I am happy. I finally have gotten back to who I was before my cancer. I realize all the things I have to live for. All the different little outlets of happiness I have. All the reasons I enjoy living. I'm in such a healthy place.
But, I'm also not whole. I let my cancer/depression take the most important person from me. And no matter what I try to do, I can't forget them. I can't, get past what I lost. I can't...go a single day, without feeling that absence in my life. In my heart, I know, if I was just given one more shot. Just one more chance. I know, because what we had was special. And the things that pulled us apart, was temporary bullshit. It was me being brought down by a stupid disease, and not being able to see clearly.
I just feel like, I don't belong anywhere. I don't know how to explain the feeling. But I feel like, I have to just leave. I just have to go. I have to take off and disappear. I'm going to continue my life being happy. But I'm going to go. Maybe someday, if my life ever gets back what I lost, maybe I can be in a place where I fee whole and like I belong. But for now, I don't. I've sent out my PS4 and Vita (I shipped them out to the two people that won). I hope it makes them so happy. I just want to make people happy. I want to make people feel loved. All I ever wanted, was to care and love others. I just hope, this person that I lost, can find their way back to me. So I can love and care about them.