Damnit GAF, I need to vent.
About a month ago, my GF broke up with me after a relationship of 5 months, and I met her about 2 months before that. This might not seem like a long time for a lot of you, but she was my first girlfriend (I'm 22) and it's still kind of messing with my head.
I registered on a dating site, and stumbled upon a girl who I've been chatting with for some time now. We share a lot of similar interests ranging from music to traveling and she only lives about 30 minutes away.
But my gut feeling says I'm doing something wrong, like I'm cheating or something. Which is obviously bollocks, because I'm single and I was the one who got dumped, I'm fairly sure this is because my ex was my first girlfriend.
Is this situation recognizable for anyone? Could use some advice from someone who was in the same boat.
Hmm my ex broke up with me about half a year ago too. She was my first gf too (technically my second but that's a different story). I was in a denial phase for a while but suddenly something just changed in me and I got over it.
I've had the same gut feeling though. You're kind of in the phase of still thinking you might get her back or whatever and thus think seeing other girls is bad and lowering your chances of getting her back. Just be real to yourself; she broke up with you and there's a slim chance you'll be in a relationship with her again. She had feelings for you but not anymore. Well maybe some but not enough to be in a relationship anymore.
It's good for you to see other girls. Or focus yourself on a hobby. I've been focussing on Airsofting since the breakup and I met some new friends That got me over it.
Just give it time. You were very emotionally invested, so you can't expect those feelings to disappear in a month. Keep focusing on hobbies, work and/or school like you're doing and you'll come out of it just fine.It's fucking amazing how a girl can fuck with your mind.
Just give it time. You were very emotionally invested, so you can't expect those feelings to disappear in a month. Keep focusing on hobbies, work and/or school like you're doing and you'll come out of it just fine.
i haven't even been to her place yet, well i picked her up outside, that's all. we haven't really talked too much since we went out, just random conversations here and there. she did comment on my FB status yesterday and i replied. today i haven't said a word to her and it's driving me nuts. i see her keep checking her FB on her phone and after i assume there's no messages she closes it.
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Another success story. Congrats!
Holla' if anything.
Starting to think I have some issues when it comes to dating. Some combination of lack of experience and self-doubt has me questioning if the girl I'm going out with is really into me. Even though all the signs that she is are there. Tonight we had our third date. Went very nicely. At the end, we kissed and she did that touchy-squeezy thing on my arm/leg (can't remember). And I know she wouldn't be spending what little free time she has with me if she didn't like me. But still that doubt persists.
You're profile makes me want to punch you
This is what I got from some chick I messaged just now:
Maybe she's into punching.
This is what I got from some chick I messaged just now:
Nope, sadly. Just got another, far less friendly message and turns out she is in fact a bitch. Ah well.
Huh, I didn't think I was pursuing it for the sake of it, but now that you say it I guess I am. And I guess I probably should look beyond my circle of friends. I've just found it hard to meet new people lately, for a variety of reasons (mostly my family situation and a little bit of social anxiety I've been feeling lately, combined with being stressed a lot of the time.) I'm probably just going to have to get over those things and get out there though.1) Do not get or pursue a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.
2) If you don't find someone attractive, then you don't find them attractive. Nothing you can do.
3) Don't worry about not being in a serious relationship. Again, you are young. Not like there is a rule that you have to have at least one before you turn 20 or something.
4) It sounds you like you looking in your circle of friends to find someone. Go out into the dating world.
5) Age shouldn't stop you from trying to date someone (18 and older anyway).
She told me right to my face, while sober;"of course he loves me". She believe he'll leave his wife eventually and they'll live happily ever after, though she's ok with being relegated as a side piece as long as they have a family too. This is too crazy for me right now, I love her and she's doing some dumb shit. No way does this Dr guy actually want all this, and is actually in love right?
Well she kept saying she completely trust him, and he takes care of her. He's seemingly much older. She's been on rotation since August, and this is the half way mark. She'll be back in the city by July, hopefully he'll cut her loose by then. I'm just worried.
Your roommate is right. Why would you want other people there if you are interested in her for more then friends? Just ask her out for a drink and go from there. Worst that can happen is she says no and that's that.Thoughts? I'm utterly terrible at dating in general to be honest.
Thoughts? I'm utterly terrible at dating in general to be honest.
Say "Would love to see you, drinks Friday night to the New Year?"
Don't leave her and yourself in the middle by asking "would you like to go out for drinks?"
This shows a bit of confidence, that you have a plan. Women tend to like that.
Also, if she says no, don't get hung up on it. Rejection is never personal.
I actually have a date next Friday with a lady i met over Christmas.
If she doesn't an alternative, that's usually a sign that she is trying to decline with an excuse.what do you do when they are busy on the day you ask for a date, while keeping the confidence? like i ask her, "would love to see you, coffee wednesday night for new years?" and she says she can't and she's busy. do i suggest another day or let her decide the day?
What do women/men find attractive?
The most common notion found in pick-up artist communities are notions that you should be a bit of a bad boy or even asshole to attract a potential partner. I'd like to look a closer look at why this is brought up so often. As you'll find I'll advocate later, you should always be yourself. An easy mistake to make when you're trying to find your place in the dating situation, is to adhere to tips you've heard on how to appear appealing. It is my personal philosophy that you should be yourself, but it is also an important aspect when it comes to how you behave, when it comes to what's called congruency. If you're not congruent with who you are, it will lead to a dissonance between the person you are, and the person you try to be. People pick up on that, perhaps even more aptly so women. The dissonance creates a sort of unpleasantness that people often find hard to pin-point. This is why you should be yourself.
what do you do when they are busy on the day you ask for a date, while keeping the confidence? like i ask her, "would love to see you, coffee wednesday night for new years?" and she says she can't and she's busy. do i suggest another day or let her decide the day?
So I'm in a bit of a dilemma.
I'm currently seeing two girls and there are things I like/dislike about both of them. Both are attractive, have expressed interest in me, etc. I'm just getting to the point where I have to choose between them. Here's the scoop:
Girl #1)
Pros: She's very kind and sweet. Very talkative which is a nice change from the interview type dates girls seem to enjoy so much. Messages me regularly, remembers things that I say and refers to them in later conversations, and is overall genuinely a good person.
Cons: She's only been in the US for 5 years and therefore isn't a citizen and will be deported if she can't get her visa. While she does enjoy to talk a lot, we don't particularly have much in common. She speaks English well enough but she does have an accent that sometimes makes it difficult to communicate. I've had to ask her to repeat things on occasion and thankfully she's nice about it. Also...has bad breath. Not heavy duty, but noticeable. Has never had a boyfriend before. Is a virgin.
Girl #2)
Pros: Very stable. Has a solid job, owns a house, is a US citizen. We share many hobbies like gaming, animation, hiking, etc. No language barrier, is kind, and fun to be around.
Cons: Is not as talkative. Can hold a conversation just fine, but is not talkative. Does not message me regularly...only really talks to me when I talk to her. Doesn't seem like she is very emotional, at least so far. Kind of stoic, possibly reserved. Has a crazy ex-boyfriend. Very tomboyish.
I'm having a hard time with this and could use some advice GAF. How am I supposed to know which one is right? I have a gut wrenching feeling that this choice will determine who I'm spending the rest of my life with...
So I'm in a bit of a dilemma.
I'm currently seeing two girls and there are things I like/dislike about both of them. Both are attractive, have expressed interest in me, etc. I'm just getting to the point where I have to choose between them. Here's the scoop:
Girl #1)
Pros: She's very kind and sweet. Very talkative which is a nice change from the interview type dates girls seem to enjoy so much. Messages me regularly, remembers things that I say and refers to them in later conversations, and is overall genuinely a good person.
Cons: She's only been in the US for 5 years and therefore isn't a citizen and will be deported if she can't get her visa. While she does enjoy to talk a lot, we don't particularly have much in common. She speaks English well enough but she does have an accent that sometimes makes it difficult to communicate. I've had to ask her to repeat things on occasion and thankfully she's nice about it. Also...has bad breath. Not heavy duty, but noticeable. Has never had a boyfriend before. Is a virgin.
Girl #2)
Pros: Very stable. Has a solid job, owns a house, is a US citizen. We share many hobbies like gaming, animation, hiking, etc. No language barrier, is kind, and fun to be around.
Cons: Is not as talkative. Can hold a conversation just fine, but is not talkative. Does not message me regularly...only really talks to me when I talk to her. Doesn't seem like she is very emotional, at least so far. Kind of stoic, possibly reserved. Has a crazy ex-boyfriend. Very tomboyish.
I'm having a hard time with this and could use some advice GAF. How am I supposed to know which one is right? I have a gut wrenching feeling that this choice will determine who I'm spending the rest of my life with...
damn, what does your profile say?
Huh, I didn't think I was pursuing it for the sake of it, but now that you say it I guess I am. And I guess I probably should look beyond my circle of friends. I've just found it hard to meet new people lately, for a variety of reasons (mostly my family situation and a little bit of social anxiety I've been feeling lately, combined with being stressed a lot of the time.) I'm probably just going to have to get over those things and get out there though.
I dunno. You're probably right, I should look elsewhere or just wait for something to come along. I love being around her, we're super alike and just kind of "get it", but the more I talk about it, the worse it makes the whole idea sound. It's just too risky, theres too many variables, and if I don't find her attractive, you're right, that's not going to change. It's not even like I think she's ugly, it's just that I don't find her as attractive as I'd like to. And I can't talk to any of my friends about it, because the only people I can talk to is her brother, or our friend who I KNOW would say something. It's probably best to just move along.
See for yourself:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile
Obviously it was tongue in cheek, but seems it was a little too subtle for her.
Always. Being able to remain calm in the face of anger is a very important life skill in general.Is the best defense against petty arguments to stay calm? I'm pretty sensitive unfortunately. I get offended easily and snap back towards things that hurt me. I have never found that to be incredibly effective, but somehow it seemed preferable to being submissive. I feel as though feeding into unwelcome anger is not taking me in any direction I want to go.
Has she initiated contact since then? I'd personally go enjoy NYE and contact her afterwards, that's just me. Do what your gut tells you.bcl0328 said:i went out with this girl 2 weeks ago. should i ask her about her new years plans or just don't even bother?
i want to take her ice skating again, but should i wait until next week since this week is NYE?
Should have been a one-word reply:This is what I got from some chick I messaged just now:
Always. Being able to remain calm in the face of anger is a very important life skill in general.
Has she initiated contact since then? I'd personally go enjoy NYE and contact her afterwards, that's just me. Do what your gut tells you.
I remember my initial advice to you was to take a break from talking everyday. There's a reason for it. When you constantly maintain communication but avoid either dating or escalating sexual tension, you lose the girl's interest. You become the "safe" guy who's just around to talk every day and fill the gap.yea we talk every day lol
So I'm feeling horribly depressed, kinda got lost in a girl i was dating for 2 months no big deal. Things were heating up and we were on the precipice of something more, Then yesterday we were suppose to hangout and one of her friends has some stupid conversation with her drudging up old relationship and she tells me she loves this guy that left her 6 months ago. So naturally i understood but then she told me she didn't want to get in my way of seeing other people. So yeah it was over 2 great months of drinking playing air hockey working out together and now I've got no one. Makes me not want to even try looking for someone new, i really thought we could have something. I have only been with a handful of girls and this one was the most fun, now I don't know what to do I cant even operate right now I feel so stupid.
I remember my initial advice to you was to take a break from talking everyday. There's a reason for it. When you constantly maintain communication but avoid either dating or escalating sexual tension, you lose the girl's interest. You become the "safe" guy who's just around to talk every day and fill the gap.
I mean, I'm just looking at your whole situation and its a bit odd to me. I remember you mentioned that you told her you like her, that she's aware of it. Yet some how it feels weird because I don't sense progress. Its especially odd that your last meeting was over 2 weeks ago. I could be completely wrong because I'm judging everything from my PC screen. But this is the impression I'm getting.
What do you think about your situation with her at this very moment?
First, do know that everyone at some point in their life goes through those feelings. It is unavoidable, the quality of your character is what you make of it.
Second, you will find someone else who will give you the affection you deserve, but only if you are proactive about it and emotionally available. Which leads to...
...Third, since she is herself emotionally hung up, she is unable to achieve the happiness she seeks. Do not be like her.
I need some advice (although I already know what the advice is probably going to be). I went on a few dates with this girl, they were the best dates I've ever had. I got mad feels for her pretty quickly, but then she said she needed space and some time. I know, I wasn't born yesterday. She was in a relationship till about 2-3 months ago and doesn't want to jump right back into one. She still wants to talk and says she still likes me. I feel like shit, I don't know why I can't just pull the plug like i usually would. I know it's the right thing to do for my sanity, but I've got mad fucking feels for this girl. This might put me in a bad light but outside of her awesome personality, her body is just killer. We hit the sack and she's the first girl I can say stood toe to toe with me. We went an hour and changed positions several times, it was amazing sex. Part of me wants to believe that she'll come back at some point and we'll get right back into dating, but the more realistic part of me is telling me I'll go fucking nuts before that ever happens. I constantly think about her, and I know that feeling isn't mutual. I'm way more into her than she is into me. It sucks, she's a 10 in the looks department, and a fucking 20 in every other department, far as I'm concerned. That isn't just butterflies talking, she makes me laugh like it's the easiest thing to do in the world. Our dates were too fucking good, just too good. I..I don't know. Am I crazy if I allow myself to be used like this? Am I being used?
Are you that "safe" guy already? Well, I'm not entirely sure. All I can say is this: I firmly believe you should strike while the iron is hot. If she knows you like her and is still around, you should set a pace that you are comfortable with. And by that I mean you should be blunt, clear, and reasonable about things. For example: Next time you talk say, "Hey, I realize we're chatting every day. I think you're cute and want to get to know you better. Let's do it in person."but the thing is, it's not me messaging her. every day after she gets in to work she will hit me up on google chat. i'm not going to just ignore her. am i the "safe" guy already? i mean it's only been a month and we went out the 17th. most advice i've been reading is people not talking to their date for 2-3 weeks. that seems insane.
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what's your opinion then on how many dates in what time frame? 2 weeks seems fine to me, otherwise it would be once a week?
Its always possible but I don't think so. You had sex and now she wants to "still talk because she likes you"? That kind of comment is usually a cover. If you don't like the direction things are heading in, take charge and steer towards the path you want. Next time she wants to just talk you need to make your own needs clear. For example: "Hey [girl], I like you. I understand you want to take things slow but I'm not really in the same boat. Do your thing and let me know if you change your mind. In the meantime, I'm going to see what else is out there."Ric Flair said:Am I being used?
I posted din here the other day, but I'm a little wasted and need to vent. I'm fucking loney. Been this way for way too long. I'm only 18, and I've been told that I should worry but I never really had the typical teen years because my dad has als and I didn't got to a big school. Now I don't have enough confidence to talk to people in collecollege. What the fuck do I do? Am I just going to be alone? I'd give anything to just have somebody who cared. It's not even like I'm fat and a fedora tipping asshole. I just don't approach people, and that smy downgall. What do I do gaf? I feel like I'm stuck in a never ending room of shit and can't get out.
Nope. I feel like I'd be too shy for anything g like that. I have a hard enough time around people I've seen before. And I don't have a photogenic face (moderate acne that I can clear up sometimes, it runs in the fam, I think it's stress related) so I don't know how far id get with that. I just feel like I'm too self consious for that stuff you know.Have you tried online dating or Tinder?