. Most of which was shit she said hahaha! Got a bit of boost by her saying that I "ruined sex for her" and set the bar too high. I don't personally need that, it's one area I am comfortable/confident with, but it made me laugh.
She said she is starting to "date" this guy she met out at a concert (Music used to be our "thing" so now she is running solo, which I have to admit I am a tad bitter about, I wish it was that easy for me to be the sort after minority /malelife). He is younger, doesn't have much going for him and is a virgin, apparently.
I just told her I was proud that she finally has started to grow up, come out of her shell and become the person I always knew she could be. But also cautioned her in regards to setting the bar too low and going for the rebound because it is easier.
Moving forward
Well, now I am still going to go with the follow up "date" (which is now officially a close friend catch up) with the lady L. I hope to be able to get some valuable feedback from her, especially since I have nothing to lose and she knows what I am like and obviously enjoys my company / personality. You know, asking all the hard/awkward stuff that people usually would love to ask after things "don't work out" or just picking apart "why". This is a thing I am really big on and I don't even hesitate on anymore.
There is something really weird about how/why/when this lady L suddenly did a 180 and wanted to quickly clear up where we were at. I know for a fact that she had some alone time with the FWB lady M the night before.
Long story short, L is doing a Sports/Remedial Massage course and has been doing practice sessions, M took her up on one. I know that I am reaping what I had sown there, but L didn't know who my FWB was and I had told M about the date/dinner and expected her to stay true to her word and not interfere. I will get the answer today, when I question M about it, I honestly don't give a fuck anymore, I need the closure.
I am planning to follow through with the friend set up that I was offered, by one the chef ladies at work, since I literally have nothing to lose and everything to gain from now on.
Thanks again for everyone's time, I appreciate any feedback / thoughts / relate-able stuff. I find it very therapeutic
I would in a a DTR talk. I just assume people aren't exclusive unless they explicitly say, so it's not that that's bothering me. I'm uneasy because it seems like he's hiding something, which makes me think it's something he at least thinks is worth hiding. Maybe it's a girlfriend, but maybe it's something else entirely. I just wanted to check my instincts that this behavior wasn't just me reading too much.
This ended in mutual understanding that we were looking for different things. The talk about it went much, much better than I expected.
Good night afterall!!
- Status