Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
I get those too. Mostly from the abusive ex. Had one a few weeks ago that really rattled me and ruined my day. It sucks
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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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Sorry, that sucks, and yeah it's kinda ruined my day too, oh well
If I'm not too late, Serendipity is romantic to have a meal or dessert at, and maybe you could watch the movie together as a rental, too. I think they have a long wait but there was a Dylan's Candy Bar there a few years back when we were last there, so that's a fun way to use up some time while you wait. I'd also recommend the Sony Wonder Tech Lab, which is fun and free!
Well shit. I'm starting to get worried.
I'm almost 27 and have only had one serious relationship in my life. When it comes to female attention, I can't complain, but...
Not one girl is able to make me even remotely interested in them. I have developed absurdly high standards. Up until a couple of months ago I didn't care. I still care very little, but this slight feeling apprehensiveness has set in and it's growing. What if I my standards really are too high to get to know somebody? I live in Bruges, and there is fuck all of interesting females about. Some pretty girls, but that's just that. It's depressing! I'd like to have something romantic in my life again. Not a relationship necessarily, but something to put some excitement back in the drought that is my love life. A crazy adventure, if you will.
Anybody else experience this? Tips?
I'm almost 27 and have only had one serious relationship in my life. When it comes to female attention, I can't complain, but...
Not one girl is able to make me even remotely interested in them. I have developed absurdly high standards. Up until a couple of months ago I didn't care. I still care very little, but this slight feeling apprehensiveness has set in and it's growing. What if I my standards really are too high to get to know somebody? I live in Bruges, and there is fuck all of interesting females about. Some pretty girls, but that's just that. It's depressing! I'd like to have something romantic in my life again. Not a relationship necessarily, but something to put some excitement back in the drought that is my love life. A crazy adventure, if you will.
Anybody else experience this? Tips?
FaintColt388301
Member
A little different but I had a bad dream about the girl I'm seeing now. In the dream we got in a huge fight, she was yelling at me and I wasn't going to take it so I said I'm done, I'm out then she started hitting me.
She just happened to have stayed over and I woke up to her voice, sounded nice. I was confused for a second and felt weird but then immediately felt better once I realized it wasn't real. Dreams are weird.
Thanks for taking the time to tell me all that. Pretty interesting. Good luck with it. Hopefully it all works out for you.
StarlordDial
Member
welp....
i'm new to this thread so here it goes.....having a girl problem on my end....I have an interest with a girl that is ignoring me for sometime now....I have a lot of experience with girls and pretty much if they are not interested they would say sorry or i am not interested and etc....but this girl pretty much ignores me even though I am trying my best to actually wanna know her better and her to know me more....I think I may be going too fast for her
Met her at a party actually...I'm pretty much cool with his younger brother...
She has the same dialect as me too which is cool ! The only time she responded to me was when I added her on FB and I apologized about it and she said it's okay.
Asked one of her close friends if she had a boyfriend. her friend told me to ask her directly and stop being so shy.
since i'm a dumbfuck as I am..i asked her on fb(LOL) told her I am interested in her and If it's okay to court her and ask her if she has a boyfriend
said she had one...
"Okay" that's cool and all.... that's fine by me that she has a boyfriend.. I should've just leave it at that
should've stop a long time ago....
I dunno what to do...
I should be moving on already but I'm feeling a bit paranoid since like I hate having someone be like that to me...It's like I did something wrong or etc.....
I dunno what to do
i'm new to this thread so here it goes.....having a girl problem on my end....I have an interest with a girl that is ignoring me for sometime now....I have a lot of experience with girls and pretty much if they are not interested they would say sorry or i am not interested and etc....but this girl pretty much ignores me even though I am trying my best to actually wanna know her better and her to know me more....I think I may be going too fast for her
Met her at a party actually...I'm pretty much cool with his younger brother...
She has the same dialect as me too which is cool ! The only time she responded to me was when I added her on FB and I apologized about it and she said it's okay.
Asked one of her close friends if she had a boyfriend. her friend told me to ask her directly and stop being so shy.
since i'm a dumbfuck as I am..i asked her on fb(LOL) told her I am interested in her and If it's okay to court her and ask her if she has a boyfriend
said she had one...
"Okay" that's cool and all.... that's fine by me that she has a boyfriend.. I should've just leave it at that
should've stop a long time ago....
I dunno what to do...
I should be moving on already but I'm feeling a bit paranoid since like I hate having someone be like that to me...It's like I did something wrong or etc.....
I dunno what to do
ZeronosVega
Member
Precisely this. I was in the same situation just a couple of weeks ago. Met a girl, went on a few dates and then... silence. I went through a "what did I do" phase for about a week before realizing that I had done nothing wrong.
It's best to move on, not only because she has a boyfriend, but someone who is genuinely interested in you will not ignore you.
I think this girl at work might be interested in me, but I'm pretty hesitant to respond to any kind of flirty behavior unless I know 100% that they're interested. Plus, I don't really think I'm attracted to her that much, more just curious about why she's so friendly towards me because I live in a world where I assume everyone hates me by default. Is attraction supposed to start out as curiosity?
stn
Member
Girls don't always express disinterest directly, they also often ignore if they feel uncomfortable doing otherwise. You're not going too fast for her, she's just not into you and doesn't know how to stop your advances.
You shouldn't have apologized for adding her, nothing wrong with that. When you do something make sure you stand by it. Own your shit, know what I mean? As long as you're not being rude or disgusting there's nothing to apologize over.StarLord Dial said:
First off, never ask a girl if its okay to "court" her. There's just a lot that's wrong with that, its one of the worst things you can do to gain a girl's attention. Next, she bluntly said she has a boyfriend. I mean, what else is there to say?StarLord Dial said:
To be blunt, you did a few things that would be considered weird in your pursuit of her. It wasn't wrong per se, just weird. But really, the main question is why are you still hung up over this? She doesn't like you and she has a boyfriend. What exactly do you want at this point?Stard Lord Dial said:"Okay" that's cool and all.... that's fine by me that she has a boyfriend.. I should've just leave it at that
should've stop a long time ago....
I dunno what to do...
I should be moving on already but I'm feeling a bit paranoid since like I hate having someone be like that to me...It's like I did something wrong or etc.....
I dunno what to do
Next time you want to get to know a girl, do it the simple way. Send her a message, tell her to text you if she wants coffee. The moment you send the message, make preparations for Plan B in case the first girl doesn't reply. That's the most healthy way to pursue women.
StarlordDial
Member
Thanks guys ;_; will keep that in mind ^_^ sucks though...... Kinda like her too ;_;
I think you're going to have to get over that if you're going to have any success, imo. Because then you're severely limiting your dating pool because a lot of girls don't make the first move and won't respond to favorable to prospective guys if they're not making their intent clear that they're interested (re: flirting).
PflargBlarg
Member
I don't wanna be jumping on you for this, but I have to wonder what your thought process was. She's ignoring you and said she has a boyfriend, there's not really any analysis to be made here, it's totally straightforward.
Just don't go the way of the Denko guy, I'm totally getting those vibes from your story.
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/help-the-girl-i-like-wont-respond-to-my-emails-･ω･
Yeah those emoticons reminded me of Denko. And don't do what I did :
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=696127
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=696127
Mr.Gingerlicious
Member
Ok, to phrase thoughts into questions...
What does everyone here do to combat the whole over-thinking / over-analysing shit and just focus on the now??
(I am referring to those who are single/lonely/recovering/adjusting and otherwise not in a stable relationship)
What does everyone here do to combat the whole over-thinking / over-analysing shit and just focus on the now??
(I am referring to those who are single/lonely/recovering/adjusting and otherwise not in a stable relationship)
Artofwar420
Member
I work on myself, every minute of everyday I try to do something to better myself. That goes a long way in making me feel more centered. I'm in a not-so-great relationship, it's on its last legs.
So I just do me, if that makes sense. Find your passion, something that excites you and pursue it.
Mr.Gingerlicious
Member
Thanks, I appreciate the input
I have recently joined a gym, with my bestie, and that has been my "go to" positive thing, after getting out of a 6 year relationship. It's been really really hard lately, but that is at least one thing that I can focus on, just looking for anything to put my energy into.
Anybody else??
Reavr
Member
Well, if it involves being single, try to focus on improving yourself in some kind of fruitful way that doesn't involve trying to make yourself desirable and/or approachable to women. Do it for yourself.
Hitting the gym is a popular choice among many, but it's also the perfect example of what I mean. I'm not going to generalize or anything, but there's definitely a lot of instances when men will go to a gym for the sole purpose of getting their bodies in shape to be more appealing to someone -- especially if the feeling of loneliness is involved. Instead, do it because it'll make you happier regardless of whether your muscles catch a woman's eye or not.
I'd also use your solo-time to let hindsight give you new perspectives, but let it come naturally instead of over-analyzing deliberately. I, too, have had to piece myself back together after a six year relationship fell apart as well, and what helped me out the most was taking life as it comes and letting those realizations, lessons and whatnot pop up into my head organically instead of forcing things under a microscope. Let time do its work.
Lastly, remember not to let dating, women or full-on relationships define who you are. One of the things I had to kick when I was single and lonely was that being with someone validated me as a person. It causes obsessive thoughts about needing to have someone special in your life to feel happy, and with each day that passes without finding someone new, the melancholy feeling will get worse. Strive to find value in who you are as a standalone product, so to speak. And once you find value in yourself, others will start to see value in you.
Hopefully some of that shit makes sense, haha. But that's just how I went through the process.
NeOak
Member
See what Reznor said.
Psychoward
Banned
To whoever recommended the highline to me for a Manhattan date thanks a ton. Ended up skipping skating entirely and just going there. Parts were absolutely beautiful at night and we spent a while just cuddling while overlooking the Hudson. Went for pizza afterwards and then walked around/made out in Central Park. 2nd successful date, I am a legend tbh. Already making plans with her for next Saturday.
I'm glad it went well!
Mr.Gingerlicious
Member
Thanks heaps, that really helps
Funnily enough I have joined a gym, near work, but I planned to do so after my overseas holiday (which is just before the break up officially happened).
I joined with my BFF Lady from work and I am actually doing it so I can get back to pre-injury physical condition, which will allow me to get back into playing Music/Musical instruments (my old passion).
The bonus to that, right now, it that is something positive to focus my energy, frustration and just fucking raw testosterone on! Haha!
Last night I had a bit of a wake up call, from the said friend, she helped me snap out of the over-analysing shit I was starting to slip back into. I am actively trying not! It's just fucking hard.
I don't really experience that myself, but... well, if you don't like a girl, you don't like them, right? Trying to 'lower' your standards, or trying to conform your standards to what other people expect will just lead to disappointment in the person you're dating, whether it's their fault or not.
That said, what are your standards, really? Do you just want an attractive lady that will be interesting to talk to, or do you turn away anyone that doesn't like pecan pie, for lack of a better example? As long as you aren't completely draconian with your standards, I'm sure you'll find someone for you in time. Also, screw pecan pie.
Oh, and if you're really in a rush, you could always try online dating. You might be able to meet someone in a neighboring town or something
I was recovering from a seven/eight (I can't remember lol) year relationship breakup myself, and just recently 'got over it'. Mainly, I just did what I could to keep myself busy for a while. Since I had work and school already, that wasn't too difficult, but eventually I started working out a bit from home (I wanted to feel healthier) and picked up a side job of sorts that I enjoyed doing.
What really did it, though, was something just... changed in my mindset. I made an effort to try and find the silver lining in the stormclouds, and honestly, that really helped a lot. After a while, I stopped thinking about my terrible financial instabilities, my insecurities, and so on, and realized that perhaps I'm not such a bad person, lol
Somehow... I don't think that second part would help many people too much, but that really did it for me. It was weird, like one day a light came on in my head and I thought, 'holy crap this isn't so bad after all'. The first bit might be more helpful, though; keeping yourself busy can help divert more negative thoughts, especially if you're doing something you enjoy or something productive.
Also, sorry if that's a little hard to read, I'm groggy so proper sentence structure may be failing me.
EDIT: Bollocks I was a minute late.
obin_gam
Member
Why am I just coming across women who are already taken?
Quite annoying
On the way to work there's a brunette who is very cute, but she apparently already has a boyfriend.
And also at my work a new colleague started a couple of weeks ago, blonde, who is not as cute as the other one, but still interesting. But she has already a family.
Quite annoying
On the way to work there's a brunette who is very cute, but she apparently already has a boyfriend.
And also at my work a new colleague started a couple of weeks ago, blonde, who is not as cute as the other one, but still interesting. But she has already a family.
Don't know what Reznor did.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
The post right after yours?
Lol. I thought he was talking about Trent Reznor...
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Some advice please. Dating a girl new to to dating and I'm at a bit of a loss. She is afraid of doing PDAs in front of friends. By PDAs, I'm not referring to making out or anything. I basically referring to holding hands and small kisses. It confuses me. I've brought it up with her and acted upon it at times, but she still really reserved about it. I do get she wants to be respectful, but its also just such a jarring difference.
StylesClash
Member
Do you have to have the PDA or could you make it without it? Some people just feel awkward about the slightest things. It's just who they are.
He is Trent Reznor
And I'm Greg Puciato.
Mr.Gingerlicious
Member
I was recovering from a seven/eight (I can't remember lol) year relationship breakup myself, and just recently 'got over it'. Mainly, I just did what I could to keep myself busy for a while. Since I had work and school already, that wasn't too difficult, but eventually I started working out a bit from home (I wanted to feel healthier) and picked up a side job of sorts that I enjoyed doing.
What really did it, though, was something just... changed in my mindset. I made an effort to try and find the silver lining in the stormclouds, and honestly, that really helped a lot. After a while, I stopped thinking about my terrible financial instabilities, my insecurities, and so on, and realized that perhaps I'm not such a bad person, lol
Somehow... I don't think that second part would help many people too much, but that really did it for me. It was weird, like one day a light came on in my head and I thought, 'holy crap this isn't so bad after all'. The first bit might be more helpful, though; keeping yourself busy can help divert more negative thoughts, especially if you're doing something you enjoy or something productive.
Also, sorry if that's a little hard to read, I'm groggy so proper sentence structure may be failing me.
EDIT: Bollocks I was a minute late.
Thanks anyway, I appreciate the input. The last day or so I have started "snapping out" of my little breakdown I was starting to have
People close to me, that I have always extended support to have come through for me, which is exactly what I needed, but didn't know how to ask for.Ended up going out for dinner with my Lady friend tonight, post-"just friends" talk. Went really really well. And I honestly don't give a shit about defining stuff or jumping into another relationship anyway haha!
Deep down I know that we have that thing that people talk about from time to time, you know, that bond. That being said, if she is comfortable and we can both be ourselves, that is a lot more important to me.
Neodiablo22
Member
I got a match on Tinder, but I have no clue what to say as an opening message. Usually there is something in their profile that I can work off of to use as a starting point, but this person just has random friend pictures. I don't want to just say something "Hey there good looking....what's cooking" because that's just terrible. So.....what do you guys typically say in those situations?
Reavr
Member
Thanks heaps, that really helps
Funnily enough I have joined a gym, near work, but I planned to do so after my overseas holiday (which is just before the break up officially happened).
I joined with my BFF Lady from work and I am actually doing it so I can get back to pre-injury physical condition, which will allow me to get back into playing Music/Musical instruments (my old passion).
The bonus to that, right now, it that is something positive to focus my energy, frustration and just fucking raw testosterone on! Haha!
Last night I had a bit of a wake up call, from the said friend, she helped me snap out of the over-analysing shit I was starting to slip back into. I am actively trying not! It's just fucking hard.
It sounds like you've got yourself headed in the right direction, and I'm glad to hear it. But, keep in mind that you're still going to have your days. Even during your good days, always be cognizant of the fact that recovery is a process, and that you're still going to encounter quite a few less-than positive stretches of time as you go through that process. Sometimes, it'll even happen without any provocation at all.
In my case especially, there would be times when I'd literally wake up in the morning after enjoying several days of good vibes and hopeful outlooks and revert right back to feeling just as lonely and melancholy as I had before, and it would discourage me into thinking that I wasn't coming along as far as I thought. And because of that discouragement, those good days started to feel cheapened and I started becoming more pessimistic -- as in "what's the point of enjoying the good days when I'm just going to end up feeling like shit again, anyway?"
What I ended up realizing is that I could only live off of the high of good advice and pep talks for so long. That eventually, I was going to have to learn how to feel good on my own, for my own reasons. It has to click from within.
So, while I'm happy to hear that you're feeling more positive than you were before, I'd strongly advise you to not only enjoy the good spirits you're in right now, but also to get yourself mentally prepared to face the days that'll come when spirits aren't so good. Remember what makes you feel better on days like this. That way, you can recall them and pull yourself out of feeling down quicker next time you're battling a tough emotional stretch.
And eventually, those downer days will eat up less and less of your time and the good days will become the new, and very satisfying norm.
Regards,
Marilyn Manson
DarkChronic
Member
Hi all,
I have a "fourth" date with someone tonight that I met a few months ago. We went on 3 dates back in the summer, all went well, and then she kind of pulled a fade on me. We kept in touch here and there, but didn't see each other.
She reached out again a few weeks ago saying she's been crazy busy, just got a new job, and would like to see me again. Keeping my expectations in check, I agreed.
I'm considering getting her small flowers (she mentioned every date how much she loves them) as a congrats for her new position. Too much? Maybe a small nosegay or something? We'd be going right to dinner after I give them to her, so she'd have to bring them with her.
Thoughts?
I have a "fourth" date with someone tonight that I met a few months ago. We went on 3 dates back in the summer, all went well, and then she kind of pulled a fade on me. We kept in touch here and there, but didn't see each other.
She reached out again a few weeks ago saying she's been crazy busy, just got a new job, and would like to see me again. Keeping my expectations in check, I agreed.
I'm considering getting her small flowers (she mentioned every date how much she loves them) as a congrats for her new position. Too much? Maybe a small nosegay or something? We'd be going right to dinner after I give them to her, so she'd have to bring them with her.
Thoughts?
Did she tell you before the fade, or after?
If it's after, I'll assume her other date(s) fell through.
Edit: Not that it matters she's dating others, but I would keep expectations in check.
DarkChronic
Member
She's mentioned flowers before the fade.
And definitely, I don't disagree. Not sure if she really has been focusing on the career, or has been dating other guys, but I'm certainly going in with tempered expectations. She reached out to me first, so I figured why not, as I didn't have anything to lose. I had already written her off when she started fading, so I guess this is a bonus date to see if something will happen.
Just going in with the mentality of having a good time and enjoying a nice dinner. I figured the flowers couldn't hurt.
stn
Member
Personally, I wouldn't. Like someone else said, keep your expectations in check. The thing with gifts is that they can have a negative effect (it sounds crazy, I know). Something like flowers can signal an intense romantic interest even if its not true, and this in turn can scare the other person away for various reasons. Its best to play it cool and avoid giving flowers until you're both an item. Someone may say differently but I firmly believe this. Good luck!
You guys ever get a number from a girl but then never call them? I dunno. I got a number from this girl last night. We made out for a bit. But really, I don't have interest in going on a date with her. We have absolutely nothing in common. I guess I feel bad for not calling for some reason.
Don't buy her flowers. Besides what Stn said, she now has to carry the flowers around afterwards. Best to avoid it.
fuzzyreactor
Banned
Nvm
If you have no interest, then don't call. I think it would be worse to call her with no intentions of actually trying to date her.
If the friend is close, usually (at least for me) it is a big, fat no.
Talk to your friend if you really like her.
I wouldn't give her anything. Maybe just congratulate her verbally. You have to remember that it's been a few months since she contacted you and she might've been busy, but she couldn't have been that busy. It would be a sweet gesture if you two were closer!
DarkChronic
Member
Sounds good you guys. No flowers it is!
Mr.Gingerlicious
Member
Thanks again. I am fully aware that this whole thing is a process.
Until recently, I have never really been forced to be literally alone and able to enjoy my own company. That in itself, is a process, but necessary.
When I say "snap out of", in this case, I mean more like a light bulb moment. Never before I have I ever really asked for help for anything major or felt completely comfortable to talk about how I feel while being totally vulnerable.
Just getting a heap of shit off my chest has helped me "defrag" my mind enough to be on my own again and not feel like I have to pursue people to hear me out (more just knowing the back of my head that there are a couple I can go to now).
yeah it sucks. haven't been able to get over my ex because of this(in part).
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