family_guy
Member
Yes and no. If you're educated, funny, and attractive then you should have no problem. Average guys won't do well unless the girl is beneath you on the dating scale.
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Yes and no. If you're educated, funny, and attractive then you should have no problem. Average guys won't do well unless the girl is beneath you on the dating scale.
or play basketball or know how to rap, which i dont do neither
Arsenic Yellow
Member
Ended up asking the guy to dinner tomorrow night and he said something akin to "sounds awesome". This guy is impossible for me to read and its driving me crazy. Part of me thinks he's just nice and thinks I'm cool, as in he sees me as friend potential.
Talked to my friend who invited both of us to the nye party and she said he's normally a very calm guy. So maybe him seeming super nervous is a good sign? I just don't want to seem too clingy or misread him. I'm already liking him after our first date. We had so much in common it's insane. Im so worried I'm over reading and hoping he's interested when in reality he's not.
He didn't really ask me too many questions on the date, instead mostly talked about himself or would interrupt me to talk about the subject matter. I'm hoping it was nerves rather than disinterest. He's extremely smart, nice and good looking to the point where I'm really intimidated by him. I really don't want to mess this up....
Talked to my friend who invited both of us to the nye party and she said he's normally a very calm guy. So maybe him seeming super nervous is a good sign? I just don't want to seem too clingy or misread him. I'm already liking him after our first date. We had so much in common it's insane. Im so worried I'm over reading and hoping he's interested when in reality he's not.
He didn't really ask me too many questions on the date, instead mostly talked about himself or would interrupt me to talk about the subject matter. I'm hoping it was nerves rather than disinterest. He's extremely smart, nice and good looking to the point where I'm really intimidated by him. I really don't want to mess this up....
Flying Toaster
Member
Seriously your fine, your more than fine.
1) You got along the first time the two of you hung out.
2) He agreed to go out with you for dinner and used the word awesome.
Even if nothing happens from it, which would be a bit of a bummer since you really like him he seems like a cool enough person to be a friends with.
I am only giving you my horrible advice because I am entering the dating scene in about a month once my divorce is final. I expect all of you to slap sense into my stupidity and hand out amazingly good and sound advice for when I actually get up the courage to go on a date or two this year.
NossEntertainment
Banned
Having trouble finding a girl to begin with? It Depends what kind of girl you want to meet.
Ive meet girls from places like school, work, Clubs, raves, malls, through friends etcc..
Or you can try the online dating Approach from Apps like zoosk, Meetme, look around theres many apps out there for you to chat with people in your area.
The best general advice i can give anyone reading this. Is that Girls Like indirect approaches especially when you first try to get to know them. Or they most likely with put their "anti-guy shield on" and it will be GG(goodgame).
Ive meet girls from places like school, work, Clubs, raves, malls, through friends etcc..
Or you can try the online dating Approach from Apps like zoosk, Meetme, look around theres many apps out there for you to chat with people in your area.
The best general advice i can give anyone reading this. Is that Girls Like indirect approaches especially when you first try to get to know them. Or they most likely with put their "anti-guy shield on" and it will be GG(goodgame).
Exploding8
Member
Started another go at online dating a couple days ago. Had very little luck last year but I wasn't really fully invested since I was still trying to get over a girl. Think I'm doing a bit better in that regard.
Saw a girl who mentioned using bad pickup lines as a reason to message her on OKC. So I sent her the crappiest pickup line I could find about infinite loops in computer science, "You must be my loop condition because I keep coming back to you". She replied about how she isn't a computer science person, which gave me a chance to explain how infinite loops work in computer programming. I managed to turn it into a subtle analogy about relationships, which she seemed to appreciate. Gotta say I felt pretty slick
I asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink or to see a movie sometime and she said drinks sounded good, so I asked for her number after that. Planning on calling her tomorrow night. I'm a little nervous though because I'm not sure which bar to take her to, I imagine one that's not too loud? But then every bar I know of is loud lol. So I'm thinking of taking her to a restaurant with a bar that's pretty popular on campus and has good food incase we decide to eat anything; its usually somewhat loud too but not quite as bad as the other bars I've been to, so I'm thinking it might be my best option.
She's 22 and I only just turned 21, so I was thinking of choosing a place but then asking if she knows of any other bars she'd rather go to since she has more experience. Would that be a bad idea?
Saw a girl who mentioned using bad pickup lines as a reason to message her on OKC. So I sent her the crappiest pickup line I could find about infinite loops in computer science, "You must be my loop condition because I keep coming back to you". She replied about how she isn't a computer science person, which gave me a chance to explain how infinite loops work in computer programming. I managed to turn it into a subtle analogy about relationships, which she seemed to appreciate. Gotta say I felt pretty slick
I asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink or to see a movie sometime and she said drinks sounded good, so I asked for her number after that. Planning on calling her tomorrow night. I'm a little nervous though because I'm not sure which bar to take her to, I imagine one that's not too loud? But then every bar I know of is loud lol. So I'm thinking of taking her to a restaurant with a bar that's pretty popular on campus and has good food incase we decide to eat anything; its usually somewhat loud too but not quite as bad as the other bars I've been to, so I'm thinking it might be my best option.
She's 22 and I only just turned 21, so I was thinking of choosing a place but then asking if she knows of any other bars she'd rather go to since she has more experience. Would that be a bad idea?
EchoChamber
Member
Indirect approaches?
i take this back. got matched last night on okcupid and the girl sent me a message first. not used to that. she is pretty cute and lives 2 miles away! we talked for a while until i had to sleep. she was fun to talk to and she seemed into me. i asked her if we could talk again tomorrow and she said yeah! she just moved here from NY. exciting times ahead.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Any advice on talking to women? Managed to get a phone number but struggled really bad last night and had a lot of dead, awkward silence. First opportunity in months and I'm pretty sure I blew any chance I had.
……forgetit
Member
Do you have any female friends? I found practice there helped.
Flying Toaster
Member
Spork4000 has sound advice. Only thing I can add to it is, how are you socially in general? I mean with all people not just girls you might be interested in?
I found that social awkwardness in general makes it especially difficult to talk to people you might be interested in.
Pay attention to details (having a good memory is an impressive characteristic, in my experience) and let it flow naturally. She mentioned a place she had been to? Ask about said place. Something later on in the convo had some relevance to something she mentioned earlier on? Make a brief reference to it in your response. Lull in conversation? Ask a random question about herself. Hell, make a game out of it and play 20 questions if the mood is appropriate.
And of course, discuss FORD (family, occupation, recreation, dreams) and not RAPE (religion, abortion, politics, economics).
Mr.Gingerlicious
Member
Oh, I know not to get into a negative spiral. I actually have a heap of Female friends, and I am definitely a "go with the flow" kind of guy, when it comes to socialising/dating.
On the other hand, I fully stand by the girls have the final say. I would love for someone to prove me wrong, but it just isn't going to happen. It's not so much as me being bitter, but it does take it's toll when you know that you can only just be yourself and hope for the best, but you don't actually have any real control over where things go, at times.
I don't mean to be harsh, but you fully contradicted yourself there, within the first few sentences...
What I was confused about, was the whole being upfront and showing vs. going with flow and letting things happen organically. If I have to be the one to make the moves (let's be real, that seems to be the standard), then how can I do so whilst worrying about all this "how she may or may not feel" stuff?
Like I said, I am new to this, but I am also 100% confident in being myself and not wasting a whole lot of time fluffing around with maybes and hypothetical feelings.
EDIT: I re-read everything... I didn't initiate 'the talk' with this Lady, she did. All I did, was get up and ask to sit next to her, instead of directly opposite. It was the most subtle way I could think of, to gauge if she had any sort of physical attraction/ chemistry with me. Turns out she doesn't. All good, water under the bridge. It was just surprising, given the the other signs/signals/set up.
I understand that there is a time and place for subtly, but if I am going to be setting up a heap of one-on-one time, in a very dating context, then I think I am entitled to know (black and white) whether or not the other party has any remote interest in a possible romantic direction. If they don't, no worries, I welcome more friends into my life. But if that is the case, I expect them to actually be friends, mates, and not this whole keeping me at arms length so they can enjoy dating without any sort of commitment/giving the same energy back.
Please correct me if I am way off base, but I have had close friends fully support my stance, and in my situation/age/experience it is necessary for me, so that I don't get taken advantage of, whilst missing out in a big way.
ClosingADoor
Member
Questions, questions, questions. But don't make it sound like an interrogation
Ask about studies, bit of work, recent travels, etc. And from time to time bring in your own experiences on that subject. Takes a bit of practice to be honest, I'm still stuck with some silences from time to time. But also a good spot to make the first move if you want to do so.
I get what you mean, but at the same time it works both ways. Both parties have the final say if you want to call it that. I mean, you don't want a relationship with every girl you meet also. I've gone out with people and didn't call back. If one of two isn't feeling it, there is little you can do about it.
Edit;
The thing is, it isn't black and white. The interest can come and go, however annoying that is. I do agree, that once she knows she isn't romantically interested in you, it would be nice if she said so when you ask her out ('sure, as friends') again or just break contact. Goes for both. And if you have doubt about her intentions, make a move and you have your answer pretty quick.
But I don't see what you will be missing out on. It's dating, you don't have to limit yourself to one person until there is an actual relationship.
I feel a bit conflicted about Tinder after 1 1/2 month. Had five dates, one turned into a friends with benefits sorta situation, one we totally mutually friendzoned eachother but she's into the same sports as me so potential buddy in that department. The other three I had a nice enough evening with but not enough of an connection to really want to go for second dates. But now I notice I'm sorta unmotivated to start over. Maybe I shouldn't chat as long as I do now and suggest meeting up sooner.
CitizenVectron
Member
What I'm about to talk about is a bit embarrassing to me, but I know you guys offer some great advice so I was hoping I could get some.
I am in my late 20s and I have never been in a relationship before, but recently entered one with a good friend of mine who I have liked for a long time (and who apparently also likes me quite a bit). Due to a variety of issues (mainly really bad depression from late teens to mid twenties) I never got into dating, and as a result never lost my virginity or even really made out with anyone. It's embarrassing to me as everyone around me sees me (now) as this good looking, collected guy who is really confident. And I am, just not about that aspect of my life.
So anyway, I've only been seeing this friend for about a week but we've gone out a few times and kissed and all that, and I know she wants to escalate it. How upfront should I be with her, and is it something to be embarrassed about? How would you guys react if you found out someone who you really liked and started dating was basically completely inexperienced? We are really good friends and we talk about pretty much everything, I'm just really nervous about it all.
I am in my late 20s and I have never been in a relationship before, but recently entered one with a good friend of mine who I have liked for a long time (and who apparently also likes me quite a bit). Due to a variety of issues (mainly really bad depression from late teens to mid twenties) I never got into dating, and as a result never lost my virginity or even really made out with anyone. It's embarrassing to me as everyone around me sees me (now) as this good looking, collected guy who is really confident. And I am, just not about that aspect of my life.
So anyway, I've only been seeing this friend for about a week but we've gone out a few times and kissed and all that, and I know she wants to escalate it. How upfront should I be with her, and is it something to be embarrassed about? How would you guys react if you found out someone who you really liked and started dating was basically completely inexperienced? We are really good friends and we talk about pretty much everything, I'm just really nervous about it all.
Did you actually call her or was this in person? If it was over the phone, I try to avoid that. Just set up a meet in person using text. Much easier to read someone's reactions when you can see them.
all the advice i've gotten is to ask them out within 3-5 messages, any less is too soon, any more and she will lose interest. while that might work for some, i think it's best to feel it out and talk to them first. i know i talk way too much and it seems to kill attraction.
Arsenic Yellow
Member
Haha I appreciate any advice. It's been like five years since I went out on a date (always ended up hooking up with someone who was a friend). We have a date tonight, but Ive sort of been the one initiating things so after tonight I'm taking a step back. Let him reach out to me, you know? Also going to dress more casually. Last time I found it a little hard to talk to him, he was talking a lot and interrupting me. I enjoyed listening, I find him extremely interesting, but it left me feeling like I couldn't really leave much of an impression. This time I'll try harder to talk.
It doesn't help that I have a lot going on in my life right now health, drama and career wise, and I feel as though that feeds my anxiety even more.
I'll let you guys know how it goes. We only hugged goodbye last time which sort of made me feel awkward. Maybe I can score a night cap kiss this time. We did make out in bed, but I sort of felt i was the initiator both nights.
Side note: what really got me nervous is Monday night I got super drunk and was stuck with a friend who invited a tinder date along without telling me. We were in a jazz club but were in between sets and my friend and he date were all over each other, so I texted the guy and we were talking a bit. I worry I may have bombarded him with texts and scares him off. He sent the initial text but yeah I worry that I got too intense with him. It was mostly out of being in an awkward public situation and wanting to talk to someone.
Should I bring it up today and apologize to him? Telling him I was in a weird situation and normally don't bombard people like that?
Flying Toaster
Member
Honestly you seem to be in a good situation for this not to be an insecurity. You said she is a good friend, that your comfortable together. You are confident now, you guys have chemistry as you have kissed. It might make you uncomfortable and embarrassed but it really should not in the grand scheme of things. Honestly if you feel you have to tell her then you can have that conversation but I personally would just see where things go and if it creates an awkward situation for you or you become uncomfortable with something then bring it up. You guys are friends, and because of that she should be understanding and willing to help you get through any awkward situation that might come up.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
I think you should let her escalate it and just go with it. I don't think there needs to be a discussion up front about how experienced or inexperienced you are. If she knows you fairly well, she probably has a good hunch already.
How would I act if I found out someone I really liked and started dating was basically completely inexperienced? I had that happen once and loved it. Relieves some pressure off you, for starters, and doing things to the person and watching their reactions for the first time is fun.
I wouldn't bring it up. If he mentions it in some way, you can just admit the truth, that your friend brought a date and so you were lonely and wanted to talk to him. I personally like the validation of knowing that someone is thinking of me and wants to talk to me.
But yeah otherwise, just take it in stride and keep going. No point in bringing it up just to apologize. You did nothing wrong, anyway. Does this guy listen to you when you speak? Or is it more like he's just waiting for the right moment to interrupt you and start talking? I get being nervous but if he's not bothering to listen to you then that might be something to think about.
stn
Member
Let him reach out to you more, yes. But be aware of his anxiety. If he has an issue with it then you may have to take charge more. Also, do not dress casually. If I had a date and the girl dressed casually, I'd interpret that as lack of sexual/romantic interest. Dress to look good and give the message that you're on a date.
No, leave it in the past. Don't apologize for anything. Start the date off with fun, flirting, and just try to relax. Also, you may need to give him time and space to do his thing. If he has anxiety then it may take him longer to make the right move. You'll just have to accept that if you don't want to be the initiator. If you like him enough then have patience. Enjoy the date.Arsenic Yellow said:
Flying Toaster
Member
I was the exact opposite of my soon to be ex-wife.
Don't let the latter part of that sentence deter you. Honestly life is easier if you have things in common but I do not believe it is necessary to be exactly the same to have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. If you find yourself grasping at straws on what you have in common take a step back and look at why your with the person and why they are with you. There has to be a reason for the relationship up to this point working.
Arsenic Yellow
Member
I'm wearing some black skinny jeans, black long sleeved shirt with an olive green jacket. I had some snake skin heels I was planning on wearing but it may snow and it'll be Less than 10 degrees so I was considering just wearing boots instead. Last time I wore flats so we could dance but ended up slipping and falling a few times while walking between shows, busted my legs and hips.
I figure that paired with earrings, rings and nice makeup will be good. I also have a perfume that drives men crazy. I'll make sure to use it.
Does that sound ok? Also thanks for all the responses guys. It's hard to get a males perspective on this.
Flying Toaster
Member
All that accompanied with great conversation and a cool witty demeanor sounds like your going in for the kill. Best of luck.
Flying Toaster
Member
Let him reach out to you more, yes. But be aware of his anxiety. If he has an issue with it then you may have to take charge more. Also, do not dress casually. If I had a date and the girl dressed casually, I'd interpret that as lack of sexual/romantic interest. Dress to look good and give the message that you're on a date.
No, leave it in the past. Don't apologize for anything. Start the date off with fun, flirting, and just try to relax. Also, you may need to give him time and space to do his thing. If he has anxiety then it may take him longer to make the right move. You'll just have to accept that if you don't want to be the initiator. If you like him enough then have patience. Enjoy the date.
I'll need pics to decide.. Seriously though, I'm sure that's fine. Again, just remember to relax and focus only on moving forward. No apologies for texting, no mention of anything awkward that may have previously happened. Good luck!Just kidding
Also follow all of this advice it is good.
I have been on the dating scene since October. I vastly prefer to talk on phone before meeting. It can save a lot of time and energy. Do it even if you have been texting for weeks. You should know by the end of that first phone call if it's worth persuing. It eliminates the first meeting "interview" and allows you to skip right to a real date.
IMHO, if his phone call went poorly, then he should move on, unless he knows this person personally and will see them around anyway. If it's just a random date from online then just find someone else. There are more than enough possible mates available.
Maybe I'm just lucky or its due to living near a populous area, but I literally have more girls as options to date than I have free time. I have to be choosy as I am looking for a long term girlfriend. Phone calls help save everyone time and heartbreak.
Edit: I primarily use plenty of fish. I tried okcupid, it sucks, at least in Canada. I'm also trying eharmony as of a few days ago, and it's inferior to POF as well. POF is the best because it gives you freedom to message whoever, whenever. The other sites try to control the interactions or limit you to "matches".
Flying Toaster
Member
I have to ask since I am in a populated area and thinking about possibly trying online dating. Is it as hot/cold as I seem to get the impression of it being?
I don't know what you mean by hot/cold. I've met a lot of great women, but like I said, I'm looking long term and I know what I want. So I stopped seeing them after a date or two. I've had two serious prospects, one of which I exclusively dated for several weeks, but it's in limbo now, so I'm back on the scene.
I used POF exclusively for most of the time. I've had many nights of enjoyable multiple hour phone calls. I've had great sex (and some bad sex). I've had several women REALLY want a relationship with me, and had to break some hearts.
It all sounds so weird to put this in writing. I am just an average white nerd who plays board games and video games, I don't play sports or do anything particularly manly, I have a young daughter that causes scheduling problems... I was amazed at how easy meeting women ended up being.
Sign up on POF, make a profile, add some recent photos, describe yourself honestly. Browse the meet me feature or search in your local area. When you send messages, write at least a paragraph (three or more sentences) and READ THEIR PROFILE. Nothing is a bigger turn off than someone sending a message without reading the profile. Use proper English, no text shorthand. Don't get caught up in just messaging everyone you see, but be willing to expand your taste a bit (depending on your intent).
Biggest advice if you are wanting sex, do not message or meet anyone with the intent of sex. Just be normal, a nice guy, and it will come easier than you think. Even the women that specifically say "no one night stands, booty calls, first date sex" will be all for it if you are a nice and safe partner.
I haven't been into this for the sex, but I was stunned at how often it happens without me even trying.
I used POF exclusively for most of the time. I've had many nights of enjoyable multiple hour phone calls. I've had great sex (and some bad sex). I've had several women REALLY want a relationship with me, and had to break some hearts.
It all sounds so weird to put this in writing. I am just an average white nerd who plays board games and video games, I don't play sports or do anything particularly manly, I have a young daughter that causes scheduling problems... I was amazed at how easy meeting women ended up being.
Sign up on POF, make a profile, add some recent photos, describe yourself honestly. Browse the meet me feature or search in your local area. When you send messages, write at least a paragraph (three or more sentences) and READ THEIR PROFILE. Nothing is a bigger turn off than someone sending a message without reading the profile. Use proper English, no text shorthand. Don't get caught up in just messaging everyone you see, but be willing to expand your taste a bit (depending on your intent).
Biggest advice if you are wanting sex, do not message or meet anyone with the intent of sex. Just be normal, a nice guy, and it will come easier than you think. Even the women that specifically say "no one night stands, booty calls, first date sex" will be all for it if you are a nice and safe partner.
I haven't been into this for the sex, but I was stunned at how often it happens without me even trying.
n64coder
Member
As others have mentioned, work on general social skills. Talk to men/women everywhere and anywhere. Do this enough times, you should be much better.
CitizenVectron
Member
Thanks for the advice. As I said, I've never even really french kissed someone before, so the whole thing makes me nervous, like I'll be bad at it. And I really like her a lot, and her me.
Flying Toaster
Member
Thanks for the response, it provides a lot of information. What I mean by hot/cold is some people swear by online dating and others just swear it off as it never works. I figure since I am in a very populated area of the country statistically it should work.
Honestly this is going to sound stupid and corny...
Be yourself. Everything else will fall into place.
Well, I've asked the earlier mentioned Christian girl out in person. There were some rumors at work (I'm a bit open mouthed) so someone asked if she was single. That was weird to her so she asked me why he did that today. I mentioned I'll tell after work why. So outside I said the rumor was that I want to ask her out, so I asked her out for coffee.
Her response was neither a yes or no sadly. She wanted to think about it before deciding. That tends to lead to a no most of the times from what I know but we'll see.
I was considering messaging her ( i got her number and w've been talking a bit the last few days) but I should probably create a silence or so? Or just create a normal conversation like w've done the last few days and don't mention it. Or just wait till I see her again in person at work (not sure when she has to work)?
Her response was neither a yes or no sadly. She wanted to think about it before deciding. That tends to lead to a no most of the times from what I know but we'll see.
I was considering messaging her ( i got her number and w've been talking a bit the last few days) but I should probably create a silence or so? Or just create a normal conversation like w've done the last few days and don't mention it. Or just wait till I see her again in person at work (not sure when she has to work)?
stn
Member
Next time you like a girl, don't spread it around. Just ask her out immediately for a coffee. She might be embarrassed if your workplace knows, hence some discomfort. Also, her silence is a "no". She wanted to "think about it" so that she could avoid rejecting you on the spot. And really, there's not that much to think about. You either go on a date or you don't.
Don't message her or anything, just leave her be. The next time you see her at work just act normal and avoid bringing it up. She will no doubt be nervous so just pretend it never happened and hope she learns to relax again.
Yeah good point. If she still wants to she'll probably take the initiative and well, if she doesn't it's a no. There wasn't a silence per se and we just chatted on about the rumor after she said she wanted to think about it.
Weird thing is, i've actually only told one person about it and I'm almost positive that she didn't told others. That person says the same. There was someone who had thoughts as I was helping her a lot (she is new). He has spread rumors before about me due my behaviour and was right most of the time.
i'll leave it be and I won't bring it up. The ball is in her court now and it's up to her what to do with it. Either something or nothing.
thesoapster
Member
Do you mean I should be doing something, or they should actually respond?
I completely understand why some women would give their number out with no intent of responding. I do find it kind odd, though, if a girl ignores her friends and talks to me for a good length of time (say an hour or more), appears to have a nice time, practically plans out a first date, and then just goes silent. Could it just be alcohol in the cases I mentioned (there are a couple others where alcohol might have played some part)? Lord knows what genius ideas I've come up with after several drinks. I feel like women generally don't respond to me unless they've loosened up with a drink or two...that or they're not single to begin with. My guess is that it is the alcohol, and once they've actually sobered up later on they no longer care. Because it seems odd to me, I feel like if I send more texts or call etc. I'm just bothering/chasing her for no good reason; I feel like I've already gotten my sign. Am I just giving up too soon?
I've joined a local running group that will also have social functions, so maybe I can meet more people that way rather than just rolling into the bar.
Mr.Gingerlicious
Member
Yeah, I understand there is a choice involved, always is. And I don't have issue with that, it's all part of the experience
It is hard to put into text what I am referring to, but I more mean that, from my experience/understanding, Women tend to be more complex/layered with their feelings and where certain individuals sit within their current life situation. And so far, within my social groupings, have yet to meet a Male that is remotely like that, we tend to be more straight down the middle in categorising.
I guess that first bit is where I am struggling, but I am getting better at understanding and accepting
I have a handful of really good supportive friends, and I am fortunate to have a good cross-section of opinions/advise to help me.Without getting into massive amounts of detail, I will say that what you mentioned is pretty much my style, for better (or for worse). I tend to go with the flow until I feel like something has to clarified or I am getting mixed signals, then I make a move or bring something up etc etc
And in regards to my comment about missing out, I meant time wise. Personally I am at that point (27 years old, live alone, work full time with a shitty, anti-social roster) where I have to be somewhat picky about who with and when I go out.
So far (and I plan to continue to do so) my attitude has been just to go with whatever comes up and just enjoy the experiences for what they are, which has been great. But if I have a choice between spending time with someone who is a genuine friend and mate vs. someone I am getting to know that is sketchy about where I fit into their life/time... I hope you see where I am coming from
And thanks for hearing me out and giving your feedback, I appreciate it
SpiritSlayer
Member
GAF as someone who's never been on a date (ever) what are some places to take your lady friend? First date? Second date? Etc...
Also just as a thought would it be a good idea to take your lady friend on a date to a video game arcade to gauge their interest in your hobby?
Just trying to get ideas...
Also just as a thought would it be a good idea to take your lady friend on a date to a video game arcade to gauge their interest in your hobby?
Just trying to get ideas...
Exploding8
Member
So I just called that girl I mentioned in a post earlier, have a date set for saturday. Is it OK if I left the conversation brief? I figure we'll get to know each other more when we go for drinks, so I pretty much just asked when she was free, if she was ok going to the bar I picked out, where she was at and if she wanted me to walk her to the bar, set a time, then said goodnight. Should I have tried to have an actual conversation? Or am I just overthinking it? >.<
I don't have a ton of dating experience either, but I can say a videogame arcade is probably a bad idea until you've been dating for a while and she knows you enjoy videogames.
I don't have a ton of dating experience either, but I can say a videogame arcade is probably a bad idea until you've been dating for a while and she knows you enjoy videogames.
NipplesAndToes23
Member
Damn, no replies to my concern? I guess I'm doomed to have an ashy dick forever.
family_guy
Member
Not sure of your age, but sometimes dinner at a decent restaurant is enough. Not too expensive, but not too cheap either. Preferably something that has a cool ambiance and doesn't look like a chain restaurant. Don't order dessert there though. Suggest another location very close by within walking distance and if she likes you in the slightest she'll go, but if not then she'll probably call it a night.
Do things you enjoy. A video game arcade I wouldn't do unless that was one of many things there. For example we have a Frankie's fun park that has mini golf, laser tag, batting cages, rock climbing, arcade games, and a bar. It's easy to switch to another activity if she gets bored of the arcade games.
Exploding8
Member
Sorry man, one of my biggest fears being in computer science is the lack of women in the industry for the same reason, and I'm just a regular old white dude.
Only advice I can give is to check out meetup.com as a way to get involved in the community. Obviously the amount of activity there depends on where you are; cities are best. I'm still in college and I've gone to a couple meetups anyway, and the people there seem cool enough. Seems to be a decent "30ish" crowd in my area. I was having a drink with a girl who was in her mid twenties and attending grad school who was recently single who probably would've gone out with me if I asked. Would've felt weird for me though since I'm still an undergrad, so I didn't. There was also an older woman there who offered to try and hook me up with the interns at her company (which I obviously encouraged her to do
). But that was just at a random 21+ night at a local museum. So look for pretty middle of the road events like that that lots of regular people are likely to attend, and if you're talking in a group and relationships come up mention you're single and looking. In my area there's also stuff like an adventure meetup where people meetup to go hiking or for walks around the city, or more specialized stuff like amateur radio. The most important thing I imagine is to stay involved with things besides your career to keep networking at hopes of finding someone. If nothing else going to those meetups made me realize there are plenty of opportunities to meet people outside of your career, which is something I've always been afraid of after college.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
I wouldn't worry about it. If she is shallow enough to change her mind about you because you're not particarly great at French kissing, you don't want that. I have a feeling that's not something you need to worry about. Being with someone less experienced is endearing and I think very rewarding. I expect she will get off on the fact she's teaching you and kind of being the dominant one. Having said that, let me say this: do NOT be afraid to take control. Again: if she likes you, she will love it, even if you're not great. She will be excited by you taking the dominant role and that's the way you learn what she likes and what she doesn't like as much, and that's how you make progress. Good luck.
Arsenic Yellow
Member
Just got back from the date. It was actually pretty interesting. I got there early to deposit my work checks at an atm, had some time to spare so I stopped at a nearby cvs about 15 minutes before to pick up migraine medicine and actually ran into him which was a little awkward. He was buying cough drops and cold medicine due to being sick. We walked over to the restaurant and is was an interesting place, sat on a couch in a little corner facing the stairs and talked the whole time.
After about two hours I wasn't ready to end the night so I asked if he wanted to get some dessert. Went to a local vegan dessert place and stayed there talking until they closed. A little over a 3 hour dinner date. He hugged me and said he'd kiss me if he wasn't sick, but I gave him a quick smooch anyways and then he asked if I was free saturday, that he may have some obligations that night but he wasn't sure but would let me know.
We have an insane amount of things in common. When talking about looking for a movie partner and having trouble finding one he mention he may be it and also mentioned that there was a hot tub spa for two right by his house, which sounds amazing considering the cold here (8 degrees tonight). He was a trooper to stay so long feeling so sick.
Part of me is still paranoid, he barely responded to the kiss and maybe he thought I was waiting for it so he felt obligated to say something. But he texted me tonight afterwards thanking me for the food and that it was really awesome.
I'm going to step back a little now and let him contact me, but overall I'm starting to like him. (I mean I liked him before, but I'm started to crush on him or whatever).
I didn't apologize for the texts either (nor did I mention them) though when I left I mentioned how weird that night was and how I felt like a third wheel.thanks guys for the advice and pep talk! I really needed it.
Edit: also at what point should I add him on fb? We have mutual friends but I don't want it to seem like I stalked him or anything. I asked him last name a while ago, and I assume he wouldn't find my name as it's spelled different from the normal assumed spelling. Also he's never asked my last name.
After about two hours I wasn't ready to end the night so I asked if he wanted to get some dessert. Went to a local vegan dessert place and stayed there talking until they closed. A little over a 3 hour dinner date. He hugged me and said he'd kiss me if he wasn't sick, but I gave him a quick smooch anyways and then he asked if I was free saturday, that he may have some obligations that night but he wasn't sure but would let me know.
We have an insane amount of things in common. When talking about looking for a movie partner and having trouble finding one he mention he may be it and also mentioned that there was a hot tub spa for two right by his house, which sounds amazing considering the cold here (8 degrees tonight). He was a trooper to stay so long feeling so sick.
Part of me is still paranoid, he barely responded to the kiss and maybe he thought I was waiting for it so he felt obligated to say something. But he texted me tonight afterwards thanking me for the food and that it was really awesome.
I'm going to step back a little now and let him contact me, but overall I'm starting to like him. (I mean I liked him before, but I'm started to crush on him or whatever).
I didn't apologize for the texts either (nor did I mention them) though when I left I mentioned how weird that night was and how I felt like a third wheel.thanks guys for the advice and pep talk! I really needed it.
Edit: also at what point should I add him on fb? We have mutual friends but I don't want it to seem like I stalked him or anything. I asked him last name a while ago, and I assume he wouldn't find my name as it's spelled different from the normal assumed spelling. Also he's never asked my last name.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Just going to offer another perspective here, because it's actually somewhat mirroring a situation that I'm going through -- I'm relatively a slow mover considering I've existed a relationship last year and I'm not quite ready for something serious; I'm casually going out with a few people; and one of those with whom I'm spending time sounds like you. She's forthright, initiates texts, and seems to know what she wants. (Those aren't bad qualities at all, by the way!)
At the outset, I can tell you that having a legitimate "out," such as being sick," and not using it demonstrates that this guy's interested in you. It's an interest that goes beyond friendship too. Your hunch that he's a trooper for staying so late is proved true; he could've both opted out because of illness or just declined dessert, considering it was pretty obvious that he was feeling under the weather. But he stayed anyway.
As far as FB goes, why bother? I mean that: if you can reach him via text, then what's the point of adding him there? Just deal with what's in front of you before you're worrying about tagging photos of you together.
Just remember this: he's already suggesting a hot tub, while downing cold medicine, and hanging out with you in lieu of resting in bed. In other words, you're fine! Just let him recover, and you can plan your next date.
SpiritSlayer
Member
Thanks for the input I have a few questions though.
Why don't you order dessert or do you go elsewhere for it? What types of things do you talk about during a date?
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